Don’t know whether to distance myself

I had a best friend who was my best friend all the way through my childhood. We always had loyalty towards each other

Over the last 10 years she lost both her parents. And I was there every step of the way. Whenever she needed me.

Then she got with this toxic guy, and went downhill from there. I was always by her side through it. Then the guy lied and said I was flirting with him. Even though I wasn’t, and have been with my partner for over 5 years. But she chose to believe him. We remained friends but I couldn’t see her because she was with her boyfriend.

Ever since then she’s gone down hill with drugs and drinks and always parties. And I’ve never been the kind of person interested in drinks or parties. With people that I’ve had problems with in the past. So we kind of stopped spending so much time together.

I feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with her because she has lost two of the most important people in her life. And I’ll always be there for her if she needs me but I just don’t think I can be close to her anymore. Does this make me a bad person?

This is a typical strategy narcissists deploy, when they think someone (like you) is threatening to compromise how attached other people are to them. He made up a lie, to drive a wedge between you two, so she'd be closer to him.

I'm normally reserved about calling people whom I've never met 'narcissists', but the behavior you described is such a strong hallmark of how a typical narcissist behaves... I have almost no doubts that's what he is. They often will try to 'isolate' their partner, close relatives or friends, from the influence of other people who might draw them away from the narcissist.

None of this makes you a bad person. I feel sorry for her. And he sounds like he would look better with a broken leg.

I know. He’s in and out of her life now. And I feel sorry for her too. I’ve tried talking sense to her but because he is so toxic with her it’s like talking to a brick wall. But since then we’ve just been distant. Because she believed him.

I feel guilt over the fact that she’s going through a lot and that she’s my childhood friend. But we’ve drifted a part now and I don’t know if I want to become good friends again...

Unless she is somehow harming or abusing you, I think I would keep my door open in your place.

It might take a while for her to come around, but hopefully when she does it will have been worth the wait.

What do you mean he's "in and out of her life now"? Is he cheating on her?

Also, I'd advise secretly recording any interactions you have with him, if you have any. Voice recorder.

This is a really difficult situation to be in. On one hand, you have to put yourself, your mental health and your wellbeing first. Usually I'd say forget about her and move on but I know guys like him. I've been with a guy like him and I know how manipulative they are. Is there anyone that can get through to her? You know that none of this makes you a bad person right? It sounds like you've tried everything. But at the end of the day it's all you can do-tell her what happened and try to get through to her. And you have and she isn't listening. You can't let your self respect and self worth go down the pan trying to convince her. You'll end up losing sight of you if all the focus is on helping her-that's a tough lesson I've had to learn. I really don't understand girls who, once they have a boyfriend that's it and they can do no wrong. It seems like she has no self respect for herself or is lying to herself. Because surely a 10 year friendship-she would believe you. Unless she is afraid of more loss in her life and doesn't want to lose him. Personally, I'd speak with her or text her (whatever way you wan) and say that you've tried to explain things etc, and you'll always be there if she needs someone to talk to but you can't keep being involved in this situation and as things stand, you can't go back to being close friends. You have your own life to live

I have tried talking to her numerous times. And because she knows I don’t like him and don’t agree with things he does she lies to me about him all the time. Pretending she’s not with him when she is. She doesn’t tell me what he does to her anymore. Instead she’s become best friends with my sibling now that is also on drugs and is drinking so they are always off their faces together and she confides in my sibling now. That’s how I found out she was lying to me

I know it's hard because you were so close but I think you need to distance yourself from her. You can't keep trying and trying. You've literally done everything. Meet some new people and focus on your life.