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Could you give me some advice on this piece of igcse descriptive writing? Thanks!

Hi, this is a piece of descriptive writing I wrote during my free time. I'm not sure if it's just me, but I feel like the limited time of 1 hour was extremely hard to cope with.

I'm struggling to know my level in English language due to the vague feedback my teacher provides us for every single assignment. So I really hope to get some feedback and an approximate grade I would get for this piece! Would really appreciate it!

Describe the last moments before you leave a place forever

Gamut of colors brushed the background behind the castle, it looked like it was ignited with splatters of fiery rose petals, whilst the clammy clouds mellowed the flaming fire into a flustered coral. The descending sun waned the horizon, as the radiance pierced out of the atmosphere, shining onto the dreamy habitat of the princesses. The ineffable view made the visitors not more than a silhouette in the hypnotic sky.

My heartbeat pounded like the tap-dancers across the street, my brain spinning like the teacups that sat west to my pupil, or like the Ferris Wheel right north of my gibbous eyes. Baffled feelings suffocated me as I held tighter into his damped palm. His arm was a tad tall which was tough to grab on, but like the melted mozzarella cheese on a pizza, holding on to each other despite the pull, my heart nor my palm refused to wash the glue off between us.

The scent of sugary cotton candy encircled around the atmosphere, as the princesses and their prince waved us goodbye. The fluff from the cotton enlightens my taste buds, as the sugar particles diffused into my saliva and down to my throat making the aroma from my breath as sweet as the melted chocolate on marshmallow I spot across the street. The mellifluous melody of Snow White and her chirping birds vibrated into my pinna decelerating my tap-dancing heart. And the temperature of my moist palms gradually decreases, though the frigidness could never defeat the coldness of his heart.

Everything was magical as it seems, yet the fatal thought of daddy leaving me punctured my heart deeply. My saccharide pupils glanced at the Carousel horse on my west, authoring scenes of daddy riding them towards me, endlessly around and around. I rotated my head, still gripping firmly on his arms, surveying the last view of the castle. The sky was no longer flaming along with the descendants of the semi-circular sun, the gibbous moon rose and the bluish-purple strips ousted the blush, yet it never failed to awestruck me.

My head turned away, casually letting go of his hands, rhythmic words travel from his mouth into my eardrum, but my eyes didn’t dare to look into his glum eyes. Near the edge of my pupil, an amiable woman appeared in the reflection of my eyeballs. My feet leisurely stepped towards her, though my heart hastened towards hers. I snapped the last picture of the magical place with a blink, waved back goodbye to the princesses, and left the place where I’ll ever return, a place where dreams will never come true

Could you give me some advice on this piece of igcse descriptive writing? Thanks!

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