Boyfriend watching too much porn?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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Hi, I haven’t used this forum in years and just came back to ask for opinions or some advice from you guys 😌. So long story short I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we lived together for around a year. Over the quarantine obviously we spent a lot of time together and towards the end of it our sex life has became a bit shite as I realised he became reaaaallly demotivated and lazy towards it. I am way more sexually active than him, I’m guessing cause I’m 3 years younger maybe?Also I’d say I’m fit, pretty good at sex haha and not bad looking. The fact that he became more lazy and worse at it wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t start to watch porn. I wouldn’t care too much if I was at work or out somewhere cause from time to time I watch it too but when he does it when I’m at home that really bothers me!! It was pretty obvious to find out about, just finding *** tissues around his desk when cleaning ffs. It went to the point of him setting up alarms to wake up at 5/6am in the morning so he can do that when I’m asleep 😳 But anyways I thought well maybe it’s just quarantine uno, we spend too much time together so then I didn’t really think much of it. But however in the last few weeks he returned to work, and cause I’m still on furlough I’m the one who cooks dinner when he’s back. When I go upstairs and the dinner’s ready he usually leaves a screen on the pc saying that the history has been deleted??! Anyways yesterday called him downstairs early and asked him to finish off the dinner, there was barely anything left to do and he came downstairs all in bad mood ngl, went upstairs to check the history on the PC and guess what, yeah watching all that stuff with a premium account. As I said before I wouldn’t bother me if I wasn’t at home but now him deciding to watch it when I’m making dinner has became a bit too much. I just find that disrespectful and start to look ‘down’ on him cause it just gets annoying now. Sorry for long post
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ThatGuy89
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Report 3 months ago
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Sounds like a porn addiction you might have stumbled across simply by spending more time together. Its possible he had it before you became aware of it, you just wouldn't have seen it. Watching some porn is healthy, sometimes it can be fun to watch it together. But setting alarms in order to get up and do it sounds like its moving up the scale to an excessive level, especially if it interferes with your own sex life or daily tasks. Its probably best to broach the subject before it wrecks your sex life as porn addictions can rapidly drain libido. How do you feel about porn yourself? You could possibly engage with it depending on your comfort, but if his viewing is becoming obsessive, perhaps its not the best idea. Either way, start a dialogue.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by ThatGuy89)
Sounds like a porn addiction you might have stumbled across simply by spending more time together. Its possible he had it before you became aware of it, you just wouldn't have seen it. Watching some porn is healthy, sometimes it can be fun to watch it together. But setting alarms in order to get up and do it sounds like its moving up the scale to an excessive level, especially if it interferes with your own sex life or daily tasks. Its probably best to broach the subject before it wrecks your sex life as porn addictions can rapidly drain libido. How do you feel about porn yourself? You could possibly engage with it depending on your comfort, but if his viewing is becoming obsessive, perhaps its not the best idea. Either way, start a dialogue.
I’m sure he watched it before and I don’t have a problem with it to a healthy level. As I said I watch it sometimes too but after all, I’d prefer to do it with a person. I do know it’s healthy as everybody needs some time alone but I feel like at this point it has became a bit too much. I’m just afraid that it can ruin the relationship, to the point where I start looking at other guys etc.
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Dunnig Kruger
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Report 3 months ago
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He's a real life Morris Day from Viz.

It's difficult to say what the optimum course of action here is.
On the one hand the two of you appear to be becomming sexually incompatible.
On the other it appears to be a relatively mild form of sexual incompatability.

I think he deserves to be given a full chance to improve.
All he needs to do is to moderate his porn to levels where it doesn't affect important aspect of his life, including his sexual relationship with you.

One tactic to broach his porn habit and to criticise him as indirectly as possible would be to get an edition of Viz that feature Morris Day and to leave it for him to read. Or for you to read it and laugh in front of him and to ask him what he thinks of the Morris Day joke.

In a long term relationship it helps if a few times a year the couple make love as if they were fresh lovers that had just met each other. For example by going away to a nice hotel or B&B for a night or two. And by going out on fun dates together, during which they talk and treat each other as if they are back in the getting to know each other phase.

In the long term if this turns out to be a particular phase he went through that's not too bad. As it indicates he has the self analysis abilities to realise when he should change some aspect of himself.
If he doesn't change, or gets even worse, or starts picking up other addictions, like drinking 5 cans of beer every night, it would be totally understandable and logical for you to split up with him at a convenient time and start your seach for a new boyfriend.
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