Relationship struggles need help

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
I’ll try and keep it short but essentially I have been speaking to a girl now for 4 nearly 5 months and thing have just started getting serious.

But tonight there has been some drama because of the height difference. I’m 176cm and she is 163cm and she seems so concerned that I’m not tall enough even though it’s been this long. She says she loves me but the height seems to be an issue and asked me if I want to end things because of the constant scrutiny I get for it. I do want to end it because some days she can make me feel like utter sh*t because of the height and other things as well but at the same time I do like her a lot and I feel terrible that I may have to end things because of her reoccurring problems caused by it. I don’t know what to do should I end it or not? I really do like her loads and she said she likes me a lot as well but it’s the days which she makes me feel terrible that tell me to. Please help.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#2
And it’s other things as well that get me down like when she asks me to change things I can’t physically do or control and call over boys fit or hot around me. I have never done the same back to her and I’m so torn.
0
reply
TJ1997
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 week ago
#3
Keep talking to her, especially about other things to try and take both of your minds off of the whole height thing. If it still keeps popping up as an issue and she keeps pressing you to alter things about yourself, the best thing to do is call it off. Your height and attributes aren't things you can change; the right girl will only notice you and appreciate everything else that you have to offer rather than these fickle bits..
0
reply
TheOnlyIzzy
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 week ago
#4
I think you should end it. It’s been less than half a year and it’s already a problem. You need someone who makes you feel confident in yourself, and this girl is not providing that
1
reply
YikesAP
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 week ago
#5
I just find that incredibly immature, you're not even remotely short??? Honestly I would end it.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#6
(Original post by TJ1997)
Keep talking to her, especially about other things to try and take both of your minds off of the whole height thing. If it still keeps popping up as an issue and she keeps pressing you to alter things about yourself, the best thing to do is call it off. Your height and attributes aren't things you can change; the right girl will only notice you and appreciate everything else that you have to offer rather than these fickle bits..
It didn’t come up for a while on this scale like there have been a few instances where she’d complain a bit about it but a lot of the time it’s smaller situations like comparing the height difference of our to other couples and celebrities etc...
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#7
(Original post by TheOnlyIzzy)
I think you should end it. It’s been less than half a year and it’s already a problem. You need someone who makes you feel confident in yourself, and this girl is not providing that
Some days she does and can make me feel great but it’s times like this where I get knocked down a few pegs.
0
reply
Scotney
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 week ago
#8
You need to move on.She is eroding your confidence and I guarantee if she really cared about you she would not care how tall you are.
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#9
(Original post by YikesAP)
I just find that incredibly immature, you're not even remotely short??? Honestly I would end it.
Well apparently I’m on the lower end of medium height. But for some reason I feel awful for wanting to end it.
0
reply
Bexjw
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 week ago
#10
Height is a really petty thing to get stuck up on. If you truly loved someone then it wouldn’t matter on their height.

Personally, I’d cut my loses and end it. This isn’t an issue that suddenly going to go away or that you can make better with a magic fix. Especially if she’s bringing it up time and time again. It’ll be a case of how long do you put up with it before it’s too much. If she’s already giving you a chance to get out of the relationship then I imagine she’s considering it too. Better now than 3 years down the line.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#11
(Original post by Scotney)
You need to move on.She is eroding your confidence and I guarantee if she really cared about you she would not care how tall you are.
Yeah I guess I have to well wish me luck for several hours time.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#12
(Original post by Bexjw)
Height is a really petty thing to get stuck up on. If you truly loved someone then it wouldn’t matter on their height.

Personally, I’d cut my loses and end it. This isn’t an issue that suddenly going to go away or that you can make better with a magic fix. Especially if she’s bringing it up time and time again. It’ll be a case of how long do you put up with it before it’s too much. If she’s already giving you a chance to get out of the relationship then I imagine she’s considering it too. Better now than 3 years down the line.
Yeah thank you I will have to end things so it seems.
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 week ago
#13
Treat these things as tests from her.
Women test men all the time. Either deliberately or unintentionally. Especially during the getting to know each other phase.
She's just vocalising her quite natural doubts. It's no big deal.

You can pass this test by having no reaction whatsoever to her height comments. Or to make a joke and having a laugh about it.

Your height is fine. You're taller than Tom Cruise.

Demonstrate that you have confidence in yourself. Inculding your height.

Breaking up because of your height makes no sense whatsoever. There's the simple work around of you doing some other worthwhile job apart from being a professional basketball player. And you standing on something whenever you need to reach something high.

Breaking up with her because she's mentioned your height a few times makes no sense too. Use the simple work-around of ignoring her comments or joking about them.

When she makes comments about other boys being fit, give your honest opinion on whether they are handsome and then move the conversation onto something else. Or start doing something with her, like playing a game of pool.

Is there anything wrong with your relationship that would actually be a valid enough reason for the 2 of you split up?
0
reply
Scotney
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 week ago
#14
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Treat these things as tests from her.
Women test men all the time. Either deliberately or unintentionally. Especially during the getting to know each other phase.
She's just vocalising her quite natural doubts. It's no big deal.

You can pass this test by having no reaction whatsoever to her height comments. Or to make a joke and having a laugh about it.

Your height is fine. You're taller than Tom Cruise.

Demonstrate that you have confidence in yourself. Inculding your height.

Breaking up because of your height makes no sense whatsoever. There's the simple work around of you doing some other worthwhile job apart from being a professional basketball player. And you standing on something whenever you need to reach something high.

Breaking up with her because she's mentioned your height a few times makes no sense too. Use the simple work-around of ignoring her comments or joking about them.

When she makes comments about other boys being fit, give your honest opinion on whether they are handsome and then move the conversation onto something else. Or start doing something with her, like playing a game of pool.

Is there anything wrong with your relationship that would actually be a valid enough reason for the 2 of you split up?
He is breaking up with her because she makes him unhappy not because of his height!
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 week ago
#15
(Original post by Scotney)
He is breaking up with her because she makes him unhappy not because of his height!
From what he's told us, he's unhappy because of a few comments from her about his height (which is fine) and about how physically attractive some other men are (which is true).

There may be some other stuff that he's not tiold us about. Which is why I asked if there's anything else.

If he's unhappy because of what he's told about, then he's never going to be happy with any woman. Because there will always be something that whoever he is with will say that will make him unhappy.

Being in a successful long term relationship does involve a certain amount of self security as well as some tolerance of what the other person says.

There is nothing in what she's said so far (from what he's told us) that actually merits him being unhappy.
It is entirely up the OP how he responds to his girlfriends comments about his height and other men's looks. A secure, self confident man would ignore them or laugh them off. Someone with a somewhat fragile ego would get upset.
Which type of response do you think comes across as the man being more attractive to women?

This is not just about this relationship. It's about developing the habits and mindset that will make the OP most successful with women in the long term.
0
reply
Oxford Mum
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 week ago
#16
So what happened, op? Did you split up, or did the relationship keep going?

I have been out with some medium height guys and some short guys. I like a shorter guy tbh. I find them really cute. I didn’t finish them because they were short though. I finished with them because they were *****s.

There’s no way that you can change things that are impossible to change. There’s no way you can compete with celebrities. The next time she compares you with one, then just tell her to toddle off and find a celebrity of her own. Let’s see how far she gets.

If I really loved someone, no way would I be comparing them with anyone else . I’d be too busy thinking how lucky I was to have them in my life if they were considerate, loving men.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#17
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#17
(Original post by Oxford Mum)
So what happened, op? Did you split up, or did the relationship keep going?

I have been out with some medium height guys and some short guys. I like a shorter guy tbh. I find them really cute. I didn’t finish them because they were short though. I finished with them because they were *****s.

There’s no way that you can change things that are impossible to change. There’s no way you can compete with celebrities. The next time she compares you with one, then just tell her to toddle off and find a celebrity of her own. Let’s see how far she gets.

If I really loved someone, no way would I be comparing them with anyone else . I’d be too busy thinking how lucky I was to have them in my life if they were considerate, loving men.
Well I decided to keep her for now. I want to see if things improve and so far they have but it’s still early days but at the next event of this coming up as an issue I may just have to cut ties with her.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How are you finding researching unis for 2021 entry?

I have been able to get all the information I need from online research (82)
18.76%
I have tried virtual events and found them useful (90)
20.59%
I have tried virtual events and did not find them useful (81)
18.54%
I would be interested in trying socially distanced or scaled down in person events (95)
21.74%
I want to but don't know where to start with researching unis for 2021 entry (43)
9.84%
I haven't started researching yet (46)
10.53%

Watched Threads

View All