I want to have sex with my bf but he's scared after a false rape accusation

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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So I met my bf at uni start of September term he's in his 2nd year I am in my first the thing was he was falsely accused of raping a girl last year and it has made him scared the only reason she made that accusation was because she had a boyfriend back home. He lost his weekend job because of it although the whole thing got dropped before it went to court. The thing now is I want to have sex with him but he's too scared I'm trying to be patient but it's hard, the thing is he's such a lovely guy and treats me so well and he's meet my parents and they like him. Can anyone help me with what to do?
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Blueclueless
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I met my bf at uni start of September term he's in his 2nd year I am in my first the thing was he was falsely accused of raping a girl last year and it has made him scared the only reason she made that accusation was because she had a boyfriend back home. He lost his weekend job because of it although the whole thing got dropped before it went to court. The thing now is I want to have sex with him but he's too scared I'm trying to be patient but it's hard, the thing is he's such a lovely guy and treats me so well and he's meet my parents and they like him. Can anyone help me with what to do?
He clearly has some trauma with that and unfortunately you’re going to have to let him work though it himself and help when you can.

the best thing to do is to say: “I want you to know, I’m okay with us having sex but i want you to let me know when you feel comfortable enough to do it”

Maybe he could look into online help?
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Anonymous #2
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Girls who falsely accuse if rape should be jailed
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ker2000
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That's really awful and I hope the girl in question faced consequences. Not only did that hurt your bf, the more cases like that mean that more actual rapists are going to be more able to use the "oh she just regretted it" defence.

If just being sure of consent is the issue then you two could always record a video saying you consent to sex with each other and he can keep the file. But (as someone has already said) I suspect it's more than he just has a general trauma about sex now, in which case theres not much you can do other than give him time (and letting him know you're giving him time)
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Girls who falsely accuse if rape should be jailed
100% agree. Those girls are the reason that so many girls who have been raped are sadly not believed, or are required to provide proof that just isn't possible to get sometimes!
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Legomenon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Girls who falsely accuse if rape should be jailed
You really don't have to post that anon, anyone with a brain would agree with this statement.
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Anonymous #3
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I feel for your boyfriend so much. My brother was accused of the same with his first gf. It was all consensual but when she told all of her friends that she had lost her virginity, they all convinced her that it was rape so she went to the police and then everyone in the school found out about it because her friends spread it around.
Pretty much no one they told believed it thankfully and the gf told the police she had been pressured to say it was rape by her friends but she knew it wasn't. She text my brother and apologised for saying it but she got no repercussions from it at all even though the whole thing was total bullsh*t.

Everyone who knew my brother knew it was completely false but he lost so much trust in people and hasn't had a gf since. He didn't deserve any of what happened and I detest how women can make up lies like that and pretty much get away with it scot free.

I think your boyfriend needs to have counselling to help him get over the trauma of what happened because it is traumatic being falay accused of something like that because even after it has been disproven, you're always going to think that people are really thinking "yea but DID he do it though?"

I think it's great that youre being so patient with him and definitely continue doing that, maybe try to encourage him to talk to you about what could help him? Also, is it a possibility that you could move through the various" bases". Like spend some time just making out but going no further, then the next time going a little further etc etc so he can get used to building up trust surrounding sex in small stages?
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I met my bf at uni start of September term he's in his 2nd year I am in my first the thing was he was falsely accused of raping a girl last year and it has made him scared the only reason she made that accusation was because she had a boyfriend back home. He lost his weekend job because of it although the whole thing got dropped before it went to court. The thing now is I want to have sex with him but he's too scared I'm trying to be patient but it's hard, the thing is he's such a lovely guy and treats me so well and he's meet my parents and they like him. Can anyone help me with what to do?
This happened to my mate at uni all because the girl had a boyfriend as well she regretted it, it went to court but it was found she went willing with him ****ed him up though he gets branded a rapist still by some girls. I blame feminism and the law favouring the woman
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