She ended the relationship a month ago, due to external circumstances i cannot divulge as i promised i wouldn't tell a soul, she didn't want any pressure going through this time in her life. She wanted to stay friends but I explained to her that i needed to completely break away from and have zero contact to get over her to stop the depression i was going through and being constantly upset (i loved her). She understood this and was fine with it.
But throughout the month she has text me with either quite harsh texts or texts that she really misses me. This week i got a text saying she is missing me loads and wants to me meet up for a drink soon but said she understood if i didn't want to. I responded with a yes but I'm not sure if Ive done the right thing now. These actions are quite random and i don't want to get my hopes up and be hurt once again.
Is she just trying to push being friends? If so i really don't think i want to at the moment. I don't know about anyone else but I would struggle to be friends with and ex, its just like the relationship but without the intimacy.
Any advice dispensed would be much appreciated in this time of need
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tom the mathematician
- Thread Starter
- 25-08-2008 18:26
- 25-08-2008 18:30
I'm somebody like you who needs to totally cut contact when I break up with somebody I've been with a long time. She doesn't sound downright malicious or anything; I guess all people get over relationships in different ways and for her maybe remaining in contact is alright and she misses you and hence she's sending these messages.
But if it were me, and you sound similar to me on this one - I wouldn't go. Until it's at the stage where you could picture your ex with someone else and not feel all upset about it, you're probably not over her sufficiently to not just make everything worse by seeing her. You may have to begin the getting over her process all over again etc, so my advise is definitely to keep up the good work and stay away for longer. Be civil though - text her back and explain all this.
- 25-08-2008 18:34
It's obvious that she misses being friends, if you were together for a long time and really close then she probably misses having someone she trusts to talk through her problems with. She may not realise how upset you were about the break up and maybe thinks that you are over it by now and are ready to talk.
Email her back saying you miss her to but you still aren't over her and aren't ready to be friends yet. Tell her that you will get in touch her when you are ready, and ask her not to contact you until then.
I don't think she's being malicious, just thoughtless and a bit self centred. She probably doesn't realise how hurt you are. The angry texts are probably sent when she feels angry and fustrated, it's not your fault if she split up with you and you said you didn't want to stay friends then she has no right to be angry when you don't respond to her.
Hope you're ok, PM me if you want to talk