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Getting 'The Ring' on that finger, damnit... watch

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    Me and my bf get that all the time, but i don't think he'll ever propose! We're not ready yet anyway as I've got a year of uni left but some people seem to think being together 3 years and being age 20 is the perfect age! But I still feel too young to get married :p:
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    I agree with Helenia and Fluffy, and feel exactly the same as you (early 20s, been together nearly 4 years, have window shopped and talked about rings that I like the style of etc etc...).

    HOWEVER, as frustrating as it can be to feel that you're sort of getting left behind a bit, what I try and tell myself is that we love one another enough - it isn't going to run away! Engagement and marriage aren't urgent and can wait. Like you, as long as we're married before we have kids, I'll be quite happy
    youth dont stay. You dont look the same in the wedding dress in your 20s compared to 30s. id like to get married in my 20s so that i can show off my Wed picures to my grand kids and hear "OMG you were HOT, granny" :rolleyes: hehe
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    Annie72 - I'm not too bothered about having a big expensive wedding, TBH. Although I agree they can be really expensive (I may have done some research... :o: ) so probably would be better that I have an income too so it's not a worry!

    tinkerbellejess - I suppose it might be because we're at more of a transition time, he is in a graduate job although I'm on a silly long course, the end is now in sight. Friends from home who haven't done the whole A-levels and uni thing seem further along in the getting-a-mortgage-and-engaged 'life' stakes!

    speedstacker - That is very true. Although not reached the midpoint of 20s yet, so hopefully don't need to panic too much! :eek:
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    Maybe he is planning something spectacular, like a birthday proposal or something.
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    It seems like he just started his career, so maybe he needs some time to save up for your BIG day !! And, don't you wnat to marry after you've got a stable job? It could be hard if you get married during the time you're still studying...A LOT needs to be done for the BIG day and you will have NO ENOUGH TIME!!!
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    (Original post by speedstacker)
    youth dont stay. You dont look the same in the wedding dress in your 20s compared to 30s. id like to get married in my 20s so that i can show off my Wed picures to my grand kids and hear "OMG you were HOT, granny" :rolleyes: hehe
    All well and good, but my Mum got married at 24 (my age now) and I've never seen a single picture of her looking "HOT"...because it all went horribly wrong and they were divorced by the time she was 30. She married my Dad at 34, so probably didn't look quite as young and radiant, but definitely a lot more of a happy occasion. I did once read in a 30s "Wedding Etiquette" book that women should aim to be married by 25 as after that their beauty starts to fade! But meh, if it's the right person then I'll be happy however old I am.
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    All well and good, but my Mum got married at 24 (my age now) and I've never seen a single picture of her looking "HOT"...because it all went horribly wrong and they were divorced by the time she was 30. She married my Dad at 34, so probably didn't look quite as young and radiant, but definitely a lot more of a happy occasion. I did once read in a 30s "Wedding Etiquette" book that women should aim to be married by 25 as after that their beauty starts to fade! But meh, if it's the right person then I'll be happy however old I am.
    boo

    I wish people can get married young and stay happily ever after!! i dont think I will get married before 25 or at least have a steady income and have enough saving for the weddig and honey moon!! Do the couples share the payment of the wedding or the guys normally pay?

    Anyway i think people that got married young divorce because they've changed as ime pass, and they might not be the same as they were younger and so things started to fail. - OH NO! Im 21 and my bf's 22. will we last?!:eek:

    Sorry if this is off topic.
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    (Original post by speedstacker)
    boo

    I wish people can get married young and stay happily ever after!! i dont think I will get married before 25 or at least have a steady income and have enough saving for the weddig and honey moon!! Do the couples share the payment of the wedding or the guys normally pay?

    Anyway i think people that got married young divorce because they've changed as ime pass, and they might not be the same as they were younger and so things started to fail. - OH NO! Im 21 and my bf's 22. will we last?!:eek:

    Sorry if this is off topic.
    In the UK it's tradition for the bride's parents to pay but this happens less and less now as a)people are getting married later and so usually have income of their own to spend on it and b)weddings are damn expensive! Different countries do it in other ways though - in Swaziland where I just came back from, the groom has to pay the bride's family in cows (different amount of cows depending on social status) in order to marry her!

    As for you and your boyfriend, nobody here can tell. Plenty of people that age stay together forever, plenty don't. Don't give up on it just because you're young though!
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    (Original post by Helenia)
    In the UK it's tradition for the bride's parents to pay but this happens less and less now as a)people are getting married later and so usually have income of their own to spend on it and b)weddings are damn expensive! Different countries do it in other ways though - in Swaziland where I just came back from, the groom has to pay the bride's family in cows (different amount of cows depending on social status) in order to marry her!
    My father gave my grandad 14 small plastic camels as a joke when he married my mother. Given the current rate of inflation, I believe he's angling for a Ferrari from my boyfriend, although he would settle for a llama :yep:
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    Oooh, I think I can tell who you are, Anon - familiar writing style, and your details fit the person I'm thinking of!

    I think I'd just echo what other people have said - it sounds like you're in a time of real transition, with you not working yet, not having decided where (geographically) you're going to build your lives, and you not having actually lived together yet. From the fact that you've agreed you do want to get married, and the fact you're planning a future together, he clearly intends to propose at some point. When did you go window shopping and look at rings? I wonder whether he is going to pop the question soon, but perhaps he wants to wait a little longer, until you're closer to being in a position to get married, before he asks you to. I mean, I'd be flattered if my boyfriend proposed now (not going to happen :p:), but I'd not really see the point, as we're in a similar position to you with long courses and geographical instability! Some people are practical with their romance, and if he's one of them, perhaps he's thinking, "I'll wait until we know for certain where we'll be living" or "I'll wait until next year when my salary will increase, so I can afford more sparkle."

    I totally feel you on the frustration, though - school friends started getting engaged a couple of years ago, and now I'm graduating, lots of university friends are getting shiny things on their fingers. As I said, I don't particularly mind not being engaged right now because it's so impractical, but if I were a couple of years older and further into my relationship, I'd be quite insulted if he hadn't proposed - worried that he didn't love me enough, and more trivially, mildly annoyed he didn't want to splash out on the ring! :p:

    I'm moving to London tomorrow, why am I still awake at 3am
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    (Original post by LastLordofTime)
    We're in the 21st century, to be honest, if you want to get married and think he wants to get married, then you pop the question. Although ... don't do it on a TV show, do it in private. It might sound stupid but some men would feel embarassed if they got proposed to in public. Women fight for rights only to not take things in to their own hands and go the stereotypical route. You don't have to buy him a ring or anything, just get down on one knee (or have some night-time fun if you're so inclined) and pop the question.
    Paul McCartney did.


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    That's the 3rd ****ing time I've used that joke this week. If no-one laughs, I'm going to kill you all in your sleep
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    My sister is in her mid-to-late thirties, and she's getting married next week! For the first time. Not only that, but she's still in amazing shape and will look fantastic. There really is no need to rush things, you'll be spending the majority of your life married.
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    (Original post by Overmars)
    Paul McCartney did.


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    That's the 3rd ****ing time I've used that joke this week. If no-one laughs, I'm going to kill you all in your sleep
    :rofl:

    I don't want to die.
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    (Original post by sweetfloss)
    :rofl:

    I don't want to die.
    :cool: Damn right.


    *puts the gun down*
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    My boyfriend doesn't want to get married, I do. If we do get married he wants a pre-nup in case we have children, to protect them financially...

    I dunno how I feel about it to be honest, I love him and will spend the rest of my life with him whether we're married or not but it kind of hurts to think he would want a pre-nup and also if he wasn't willing to get married then there'd always be this huge gaping gap in my mindset....it's up to him though.

    He knows this and we joke about it....he says stuff like "lets have a star trek themed wedding" and I say "ok" because that's how much I want to get married. Not now...in about ten years time, but I would like to be engaged. We have 'promise rings' on our right fingers but it's not the same..

    I'm not sure why I'm like this, I think it's because I've never had a proper family unit.... or maybe it's because I want to have proof that someone as amazing as him does actually genuinely want to spend his life with me....cause sometimes I don't believe it.

    We live together at the moment, and it's a bit rocky because we live with his brother and there's very little room to escape to and we're on top of eachother so things are tense...and being just his "girlfriend" to me makes me feel less secure when things get a bit stressful than being his "fiance"


    meh I'm whinging. My best friend is getting married next August...which is very strange indeed! haha to be honest I feel very young to be in such a serious relationship as I am....and definitely too young to actually get married...but it would be nice to have a definite "one day" as opposed to a "maybe one day" y'know?

    As for OP....as others have said....propose! why not? Or you could just ask him jokingly when you're going to get married? Or bring up the conservatives plans about giving tax breaks to married couples and start a conversation on the topic that way....to feel him out?

    good luck
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    My colleague is getting married next year, she'll then be 41. She's been with her partner for 14 years, and they have 2 children. She WILL be looking hot, I can assure you!!
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    has anyone considered that hes happy where he is and doesnt want to get married?
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    (Original post by Fluffy)
    In 4 years time, most of your friends will be getting divorced. Why force things?
    .
    So true.. and guess what; You'll just be getting married (we hope) and havin to help them sort their lives out :rolleyes:
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    Hmm sometimes I feel the same, OP. We're both in our mid 20s, we have lived together for eighteen months, not in education anymore etc and sometimes I wonder why he hasn't proposed yet. Lol, I even proposed myself to him but he said that he wants to ask me himself (this was a very drunken evening tho lol). I now realise though that he doesn't want to feel pressured. I spoke to his dad about it (again a very drunken night!) and his dad told me that when he feels that the time is right, he will ask. And then I start wondering, well why isn't the time right now???? lol. I know my boyfriend very well though, and I know he wants it to be a complete surprise. So basically I've given up thinking about it now. I love him so much, I'm so so happy with our life right now, I don't need that ring right now to show me that he is serious. I think it's just a case of enjoying things as they happen. I think your boyfriend does want to get married (window shopping, talking about the future: babies! marriage!) but he probably just wants to get things a bit more settled, as in location, and having a place to live together. I do understand the stresses of having everyone around you asking when you're getting married; it makes me want to scream!!!!
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    You probably have, Quistis! It's handy having some people who do sort of 'know' me comment too - the Anon is more so my procrastinating mother doesn't find it when wasting her time by looking at how much time I've been wasting on here recently, or other people more in our friendship group who occasionally post on here who might click onto my recent posts... as I said, it's a slightly embarassingly irrational topic!

    Actual morning of wondering around town window shopping looking at rings was perhaps in the last 2 months? I loose track with our lack of terms! This bank holiday weekend in London we ended up in a Tiffany's concession, which he then brought up in conversation the next day with my parents (!) again in the context of cuts of diamonds and what we find boring - which can be an academic thing I suppose, we went to a diamond museum on holiday 2 summers ago. He knows I have particular preferences and did express a concern about ever finding/commissioning the right thing. Although I dropped into conversation (I am terrible - glamor says NO!) how I'd want a bare below the elbow compliant something in my favourite type of gold would be a plan for everyday, which he seemed interested in. So hopefully that has removed any ring buying fear! Hehe.

    On the salary note, he has made inneundo along those lines too, e.g. being due a bonus next month then hopefully a promotion in the next 6...
    He is a very practical person though - so I should consider that, true. Also we both think long engagements like some people are planning seem a bit silly. We had a hypothetical conversation about winter 2009 as a wedding date - which would be convenient for many reasons. :o: I think I'm just getting a bit stupidly touchy with silly comparisons and slightly nosy people asking.


    Valkyrja - are you going to propose to yours? I know it seems like a logical suggestions but I just wouldn't see myself doing that!


    silverbolt - Hmm, well I hope he is happy at the moment! As to whether he doesn't want to get married, that's the million dollar question I suppose. In the future he definitely does because he wants to have a family.
    The more paranoid question is whether he would want to get married to me or when.
    He's made some potentially freudian slips loosing the hypothetical when talking about 'our children' or referring to 'my wife' - so hopefully the idea isn't too horrifying!

    **CutiePie** & Fluffy - yep, very true. The marry in haste, repent at leisure thing I realise. But what is hasty, damnit?

    dita_parlo - Thanks for sharing. My main hope in posting was to hear from any other people who felt similarly - most of the advice I already rationally realize and have considered, although it is nice to see things in black and white too.
    Yep, I do just need to enjoy things as they happen (hmm, the most terrifying exams so far coming up! But then lots of travel - he is coming to join me in a world renowned honeymoon location, hah) and if it wasn't for colleagues around me getting married (who are older, but sample place career wise) and old school friends (same age but effectively further along in life with houses and a few years into career!) and nosy people I doubt I would have just spontaneously started thinking why hasn't he.
 
 
 
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