Boyfriend slipping previous sex encounters into convo?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Ive been with this guy since November last year, and he is older than me so has therefore more sexual experiences than me, which i understand.

But in the past he would make comments of the type of toys and things he used in the bedroom with previous partners which makes me feel kind of uncomfortable and quite upset (understandably?).

He’d also mention things like “yeah my neighbours saw me and the ex doing it from the window and kept complaining”. He does open up about his ex quite a lot - they are all negative and i know for a fact he is over her, thats not in question.

I Have brought up previously that him mentioning things like this upsets me but he has literally just said this neighbour comment last night.

I just feel upset and just dont know whether its worth mentioning it again, should i talk to him about it? Is that right to be mentioning stuff like this? What would you guys suggest?
0
reply
annabel_39
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
hm firstly, to be honest it’s actually kinda weird for him to be bringing it up quite regularly? like what point is he trying to prove? i would definitely ask him outright what he’s trying to do by constantly mentioning his past sex life, maybe interrupt him whilst he’s talking about it and say something like

“woah ok hang on. why the hell do you always talk about stuff you’ve done in the past while you’re with me?” and just say how you want him to focus on you and stop bringing stuff up from the past because it makes you uncomfortable and upset. don’t feel like you cant say anything to him because it’s wrong of him to be saying stuff like that and you need to speak up about it, otherwise he might not stop. but instead of asking him about it at a random time, wait until he next makes another comment and then interrupt him. don’t shout or get angry, try and stay calm and the situation will be controlled and you will come across as the mature one

good luck, be brave!
2
reply
AlphaZeta
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Women don't understand men.
2
reply
titianna
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 month ago
#4
Sounds like he wants to gauge your reaction to introducing toys to the bedroom, and having sex in risky places? Understandably you don't like the ex being mentioned, but it might not really be about her, he's just expressing the sort of things he likes sexually? People can find it hard to say what they like/want to try without coming across forcefully to you, so it's easier to casually talk about it
1
reply
AlphaZeta
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
You women still don't understand men.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by AlphaZeta)
You women still don't understand men.
Enlighten us then?
0
reply
LovelyMrFox
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
Sounds weird that he keeps bringing it up.
Tell him that it upsets you, and explain to him why. Since youve previously told him to stop, and he keeps making comments about it, Id say you have a right to be upset.
1
reply
A Rolling Stone
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ive been with this guy since November last year, and he is older than me so has therefore more sexual experiences than me, which i understand.

But in the past he would make comments of the type of toys and things he used in the bedroom with previous partners which makes me feel kind of uncomfortable and quite upset (understandably?).

He’d also mention things like “yeah my neighbours saw me and the ex doing it from the window and kept complaining”. He does open up about his ex quite a lot - they are all negative and i know for a fact he is over her, thats not in question.

I Have brought up previously that him mentioning things like this upsets me but he has literally just said this neighbour comment last night.

I just feel upset and just dont know whether its worth mentioning it again, should i talk to him about it? Is that right to be mentioning stuff like this? What would you guys suggest?
he's got to be allowed to make conversation with you......
0
reply
Issakatie
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
I think it's a bit inappropriate to keep talking about your multiple exes and basically implying they were attractive or good in bed. I could think of many better things to be conversing about

(Original post by A Rolling Stone)
he's got to be allowed to make conversation with you......
2
reply
Zarek
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
Tell him to shut up about previous sexploits or he’ll get none from you. People have a past that is valid but it’s disrespectful to do this if your partner doesn’t like it.
Last edited by Zarek; 1 month ago
1
reply
pancakesbob7
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Ive been with this guy since November last year, and he is older than me so has therefore more sexual experiences than me, which i understand.

But in the past he would make comments of the type of toys and things he used in the bedroom with previous partners which makes me feel kind of uncomfortable and quite upset (understandably?).

He’d also mention things like “yeah my neighbours saw me and the ex doing it from the window and kept complaining”. He does open up about his ex quite a lot - they are all negative and i know for a fact he is over her, thats not in question.

I Have brought up previously that him mentioning things like this upsets me but he has literally just said this neighbour comment last night.

I just feel upset and just dont know whether its worth mentioning it again, should i talk to him about it? Is that right to be mentioning stuff like this? What would you guys suggest?
If you've already mentioned that you feel uncomfortable and he keeps on regularly mentioned these things then you guys should have a serious conversation. When he mentiones something like this, I'd guess that his focus is primarily on your reaction to having sex in open places and using certain toys? Maybe he wants to bring up the suggestion but doesn't know how to?

My boyfriend doesn't like me mentioning my ex, so of course I now don't ever mention him (even if they're negative things about him). If he knows that you feel uncomfortable, he should really make an effort to stop....depending on how old he is and his maturity, he could be pressuring you to have sex in open places and to use toys during sex. IF this is true, he's being dumb and stupid - only do what you feel comfortable with.
0
reply
AlphaZeta
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
Enlighten us then?
He doesn't respect you and doesn't take you as equal. I don't know your age bracket and how much older he is but there's plenty of 'good' fish in the sea. Men tend to settle down from mid 30s before middle age unless they are well established in their career (upper management). Find someone who is sensitive and of similar intelect.
0
reply
babyshark
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
hi!

please ignore the ignorant comments you’ve received from certain TSR members

i understand where you’re coming from and it’s upsetting for you! is there any way he might be bringing his old sexual encounters up in conversation as a hint he wants to try them with you? maybe he wants to use what he learnt with old partners with you?

i think the best thing to do is if he brings it up, just tell him straight away that you feel uncomfortable talking about it. i know you said you’ve spoken about it before, but if you say something the moment he brings it up, he’s more likely to listen.

you don’t have to put up with that. im sure he means no harm and doesn’t realise he’s upsetting you! just have a good conversation with him about it and call him out on it when he does it.

the calmer you deal with the situation, the more likely he is to listen, so try not to yell or get upset!

i hope it gets better
1
reply
Lyndsey.95
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
Dump him. It shows he's not interested in you if he's talking about his exes.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How do you feel about your grades? Are they...

What I expected (13)
19.4%
Better than expected (16)
23.88%
Worse than expected (38)
56.72%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed