Turn on thread page Beta
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I think the fact she lied about the previous relationships is not the biggest issue here. Your post mentions many, many other issues. It seems like that lie was just the tip of the ice berg, the last straw that made things too much to handle.

    I think you need to openly discuss the issues you have with her.

    You sound like a terrific and amazing boyfriend and she is increadibly lucky to have you. It is not right that you should be the only one putting effort into your relationship. If she really sees a future for the both of you she has to realise that you expect certain things of her. Her being a lazy lay around watching soap operas is not something you will put up with in the long run.
    Don't be harsh, but it is perfectly reasonable for you to sit her down and tell her that all this is starting to get to you a lot. Tell her what annoys you about her, and let her know she has to make some effort to change.

    If you just need to calm down and the situation isn't really that bad, then calm down and remember all the reasons why you love her and are going out with her.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've read your comments and again Im torn...From a friendship point of view its really difficult-she has no real/any friends and if I scaled things down like that a) she would never forgive me for it and b) would never talk to me .

    If I leave her things will get worse. Last time I left her, she couldn't be bothered to get out of bed, she became very sick, her room was covered with dirt, insects, unwashed plates- (She has been surviving by ordering pizza and playing computer games). As soon as I came to the place I had to spend time cleaning and washing her clothes. ( I confronted her about this asking how she had money to order new games for the PS3 and not even on textbooks).

    Its too much, her parents don't really help either and when her mother does something, its usally after a 3hour fight. Shes already on antidepressants as I said. I love her, I don't want to leave her if she acted like this in the beginning ofcourse we wouldn't of gone out. But im deluding myself by being in this long distance thing. She was never liked this and she can still have the future, but between calling her long distance and trying to get a hold of her and the fact that her mother does not want her to stay in the UK means its probably over. Orginally ofcourse we had planned out ways which we would see each other, but again shes forgotten about all of this.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I love her, (remind her) I don't want to leave her there's your answer

    Tell her what you said in the last sentence, too.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've read your comments and again Im torn...From a friendship point of view its really difficult-she has no real/any friends and if I scaled things down like that a) she would never forgive me for it and b) would never talk to me .

    If I leave her things will get worse. Last time I left her, she couldn't be bothered to get out of bed, she became very sick, her room was covered with dirt, insects, unwashed plates- (She has been surviving by ordering pizza and playing computer games). As soon as I came to the place I had to spend time cleaning and washing her clothes. ( I confronted her about this asking how she had money to order new games for the PS3 and not even on textbooks).

    Its too much, her parents don't really help either and when her mother does something, its usally after a 3hour fight. Shes already on antidepressants as I said. I love her, I don't want to leave her if she acted like this in the beginning ofcourse we wouldn't of gone out. But im deluding myself by being in this long distance thing. She was never liked this and she can still have the future, but between calling her long distance and trying to get a hold of her and the fact that her mother does not want her to stay in the UK means its probably over. Orginally ofcourse we had planned out ways which we would see each other, but again shes forgotten about all of this.
    You can't stay in a relationship for the wrong reasons. It's hard, but your girlfriend will move on,a nd make more friends. It's often a lot easier to make friends as well if you're not in a relationship, don't forget.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    One day she'll find out that life isn't about all the handouts you can get. What would she do if she didn't have you? She'd have to suck it up and get on with it. You can only be a crutch to someone for so long. Its the old case of being cruel to be kind because in the end whether you like it or not you'll end up resenting her. Yeah she's having a hard time of it & has done so for some time, but a relationship is a 2 way thing... and you need to get something from it rather than giving everything to it.

    You're brave for being there for her, a lot of guys would have ran off a long time ago. Do whatever you feel is right, but just don't drag it out for the sake of being kind.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 26, 2008
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.