Missed out on youth and too boring for girls

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Anonymous #1
#21
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#21
(Original post by jenna_8607)
damn.. 😓
Huh?
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Anonymous #1
#22
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
You know what's boring? another male annoyed that he cannot get a girl but doesn't really want anything serious so is just annoyed he can't have sex and is selfish

what have you missed out on exactly? was it your own fault?
I think that's an unfair characterisation tbh.

I'm very much up for a serious relationship, but still finding my feet in certain areas (as are many in their twenties) so there's nothing wrong with something a little more casual. Yes I'm unhappy about not having had sex/intimacy yet, but I'd pay attention to my future partner's needs too in all senses not just sexually.

Well developmentally people want serious relationships after the days of college/uni, etc and in those times most grapple with the early awkward aspects of dating and relationships. Not knowing how to go about this by a certain age will certain put off most adult women (regardless of a good reason); yes partially my own fault, but I was proactive..
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Anonymous #1
#23
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#23
(Original post by Anonymous)
What are you interested in? What gets you excited and engaged? I think you'll find that most people try very very hard to only talk about boring things, and don't even have very specific hobbies or passions. They choose not to be interesting, because exposing/having that much of a personality feels somehow undignified and overenthusiastic. As somebody who is interested in a ridiculous number of things, does plenty, and can make (subjectively) witty conversation on a lot of topics, I'm only even slightly interesting to a very specific type of person. Opportunities increase or decrease exponentially when you gain or lose them. If you start doing something, perhaps it will all come together faster than you'd think, and you'd find people (some of them female perhaps) who are genuinely similar to you. I'm afraid it really is a numbers game, albeit targeted towards the demographic you want to get to know.
I'm into photography, music, aviation, TV shows, politics, quizzing and gigs mainly but I'm sure there are other things. Yeah a lot of my friends only have a hobby like playing Playstation games or maybe going to the pub every now and then. There are people I know who do play down their lives to seem more modest but also others who are extremely cocky and basically brag about the most trivial achievements they've had (in their career, sexually, etc). Have a lot of stories from my photography days because I used to tread the red carpet quite a lot (met a lot of people and seen pretty unusual incidents).

I think I'm interesting but again I try to bring myself down a little so as not to seem too much of a know it all or a wise ar*e. It's probably just bad luck on my part, but I'm hoping I'll find people who aren't just following the crowd and appreciate me for the things I have to offer. In societies at university, I found that I shared the same interest in common with other members but our personalities didn't really click sufficiently enough to make a worthwhile friendship.
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Anonymous #3
#24
Report 6 days ago
#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm into photography, music, aviation, TV shows, politics, quizzing and gigs mainly but I'm sure there are other things. Yeah a lot of my friends only have a hobby like playing Playstation games or maybe going to the pub every now and then. There are people I know who do play down their lives to seem more modest but also others who are extremely cocky and basically brag about the most trivial achievements they've had (in their career, sexually, etc). Have a lot of stories from my photography days because I used to tread the red carpet quite a lot (met a lot of people and seen pretty unusual incidents).

I think I'm interesting but again I try to bring myself down a little so as not to seem too much of a know it all or a wise ar*e. It's probably just bad luck on my part, but I'm hoping I'll find people who aren't just following the crowd and appreciate me for the things I have to offer. In societies at university, I found that I shared the same interest in common with other members but our personalities didn't really click sufficiently enough to make a worthwhile friendship.
In that case, I think it probably is just pure bad luck, and you are just going to have to keep looking. You sound like you would be interesting to talk to. Just keep being strongly and unapologetically you, and try not to feel too bitter - justified or not.
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asif007
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#25
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#25
At 25 you definitely haven’t missed out on youth. You have plenty of years ahead of you to develop yourself into someone who girls will find attractive. I agree that dating and relationships at uni are very much a game of luck and for lots of ordinary guys it’s a struggle while all girls are chasing a handful of popular guys. It’s not your fault that girls have a very narrow set of criteria for what they look for in a guy they’re attracted to, so just because you weren’t successful with girls at uni that doesn’t reflect on your personality. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s your fault or that you need to change anything about yourself. Just because girls aren’t interested in the same things you are, doesn’t make you boring. You’re an individual with your own personality and things you enjoy, and if girls can’t see that then it’s their loss. Eventually you will find someone who has similar interests to you, but don’t chase girls who ignore you. Let girls come to you because when they do, they’ll make it pretty obvious that they’re interested in you.

I always tell guys who are struggling with girls that success is the best revenge. If a girl rejects you in favour of someone else who she’s only chasing for looks and thrills, you have to take it in your stride and go off to become the best version of yourself. Even if it takes you down the long hard road and many more years of graft than all the guys who were successful with girls at uni. Focus on your career, making money and earning those big displays of wealth and luxury because they will bring you attention from girls in the future. Bulk up your social media pages with pictures and videos to show girls that you’re living your best life, and they will come to you. When you don’t have looks or physique on your side and you’re not a roadman, this is how you will turn the tables in your favour. Don’t be afraid to work hard and take many years longer to cross milestones. Your life is a marathon, not a sprint.
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Anonymous #1
#26
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#26
(Original post by asif007)
At 25 you definitely haven’t missed out on youth. You have plenty of years ahead of you to develop yourself into someone who girls will find attractive. I agree that dating and relationships at uni are very much a game of luck and for lots of ordinary guys it’s a struggle while all girls are chasing a handful of popular guys. It’s not your fault that girls have a very narrow set of criteria for what they look for in a guy they’re attracted to, so just because you weren’t successful with girls at uni that doesn’t reflect on your personality. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s your fault or that you need to change anything about yourself. Just because girls aren’t interested in the same things you are, doesn’t make you boring. You’re an individual with your own personality and things you enjoy, and if girls can’t see that then it’s their loss. Eventually you will find someone who has similar interests to you, but don’t chase girls who ignore you. Let girls come to you because when they do, they’ll make it pretty obvious that they’re interested in you.

I always tell guys who are struggling with girls that success is the best revenge. If a girl rejects you in favour of someone else who she’s only chasing for looks and thrills, you have to take it in your stride and go off to become the best version of yourself. Even if it takes you down the long hard road and many more years of graft than all the guys who were successful with girls at uni. Focus on your career, making money and earning those big displays of wealth and luxury because they will bring you attention from girls in the future. Bulk up your social media pages with pictures and videos to show girls that you’re living your best life, and they will come to you. When you don’t have looks or physique on your side and you’re not a roadman, this is how you will turn the tables in your favour. Don’t be afraid to work hard and take many years longer to cross milestones. Your life is a marathon, not a sprint.
I'm just slightly younger than 25 but having been through university and now getting into work, you feel like you have more obligations and things expected of you. It is harder at a younger age; was taught to be nice and respectful, etc, play the long game and the right person will come along but needless to say you realise that life doesn't always work that way. Some guys don't have the requirements for being successful with girls without completely overhauling their personality and thus losing their original selves in the process whilst a girl just has to seem open/interested and will get to experience intimacy with ease. Considering most of the girls either ignore me or talk to be polite, this is the case. Thought some girls would be interested in photography but it seems even what I think is 'interesting' is too much for them, despite me just talking casually.

That comes with age and experience as hard graft often lands you in good positions. Either way, you miss out on young love, dating, etc and it would look so weird for someone in their mid-late twenties to be hanging around people younger than them in clubs to make up for lost time. I tried making efforts with my existing friendships, but there's only so much I can do before the realisation kicks in that people don't really want anything to do with me. Maybe I could hire friends or go to some cool places and take pics there, but that would probably just attract shallow, self centred girls still concerned with popularity, looks and status. I'm working slowly to reach my goals, but I don't want to be thinking 'I won't do xyz, especially with girls until I've accomplished abc' because I'll still be in the same position that I'm in at the moment..
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Totoro50
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#27
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#27
You are correct that life does not always work that way. However, all of these rules and expectations fail to account for the possibility that reality can make a wide swing in an unexpected direction.

If you feel that you missed out. Perhaps you did. I agree with your statement that you are out of sync trying to hang out with much younger people trying to catch up. I cannot respectfully suggest more strongly that you don't look backwards and try to capture something from the past now. You can never "go back". Focus on the forward. I completely understand that it can look hellishly bleak. However, I can tell you that it can work out. Nobody promises a will. But a can is doable. If you are constantly looking backwards, you wont be looking at what is in front of you when it manifests.

No love at 25 or 30 or later will not look the same as love at 18. I am not marginalizing or minimizing the feeling of loss that may be present. However, I posit that there is a future. My greatest love came way way way after university.

You write well and appear quite thoughtful. If you are pushing into the wider world, those traits become attractive to many. I was glad to see that you understand the difference between attracting superficial vs somebody of substance. Working on your goals and trying to meet somebody do not have to be at odds. You have goals, understand them. you like photography. Its not nerdy or uncool. I seriously had amazing meetings because I was into something deeply, it wasn't my looks or fake photos. I was happy when chasing a passion. People pick up on that. At the risk of sounding like a jerk, find new pools of people. You are in an incredibly populated country. There are people worth meeting, you may just have to look and use a discerning filter.

I hate saying work on yourself so I wont. But you are in charge of your choices for every event. Evolve your choice mechanism and choices. Find your why, find a little passion for something, that carries through. Even minute steps coupled with putting yourself in new possible situations will yield something. I cant say it will be awesome or even promise good. But heck maybe that next horrible happening will fuel something great.

Best.

Totoro
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asif007
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#28
Report 22 hours ago
#28
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm just slightly younger than 25 but having been through university and now getting into work, you feel like you have more obligations and things expected of you. It is harder at a younger age; was taught to be nice and respectful, etc, play the long game and the right person will come along but needless to say you realise that life doesn't always work that way. Some guys don't have the requirements for being successful with girls without completely overhauling their personality and thus losing their original selves in the process whilst a girl just has to seem open/interested and will get to experience intimacy with ease. Considering most of the girls either ignore me or talk to be polite, this is the case. Thought some girls would be interested in photography but it seems even what I think is 'interesting' is too much for them, despite me just talking casually.

That comes with age and experience as hard graft often lands you in good positions. Either way, you miss out on young love, dating, etc and it would look so weird for someone in their mid-late twenties to be hanging around people younger than them in clubs to make up for lost time. I tried making efforts with my existing friendships, but there's only so much I can do before the realisation kicks in that people don't really want anything to do with me. Maybe I could hire friends or go to some cool places and take pics there, but that would probably just attract shallow, self centred girls still concerned with popularity, looks and status. I'm working slowly to reach my goals, but I don't want to be thinking 'I won't do xyz, especially with girls until I've accomplished abc' because I'll still be in the same position that I'm in at the moment..
Yeah tbh university is the first opportunity you get to find out how relationships work in the real world, and if you haven’t been taught the right things about how to interact with girls, it can be a huge struggle. Dating is a woman’s game: women have all the cards stacked in their favour and the freedom to choose whoever they want, so most women can’t sympathise with how hard some guys find it. “Young love” is something that not everyone gets a chance to experience. I went to uni for 4 years and only spent a few weeks with a girl. The rest of the time I would struggle to get anyone to say yes to a date, or watch other guys jump from one girl to the next without any problems. If girls are ignoring you, you just need to cut them out of your life and keep doing your own thing. When someone sits up and takes notice of you, you will know about it. But even if no one does, that’s nothing to feel ashamed about. Guys miss out on dating and relationships all the time but we don’t hear much about them because they’re off keeping their heads down, working hard to earn better lives for themselves that they don’t have to share with a woman. Sometimes when you’ve spent so long looking for a relationship, you wonder if girls are really worth the effort at all. Most of them are not.

I’m not saying you should put your dating life on hold while you achieve your goals and ambitions. But keep in mind that the more successful you become in your career, the more desirable you become. Girls eventually get fed up of chasing ****boys at some point in their 30’s and then they start looking for someone who can offer them stability. Until you reach that point where you have more freedom of choice, it’s better to keep several girls in your network and just keep rotating between them. You can weed out the ones that don’t make effort, don’t reply and are chasing other guys. It’s better to keep 10 superficial girls around you and try to get to know them better, make them jealous of each other and they will chase you more. Rather than putting in the effort with one girl who then turns you down and you go back to square one. All the guys I know who are in relationships had their girls come to them on a superficial basis, they had sex first then got to know each other better, and are now in long term relationships. I’m the only single guy in my group of friends and as much as it hurts seeing everyone else get together so easily, it’s more comfortable to know I don’t have to put up with BS that girls bring to relationships all the time. I can do whatever I want without a girl telling me what to do, and I can live my life on my own terms which might make me a bit more noticeable to girls. But even if it doesn’t, I have better things to focus on. I suggest you adopt a similar attitude and it won’t hurt as much next time you see a girl ignore you in favour of popular guys, roadmen and ****boys.
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