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    Have a threesome with his mum and dad, that'll put him in his place.
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    #1

    I am quite distraught, I still love him and didn't sleep last night and keep crying. I saw the counsellor and she says I can go back to her if I want to sort it out or move on. I messaged him saying 'hope she was worth meeting from the net' but he text saying he hadn't got a clue.

    He tried calling which I kept ignoring, he came to my house when I was out. My friend picked up my call and he kept saying he wanted me to say to his face its over. She said to him but being dumped isn't nice. He said he will bring my stuff over Thursday, so I don't know if he is delaying seeing me to try sort it or thinks I can wait. I just wish we went to counselling together as I doubt it would have ended up like this.

    My workmates are shocked he has cheated or gone looking for sex elsewhere but they don't know he has waited. I don't know how to cope.
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    I don't think it is your fault at all - okay so you didn't feel ready to have sex with him, but if he couldn't handle waiting then he should have discussed it with you so you could work it out together rather than just trying to find it elsewhere behind your back. I think the people who are saying it's your fault for not giving him sex are being incredibly insensitive.
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    Best thing to do now is to try and move on. Stick with your friends. They should help you during this.
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    if you guys have been together for 4 years, i can understand that he's frustrated, but its still bad for him to go sneaking behind your back with a sex buddy thing. he should have at least confronted you or something and maybe asked if you both were ready to have sex. its really unfair for you for him to do something like that. i think you should talk to him about it, and if he's being a gay, just dump him. he doesnt deserve you.
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    I really want to speak to my parents but they are on holiday. Some people say don't ruin they holiday and others say don't bottle it up. I know my parents would be sad if I hid it, I just need their advice.
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    Aren't there other people you trust equally? It'd be nice if your parents didn't have to worry about you...

    Anyway, nothing's set in stone yet regarding you breaking up. You really have to talk to him.
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    I spoke to my dad and he was fine about it, I had to tell him cos he mentioned my boyfriend and it was a question that was obvious if we were speaking or not. I still love him but am shattered and weiry he has cheated, I know he has joined the cyber sites but don't know if he met them. He is dropping my things off tomorrow so am quite worried I will cry when he is there.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I spoke to my dad and he was fine about it, I had to tell him cos he mentioned my boyfriend and it was a question that was obvious if we were speaking or not. I still love him but am shattered and weiry he has cheated, I know he has joined the cyber sites but don't know if he met them. He is dropping my things off tomorrow so am quite worried I will cry when he is there.
    Good.
    Youre not alone in this then as you can talk to your dad about it (and of course us on TSR). It will be tough perhaps to meet your boyfriend again, but stay strong and just move on.
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    I think you've just gotta move on - it's gonna be hard but you really deserve so much better - good luck! x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I spoke to my dad and he was fine about it, I had to tell him cos he mentioned my boyfriend and it was a question that was obvious if we were speaking or not. I still love him but am shattered and weiry he has cheated, I know he has joined the cyber sites but don't know if he met them. He is dropping my things off tomorrow so am quite worried I will cry when he is there.
    was everything okay?? did you confront him?
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    (Original post by clank)
    was everything okay?? did you confront him?
    I confronted him and he says because we haven't had sexual intercourse ever and any sexual contact for a while he felt worthless, unattractive and disgusted with himself. He confessed everything without me having to tell him what I knew first, he says he wish he never did it and that he has never met her. He has since deleted her as a phone and email contact which I have seen and says he is willing to go to counselling to get our issues sorted out. I love him and don't want to lose him but am still shocked he got emotionally involved with someone else.
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    if you dont mind me asking...why didnt you want to have sex with this guy>?

    4yrs is a long time to be with someone and not have a sexual relationship...he must really want to be with you to have waited so long
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    (Original post by clank)
    if you dont mind me asking...why didnt you want to have sex with this guy>?

    4yrs is a long time to be with someone and not have a sexual relationship...he must really want to be with you to have waited so long
    I do find him really sexy but I have had a fear of first time pain from penetration, which I know is silly as he is caring and would have made it special. Not many would wait that long.
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    I just can't cope, my parents said when they get back off holiday tomorrow that I can talk to them. It hurts he messaged a girl who was obese, ugly, slutty and thick when in comparison I am none of those.
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    (Original post by alicey08)
    join the sex buddy site as someone else and talk to him on it. then keep the messages and get him!!
    Yep, do this.
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    From my perspective, I see two problems.

    1) He shouldn't be sneaking around behind your back. He should man up and tell you what he wants, and if you won't capitulate, look for other solutions up to and including separation. I get the feeling he is a little too indulgent because of the sneaking part and....

    2) FOUR YEARS?! I'm sure someone else has told you this, but as much as I want to respect your wishes, you cannot honestly think it is normal to fear losing your virginity SO much that you haven't given into your passions ONCE in four years. I seriously think you may need to see a therapist about this specifically. You either have a deep-seated psychological issue with this, or you are being unbelievably precious about it!

    In short, you both have to work at this. I really, really, cannot believe you are pulling your weight when it's been four years.
 
 
 
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