Phil_anselmo666
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Nvm.
Last edited by Phil_anselmo666; 4 days ago
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LovelyMrFox
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#2
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You added so many unnecessary details.
Basically, you got mixed signals, asked this girl out, she rejected you, you kept trying, she told you to **** off, and you still think she likes you?

She is clearly uncomfortable. Id be upset if I rejected someone and then they suddenly found and messaged me on snapchat, too.
She probably didnt mean to get close to you in the store.

Move on and stop bothering her.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Phil_anselmo666)
It's a pretty long story, just so you know

There's this girl that has been staring at me in the grocery store I always go to. She's been staring at me for months. First I never paid any attention to it but I noticed that she just kept staring. She stares at me from far away the most, close she ignores me. My friends told me "just talk to her".

Like a month ago or so I was talking to a friend and she was basically standing next to me but with a little distance, and she was staring at me. It felt like she was also listening to me.. one day later I approached her. I was looking for something and since she works there, then why not ask her? When I approached her she got happy and it almost felt like she was waiting for me to talk to her.

One week later, she was done working, I was outside the store just standing. Normally she always has music in but this time she didn't. She walked by and said hi. We had another small talk but I got nervous. She even wanted to put her bike aside so we could really talk.. The day after that my friend and I bought something and she was there again, not working. She was there with her Father. We both didn't say anything. My friend noticed that she looked really shy when she walked by. But when we got outside other friends were waiting and one of them is a girl. She probably saw me talking to that girl. She was standing pretty close to us but looking at her phone.. (she was probably listening) but her father was waiting in the car so she then left. I can't remember exactly but when they drove by it looked like she was leaning with her head against the car window with her hand... Like there was something wrong? Ever since that day she kinda ignores me.. She also gets really nervous when I come closer. My friend told me earlier: she is waiting for you to make a move cause she's shy.. well I gotta be honest here, I avoided her a few times as well in that store cause i'm shy. She would still look at me when I wasn't looking. And she does that a lot..

Later on I tried to talk to her again and asked her how she was, she asked me the same. She talked kinda soft and quietly. She also laughed at something I said which wasn't even so funny. I also said her new hairstyle looks good. She started laughing in a shy kinda way. when I asked her for fun if she recognized me she said, I don't think we really know each other (in a friendly way with a smile) so I told her my name. She then told me she had to go back to work.. but the thing is, she doesn't seem shy or nervous to other people. And the moment I walk in, she stares at me. No one else.. always me.

2 weeks ago or so she actually avoided me. She did look at me but when she came walking my way she quickly walked to the other side. I got confused and I was like f#ck it.. One day later I asked her if we could talk but she had no time.. also not after work. So yeah I then told her that I like her and would like to get to know her better and I told her I was shy.. She got really quiet and kept listening and she started laughing, she looked shy and she was kinda blushing.. she said she found it sweet of me... but then she say "I already have someone".. that hurt so bad.. I said something like "Ohh" and she said sorry. Can't remember if she said anything else. I then left and said, we'll see each other and she looked and wanted to say something (at least it sure felt like it) but she didn't. I felt so sad...

a friend told me to add her on snapchat so I did days later. I send her a snap... She replied and said "I don't know how you found my snapchat, but I think I was clear in the store. I really wanna ask you to leave me alone and no longer talk to me or try to contact me. Also not by your friends.. I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable". It was something like that...

The funny thing is.. She said my friends shouldn't try to contact her or something like that. As far as I know none of my friends have send her a message that had anything to do with me.. but right after I send her that snap, I got a random follow request by some girl... that request was gone in like a minute or so... later on that day I was like wait a minute... I remembered the name of the girl who requested to follow me. I checked my crush's friendslist on facebook... and yeah.. that girl is a friend of her. Funny how she doesn't want me or my friends to contact her but literally she and her friend(s) are checking my social media and i'm sure that request was by accident.. because it was gone within a minute or so. And I don't remember deleting that request... Which I think clearly shows she does care. And for some reason I still have a strange feeling about the "I already have someone" thing... She only said that. Not that she wasn't interested in me or did't like me. Her facebook also says she's single and on her instagram is nothing to see of posts or comments of a boyfriend.. anyway she now acts like she doesn't want anything to do with me yet she and her friends are looking on my social media..

Last week, I was in the grocery store again with a friend. She was trying her best to act like I wasn't there. But she failed... I was talking with my friend about lots of funny things, we both laughed and I ignored her like she wasn't there. She then walked by 2 times... but really close. Definitely on purpose.. my friend noticed it before I did. She looked awkward but oh well. I'm just having fun talks with my buddy, nothing wrong with that. And outside was even more funny... We were just standing/sitting outside the store just talking... She was done working and came outside... When she walked by I literally turned my head to another direction... My friend noticed that she looked very sneaky at me...

And 3 days ago the same kinda thing happened. When I walked in I didn't really see her looking but she probably did already see me before I even noticed. I then noticed that she was clearly looking at me but in a very sneaky way to be honest.. She looked away quickly after she saw me looking back.. But I do the same and just try to ignore her. I then had a phone call from a girl I know so I was just talking on my phone while walking in the store and we then bumped into each other... Like seriously we both walked into each other and we both looked each other right in the face/eyes. But both of us quickly looked away and kept walking... Of course I was also calling with someone. But yeah she's clearly keeping an eye on me... and the fact that she still wants to look at me and this time didn't try to avoid me or avoid looking at me surprised me... I mean we both literally looked at each other. I'm very confused.... she clearly liked or still likes me cause like everyone says she likes me... And some of my friends have actually see her do all these things so it's obvious.. I really like and love her.. I hope some of y'all could help or tell me what's going on.
You seem to be obsessing over this a bit too much. She's either playing games with you, or she isn't interested. Either way, I think you should put it behind you, stop overthinking this and move on from her.
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LovelyMrFox
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#4
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(Original post by Phil_anselmo666)
First of all, she clearly showed she liked me. And i'm not the type of guy thinking every girl likes me... But as I said, she clearly showed she liked me. The fact that she stares so much for months, she gets shy when i'm around before I even talked to her. And she came up to me and so much more. People around me noticed it and could clearly tell she had feelings for me. And no I didn't keep trying.. All I wanted was to make sure we could still be ok with each other or maybe be friends. She makes a whole drama of it... and honestly she really has no right cause she lets her friends stalk my instagram. And now that I ignore her she walks by close and still looks at me and all that ****. I barely talk to girls because i'm already afraid for what could happen. This girl gave me attention before I even noticed her.. but hey thanks anyway.
She gave you attention, and you took it the wrong way.
It was creepy of you to ask a friend for her snapchat. She rejected you- remember that.
Your making it a whole big deal about 'oh no, shes making drama'. Ridiculous. Get a reality check.
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physicsamor
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#5
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#5
Jesús frying christ BEING POLITE AND FRIENDLY does not mean she's into YOU. She also works there she has to be nice it's what any colleague would do. If I see someone I served at work and they say hey to me I would have to say hey back. OP get over yourself and the girl. Just drop it and move on.
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Lilli22
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#6
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#6
It was very inappropriate for you to add her on snapchat. She's said she's uncomfortable. If you really "love" her then respect that.

Girls also say they're taken (even if they're not) just so they can deflect unwanted attention. That way, the boy's feelings are spared.

She isn't interested.
Last edited by Lilli22; 4 days ago
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NonIndigenous
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#7
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(Original post by Phil_anselmo666)
It's a pretty long story, just so you know

There's this girl that has been staring at me in the grocery store I always go to. She's been staring at me for months. First I never paid any attention to it but I noticed that she just kept staring. She stares at me from far away the most, close she ignores me. My friends told me "just talk to her".

Like a month ago or so I was talking to a friend and she was basically standing next to me but with a little distance, and she was staring at me. It felt like she was also listening to me.. one day later I approached her. I was looking for something and since she works there, then why not ask her? When I approached her she got happy and it almost felt like she was waiting for me to talk to her.

One week later, she was done working, I was outside the store just standing. Normally she always has music in but this time she didn't. She walked by and said hi. We had another small talk but I got nervous. She even wanted to put her bike aside so we could really talk.. The day after that my friend and I bought something and she was there again, not working. She was there with her Father. We both didn't say anything. My friend noticed that she looked really shy when she walked by. But when we got outside other friends were waiting and one of them is a girl. She probably saw me talking to that girl. She was standing pretty close to us but looking at her phone.. (she was probably listening) but her father was waiting in the car so she then left. I can't remember exactly but when they drove by it looked like she was leaning with her head against the car window with her hand... Like there was something wrong? Ever since that day she kinda ignores me.. She also gets really nervous when I come closer. My friend told me earlier: she is waiting for you to make a move cause she's shy.. well I gotta be honest here, I avoided her a few times as well in that store cause i'm shy. She would still look at me when I wasn't looking. And she does that a lot..

Later on I tried to talk to her again and asked her how she was, she asked me the same. She talked kinda soft and quietly. She also laughed at something I said which wasn't even so funny. I also said her new hairstyle looks good. She started laughing in a shy kinda way. when I asked her for fun if she recognized me she said, I don't think we really know each other (in a friendly way with a smile) so I told her my name. She then told me she had to go back to work.. but the thing is, she doesn't seem shy or nervous to other people. And the moment I walk in, she stares at me. No one else.. always me.

2 weeks ago or so she actually avoided me. She did look at me but when she came walking my way she quickly walked to the other side. I got confused and I was like f#ck it.. One day later I asked her if we could talk but she had no time.. also not after work. So yeah I then told her that I like her and would like to get to know her better and I told her I was shy.. She got really quiet and kept listening and she started laughing, she looked shy and she was kinda blushing.. she said she found it sweet of me... but then she say "I already have someone".. that hurt so bad.. I said something like "Ohh" and she said sorry. Can't remember if she said anything else. I then left and said, we'll see each other and she looked and wanted to say something (at least it sure felt like it) but she didn't. I felt so sad...

a friend told me to add her on snapchat so I did days later. I send her a snap... She replied and said "I don't know how you found my snapchat, but I think I was clear in the store. I really wanna ask you to leave me alone and no longer talk to me or try to contact me. Also not by your friends.. I'm starting to feel very uncomfortable". It was something like that...

The funny thing is.. She said my friends shouldn't try to contact her or something like that. As far as I know none of my friends have send her a message that had anything to do with me.. but right after I send her that snap, I got a random follow request by some girl... that request was gone in like a minute or so... later on that day I was like wait a minute... I remembered the name of the girl who requested to follow me. I checked my crush's friendslist on facebook... and yeah.. that girl is a friend of her. Funny how she doesn't want me or my friends to contact her but literally she and her friend(s) are checking my social media and i'm sure that request was by accident.. because it was gone within a minute or so. And I don't remember deleting that request... Which I think clearly shows she does care. And for some reason I still have a strange feeling about the "I already have someone" thing... She only said that. Not that she wasn't interested in me or did't like me. Her facebook also says she's single and on her instagram is nothing to see of posts or comments of a boyfriend.. anyway she now acts like she doesn't want anything to do with me yet she and her friends are looking on my social media..

Last week, I was in the grocery store again with a friend. She was trying her best to act like I wasn't there. But she failed... I was talking with my friend about lots of funny things, we both laughed and I ignored her like she wasn't there. She then walked by 2 times... but really close. Definitely on purpose.. my friend noticed it before I did. She looked awkward but oh well. I'm just having fun talks with my buddy, nothing wrong with that. And outside was even more funny... We were just standing/sitting outside the store just talking... She was done working and came outside... When she walked by I literally turned my head to another direction... My friend noticed that she looked very sneaky at me...

And 3 days ago the same kinda thing happened. When I walked in I didn't really see her looking but she probably did already see me before I even noticed. I then noticed that she was clearly looking at me but in a very sneaky way to be honest.. She looked away quickly after she saw me looking back.. But I do the same and just try to ignore her. I then had a phone call from a girl I know so I was just talking on my phone while walking in the store and we then bumped into each other... Like seriously we both walked into each other and we both looked each other right in the face/eyes. But both of us quickly looked away and kept walking... Of course I was also calling with someone. But yeah she's clearly keeping an eye on me... and the fact that she still wants to look at me and this time didn't try to avoid me or avoid looking at me surprised me... I mean we both literally looked at each other. I'm very confused.... she clearly liked or still likes me cause like everyone says she likes me... And some of my friends have actually see her do all these things so it's obvious.. I really like and love her.. I hope some of y'all could help or tell me what's going on.
I read the whole d*mned thing actually.

I can imagine several scenarios. But the bottom line in every scenario is... don't pay her any attention. And if she by any chance starts pursuing you in the future, ignore her, it's not worth your trouble getting into this type of mess.

It could be that she's playing games. Those games could be:
1. Deliberate:
1. a) Deliberate & malicious, aka designed to f*k with your head, or
1. b) Deliberate & curious, aka to see how you react
2. Not deliberate - she may have some self-confidence issues, or have some sort of commitment phobia to the extent that she bolts at even the prospect of a relationship materialising. She'd rather entertain a fantasy of you two together, than live the real thing. It's possible. I don't know. There's a slight possibility... this 'fantasy' may be more extreme than she's comfortable admitting to herself, let alone anyone else.

She may also not be playing any games, and just generally be 'too friendly' and cause other people to misinterpret it.

You may also be over-analysing it... judging by the length of your post and all the details. You may be seeing 'patterns' where they do not actually exist, or even if they exist, they do not necessarily correlate with anything. Though, your friends saying they noticed similar behavior in her that you've noticed, is good proof that perhaps you're right. It depends how reliable your friends are though. Do you all just like agreeing with one another? Or do any of you ever call one another out on each others' bullsh!t.

Another thing... is if you felt shy/nervous around her, she may subconsciously have mirrored that and appropriated the same emotions. Some people do that. It would make her also feel 'nervous' and less comfortable around you, if that's the case, but only after you made the approach.

And it sounds like you're obsessing too much as well, so you may have in fact just genuinely creeped her out. It's also, reasonably possible.
________________________________ ____

As I said to start with, in every case (and I could perhaps think of others).... this is too much head mess to deal with. There's nothing you can really do about any of it. You have a good reason, in every single scenario above... to stop paying attention to her. And in the case of another scenario, if she's by any chance the 'type' with whom "no means yes", then you've got even better reasons to avoid her else risk rape accusations. These are rare cases though. It's usually some fetish thing. I don't want to elaborate tbh.
________________________________ ____

Another thing: basically, you cannot reach any conclusion from my post on what is going on inside her head. Only theories. This is why people should talk about these things. If she's not interested in talking, then there is nothing you can do. Overthinking it, is a bad habit, and will leave you no wiser, likely just doubting yourself. The best way to work out another person's intentions, is to ask them. If they're honest about it, it's a very good start. It's the first, and most important thing in a relationship.

Please, take this advise on board. People who don't give you straight answers or f* with your head using mixed signals, are probably not worth your time. In many situations in life, you don't have a choice and have to put up with people like that. Like at work, perhaps. But when it comes to relationships or friendships, you can choose who you let in or not.
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Phil_anselmo666
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#8
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#8
(Original post by NonIndigenous)
I read the whole d*mned thing actually.

I can imagine several scenarios. But the bottom line in every scenario is... don't pay her any attention. And if she by any chance starts pursuing you in the future, ignore her, it's not worth your trouble getting into this type of mess.

It could be that she's playing games. Those games could be:
1. Deliberate:
1. a) Deliberate & malicious, aka designed to f*k with your head, or
1. b) Deliberate & curious, aka to see how you react
2. Not deliberate - she may have some self-confidence issues, or have some sort of commitment phobia to the extent that she bolts at even the prospect of a relationship materialising. She'd rather entertain a fantasy of you two together, than live the real thing. It's possible. I don't know. There's a slight possibility... this 'fantasy' may be more extreme than she's comfortable admitting to herself, let alone anyone else.

She may also not be playing any games, and just generally be 'too friendly' and cause other people to misinterpret it.

You may also be over-analysing it... judging by the length of your post and all the details. You may be seeing 'patterns' where they do not actually exist, or even if they exist, they do not necessarily correlate with anything. Though, your friends saying they noticed similar behavior in her that you've noticed, is good proof that perhaps you're right. It depends how reliable your friends are though. Do you all just like agreeing with one another? Or do any of you ever call one another out on each others' bullsh!t.

Another thing... is if you felt shy/nervous around her, she may subconsciously have mirrored that and appropriated the same emotions. Some people do that. It would make her also feel 'nervous' and less comfortable around you, if that's the case, but only after you made the approach.

And it sounds like you're obsessing too much as well, so you may have in fact just genuinely creeped her out. It's also, reasonably possible.
________________________________ ____

As I said to start with, in every case (and I could perhaps think of others).... this is too much head mess to deal with. There's nothing you can really do about any of it. You have a good reason, in every single scenario above... to stop paying attention to her. And in the case of another scenario, if she's by any chance the 'type' with whom "no means yes", then you've got even better reasons to avoid her else risk rape accusations. These are rare cases though. It's usually some fetish thing. I don't want to elaborate tbh.
________________________________ ____

Another thing: basically, you cannot reach any conclusion from my post on what is going on inside her head. Only theories. This is why people should talk about these things. If she's not interested in talking, then there is nothing you can do. Overthinking it, is a bad habit, and will leave you no wiser, likely just doubting yourself. The best way to work out another person's intentions, is to ask them. If they're honest about it, it's a very good start. It's the first, and most important thing in a relationship.

Please, take this advise on board. People who don't give you straight answers or f* with your head using mixed signals, are probably not worth your time. In many situations in life, you don't have a choice and have to put up with people like that. Like at work, perhaps. But when it comes to relationships or friendships, you can choose who you let in or not.
Hey thanks man!!! Yeah i'll be very careful. Also, my friends will definitely tell me they disagree or don't see it. They've always done so. Oh and about the nervous/shy part. She already got shy and nervous around me before I ever made a move. I'll admit that I probably gave waaay too many details. Sorry about that. It's just that i'm trying to understand where it all went wrong. I still like her so this situation just sucks.
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