She lied about her age? Is this legal

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Anonymous #1
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Hi, I'm 20 and have been talking to a girl on tinder for the past 5 months, we regularly call and talk everyday and both admitted to liking eachoher and said for us meet up soon. Her bio said she was 18, however she just admitted to me last night that she lied and is actually 15. I got angry and her response was that she's been with older guys before (her ex was 18 when she was 14) and that loads of girls her age get with older guys so she's fine with it and doesn't see it being an issue. However I'm not fine with it, a) it's ilegal and b) she lied to me.

I'm not sure what to do as we've been talking for so long and if she was 16+ i would fully want to date her. She looks so much older she looks 19 to 21 and would probably get into a club without ID.

I know the age of consent is 16 and I feel hurt she lied to me all this time but i wanted to find out what is legal and what is ilegal.

If we continue talking as friends, meet up but do not do anything together i.e. not kissing, touching and nothing sexual, and then once she's 16 start dating would it be legal? or is it still ilegal to meet up with someone under 16?

Online I found that there are two main laws around surrounding this a) age of consent and b) grooming:

a) I tried googling this but it wasn't clear it just said how an adult can't do anything sexual with someone under 16 but doesn't mention anything about whether you're allowed to meet up with them or talk with them

b) this discusses laws around intent and online activities, I tried googling grooming laws but this is even more unclear, it says it's ilegal for an adult to communicate online and/or to meet up or arrange to meet up with someone under 16, if you plan on sexually abusing the child (then defines sexual abuse as any phsyical penetration or groping of genitals or performing sexual related acts online)

Neither a) or b) state anything about an adult communicating online or meeting up with someone under 16 as friends only and with no intent of doing anything sexual. Of course once she is legal things would change.

I would appreciate any advice, are we able to remain as friends and continue talking / meet up or am i required to delete eachother and not speak again? Thanks
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm 20 and have been talking to a girl on tinder for the past 5 months, we regularly call and talk everyday and both admitted to liking eachoher and said for us meet up soon. Her bio said she was 18, however she just admitted to me last night that she lied and is actually 15. I got angry and her response was that she's been with older guys before (her ex was 18 when she was 14) and that loads of girls her age get with older guys so she's fine with it and doesn't see it being an issue. However I'm not fine with it, a) it's ilegal and b) she lied to me.

I'm not sure what to do as we've been talking for so long and if she was 16+ i would fully want to date her. She looks so much older she looks 19 to 21 and would probably get into a club without ID.

I know the age of consent is 16 and I feel hurt she lied to me all this time but i wanted to find out what is legal and what is ilegal.

If we continue talking as friends, meet up but do not do anything together i.e. not kissing, touching and nothing sexual, and then once she's 16 start dating would it be legal? or is it still ilegal to meet up with someone under 16?

Online I found that there are two main laws around surrounding this a) age of consent and b) grooming:

a) I tried googling this but it wasn't clear it just said how an adult can't do anything sexual with someone under 16 but doesn't mention anything about whether you're allowed to meet up with them or talk with them

b) this discusses laws around intent and online activities, I tried googling grooming laws but this is even more unclear, it says it's ilegal for an adult to communicate online and/or to meet up or arrange to meet up with someone under 16, if you plan on sexually abusing the child (then defines sexual abuse as any phsyical penetration or groping of genitals or performing sexual related acts online)

Neither a) or b) state anything about an adult communicating online or meeting up with someone under 16 as friends only and with no intent of doing anything sexual. Of course once she is legal things would change.

I would appreciate any advice, are we able to remain as friends and continue talking / meet up or am i required to delete eachother and not speak again? Thanks
I personally think you should block and move on. If she lies about her age, she's probably lying about other things or she would be willing to lie about things in the future. Also, this would avoid any sticky situations for you. If she happily lies about her age, then she could easily make up stories about you doing inappropriate things to her if you did meet up with her. Best to just avoid her entirely.
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Anonymous #2
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Well there is no laws against being friends with someone no matter their age, but I definity will rule out anything relationship based on she lied about something that is literally so important and it's likely she'd lie about other things as she has no grasp of maturity and consequences of her actions (exactly why the age of consent is 16...although not all 16 year olds even grasp it). You should be careful though as I know someone who was in a similar situation, met up with the person (he didn't know she was underaged) and she accused him of grooming and got arrested, luckily the police reading the messages on the phones saw that he did nothing wrong but it was still very unpleasant for the guy who is the nicest guy I know to spend a night in a cell, it was so traumatic he dropped out of uni for a year

If it was me I would just block, but there isn't anything necessarily 'wrong' with being friends just very questionable considering her actions of why you'd want a friend like that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
I personally think you should block and move on. If she lies about her age, she's probably lying about other things or she would be willing to lie about things in the future. Also, this would avoid any sticky situations for you. If she happily lies about her age, then she could easily make up stories about you doing inappropriate things to her if you did meet up with her. Best to just avoid her entirely.
Thank you for the reply, I agree with you. However, I'm actually really ugly and I never get any matches and never manage to get any girls at all. she was the first person that didn't seem to care about my looks and seemed really nice and on top of this she is incredibly attractive, she looks like a model or a footballers wife and I have no luck with girls so let alone a girl as attractive as her. So if I end things with her then theres a 99% chance i wouldn't get another match or get with any other girl for a long time.
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the reply, I agree with you. However, I'm actually really ugly and I never get any matches and never manage to get any girls at all. she was the first person that didn't seem to care about my looks and seemed really nice and on top of this she is incredibly attractive, she looks like a model or a footballers wife and I have no luck with girls so let alone a girl as attractive as her. So if I end things with her then theres a 99% chance i wouldn't get another match or get with any other girl for a long time.
Ever considered that she's interested in you mainly because you're older?? She's already stated she doesn't have an issue with dating someone way older than her which is a huge red flag regarding her immaturity. Young girls often like the idea of being with someone older, it makes them feel special and they look cool to their peers - it's only when they grow up and realise how the dynamic in those relationships isn't okay that they realise how wrong it is.

I realise you feel insecure about your looks and fear this may be your only shot at getting a girlfriend, but you're the adult here. It's your responsibility to put a stop to anything romantic or sexual and place boundaries. Regardless of your intentions, a 20 year old talking to a 15 year old online will most definitely be viewed as grooming.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well there is no laws against being friends with someone no matter their age, but I definity will rule out anything relationship based on she lied about something that is literally so important and it's likely she'd lie about other things as she has no grasp of maturity and consequences of her actions (exactly why the age of consent is 16...although not all 16 year olds even grasp it). You should be careful though as I know someone who was in a similar situation, met up with the person (he didn't know she was underaged) and she accused him of grooming and got arrested, luckily the police reading the messages on the phones saw that he did nothing wrong but it was still very unpleasant for the guy who is the nicest guy I know to spend a night in a cell, it was so traumatic he dropped out of uni for a year

If it was me I would just block, but there isn't anything necessarily 'wrong' with being friends just very questionable considering her actions of why you'd want a friend like that.
Oh wow that's horrible to hear, I hope that girl was the one that ended up with a criminal record in the end for lying about something so serious. That does scare me and it is a huge risk if she was to do that, and also the risk of her family / friends finding out and them calling the police and say lies such as me grooming her or something which could get me in trouble and I guess police might still see it as grooming if her family/friends are pressuring them.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh wow that's horrible to hear, I hope that girl was the one that ended up with a criminal record in the end for lying about something so serious. That does scare me and it is a huge risk if she was to do that, and also the risk of her family / friends finding out and them calling the police and say lies such as me grooming her or something which could get me in trouble and I guess police might still see it as grooming if her family/friends are pressuring them.
I don't actually know what happened to her as he didn't really like talking about it just I know it happened and it was the reason for him to drop out, but I don't think he pressed any charges just wanted to get as far away from her as he could. And indeed it is very risky if it's just her word against the actual messages and your actions then it should be fine (as long as the messages are extremely PG and simply like having a conversation with someone on the street) but if other people support her cause it gets a bit more murky.

Really it's not a risk you should take, you have your life ahead of you and one word out of place can cause you a whole deal of harm. Yes you haven't had many luck with girls but you have had luck with this person just the wrong kinda person, so look the positive side of it, someone liked you for being you, that means there will be plenty of other people who will do the same you just have to give it a bit more time
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by bones-mccoy)
Ever considered that she's interested in you mainly because you're older?? She's already stated she doesn't have an issue with dating someone way older than her which is a huge red flag regarding her immaturity. Young girls often like the idea of being with someone older, it makes them feel special and they look cool to their peers - it's only when they grow up and realise how the dynamic in those relationships isn't okay that they realise how wrong it is.

I realise you feel insecure about your looks and fear this may be your only shot at getting a girlfriend, but you're the adult here. It's your responsibility to put a stop to anything romantic or sexual and place boundaries. Regardless of your intentions, a 20 year old talking to a 15 year old online will most definitely be viewed as grooming.
That's a really good point and with so many young girls wanting an older guy I feel you're right and then I guess this also adds another risk of her growing older and realising and then accusing me of grooming her when she was younger and getting me in trouble.

I do agree with you, but do you think it could be worth saying to put it on hold and stop talking until she's 16 and if we're both still single when shes 16 to start talking again, meet up and see where things go?
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Theloniouss
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This might count as grooming, but it doesn't matter. You should break up with her. First of all, she's 15 and you're 20. Remember how stupid you were when you were 15? That's her now. Second, she lied to you about this, what else is she lying about? You clearly can't trust her.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh wow that's horrible to hear, I hope that girl was the one that ended up with a criminal record in the end for lying about something so serious. That does scare me and it is a huge risk if she was to do that, and also the risk of her family / friends finding out and them calling the police and say lies such as me grooming her or something which could get me in trouble and I guess police might still see it as grooming if her family/friends are pressuring them.

just make it clear you will remain friends and nothing more till she is 16 and you'll be fine with the law

although tbh, are you sure she's going to still be single by her 16th?
she's probably talking to a bunch of other guys besides you

realistically you've probably got a small window of time before she moves onto someone else
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ANM775)
just make it clear you will remain friends and nothing more till she is 16 and you'll be fine with the law

although tbh, are you sure she's going to still be single by her 16th?
she's probably talking to a bunch of other guys besides you

realistically you've probably got a small window of time before she moves onto someone else
That's true she most likely won't be single by then, she's incredibly attractive and when we video chatted before she showed me her tinder and she matched with almost anyone she swiped right to and had hundreds of messages, although I'm not sure how many she replies to but there is a good chance she's talking to a bunch of other older guys and once I cut things off she'll just move onto the next one.
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Nialler x
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's a really good point and with so many young girls wanting an older guy I feel you're right and then I guess this also adds another risk of her growing older and realising and then accusing me of grooming her when she was younger and getting me in trouble.

I do agree with you, but do you think it could be worth saying to put it on hold and stop talking until she's 16 and if we're both still single when shes 16 to start talking again, meet up and see where things go?
Look there is no point in waiting till she's 16, she lied to you and that's very wrong especially about her age. As Theloniouss said, you don't know what else she has been lying about, it's better to be safe than sorry

Also, you'll find the right girl at the right time so don't worry about it.

This why I don't use dating apps cuz you never know if the person is lying or not.

Just end it before anything happens, good luck
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Online I found that there are two main laws around surrounding this a) age of consent and b) grooming:

a) I tried googling this but it wasn't clear it just said how an adult can't do anything sexual with someone under 16 but doesn't mention anything about whether you're allowed to meet up with them or talk with them

b) this discusses laws around intent and online activities, I tried googling grooming laws but this is even more unclear, it says it's ilegal for an adult to communicate online and/or to meet up or arrange to meet up with someone under 16, if you plan on sexually abusing the child (then defines sexual abuse as any phsyical penetration or groping of genitals or performing sexual related acts online)

Neither a) or b) state anything about an adult communicating online or meeting up with someone under 16 as friends only and with no intent of doing anything sexual. Of course once she is legal things would change.

I would appreciate any advice, are we able to remain as friends and continue talking / meet up or am i required to delete eachother and not speak again? Thanks
A) You can meet up with them obviously but you can't do anything romantic or sexual, same with talking, if you only talk about things you'd talk about with your grandma you'll be fine.
B) Just says that it's illegal to meet up with a person under the age of 16 if you want to I.E. the intent is to have sex with them.
A and B2) see A
But in my honest view you should stop talking to her anyway, you know her to be a liar now, and the content of your previous converations could get you grief in future. Best to block and move on, but keep the messages where she made the representation that she was 18 just in case you need them.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
This might count as grooming, but it doesn't matter. You should break up with her. First of all, she's 15 and you're 20. Remember how stupid you were when you were 15? That's her now. Second, she lied to you about this, what else is she lying about? You clearly can't trust her.
Good point, I was immature back then so I guess there is the chance she doesn't think lying is a big deal and will lie again in the future or change her mind about me in a few months.

Also agree there is risk of this being seen as grooming
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Second_Beauty
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the reply, I agree with you. However, I'm actually really ugly and I never get any matches and never manage to get any girls at all. she was the first person that didn't seem to care about my looks and seemed really nice and on top of this she is incredibly attractive, she looks like a model or a footballers wife and I have no luck with girls so let alone a girl as attractive as her. So if I end things with her then theres a 99% chance i wouldn't get another match or get with any other girl for a long time.
It’s simple. Which do you choose? Potentially going to jail or taking your chances at finding someone that’s legal age? I’m sure it’s hard on you being insecure about your looks but you’ll be feeding yourself to the police at this point being 5 years older then that girl who has such an immature mind.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Nialler x)
This why I don't use dating apps cuz you never know if the person is lying or not.

I thought you were 16?

you're too young for dating apps


truth be told though, a lot of the stuff people lie about on dating sites they can just as easily lie about IRL.

if the girl looks 19, she could just as easily pass herself off as 19 IRL
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barnetlad
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The law on this has strict liability. You can be held responsible and a belief that a person is of the age of consent is no defence. Be careful.
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ANM775
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(Original post by barnetlad)
The law on this has strict liability. You can be held responsible and a belief that a person is of the age of consent is no defence. Be careful.
It is a defence in the UK, but there are no clear guidelines on what is reasonable belief ... so it will come down to what the judge/jury think
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Nialler x
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(Original post by ANM775)
I thought you were 16?

you're too young for dating apps


truth be told though, a lot of the stuff people lie about on dating sites they can just as easily lie about IRL.

if the girl looks 19, she could just as easily pass herself off as 19 IRL
Yes I am but next week i'm turning 17 :woo:
Also, that girl is 15 and is using dating apps!!!
I am never gonna use dating apps :nope:

Exactly, that's why I don't trust dating apps, ngl they are 100% messed up!!!

I know right!!
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ROTL94
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(Original post by barnetlad)
The law on this has strict liability. You can be held responsible and a belief that a person is of the age of consent is no defence. Be careful.
That only applies if he had sex with her. Alleged grooming is not a strict liabilty offence, what he would need to prove is that he had grounds to reasonably believe she was over the age of 16, which as she represented on the account that she was 18 at the time he started talking to her could be a defence. P.S. I will restate this for the OPs benefit, cut her off and stay away from her
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