How do i get over a crush

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
so theres this girl i liked since like year 10 and i never really told her that i liked her and by year 11 we stop talking and tbh i was just trying to avoid her as much as i could because i would just get embarrassed and i think she misunderstood and thought i didnt like her anymore.ive just finished college now and honestly still think about her like i just think shes the perfect girl,shes pretty and her personality is amazing.i cany really talk to her or anything even if i wanted to because i dont know where she lives and i just really wanna know how do i get over someonr like that.and btw her name is anais so who knows u might be reading this
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
so theres this girl i liked since like year 10 and i never really told her that i liked her and by year 11 we stop talking and tbh i was just trying to avoid her as much as i could because i would just get embarrassed and i think she misunderstood and thought i didnt like her anymore.ive just finished college now and honestly still think about her like i just think shes the perfect girl,shes pretty and her personality is amazing.i cany really talk to her or anything even if i wanted to because i dont know where she lives and i just really wanna know how do i get over someonr like that.and btw her name is anais so who knows u might be reading this
I had a similar experience but we talked and everything then suddenly stopped I found it hard to get over them but as time went and I spent more time with friends I no longer think of her anymore. I think u should spend more time doing things to keep ur mind of her
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I had a similar experience but we talked and everything then suddenly stopped I found it hard to get over them but as time went and I spent more time with friends I no longer think of her anymore. I think u should spend more time doing things to keep ur mind of her
Hmm well thanks idk if i can get over her ive tried so hard
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LovelyMrFox
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Meet new people and try to forget about her. Spend time doing thinks you enjoy to take your mind off it.
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Bluecherry21
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Meet some new people
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TheYearNiner
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Talk to new people
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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I don't understand why people feel they need to suffer in silence with this kind of thing. You liked her but never told her, and just gradually stopped talking to her? What if she liked you too?! You could have missed out on something amazing. All you're thinking about is how to get over her. How do you know she's not doing the same thing because she liked you and you stopped talking to her?
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Synergy_
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(Original post by Anonymous)
so theres this girl i liked since like year 10 and i never really told her that i liked her and by year 11 we stop talking and tbh i was just trying to avoid her as much as i could because i would just get embarrassed and i think she misunderstood and thought i didnt like her anymore.ive just finished college now and honestly still think about her like i just think shes the perfect girl,shes pretty and her personality is amazing.i cany really talk to her or anything even if i wanted to because i dont know where she lives and i just really wanna know how do i get over someonr like that.and btw her name is anais so who knows u might be reading this
A helpful post from Reddit I agree with and also edited some of my thoughts into:

You need to realize that you are mostly engaging in- "thinking/fantasizing." She is not your crush. She is just an idea in your head. You see a woman that you find physically attractive, and you start to write this little fiction in your head. You fantasize how awesome it would be if you two were together - sexually, romantically, and so on. All of us are guilty of this at some point. We start to write little narratives in our heads of how we'll wind up together, and how you are going to impress her with machismo/wit/intelligence/kindness/fill-in-the-blank.

And pretty soon you start to create a fiction of who she/he is. Her personality, her likes, dislikes, sense of humor, and so on are warped to fit into the fantasy we create when we "crush" on someone. We're unable to see them for who they are; rather, we see them for who we want them to be in order to satisfy our own desires.

This is an act of killing. A real human being is being twisted to fit our desires. They are lost in the process, and I think that we are lost as well if we let such vivid fantasies dictate our lives. Sometimes the fantasy is so crippling that we cannot even speak to or approach the person in question; they remain an actual stranger who exists only in our head. Even worse is when its someone that we are more familiar with, and we let the idea of the person dictate our interactions and we overlook his/her flaws and slavishly try to impress them, all the while developing an inferiority complex that our happiness is contingent on their reaction to our being.

And the worst situation is when its someone that we're dating or - God forbid - married to. The fantasy produces such an exquisite high because now we finally get to hold them in our arms and tell them all the things we've wanted to tell them, touch them the way we've wanted to touch them. Eventually, the fantasy comes to an end and the reality of the person you're with slowly sinks in. You're not dating her face. Or her body. Or even her personality. You're dating a whole human being with a past, present, future, strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and everything else in between. Sometimes people are strong enough to overcome the shattering of the illusion and continue to be happy with each other. Other times they aren't so fortunate and everything begins to collapse.

A concrete practice for those who have a crush who isn't interested in them (no idea if this will help, OP, since I don't know if you've ever had the chance to ask your crush out): the fact that she is not interested in you should be a trait that makes her less attractive to you. You can probably list all of the reasons she is attractive to you, but then challenge yourself to compile a mental list of traits that make her unattractive. The fact that she isn't interested in you should be at the top of that list. Not only is it self-defeating to continue the pursuit, but ask yourself why on earth I should be attracted to someone who isn't attracted to me?

Continue to work on yourself and becoming a better person, building yourself, bringing yourself up, being a better man for someone who is compatible with you and attracted to you. There are so many others out there. Your life will be all the better for it.
Last edited by Synergy_; 3 weeks ago
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