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so i read my boyfriend's emails...
pls keep anon
my boyfriend of 6 months gave me his facebook password and I just had a flick through his inbox of private messages. I know I shouldn't do this, but he uses it for all his private stuff and I thought he might have said some nice stuff about me, like I found a message to his guy mate saying he missed me which was sweet.
but I also found messages from a year ago to this really really really hot girl on valentines day saying he really liked her and wished he'd made a move earlier etc. I found out recently that this girl had liked him and he'd told me he'd been too shy to make a move and never did, when obviously he did later on. Clearly nothing really came of it, I don't think they did anything physical, but I'm more upset about the emotional side of it. I'm really insecure about this girl because she is quite seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend. I value this fact quite a lot as we are 18 and I am frequently told by his mates that he never used to do anything with any girls even though they all fancied him.
but there was something about seeing him writing what was essentially a love declaration to this girl that was really painful. I know I'm overeacting, it was a good 6 months before we got together but I know what it's like to have unfinished business with someone and so I'm really upset about this. I also found a message to a girl he was having a sort-of fling with around the time we got together that is very flirty (it's not recent, it's from 6 months ago) and it's making me feel that he chose me over her purely cos I made a more forward move and he just went along with it.
Can someone give me some advice? Shall I just pretend I've never seen any of this? He's done absolutely nothing wrong, it's just seeing these messages has made me feel really insecure as I previously felt like he only said these things to me. I know everyone has a past, but I felt like he didn't really have a proper one as he has told me he's never felt like this about anyone else and now I feel he did
I could be honest and I'm sure he'd reassure me, but he might think I'm being needy and also sneaky for looking at his stuff.
helppp and sorry this is so long!
my boyfriend of 6 months gave me his facebook password and I just had a flick through his inbox of private messages. I know I shouldn't do this, but he uses it for all his private stuff and I thought he might have said some nice stuff about me, like I found a message to his guy mate saying he missed me which was sweet.
but I also found messages from a year ago to this really really really hot girl on valentines day saying he really liked her and wished he'd made a move earlier etc. I found out recently that this girl had liked him and he'd told me he'd been too shy to make a move and never did, when obviously he did later on. Clearly nothing really came of it, I don't think they did anything physical, but I'm more upset about the emotional side of it. I'm really insecure about this girl because she is quite seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend. I value this fact quite a lot as we are 18 and I am frequently told by his mates that he never used to do anything with any girls even though they all fancied him.
but there was something about seeing him writing what was essentially a love declaration to this girl that was really painful. I know I'm overeacting, it was a good 6 months before we got together but I know what it's like to have unfinished business with someone and so I'm really upset about this. I also found a message to a girl he was having a sort-of fling with around the time we got together that is very flirty (it's not recent, it's from 6 months ago) and it's making me feel that he chose me over her purely cos I made a more forward move and he just went along with it.
Can someone give me some advice? Shall I just pretend I've never seen any of this? He's done absolutely nothing wrong, it's just seeing these messages has made me feel really insecure as I previously felt like he only said these things to me. I know everyone has a past, but I felt like he didn't really have a proper one as he has told me he's never felt like this about anyone else and now I feel he did
I could be honest and I'm sure he'd reassure me, but he might think I'm being needy and also sneaky for looking at his stuff.
helppp and sorry this is so long!
Scroll to see replies
*sigh* He's chosen you over these other girls - he's with you for a reason. He obviously broke off a sort-of fling with that other girl for you, instead of just going along with what you did. You don't last six months in a relationship if you're just making do. I'm sure you have old messages and things that are flirty with other guys.
Secondly, don't go reading his messages - why are you reading ones from a year ago anyway? I mean, how many did you go through?
Edit: silly typos
Secondly, don't go reading his messages - why are you reading ones from a year ago anyway? I mean, how many did you go through?
Edit: silly typos
Sometimes people do flirty things they don't really mean, either just for the hell of it or because they don't really think about it. People are often irrational.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt, because:
1. If you try and confront him, you'll probably start a massive row about trust and privacy.
2. He's probably not done anything wrong.
3. You've hardly been an angel yourself, sifting through his pms.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt, because:
1. If you try and confront him, you'll probably start a massive row about trust and privacy.
2. He's probably not done anything wrong.
3. You've hardly been an angel yourself, sifting through his pms.
Hey I had this problem. I did exactly the same as you (apart from on myspace!) and I just confronted my boyfriend about it, as it wasn't six months ago it was a week previously before we had got together. He gave an explanation but it is more what I thought which stopped me feeling so hurt. He , like my ex boyfriend (don't worry we eventually went out for around 2 years!) is with you, and only you. He could easily be with these girls from the sounds of it but instead he has chosen you. Take some comfort from that! Also, you can't determine someones inner most thoughts and feelings from a facebook message, so believe him when he says you make him feel special 
Hope everything works out. xxx
Hope everything works out. xxx
This is why people shouldn't read their partner's emails... *sigh*.
Basically you just have to get real. He picked you - like all his friends would say. Therefore, he must like you - probably more than he ever liked any of these girls. You'd be highly naive to think that he never liked anyone before you/was infactuated with anyone. Despite how beautiful this girl is, it's you he wants. You've not found any evidence of him cheating or sending 'love declarations' to her while you've been together.
Moral of the story, don't read your boyfriend's messages. It'll just make you unnecessarily paranoid...
Basically you just have to get real. He picked you - like all his friends would say. Therefore, he must like you - probably more than he ever liked any of these girls. You'd be highly naive to think that he never liked anyone before you/was infactuated with anyone. Despite how beautiful this girl is, it's you he wants. You've not found any evidence of him cheating or sending 'love declarations' to her while you've been together.
Moral of the story, don't read your boyfriend's messages. It'll just make you unnecessarily paranoid...
Anonymous
pls keep anon
my boyfriend of 6 months gave me his facebook password and I just had a flick through his inbox of private messages. I know I shouldn't do this, but he uses it for all his private stuff and I thought he might have said some nice stuff about me, like I found a message to his guy mate saying he missed me which was sweet.
but I also found messages from a year ago to this really really really hot girl on valentines day saying he really liked her and wished he'd made a move earlier etc. I found out recently that this girl had liked him and he'd told me he'd been too shy to make a move and never did, when obviously he did later on. Clearly nothing really came of it, I don't think they did anything physical, but I'm more upset about the emotional side of it. I'm really insecure about this girl because she is quite seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend. I value this fact quite a lot as we are 18 and I am frequently told by his mates that he never used to do anything with any girls even though they all fancied him.
but there was something about seeing him writing what was essentially a love declaration to this girl that was really painful. I know I'm overeacting, it was a good 6 months before we got together but I know what it's like to have unfinished business with someone and so I'm really upset about this. I also found a message to a girl he was having a sort-of fling with around the time we got together that is very flirty (it's not recent, it's from 6 months ago) and it's making me feel that he chose me over her purely cos I made a more forward move and he just went along with it.
Can someone give me some advice? Shall I just pretend I've never seen any of this? He's done absolutely nothing wrong, it's just seeing these messages has made me feel really insecure as I previously felt like he only said these things to me. I know everyone has a past, but I felt like he didn't really have a proper one as he has told me he's never felt like this about anyone else and now I feel he did
I could be honest and I'm sure he'd reassure me, but he might think I'm being needy and also sneaky for looking at his stuff.
helppp and sorry this is so long!
my boyfriend of 6 months gave me his facebook password and I just had a flick through his inbox of private messages. I know I shouldn't do this, but he uses it for all his private stuff and I thought he might have said some nice stuff about me, like I found a message to his guy mate saying he missed me which was sweet.
but I also found messages from a year ago to this really really really hot girl on valentines day saying he really liked her and wished he'd made a move earlier etc. I found out recently that this girl had liked him and he'd told me he'd been too shy to make a move and never did, when obviously he did later on. Clearly nothing really came of it, I don't think they did anything physical, but I'm more upset about the emotional side of it. I'm really insecure about this girl because she is quite seriously the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I am my boyfriend's first serious girlfriend. I value this fact quite a lot as we are 18 and I am frequently told by his mates that he never used to do anything with any girls even though they all fancied him.
but there was something about seeing him writing what was essentially a love declaration to this girl that was really painful. I know I'm overeacting, it was a good 6 months before we got together but I know what it's like to have unfinished business with someone and so I'm really upset about this. I also found a message to a girl he was having a sort-of fling with around the time we got together that is very flirty (it's not recent, it's from 6 months ago) and it's making me feel that he chose me over her purely cos I made a more forward move and he just went along with it.
Can someone give me some advice? Shall I just pretend I've never seen any of this? He's done absolutely nothing wrong, it's just seeing these messages has made me feel really insecure as I previously felt like he only said these things to me. I know everyone has a past, but I felt like he didn't really have a proper one as he has told me he's never felt like this about anyone else and now I feel he did
I could be honest and I'm sure he'd reassure me, but he might think I'm being needy and also sneaky for looking at his stuff.
helppp and sorry this is so long!
I agree with what these people are saying, ..he chose them over you, stop being paraniod.
and yeah, those kinda actions mean your not really trusting him...thats what I think anyways..
but, if you respected him, you wouldnt read hes e-mails...would you be happy if he did the same to you?
I see what you're saying, but I would believe him when he says he's never felt this way about any one else - how he said feel felt about this girl would be nothing compared to how he feels about you, as he has been with you for 6 months. Having feelings for somebody when you are not with them, just fancy them, is very different to having feelings for somebody you are in a relationship with.
If he gave you his password then you can always ask him about it, as hes literally allowed you to look at his messages anyway.
I'm sure he will be able to reassure you, as he has chosen you over her etc.
Also - guys don't just go for girls because they are more forward, they tend to go for who they want to be with most. I don't think you have much to worry about.
So what if this girl is stunning, she could be a complete cow anyway. Relationships are based on more than looks.
Maybe his declaration of love was too much for her and she wasnt intrested anyway? You can never really read the full story from one or two messages.
I'm sure he will be able to reassure you, as he has chosen you over her etc.
Also - guys don't just go for girls because they are more forward, they tend to go for who they want to be with most. I don't think you have much to worry about.
So what if this girl is stunning, she could be a complete cow anyway. Relationships are based on more than looks.
Maybe his declaration of love was too much for her and she wasnt intrested anyway? You can never really read the full story from one or two messages.
He's with you, not her.
I would get over it. It's not really anything to do with you as it happened before you get together and personally I would feel like you were in the wrong if you tried to confront him about it. How does it make any difference to your relationship? What do you actually have to talk to him about? Surely this is more your own insecurity rather than anything to do with you and him. I think if you actually thought rationally about it you could answer all the questions you need to ask him. And you say you are his first girlfriend but everyone has people they have fancied before etc.
I would feel angry if my boyfriend read all my messages. It is a bit weird and obsessive (especially that far back) and an invasion of privacy (I know he chose to give you his password but surely he kind of trusted you to not go through all of his messages). I'd also think he was getting a bit paranoid and weird.
I would get over it. It's not really anything to do with you as it happened before you get together and personally I would feel like you were in the wrong if you tried to confront him about it. How does it make any difference to your relationship? What do you actually have to talk to him about? Surely this is more your own insecurity rather than anything to do with you and him. I think if you actually thought rationally about it you could answer all the questions you need to ask him. And you say you are his first girlfriend but everyone has people they have fancied before etc.
I would feel angry if my boyfriend read all my messages. It is a bit weird and obsessive (especially that far back) and an invasion of privacy (I know he chose to give you his password but surely he kind of trusted you to not go through all of his messages). I'd also think he was getting a bit paranoid and weird.
snoopin dont really get you anywhere does it. learn from this
Never underestimate a man's ability to move on to pastures new. It's amazing how you can go from thinking you could never love someone more, to telling them you don't want to be with them anymore and starting an attempt on someone else...
You said it was in a Facebook message that he'd said these things to this beautiful girl? Had she replied (since with Facebook messages you can see the whole conversation in one message)? If not, I don't think you've anything to be worried about. Not that you did in the first place, since as everyone has pointed out - he's with YOU, but if she didn't bother replying, she couldn't have been bothered about it, and is therefore no threat whatsoever.
Talk it out with him. I'm only just getting over the paranoia of knowing that before we got together, when we were still in the will-we-won't-we-stage, there was another girl, and the issue was that he was trying to choose between us. Talk it out before it eats you up inside.
"so i read my boyfriend's emails..."
I stopped reading at this point and i'm just going to say a couple of things.
Look closely into this 'relationship', there's clearly no or little trust
...and well actually, I don't think words are needed for what I have left to say to you, i'll just leave you with this:
I stopped reading at this point and i'm just going to say a couple of things.
Look closely into this 'relationship', there's clearly no or little trust
...and well actually, I don't think words are needed for what I have left to say to you, i'll just leave you with this:
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