Anonymous #1
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My parents have been horrible to me for the last few months and made my life hell. I’ve had the police involved, slept on the floor by my door to keep them out of my room, nearly got kicked out of sixth form and much more because of them.
When I go to uni next year I want to cut all ties but they keep asking where I’m thinking of applying.
I’m going to block their numbers and I don’t want them knowing where I am.
How can I go to uni without them ever knowing where I chose?
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents have been horrible to me for the last few months and made my life hell. I’ve had the police involved, slept on the floor by my door to keep them out of my room, nearly got kicked out of sixth form and much more because of them.
When I go to uni next year I want to cut all ties but they keep asking where I’m thinking of applying.
I’m going to block their numbers and I don’t want them knowing where I am.
How can I go to uni without them ever knowing where I chose?
Won't they need to know which uni you have Firmed when they fill out their part of the student finance forms? PQ will know more than me.

Personally, I wouldn't hide the uni from them but just choose one a long way away from home and become independent once you are at uni. Unis will not share your details with other people including your family so you could keep details of which accommodation you are in a secret from them if you want to and inform the uni of the situation about you being estranged from your parents (if that is how you see the situation at that stage).

Please try to keep strong and not get kicked out of sixth form - uni probably is your best route out of a toxic family situation
Last edited by harrysbar; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by harrysbar)
Won't they need to know which uni you have Firmed when they fill out their part of the student finance forms? PQ will know more than me.

Personally, I wouldn't hide the uni from them but just choose one a long way away from home and become independent once you are at uni. Unis will not share your details with other people including your family so you could keep details of which accommodation you are in a secret from them if you want to and inform the uni of the situation about you being estranged from your parents (if that is how you see the situation at that stage).

Please try to keep strong and not get kicked out of sixth form - uni probably is your best route out of a toxic family situation
Im not sure if they would need to know which uni if I filled the form out myself and just asked questions. Also I could get the default amount and then I don’t need their income or anything like that.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im not sure if they would need to know which uni if I filled the form out myself and just asked questions. Also I could get the default amount and then I don’t need their income or anything like that.
I'm not sure, Student Finance England would be able to offer more advice on that side of things

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?f=910
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PQ
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The SFE forms for family doesn’t state the university chosen (and even if they did it is possible to apply for finance for any old university, get the household income information and then change the university).

OP. Keep evidence of your situation and keep a teacher or social worker informed. Having a professional who can write and confirm your situation will make it easier to evidence estrangement.

Do you have a friend or relative that you can trust who can be your correspondence address? That would protect you from getting university branded post sent to your home address. UCAS has an option for home address and postal address.
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WantBeAnonymous
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Why would I need to evidence estrangement?I thought the uni would legally not be able to give out any details?And couldn’t I just choose not to have postal correspondence?
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ReadingMum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Im not sure if they would need to know which uni if I filled the form out myself and just asked questions. Also I could get the default amount and then I don’t need their income or anything like that.
The default (minimum) amount of maintenance loan is not enough to live on easily - you would have to work alongside your degree to make up the shortfall. If they are low earners then you can get more, up to the maximum, but if they earn a lot then you are going to need financial contributions from them or a job..
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents have been horrible to me for the last few months and made my life hell. I’ve had the police involved, slept on the floor by my door to keep them out of my room, nearly got kicked out of sixth form and much more because of them.
When I go to uni next year I want to cut all ties but they keep asking where I’m thinking of applying.
I’m going to block their numbers and I don’t want them knowing where I am.
How can I go to uni without them ever knowing where I chose?
Are you living with them or have you moved out/
You are fine with cutting all ties and never seeing them again?
Are social services or the school involved?

Need to understand the situation.
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WantBeAnonymous
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..
Last edited by WantBeAnonymous; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ReadingMum)
The default (minimum) amount of maintenance loan is not enough to live on easily - you would have to work alongside your degree to make up the shortfall. If they are low earners then you can get more, up to the maximum, but if they earn a lot then you are going to need financial contributions from them or a job..
I would get nearly the minimum anyway so it doesn’t make a difference and I’m going to live in shared house with my girlfriend so costs will be lower.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Are you living with them or have you moved out/
You are fine with cutting all ties and never seeing them again?
Are social services or the school involved?

Need to understand the situation.
I live with my parents and will do till next year (I’m going to get a shared house rather than halls so I can move out in July rather than September). I am perfectly happy never seeing them again, I’m only still there because I have no other option. School is involved and my mum has a mark on her record from when the police got involved.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I live with my parents and will do till next year (I’m going to get a shared house rather than halls so I can move out in July rather than September). I am perfectly happy never seeing them again, I’m only still there because I have no other option. School is involved and my mum has a mark on her record from when the police got involved.
When it comes to applying for student finance you need the co-operation of your parents, unless you are independent. One way of showing this is if you are estranged. You should also be aware you can leave home at 16, but they can also ask you to leave.
https://www.standalone.org.uk/students/

Once you know your uni then you can co ordinate with them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
When it comes to applying for student finance you need the co-operation of your parents, unless you are independent. One way of showing this is if you are estranged. You should also be aware you can leave home at 16, but they can also ask you to leave.
https://www.standalone.org.uk/students/

Once you know your uni then you can co ordinate with them.
Surely I can just never provide an address to my parents and Block their phone numbers after I’ve moved out since GDPR will stop them getting my info from anyone
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PQ
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(Original post by WantBeAnonymous)
Why would I need to evidence estrangement?I thought the uni would legally not be able to give out any details?And couldn’t I just choose not to have postal correspondence?
Universities won’t communicate with parents without consent but it is worth making it absolutely clear to them so that nothing is confirmed accidentally.

Proof of estrangement will help you to get the full income assessed loan. If you can prove estrangement then SFE will class you as independent and your household income will be zero so you will get the maximum loan.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PQ)
Universities won’t communicate with parents without consent but it is worth making it absolutely clear to them so that nothing is confirmed accidentally.

Proof of estrangement will help you to get the full income assessed loan. If you can prove estrangement then SFE will class you as independent and your household income will be zero so you will get the maximum loan.
Good to know that the uni wouldn’t tell them anything
I’ll have disability allowance and a job over the summer before I start uni.
Not sure how I could prove estrangement when I will still live at home when I apply to student finance.

Just to be clear, I am NOT YET estranged but will never have contact with them again after I move to uni.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Good to know that the uni wouldn’t tell them anything
I’ll have disability allowance and a job over the summer before I start uni.
Not sure how I could prove estrangement when I will still live at home when I apply to student finance.

Just to be clear, I am NOT YET estranged but will never have contact with them again after I move to uni.
Then you have the issue of finance, because unless you show you are independent you will get min loan or need the co operation of your parents. I gave you the link.
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WantBeAnonymous
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I think I could get them to provide details for the application, although I won’t get much more than the min anyway. And I know they wouldn’t contribute towards anything because they won’t even give me money to buy food even though they spend plenty on themselves.
Kinda just want to know the best lies or versions of the truth that would allow me to not tell them where I’m going.
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PQ
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Good to know that the uni wouldn’t tell them anything
I’ll have disability allowance and a job over the summer before I start uni.
Not sure how I could prove estrangement when I will still live at home when I apply to student finance.

Just to be clear, I am NOT YET estranged but will never have contact with them again after I move to uni.
If a teacher or social worker is aware of your situation then they can write to student finance (or give you a letter to send to SFE) when you move out to explain that you’re irreconcilably estranged and will get no support from your family. SFE can adjust your loan upwards at that point if they accept the evidence (they usually will - despite being a bit of a pain at times they’re pretty good about helping students in your situation - for example in principle they require people to be estranged for 12 months before they will accept them as independent but with a good letter from a reliable source that requirement is regularly ignored and students get classed as independent straight away).

Basically confiding in a teacher or social worker now to explain your problems and plan can make things run much smoother when you do move out.
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PQ
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(Original post by WantBeAnonymous)
I think I could get them to provide details for the application, although I won’t get much more than the min anyway. And I know they wouldn’t contribute towards anything because they won’t even give me money to buy food even though they spend plenty on themselves.
Kinda just want to know the best lies or versions of the truth that would allow me to not tell them where I’m going.
Just tell them you’re applying to the local university (you can even add that as one of your 5 choices) but arrange for correspondence to go elsewhere so you can arrange things without them knowing.

If you’re worried that they may be angry or throw you out sooner then try to arrange to keep important documents (ID, birth certificate, qualification certificates, anything precious to you) and possessions somewhere else with someone you trust too. Make sure that they don’t have access to your email or other login information. Keep a grab bag of overnight clothes and essentials (Latpot/phone chargers, clothes, toiletries and a towel as well as phone numbers for your local council and some cash) packed and ready in case you need to leave in a hurry.
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