My parents won’t let me move out for uni

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Noodlzzz
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Muttley79)
That's not true - the uni can allow people to stay over the summer.
I think this is uni dependent - I know UCL and oxbridge rent out their halls to non-students over the summer
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Mikeeeeey
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Muttley79)
That's not true - the uni can allow people to stay over the summer.
some dont because they are all taken, it depends. also its a lot of money. holidays like Christmas and Easter. just think about every possibility so that you are not left homeless
Last edited by Mikeeeeey; 2 weeks ago
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Darkasmyweave
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#23
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#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, I am muslim too but they want me to get married and I am a guy lol

Dont worry about anything, just go to uni as normal. You dont want to go against your parents whom you might need in the future. Like if you move out, and if something goes wrong and you need family support, you wont have it. I have been through this and trust me, as a muslim guy in the same position as you with 4 other kids in this household (we have a big house tho lol) I would say you should stay at home and go to uni.

After you graduate, take up a job and dont put your parents down. Yes they are toxic, but again... as a guy who ran away once and came back.. they only want whats best for us and they brought us up to be who we are and jannah lies beneath our mothers feet (if youre religious).
OP don't listen to this person.Your parents are toxic, move out asap. Not all parents have your best interests in mind
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Jack2355
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
that sounds like a good idea but i’ve heard you have to place a deposit or something for accommodation?
Yeah you will, definitely talk to the accommodation team they will be able to help you
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Anonnnn1111
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#25
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#25
Hi sister so I am Muslim too. I just want to say to you That this is not Islam! This is the toxic traits of human beings! Islam teaches the opposite: teaches us to go get an education. Islam teaches us that freedom is needed. Islam teaches us you cannot force anybody. Islam teaches us to go outside and ponder upon God’s beautiful creations. How can we do any of these if parents are deviating and following their own minds instead of what Allah tells us in the Quran! SubhanAllah!

Sister maybe find some verses or incidents in islam which relate to your current situation and try think how you will say something, then say it to your parents calmly .

Also how are you supposed to find a good job if you dont go outside? It’s not possible so your parents need to understand this!

Allah WILL question parents about how they brought their children up! We will also be questioned as how we treated parents.everyone everything will be judged.

If there is counsellors at your prospective university I highly reccomend that you speak with them. Ask them about their confidentiality procedures and then once they tell you they keep all your info private (which by law i am pretty sure they have to!!!! Unless someones at physical risk ), then tell them whats going on. Or even dont share your defails and just speak.

If not i reccomend samaritans or sokewhere where you can talk.

Keep me in your duas sis and let us know how u get on

What uni u going btw?
Last edited by Anonnnn1111; 2 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonnnn1111)
Hi sister so I am Muslim too. I just want to say to you That this is not Islam! This is the toxic traits of human beings! Islam teaches the opposite: teaches us to go get an education. Islam teaches us that freedom is needed. Islam teaches us you cannot force anybody. Islam teaches us to go outside and ponder upon God’s beautiful creations. How can we do any of these if parents are deviating and following their own minds instead of what Allah tells us in the Quran! SubhanAllah!

Sister maybe find some verses or incidents in islam which relate to your current situation and try think how you will say something, then say it to your parents calmly .

Also how are you supposed to find a good job if you dont go outside? It’s not possible so your parents need to understand this!

Allah WILL question parents about how they brought their children up! We will also be questioned as how we treated parents.everyone everything will be judged.

If there is counsellors at your prospective university I highly reccomend that you speak with them. Ask them about their confidentiality procedures and then once they tell you they keep all your info private (which by law i am pretty sure they have to!!!! Unless someones at physical risk ), then tell them whats going on. Or even dont share your defails and just speak.

If not i reccomend samaritans or sokewhere where you can talk.

Keep me in your duas sis and let us know how u get on

What uni u going btw?
thank you so much i really needed to hear this, inshallah i’ll be going to Warwick Uni
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josie71202
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you so much i really needed to hear this, inshallah i’ll be going to Warwick Uni
if you email [email protected] or call 02476523772 you'll get through to accommodation at the uni
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Aryz
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#28
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#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I start uni next september and i know there’s NO WAY my parents are gonna let me stay in accommodation or move out, the thing is I can’t stay at home tho. My parents are so toxic and controlling, I’m not allowed out to see my friends or get a job or anything.

My older sister was forced to stay at home for uni and I’ve just been watching her make no friends and waste her life cus she’s not allowed out, I refuse to be like that.

I was thinking of moving out behind my parents back? The thing is I don’t know if this is possible? And I have no one to give me advice on HOW to apply for accommodation etc.

I have no money since i don’t have a job but I know that I’ll be receiving the max amount of loan cus I have a lot of family issues and I’ll be a priority 😭😭

I can take a beating and disownal I honestly don’t care I just need to leave and uni seems like the only way I’m rlly desperate 😭 Thank you if anyone sees this
are u a muslim
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Aryz
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#29
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#29
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, I am muslim too but they want me to get married and I am a guy lol

Dont worry about anything, just go to uni as normal. You dont want to go against your parents whom you might need in the future. Like if you move out, and if something goes wrong and you need family support, you wont have it. I have been through this and trust me, as a muslim guy in the same position as you with 4 other kids in this household (we have a big house tho lol) I would say you should stay at home and go to uni.

After you graduate, take up a job and dont put your parents down. Yes they are toxic, but again... as a guy who ran away once and came back.. they only want whats best for us and they brought us up to be who we are and jannah lies beneath our mothers feet (if youre religious).
THANK U honestly all these people with my familys so toxic when in reality they are only trying to look out for u
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Anonymous #3
#30
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#30
(Original post by Aryz)
THANK U honestly all these people with my familys so toxic when in reality they are only trying to look out for u
Exactly!
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ReadingMum
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Noodlzzz)
I think this is uni dependent - I know UCL and oxbridge rent out their halls to non-students over the summer
most unis have some accomodation for those who can't go home for holidays - usually you have to move out of your normal room into somewhere else and you will have to pay but there are places for this.
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Anonymous #6
#32
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#32
(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents are the same but at least theyre paying for my uni stuff...

How about... you stay at home and go to uni and then after you finish uni you find a job and be independent?

(Unless you are a muslim, you will be getting married)
Not all muslims get married once they finish uni. Stop being so small-minded. It’s 2020.
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GentleSoul
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#33
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#33
How would they even know what you are doing, unless you are letting them have access to all the loans? Do they read your mail?

Personally I would secretly email the chosen university or at least ring them and see what they can do to help - possibly a safeguarding issue for you?! Getting a beating as an adult. I am shocked. Getting beaten as a child is bad enough, but the fact that you seem to expect this. Muslim or not, you are a person.

I hope you find a resolution to this situation. Running away sounds like the answer - you are an adult in the eyes of UK law (even if you aren't 18. The police can't force 14/15 year olds back home and they won't)
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bimbibap
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you so much i really needed to hear this, inshallah i’ll be going to Warwick Uni
Yes, what you’re parents are doing is against Islam and Allah’s swt teachings. But it’s important to try and preserve your relationship with your parents, try and show them how important independence is and that you should be treated as a human, with respect and dignity. Also, Mashallah sister to getting to Warwick, it’s an amazing uni and your parents should be proud of you 👍🏾
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Aryz
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#35
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#35
(Original post by Anonymous)
Exactly!
at 18 u dont need to move out to be independent there are many ways of being independent by staying at home like getting a job and financially supporting urself without spending it on loads of money on EXPENSIVE student accomodation and investing it on long term things like in the future a car bcuz you will be more financially stable
But at the end of the day its up to u if u feel like u would benefit from the social experience of uni and u really want to then by all means do it
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Anonymous #3
#36
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#36
(Original post by Aryz)
at 18 u dont need to move out to be independent there are many ways of being independent by staying at home like getting a job and financially supporting urself without spending it on loads of money on EXPENSIVE student accomodation and investing it on long term things like in the future a car bcuz you will be more financially stable
But at the end of the day its up to u if u feel like u would benefit from the social experience of uni and u really want to then by all means do it
Omg so so true!
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Anonymous #7
#37
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#37
Same thing's happened to me although I'm a guy. Apparently living alone corrupts people... I don't know how bad my lack of courage to oppose my family will mess up my career, but it is what it is. If you're not me, I wouldn't recommend you comply with the system like this.
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