I’m not a pretty girl

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Anonymous #1
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I hate to be that girl but I’m genuinely not doing this for attention. I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I was picked on all the way throughout primary & secondary school. People would make fun of my curly hair and my name. I wasn’t treated with the same respect that other people were. People would touch me without their consent to make their friends laugh. It made me feel like I was lesser than everyone else. I know their behaviour reflects more about them than it does about me but, deep down, I can’t help but feel like I was bullied because of my appearance. Why would people have picked on me if I was pretty? The pretty girls were left alone and very rarely made fun of. On the other hand, I was picked on every single day from year 7 to year 11. Last year, a white man rolled down his window and screamed “black cunt” as he drove past me. I don’t think this would have happened to me if I was pretty.

Even though I’ve gotten more confident than I used to be when I was younger, I still don’t think I’m a pretty girl. Most days, I don’t make much of an effort because it never really works. I can’t do makeup the same way that my friends & most girls can. And even when I try to, I don’t look good. I don’t like my hair and I never look good in nice clothes. I’m sick of feeling unattractive but I don’t think it will ever go away. Like I said, I’m not absolutely hideous, I’m just not pretty. Or so I’ve been told my entire life.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate to be that girl but I’m genuinely not doing this for attention. I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I was picked on all the way throughout primary & secondary school. People would make fun of my curly hair and my name. I wasn’t treated with the same respect that other people were. People would touch me without their consent to make their friends laugh. It made me feel like I was lesser than everyone else. I know their behaviour reflects more about them than it does about me but, deep down, I can’t help but feel like I was bullied because of my appearance. Why would people have picked on me if I was pretty? The pretty girls were left alone and very rarely made fun of. On the other hand, I was picked on every single day from year 7 to year 11. Last year, a white man rolled down his window and screamed “black cunt” as he drove past me. I don’t think this would have happened to me if I was pretty.

Even though I’ve gotten more confident than I used to be when I was younger, I still don’t think I’m a pretty girl. Most days, I don’t make much of an effort because it never really works. I can’t do makeup the same way that my friends & most girls can. And even when I try to, I don’t look good. I don’t like my hair and I never look good in nice clothes. I’m sick of feeling unattractive but I don’t think it will ever go away. Like I said, I’m not absolutely hideous, I’m just not pretty. Or so I’ve been told my entire life.
Do people's opinion of you matter? Who are they to judge you? Everyone is a definition of beauty so only you can judge yourself. It is your responsibility to make sure that you think that you are pretty but it is not your responsibility to make sure that everybody else thinks that you are pretty. Do not live your life trying to satisfy others' expectations. Loosen up and liberate yourself from mind-forged manacles. I will end this post with a quote from the 19th Century Psychologist and Philosopher Alfred Adler : "The important thing is not what one is born with but what one makes of that equipment".
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LovelyMrFox
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I doubt that you are 'hideous'. People can be extremely insensitive and cruel, especially children in school. I know, easier said than done, but try not to listen to those people. They were insecure about themselves, so they felt the need to reflect that on you.
Go look in the mirror, and think about all the things you like about yourself. There has to be at least one. Now instead of focusing on all the things you dont like, try your best to focus on those good things as well :hugs:
Last edited by LovelyMrFox; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #3
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I agree with the reply about not worrying about what others think however please don't ever feel guilty for feeling insecure from time to time, and self-love and self-confidence is a journey and so you shouldn't feel that you're doing something wrong if you don't suddenly learn to love yourself overnight.
I understand it's also much easier said than done to stop worrying about what others think but in my experience, spending a lot of time alone with yourself and starting to value your own opinion more helps a lot. For example this lockdown has really helped me with my confidence because I haven't been in many situations where I've had to be around other people and been worrying about what they think.
I used to get called 'clapped' and 'butters' by a lot of boys in school and it made me feel awful because it wasn't happening to anyone else, and to be honest I only started getting less insecure when I started getting more compliments from boys so I don't want to be a hypocrite and tell you that self-love is all you need, but it's different for everyone.
Start by thinking about things other than appearance that you like about yourself, or learn new skills (idk like an instrument or art or poetry or sports or even something silly like solving a rubix cube) so that you can feel confident about your personality, and then it becomes so much easier to not care/think about your appearance as much.
Hope this helped
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate to be that girl but I’m genuinely not doing this for attention. I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I was picked on all the way throughout primary & secondary school. People would make fun of my curly hair and my name. I wasn’t treated with the same respect that other people were. People would touch me without their consent to make their friends laugh. It made me feel like I was lesser than everyone else. I know their behaviour reflects more about them than it does about me but, deep down, I can’t help but feel like I was bullied because of my appearance. Why would people have picked on me if I was pretty? The pretty girls were left alone and very rarely made fun of. On the other hand, I was picked on every single day from year 7 to year 11. Last year, a white man rolled down his window and screamed “black cunt” as he drove past me. I don’t think this would have happened to me if I was pretty.

Even though I’ve gotten more confident than I used to be when I was younger, I still don’t think I’m a pretty girl. Most days, I don’t make much of an effort because it never really works. I can’t do makeup the same way that my friends & most girls can. And even when I try to, I don’t look good. I don’t like my hair and I never look good in nice clothes. I’m sick of feeling unattractive but I don’t think it will ever go away. Like I said, I’m not absolutely hideous, I’m just not pretty. Or so I’ve been told my entire life.
No offence but this is ridiculous. People did not pick on you because of your level of attraction but because you were different and they were racist. Your hair and your name does not define your level of attraction and those people just chose you because of difference.

When you say the “pretty” girls were not picked on, were they the non-black girls or were some black girls, who you think were pretty, not picked on? If they were only the white and Asian girls, then that surely answers your question.

You said that you have been told that you were not pretty your entire life, was this from your family or your real friends? Or was this from random people, who you sadly want their validation to keep your sanity? Come on.

I think you have sadly internalised some quite ridiculous view of yourself from people who frankly were racist humans. You should begin to love yourself and not base your value on the opinions of others. If not, sadly you may live your live in desperate need of validation. All the best.
Last edited by Wired_1800; 3 weeks ago
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Cloudiii
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I think you need to learn to own yourself. You are you and you always will be you, there is a limit to how much you can change yourself. Why not try looking at the positive things about yourself instead of focusing on the negative. You said for example that you think you look bad in makeup. Maybe the makeup style that your friends are doing don’t work as well for your features. There are sooo many makeup styles out there so if you do want to wear makeup (of course you don’t have to in order to feel pretty) why not go around on YouTube and try out different styles? I’m certain that you will come across looks that will work for you. Also as for your hair. I also have very curly natural hair and have struggled for years with it so I completely understand where you are coming from. This maybe could have came from the fact that all my friends were white so I didn’t see the beauty in my own hair and always wanted it to be straight. I came over this when I started to appreciate it more and learn how to take care of it. Follow a range of different people on instagram with similar hair to you because seeing people confident in their natural hair really helped me own it myself. I’m sure your hair is beautiful. People who tease you about it are ignorant and even though I know it’s hard you really shouldn’t let them get to you because people like that will always have something to say because they are racist. I hope you learn to love yourself more, sending you virtual hugs.
Last edited by Cloudiii; 3 weeks ago
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Moonbow
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There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark,
Don’t you know your beautiful just the way you?
You don’t have to change a thing the world can change it’s heart xx
I can give you the song, it’s helped me become more confident 😊 We’ve got you x
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Anonymous #3
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I also agree with "Wired_1800"'s post - unfortunately it seems that you've experienced racism and microaggressions, which are huge detriments to self-confidence. I would suggest therapy/counselling or even just keeping a diary or recording yourself talking. also surrounding yourself with people of your own race might help you feel more comfortable and realise that your "curly hair" and other things you may have been bullied about is actually beautiful and not abnormal
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Dominic254
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We hate losing even more than we love winning. Loss aversion is when we value the same thing more or less based on if you’re going to gain it or if you risk losing it.whatever has your attention seems more important than what you’re not paying attention to. It’s called attentional bias. It’s a natural fact that if you spend most of the time carefully examining your flaws, and only very little time appreciating your good points, the flaws will tend to weigh heaviest in your mind. Don't focus on what people tell you or say about you, focus on your strengths.
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astayuno
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Moonbow
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(Original post by Cloudiii)
I think you need to learn to own yourself. You are you and you always will be you, there is a limit to how much you can change yourself. Why not try looking at the positive things about yourself instead of focusing on the negative. You said for example that you think you look bad in makeup. Maybe the makeup style that your friends are doing don’t work as well for your features. There are sooo many makeup styles out there so if you do want to wear makeup (of course you don’t have to in order to feel pretty) why not go around on YouTube and try out different styles? I’m certain that you will come across looks that will work for you. Also as for your hair. I also have very curly natural hair and have struggled for years with it so I completely understand where you are coming from. This maybe could have came from the fact that all my friends were white so I didn’t see the beauty in my own hair and always wanted it to be straight. I came over this when I started to appreciate it more and learn how to take care of it. Follow a range of different people on instagram with similar hair to you because seeing people confident in their natural hair really helped me own it myself. I’m sure your hair is beautiful. People who tease you about it are ignorant and even though I know it’s hard you really shouldn’t let them get to you because people like that will always have something to say because they are racist. I hope you learn to love yourself more, sending you virtual hugs.
PREACH!!!!!!! A beautiful message from a very kind person x
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Moonbow
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(Original post by astayuno)

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astayuno
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(Original post by Moonbow)

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mikhael0822
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate to be that girl but I’m genuinely not doing this for attention. I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I was picked on all the way throughout primary & secondary school. People would make fun of my curly hair and my name. I wasn’t treated with the same respect that other people were. People would touch me without their consent to make their friends laugh. It made me feel like I was lesser than everyone else. I know their behaviour reflects more about them than it does about me but, deep down, I can’t help but feel like I was bullied because of my appearance. Why would people have picked on me if I was pretty? The pretty girls were left alone and very rarely made fun of. On the other hand, I was picked on every single day from year 7 to year 11. Last year, a white man rolled down his window and screamed “black cunt” as he drove past me. I don’t think this would have happened to me if I was pretty.

Even though I’ve gotten more confident than I used to be when I was younger, I still don’t think I’m a pretty girl. Most days, I don’t make much of an effort because it never really works. I can’t do makeup the same way that my friends & most girls can. And even when I try to, I don’t look good. I don’t like my hair and I never look good in nice clothes. I’m sick of feeling unattractive but I don’t think it will ever go away. Like I said, I’m not absolutely hideous, I’m just not pretty. Or so I’ve been told my entire life.
I think you ar ereally pretty but you seem like an easy target. Pretty doesn't automatically mean you have to be respected. Maybe you should build up your confidence more so people won't make fun of you and push you around
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate to be that girl but I’m genuinely not doing this for attention. I don’t think I’m pretty at all. I was picked on all the way throughout primary & secondary school. People would make fun of my curly hair and my name. I wasn’t treated with the same respect that other people were. People would touch me without their consent to make their friends laugh. It made me feel like I was lesser than everyone else. I know their behaviour reflects more about them than it does about me but, deep down, I can’t help but feel like I was bullied because of my appearance. Why would people have picked on me if I was pretty? The pretty girls were left alone and very rarely made fun of. On the other hand, I was picked on every single day from year 7 to year 11. Last year, a white man rolled down his window and screamed “black cunt” as he drove past me. I don’t think this would have happened to me if I was pretty.

Even though I’ve gotten more confident than I used to be when I was younger, I still don’t think I’m a pretty girl. Most days, I don’t make much of an effort because it never really works. I can’t do makeup the same way that my friends & most girls can. And even when I try to, I don’t look good. I don’t like my hair and I never look good in nice clothes. I’m sick of feeling unattractive but I don’t think it will ever go away. Like I said, I’m not absolutely hideous, I’m just not pretty. Or so I’ve been told my entire life.
Hi,
From one bullied person to another, how you have been treated has nothing to do with how you look. This is an abuser problem, not the target's problem. I've had repeated abuse and bullying growing up sometimes in response to things I did but other times I felt people were just picking on me out of spite of my colour (I'm Asian) or me not being that attractive. If I'm being completely honest, you have nothing to be ashamed of, they should be ashamed for how they treated another normal human being and how they tried to take away your human rights.

You look how you look and thats fine. You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea but someone without a doubt finds you attractive on planet earth . Believe in yourself because you are worth it
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shebk
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How old are you?
It's the ability that is more important than look! Do you study well?
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username5323908
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
No offence but this is ridiculous. People did not pick on you because of your level of attraction but because you were different and they were racist. Your hair and your name does not define your level of attraction and those people just chose you because of difference.

When you say the “pretty” girls were not picked on, were they the non-black girls or were some black girls, who you think were pretty, not picked on? If they were only the white and Asian girls, then that surely answers your question.

You said that you have been told that you were not pretty your entire life, was this from your family or your real friends? Or was this from random people, who you sadly want their validation to keep your sanity? Come on.

I think you have sadly internalised some quite ridiculous view of yourself from people who frankly were racist humans. You should begin to love yourself and not base your value on the opinions of others. If not, sadly you may live your live in desperate need of validation. All the best.
Who are you to tell her what she's been through? You weren't there. I got a similar comment on my thread about reverse racism and it's disgusting how people think they can dismiss what other people have been through.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by georgeparasol12)
Who are you to tell her what she's been through? You weren't there. I got a similar comment on my thread about reverse racism and it's disgusting how people think they can dismiss what other people have been through.
I am no-one. It is sad that she accepted the view from others that she was not pretty. I did not dismiss her views and understand that it happens, but I decided not to play the usual game of pity rather to advise her to move on from it. It was not meant to be rude but more of a wake up call to have her snap out of the illusion before it was too late.

Her story puts clearly to a case of racial bullying purely because she was black. I’d bet that there are other young women of all races who have been bullied for their racial features. Even if she was the most beautiful black female the world has ever seen, those people would still have made fun of her. Hence, she should not give them power by internalising their horrible comment and living a life of pain and self-hatred from those people.

What did your comment about reverse racism say? I am curious to know how it applies to the OP’s or my post.
Last edited by Wired_1800; 3 weeks ago
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username5323908
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
I am no-one. It is sad that she accepted the view from others that she was not pretty. I did not dismiss her views and understand that it happens, but I decided not to play the usual game of pity rather to advise her to move on from it. It was not meant to be rude but more of a wake up call to have her snap out of the illusion before it was too late.

Her story puts clearly to a case of racial bullying purely because she was black. I’d bet that there are other young women of all races who have been bullied for their racial features. Even if she was the most beautiful black female the world has ever seen, those people would still have made fun of her. Hence, she should not give them power by internalising their horrible comment and living a life of pain and self-hatred from those people.

What did your comment about reverse racism say? I am curious to know how it applies to the OP’s or my post.
Fair enough, I get you now about not giving them power by interalising stuff.
My post about reverse racism was saying like there's been times where I've had abuse shouted at me, even asian people rolling down their windows to call me "white boy", similar to the op, and stuff like that and someone replied completely dismissing it and saying I made it up.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by georgeparasol12)
Fair enough, I get you now about not giving them power by interalising stuff.
My post about reverse racism was saying like there's been times where I've had abuse shouted at me, even asian people rolling down their windows to call me "white boy", similar to the op, and stuff like that and someone replied completely dismissing it and saying I made it up.
Oh, that’s horrible. I don't think there is anything called reverse racism. It is just plain racism. Racism can be done by any group to other groups. It is silly and wrong for people to dismiss racism against white people. Hope you don't internalise it.
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