Worried I've messed up

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#1
Ahh I really hope I haven’t blow this one ☹ A little backstory I’ve only been in one relationship it was 5 years long-term, since the breakup I wasn’t interested in dating whatsoever and just enjoyed doing my own thing and the single life.

Anyways, over 2 months ago I met a guy and we hit it off, we have been on a couple dates and we call kind of regularly, we would also snapchat every day. The last I heard of him he said he would call me the following day, then nothing, complete radio silence.

I left it all day and then rang in the evening out of the blue (as we normally do) he did not answer. Knowing his track record of having an illness I was slightly worried. I sent a text questioning if I’d done something wrong, I know a lot of you will look down on this and see it as clingy. However I hope some can sympathise that in the situation I overthought a lot and blamed myself, I was also heading towards the idea that I’ve been ghosted (which has happened before).

He replied to my text explaining he is happy to keep seeing me but can’t keep up with the constant communication that we had going, I fully understand. He also mentioned that is was a lot of contact and he also likes me a lot therefore he maybe felt a bit overwhelmed, in the text he included that he’s thinking up another date.

I guess what I’m asking is how do I play it now? I feel really embarrassed, I might reply tomorrow and then just leave the ball in his court so essentialy wean myself off him. I’m bad at this, depending on how it progressing I’m genuinely questioning if I’m okay to date when you consider how concerned I get. I think I just need to relax!
1
reply
babyshark
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 days ago
#2
First off, don’t blame yourself! I can totally see why you’d feel the way you do (I would feel the same)!

Personally, I’d reply saying something like “I totally understand and I’m sorry if I came on to strong. Let me know when you’re free and we can sort something out”

This way he knows you’re still interested but ultimately it’s up to him to make an effort. As you say, the ball would now be in his court.

Your concern about dating is valid, however I think it’s okay. Everyone deep down feels worried and concerned about their relationships! If you really feel that it’s affecting the way you date then maybe take a step back for a while but honestly you handled things calmly! If you had carried on ringing him and practically harassing him, it would be different haha but you were respectful and calm so well done!

I hope this helped a little?
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#3
Report 4 days ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ahh I really hope I haven’t blow this one ☹ A little backstory I’ve only been in one relationship it was 5 years long-term, since the breakup I wasn’t interested in dating whatsoever and just enjoyed doing my own thing and the single life.

Anyways, over 2 months ago I met a guy and we hit it off, we have been on a couple dates and we call kind of regularly, we would also snapchat every day. The last I heard of him he said he would call me the following day, then nothing, complete radio silence.

I left it all day and then rang in the evening out of the blue (as we normally do) he did not answer. Knowing his track record of having an illness I was slightly worried. I sent a text questioning if I’d done something wrong, I know a lot of you will look down on this and see it as clingy. However I hope some can sympathise that in the situation I overthought a lot and blamed myself, I was also heading towards the idea that I’ve been ghosted (which has happened before).

He replied to my text explaining he is happy to keep seeing me but can’t keep up with the constant communication that we had going, I fully understand. He also mentioned that is was a lot of contact and he also likes me a lot therefore he maybe felt a bit overwhelmed, in the text he included that he’s thinking up another date.

I guess what I’m asking is how do I play it now? I feel really embarrassed, I might reply tomorrow and then just leave the ball in his court so essentialy wean myself off him. I’m bad at this, depending on how it progressing I’m genuinely questioning if I’m okay to date when you consider how concerned I get. I think I just need to relax!
Without knowing you its hard to tell.

I dont think the relationship is going anywhere.
He isnt into the constant communication and also it makes you sound a bit insecure when you are having to ask if youd done anything wrong when there was no reasonable indication you had. He may have found it smothering, some people love to talk a lot and others are more laid back.
Maybe you lack of dating showed you were a bit rusty and maybe you liked him more than he did you or were going at an intensity and speed he wasnt ready for. I cnat say whether you were overdoing it or not.


Do remember it doesnt mean you are abnormal or wrong, other people love to talk and chat a lot, just maybe not this chap.
Be yourself imo, but be a bit aware as well so you dont overdo it.
No need for a crisis, but perhaps realise you might be better off with someone you can feel comfy with.

I would just learn from it and if he isnt exclusive plus he's setting up dates, then you should do the same. You might meet someone who is as chatty as you are. I dont think you are suited or looking for the same thing.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#4
(Original post by 999tigger)
Without knowing you its hard to tell.

I dont think the relationship is going anywhere.
He isnt into the constant communication and also it makes you sound a bit insecure when you are having to ask if youd done anything wrong when there was no reasonable indication you had. He may have found it smothering, some people love to talk a lot and others are more laid back.
Maybe you lack of dating showed you were a bit rusty and maybe you liked him more than he did you or were going at an intensity and speed he wasnt ready for. I cnat say whether you were overdoing it or not.


Do remember it doesnt mean you are abnormal or wrong, other people love to talk and chat a lot, just maybe not this chap.
Be yourself imo, but be a bit aware as well so you dont overdo it.
No need for a crisis, but perhaps realise you might be better off with someone you can feel comfy with.

I would just learn from it and if he isnt exclusive plus he's setting up dates, then you should do the same. You might meet someone who is as chatty as you are. I dont think you are suited or looking for the same thing.
Thank you so much for your response, I think soemtimes hard truths are the best truths. I'll give it some though but maybe it's best not to persue very difficult to tell if he genuinely doesn't enjoy texting and prefers face to face contact hence the request of another date, or if he's letting me down gently.

But you're so right plenty of fish in the sea, hopefully one as chatty as me!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#5
(Original post by babyshark)
First off, don’t blame yourself! I can totally see why you’d feel the way you do (I would feel the same)!

Personally, I’d reply saying something like “I totally understand and I’m sorry if I came on to strong. Let me know when you’re free and we can sort something out”

This way he knows you’re still interested but ultimately it’s up to him to make an effort. As you say, the ball would now be in his court.

Your concern about dating is valid, however I think it’s okay. Everyone deep down feels worried and concerned about their relationships! If you really feel that it’s affecting the way you date then maybe take a step back for a while but honestly you handled things calmly! If you had carried on ringing him and practically harassing him, it would be different haha but you were respectful and calm so well done!

I hope this helped a little?
Yes thank you!!! has given me some helpful insight that my concerns weren't too irrational. Think I'm going to play things by ear and just see how it goes I suppose it's a red flag that we value communication in different ways. I think I will reply to his message and see what he says going forward, thanks again
0
reply
babyshark
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#6
Report 4 days ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes thank you!!! has given me some helpful insight that my concerns weren't too irrational. Think I'm going to play things by ear and just see how it goes I suppose it's a red flag that we value communication in different ways. I think I will reply to his message and see what he says going forward, thanks again
no worries! i wouldn't necessarily class it as a red flag, everyone is different and you just value different forms of communication. i think that is just life as not everyone will be the same but i can see how its worrying!

reply and see how it goes! best of luck
0
reply
laughinglad999
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 days ago
#7
l would not trust him l think he is in touch with other girl/girls if l was dating l would want to be in touch with the girl and we can talk about everything l would not push the girl away l would pull her in if l was you l would end it its like he has no real love or respect for you at all
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#8
Report 4 days ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for your response, I think soemtimes hard truths are the best truths. I'll give it some though but maybe it's best not to persue very difficult to tell if he genuinely doesn't enjoy texting and prefers face to face contact hence the request of another date, or if he's letting me down gently.

But you're so right plenty of fish in the sea, hopefully one as chatty as me!
Texting is different, some people can find it annoying also some people dont naturally like texting. If you were doing is=t several times a day for weeks then that could be annoying. Other people might like it, but I can see he might find it irritating and suffocating. You arent giving numbers.

I misinterpreted and thought it was another date with someone else.

You need to chill out and be more confident or work on self esteem so your first thoughts if you havent spoken in 24 is not something is wrong or you have offended.

A chilled out person could manage not speaking for 2 or 3 days easily even a week etc.
Perhaps he likes his own space as well.
You need alternative aspects in your life, so he isnt 100%, because if he vanishes, then you are a bit stuck.
Chatty is fine, some people are and others are not, just realise that as there may be scope for compromise.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 4 days ago
#9
(Original post by 999tigger)
Texting is different, some people can find it annoying also some people dont naturally like texting. If you were doing is=t several times a day for weeks then that could be annoying. Other people might like it, but I can see he might find it irritating and suffocating. You arent giving numbers.

I misinterpreted and thought it was another date with someone else.

You need to chill out and be more confident or work on self esteem so your first thoughts if you havent spoken in 24 is not something is wrong or you have offended.

A chilled out person could manage not speaking for 2 or 3 days easily even a week etc.
Perhaps he likes his own space as well.
You need alternative aspects in your life, so he isnt 100%, because if he vanishes, then you are a bit stuck.
Chatty is fine, some people are and others are not, just realise that as there may be scope for compromise.
Can I pm you about this?
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How are you finding researching unis for 2021 entry?

I have been able to get all the information I need from online research (59)
19.28%
I have tried virtual events and found them useful (64)
20.92%
I have tried virtual events and did not find them useful (58)
18.95%
I would be interested in trying socially distanced or scaled down in person events (65)
21.24%
I want to but don't know where to start with researching unis for 2021 entry (31)
10.13%
I haven't started researching yet (29)
9.48%

Watched Threads

View All