Afraid of being disliked at work/ thought of as toxic cause of this

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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I just feel upset and a bit angry. Basically Im one of the main people in charge at work in healthcare (we currently have no manager). I noticed one of our assistants (Tim) has been quiet/not his outgoing self for the past 2 weeks. I thought maybe he was generally fed up.

I went in the office today and another collegue (who is the same grade as me but temporary staff) ( Adele) told me that Tim has told her that he feels down as he wont get the promotion he hopes for when his collegue leaves in November. She said he was under the impression that someone was lined up for it in the other hospital. I said I dont know where that stemmed from, she asked me if I knew he was interested I said i think he mentioned it in the past, she advised me to speak to him alonereassure him. She said that he had worked hard over the years etc.

Minutes later he came into the room and had began typing an email. Another collegue signalled for him to talk to me and he turned round and said ‘yea Rachel (me) said pauline was comming taking the grade 3 position in november. I said ‘uh when did i say this’ he said ‘2 weeks ago, its been bothering me a lot’ I went quiet a bit shocked and said ‘i dont remember saying it but it explains why youve been quiet’ I questioned him more on what i actually said and i said ‘you should be first in line for it’ He said ‘then why tell me pauline was being moved to take it, is it mind games, were you lashing out, its pk ive done it to people’. I said i dont even know why id said it cause its not true.

The other collegues were listening it was embarrasing. Ive wrecked my brain trying to remember if/what i said but its not clear, i might have said it without considering him which im worried i could have but whatever i said i didnt say it to hurt him.

I need to harden up as ive secretly cried twice about it, but i need to be professional. It explains why he’s been offish with me.
I dont want a negative atmosphere, giess i wanted to offload and get advice really
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lucycowell
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#2
Report 1 week ago
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Firstly, you do not need to harden up, you feel r emotions and shouldnt invalidate them. Secondly, I feel you have reacted well to the situation, just continue being honest and if u can give Tim reassurance that he will definitely get the job if that is what will happen.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by lucycowell)
Firstly, you do not need to harden up, you feel r emotions and shouldnt invalidate them. Secondly, I feel you have reacted well to the situation, just continue being honest and if u can give Tim reassurance that he will definitely get the job if that is what will happen.
Thanks, I mean I cant guarantee he’l get the job as its not up to me. I guess the issue is it seems i completely forgot about him and likely talked with him about other people being fit for it .. without realising.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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Nothings changed today, the collegues still being offish despite the conversation yesterday.
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