The Student Room Group

Being treated different

I have a younger sister she’s 12 and I’m 4 years older. My family literally always compliment her and just make her feel so much more superior than me. They will always compliment her features, her face, eyes, like everything and it makes me feel worthless. They also say things like “you’re going to get very far in life and you’re amazing”all that jazz. Never in my life have my parents ever told me “I’m pretty” or just compliment me in general. It makes me feel as though I don’t matter and that I’m ugly and I feel so inferior. I also feel so incompetent since she always gets praised for everything.

All my life I have felt like I’m not good enough and it hurts me that my family never realise the pain I’m going through. I’ve never been praised for anything and it makes me feel as I’m a waste of space. If I talk to them about it, they’ll instantly think I’m being jealous and overall just wont care + I don’t think I’d even be able to have a convo about the whole situation with them.

Maybe I’m just overreacting or being too dramatic.
Can anyone give me any advice on how to just overcome being indirectly compared to? Thanks
I know you might be going through a rough time right now and I definitely get where you're coming from since I have 2 older sisters, 1 was considered the prettiest and the other was considered the smartest and they would get compliments on these respective areas a lot to the point where it felt like I was neither smart nor pretty so I wasn't good at anything etc. But, I learnt that I shouldn't compare myself to them even if they get more compliments or whatever and I get none (except the occasional pity compliments) because there's always going to be someone better and there's always going to be people saying things about you instead you should have your own sense of self, make your own new standards and live up to them and love yourself for living up to them. However, I know it can be hard to do this at first so try first of all just incorporating the phrase 'good enough' into your life. For example, I would tell myself well I'm not as smart or pretty as my sisters but I'm good enough. Sorry I know my grammar was terrible but hope this helps
Original post by Anonymous
I have a younger sister she’s 12 and I’m 4 years older. My family literally always compliment her and just make her feel so much more superior than me. They will always compliment her features, her face, eyes, like everything and it makes me feel worthless. They also say things like “you’re going to get very far in life and you’re amazing”all that jazz. Never in my life have my parents ever told me “I’m pretty” or just compliment me in general. It makes me feel as though I don’t matter and that I’m ugly and I feel so inferior. I also feel so incompetent since she always gets praised for everything.

All my life I have felt like I’m not good enough and it hurts me that my family never realise the pain I’m going through. I’ve never been praised for anything and it makes me feel as I’m a waste of space. If I talk to them about it, they’ll instantly think I’m being jealous and overall just wont care + I don’t think I’d even be able to have a convo about the whole situation with them.

Maybe I’m just overreacting or being too dramatic.
Can anyone give me any advice on how to just overcome being indirectly compared to? Thanks

Ignore them.
Praise and support yourself by developing a good level of self esteem. Do things like hobbies and well at school so you meet your own tragets and have an additional social circle outside home. Better to use that energy on yourself rather than waste it on them.

If you do well at school you cna go to uni and make your own life.

Self esteem
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/category/self-esteem/
Original post by Anonymous
I have a younger sister she’s 12 and I’m 4 years older. My family literally always compliment her and just make her feel so much more superior than me. They will always compliment her features, her face, eyes, like everything and it makes me feel worthless. They also say things like “you’re going to get very far in life and you’re amazing”all that jazz. Never in my life have my parents ever told me “I’m pretty” or just compliment me in general. It makes me feel as though I don’t matter and that I’m ugly and I feel so inferior. I also feel so incompetent since she always gets praised for everything.

All my life I have felt like I’m not good enough and it hurts me that my family never realise the pain I’m going through. I’ve never been praised for anything and it makes me feel as I’m a waste of space. If I talk to them about it, they’ll instantly think I’m being jealous and overall just wont care + I don’t think I’d even be able to have a convo about the whole situation with them.

Maybe I’m just overreacting or being too dramatic.
Can anyone give me any advice on how to just overcome being indirectly compared to? Thanks


Write a letter telling them how you feel and give it to them
I would just say to ignore them, my family did something similar to me as they tended to compliment my cousin as she was supposedly smarter and called me dumb many times, which made me feel worthless but now I got into my dream university. So I understand that you are feeling deeply upset and frustrated as they are your family members, however it is best if you ignore them and just focus on your education. At the end of the day looks doesn't play a vital role for our future as it fades away. If they still continue being toxic I recommend to get a job and just move out whether that's for university or without university and focus on goals.

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