My girlfriend has forgiven me for cheating but won't have sex anymore

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Anonymous #1
#1
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I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we've been living in a flatshare with another flatmate for most of that time. My girlfriend moved out for a few months and I had a 'friends with benefits' relationship with the other flatmate. We agreed that this was nothing serious and it was easy to hide as we lived together alone. But my flatmate got emotionally involved and she told my girlfriend.

I admitted to what I did immediately and to cut a long story short, she forgave me. We live in our own flat now, and she has access to my phone to make sure that I don't speak to our former flatmate. The issue is, six months on, she wont have sex with me. She says she still loves me the same etc but the most we do is kiss. Prior to her moving out, we had sex 4-5 times a week. I find this really stressful as I don't want us to stay like this forever. I made a terrible mistake but the devestating consequences cannot last forever. I'd rather she broke up with me than not be able to have sex for many more months - 1 year+. I think she's either still angry with me or is no longer interested in the long term.

The only other reason she could still be angry with me is, I told her that it was a few times but I fear that our flatmate has already told her that it was actually closer to every day. I have fallen out with the flatmate and have no way of asking her what she has told my girlfriend. If I tell her now about the true extent, I think she will go ballistic even if she already suspects it.

Do you think I should stay with her and wait? Should I tell her exactly what happened to see if that's the only thing holding her back? We are otherwise a very good couple and still live together as very good friends.

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Last edited by BurstingBubbles; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we've been living in a flatshare with another flatmate for most of that time. My girlfriend moved out for a few months and I had a 'friends with benefits' relationship with the other flatmate. We agreed that this was nothing serious and it was easy to hide as we lived together alone. But my flatmate got emotionally involved and she told my girlfriend.

I admitted to what I did immediately and to cut a long story short, she forgave me. We live in our own flat now, and she has access to my phone to make sure that I don't speak to our former flatmate. The issue is, six months on, she wont have sex with me. She says she still loves me the same etc but the most we do is kiss. Prior to her moving out, we had sex 4-5 times a week. I find this really stressful as I don't want us to stay like this forever. I made a terrible mistake but the devestating consequences cannot last forever. I'd rather she broke up with me than not be able to have sex for many more months - 1 year+. I think she's either still angry with me or is no longer interested in the long term.

The only other reason she could still be angry with me is, I told her that it was a few times but I fear that our flatmate has already told her that it was actually closer to every day. I have fallen out with the flatmate and have no way of asking her what she has told my girlfriend. If I tell her now about the true extent, I think she will go ballistic even if she already suspects it.

Do you think I should stay with her and wait? Should I tell her exactly what happened to see if that's the only thing holding her back? We are otherwise a very good couple and still live together as very good friends.
3 years and you decided that to have an FWB relationship for a few months close to every day? Do you seriously see long term potential in this? Do you really like her?
You should've told her the whole truth immediately, so it wouldn't be on your conscience now.
It can't stay like this forever and I very much doubt it will.
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TheStarboy
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She probably hasn’t forgiven you and is waiting to break up with you later. .
Congrats on destroying your relationship though.
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itscourtchicks
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Tell her the truth, she deserves to know. And let’s not kid ourselves here, there isn’t potential for a long term relationship anymore (maybe there never was considering things). And she won’t break up with you? Maybe she’s waiting for you to break up with her. In any case, sit down and have a serious chat about it. Breaking up seems the best solution in my eyes.
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mahmoodjr
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(Original post by TheStarboy)
She probably hasn’t forgiven you and is waiting to break up with you later. .
Congrats on destroying your relationship though.
Sorry but I agree with the first sentence OP. She has access to your phone, but do you have access to hers?
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SoulfulTwist
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I hope this is fake. If it is true then next time think with the head at the top of your body, not the other one.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
3 years and you decided that to have an FWB relationship for a few months close to every day? Do you seriously see long term potential in this? Do you really like her?
You should've told her the whole truth immediately, so it wouldn't be on your conscience now.
It can't stay like this forever and I very much doubt it will.
Yes I do really love her, but there can be no long term potential if we're not intimate. I feel terrible about this.

Agreed. But I told her that it happened immediately and she was understandably incandescent when she found out so I couldn't really say everything as I wanted.
Should I tell her now? If she already knows and it's what she expects from me, she'll let us move forwards. Otherwise, it could push things back by another 6 months or end our relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by TheStarboy)
She probably hasn’t forgiven you and is waiting to break up with you later. .
Congrats on destroying your relationship though.
The only confusing thing is that she's still really kind to me every day. We still do everything else together. She simply won't have a conversation if I ask her why we can't return to normal and I can't reason with her when she's angry
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we've been living in a flatshare with another flatmate for most of that time. My girlfriend moved out for a few months and I had a 'friends with benefits' relationship with the other flatmate. We agreed that this was nothing serious and it was easy to hide as we lived together alone. But my flatmate got emotionally involved and she told my girlfriend.

I admitted to what I did immediately and to cut a long story short, she forgave me. We live in our own flat now, and she has access to my phone to make sure that I don't speak to our former flatmate. The issue is, six months on, she wont have sex with me. She says she still loves me the same etc but the most we do is kiss. Prior to her moving out, we had sex 4-5 times a week. I find this really stressful as I don't want us to stay like this forever. I made a terrible mistake but the devestating consequences cannot last forever. I'd rather she broke up with me than not be able to have sex for many more months - 1 year+. I think she's either still angry with me or is no longer interested in the long term.

The only other reason she could still be angry with me is, I told her that it was a few times but I fear that our flatmate has already told her that it was actually closer to every day. I have fallen out with the flatmate and have no way of asking her what she has told my girlfriend. If I tell her now about the true extent, I think she will go ballistic even if she already suspects it.

Do you think I should stay with her and wait? Should I tell her exactly what happened to see if that's the only thing holding her back? We are otherwise a very good couple and still live together as very good friends.

She will realise this eventually and you will break up.

You also dont really love her, far from it as it didnt take you long to betray her and even now you havent told her the truth.

She needs to realise this and then leave you. I was going to say give it time, but looks more like she would be better off with someone else. Her choice though.
Last edited by BurstingBubbles; 3 weeks ago
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I do really love her, but there can be no long term potential if we're not intimate. I feel terrible about this.

Agreed. But I told her that it happened immediately and she was understandably incandescent when she found out so I couldn't really say everything as I wanted.
Should I tell her now? If she already knows and it's what she expects from me, she'll let us move forwards. Otherwise, it could push things back by another 6 months or end our relationship.
You didn’t “tell her immediately”
Your flat mate told her...
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persononinternet
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please leave her, she deserves better
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TheStarboy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The only confusing thing is that she's still really kind to me every day. We still do everything else together. She simply won't have a conversation if I ask her why we can't return to normal and I can't reason with her when she's angry
You broke her heart and instead of doing the same, she's pretending to still be in this relationship.
Do one last thing for her and release her from her burden.
You don't deserve her at all.
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londonmyst
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I think the relationship is over and there is no mutual trust or desire for a long term future left.
It doesn't sound like she has forgiven you.

I'm a bit confused about why she continues to share accommodation with you, unless she or her family are guarantors for the tenancy.
When I have had enough of relationship or am appalled by the bf's secret sexual antics I dump him and immediately move out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by itscourtchicks)
Tell her the truth, she deserves to know. And let’s not kid ourselves here, there isn’t potential for a long term relationship anymore (maybe there never was considering things). And she won’t break up with you? Maybe she’s waiting for you to break up with her. In any case, sit down and have a serious chat about it. Breaking up seems the best solution in my eyes.
As I said in my last post, there's honestly no possibility of a five minute conversation about this without her getting really angry. We were and still are otherwise a really good couple. I just wish she would just consider this.
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FRS500
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She's disgusted by the fact you've cheated hence the lack of sex.

It's also a handy device to push forward a break up.
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Vapordave
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As I said in my last post, there's honestly no possibility of a five minute conversation about this without her getting really angry. We were and still are otherwise a really good couple. I just wish she would just consider this.
She hasn't forgiven you. Do her a favour and break up.
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GabiAbi84
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As I said in my last post, there's honestly no possibility of a five minute conversation about this without her getting really angry. We were and still are otherwise a really good couple. I just wish she would just consider this.
If you cannot have a grown up conversation about your relationship then you don’t have a relationship!!

You messed up, you either talk it out and accept that she’s gonna be angry, there will be shouting (and deservedly so) and you get to say basically if she won’t have sex with you then you don’t want the relationship (charming btw) and the chips will fall as they may...

3yrs and you throw it away for sex...nice!
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itscourtchicks
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(Original post by Anonymous)
As I said in my last post, there's honestly no possibility of a five minute conversation about this without her getting really angry. We were and still are otherwise a really good couple. I just wish she would just consider this.
Honestly, are you as wonderful a couple as you think? Be honest. This isn’t something to lie to yourself about. Things like cheating require serious, lengthy discussion. You can’t avoid having this discussion just because “she’s going to get angry”. And of course she’ll be angry with what you’ve done and lied about. What happened is hanging over your relationship like a big dark storm cloud. I wouldn’t be surprised if the thunder and lightening make an appearance soon.
Listen, it’s your life, your situation, your decision. Just think about it. Lots.
I’ll say it again, but from our perspectives breaking up is the best solution.
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noturhabibti
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she probably jus doesn't want your used **** inside her. i think i would be the same
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mahmoodjr)
Sorry but I agree with the first sentence OP. She has access to your phone, but do you have access to hers?
No I don't and wouldn't want to.

I agreed to all her requests at a stressful time. She asked to sit down and speak so I was adamant that she'd break up with me. But instead she asked to have access to my phone and requested that we moved out to our own place. But this clearly hasn't solved everything.
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