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Getting 'The Ring' on that finger, damnit... watch

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    (Original post by Fluffy)
    In 4 years time, most of your friends will be getting divorced. Why force things?

    I've been with my other half for 8 and a half years, living together for 8. When it's right, we'll probably get married, certianly before sprogging. Until it happens, we're both quite happy. FOrce it and it will fall apart.
    This woman talks sense
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    Maybe he's planning a proposal for a time when you'll least expect it or have given up thinking he will- just to make it more romantic.
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    That could be one (optimistic) interpretation!

    Statistically it's most likely within the first 18 months apparently, then chances dwindle. More womens magazines wisdom... :rolleyes: Although I suspect most people meet their eventual husband/wife a bit later in life.
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    Anyone who proposes in the first 18 months is a bit hasty if you ask me :rolleyes: 18 months is still a relatively new relationship...
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    In procrastination mode, looking for sources other than Glamour and Cosmo to argue the living together thing... Sociological Reasons Not to Live Together
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In procrastination mode, looking for sources other than Glamour and Cosmo to argue the living together thing... Sociological Reasons Not to Live Together
    That is propaganda from a biased source (conservative Christian). But still better than a magazine... possibly :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    In procrastination mode, looking for sources other than Glamour and Cosmo to argue the living together thing... Sociological Reasons Not to Live Together
    yeah, but like every statistic you must question who the participants were. Without a link to the original study that can be hard.
    What if the reason for this is that all those who didn't live together before marrige, didn't do so because of religious reason - didn't want it to look like they had sex before marriage etc. In that case it's less likley they would have a divorce, because they are very traditionalist and against divorces etc.
    that's just a possibility I'm throwing out there to show that you have to know who the participants where and their social back ground.
    maybe those who cohabited before marrige tended to do so because of money problems with having two houses/flats? And then had arguments about money often (a big cause of arguments in married and cohabiting couples) so that lead to them drifting apart emotionally?
    What was the age range?
    Those who didn't live together before marriage could be those from the older generation, where it wasn't common - and where devorce isn't as common as in the younger generation anyway, for moral reasons possibly?
    all the cohabitants in the study were young students, never moving in with someone with the intent of getting married even?

    there needs to be more information of the social backgrounds of the participants for this study to mean much to me.
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    Unfortunately distinct lack of other reputable data on the love life of the population - why don't we monitor these things?!
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    I'm inclined to distrust conservative American Christian propaganda almost as much as Cosmo and Glamour. :p:

    My parents got married because my grandparents (Dad's parents) didn't want them to "live in sin" - seems to have worked out ok in the end. And one of my friends is getting married next summer without having lived with the guy. So it's obviously not essential, but I wouldn't say that living together is quite as evil as that site would make out!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unfortunately distinct lack of other reputable data on the love life of the population - why don't we monitor these things?!
    yeah, i know what you mean! It would be nice to have more information really.

    but if you look at this article in detail, you can pick out something. one of the reasons it give for people moving in together not working, is that is it seen as a big committment. If they marry and move in together on their wedding day, then they are straight away comitted for life.

    you have to consider culture differences. here in the UK, where generally everyone moves in together before marriage, the act of moving in together if you have the intentions to get married in the future, can be seen as just as much a comittment as getting engaged. It can be a precursor to marriage. It depends on you and your boyfriend though. If that's how you both view moving in together, as a step just before marriage, then I don't think it would be a problem.

    If either of you see it as just a test, to see if the other person is worth marrying, then that is in a way, where the article says it is not as likely to work for obvious reasons - one person in the relationship isn't sure they want to marry the other and while testing them might find out that they don't!

    You have to go into the relationship committed to each other, not testing each other.

    In the middle the article makes a relation between pre marital sex and cohabitation and later on it certainly has a religious bias when it starts quoting. So, yeah... the article is aimed to make you not want to move intogether and have sex and be unreligious.

    I reckon it's a different culture over there so can't be compared that well some times...
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    I get 'ring envy' too- a close friend just got married and my best friend engaged (although after 4 months- a little hasty, I think!). But although we lived in the same house for a year at uni, we don't live together now. And have 'only' been together just over 2 years. We do talk about the future, but I think I'm always more serious about it than him. I guess we can only hope!!
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    (Original post by dancingqueen)
    We do talk about the future, but I think I'm always more serious about it than him. I guess we can only hope!!
    My fingers are crossed - 2nd and middle only, obviously.

    Are you doing long distance now, dancingqueen?



    (Slight thread necromancy - had forgotten to check as lack of 'who quoted me'! Any other thoughts obviously welcome.)
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    :hoppy: Diamond and setting ordered today. :eek: :love:


    So I didn't try anything on the left ring finger and i didn't get to see it all together so awaiting an actual proposal with question asking, box lid popping and seeing it together in full glory. A good compromise for his practical side (which I probably underestimated) of wanting me to choose from all the permutations and me wanting a little element of surprise and traditional-ness!


    Thanks again for chance to paranoidly vent/words of advice/reality slapping.



    Pending proposal wraps are being kept on it, so people who realized who I am please keep schtum for now!
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    OMG sounds amazing. Yay!
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    im engaged only been together for 7 months but seemed right everyone is differnet.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My fingers are crossed - 2nd and middle only, obviously.

    Are you doing long distance now, dancingqueen?



    (Slight thread necromancy - had forgotten to check as lack of 'who quoted me'! Any other thoughts obviously welcome.)
    Yup, although slightly less long distance than we were after first leaving uni (Bristol-Leeds, now he has moved to Derby which is a little closer!)
    Do I take from your comment above you are engaged?!
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    Basically these days men are thinking:
    'Why marry the cow when I'm getting the milk for free'
    see where I'm going with this?? lol
    Men have been spoilt to the point of no return: regular sex, love, companionship, dinner on the table (maybe? lol) etc, etc.

    WHY would they want to change anything??
    Get married?? For what benefit exactly?? lol In most relationships, they're already getting whatever they would be getting out of being married to their partner, long before they have signed any wedding certificates
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    my boyfriend and i have been together for over 2 years, some friends of mine, got together 6 months after us, and they got engaged after about 8 months and got married in august.

    Its things like that, that get me envious. But their situation is completely different to my boyfriends and mine. They're both in full time work, whereas we're in uni.

    I guess its a good thing for my boyfriend and i - i'm heading into my final year of uni, and he's just started uni, so things could change now.

    We have talked about engagement and such, and people are expecting it from us. But at the same time, my boyfriend still wants it to be a surprise (obviously).

    Its kind of annoying that our situation is limiting us in what we want to do. But it'll come in time.
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    (Original post by Sugar_Gems)
    Basically these days men are thinking:
    'Why marry the cow when I'm getting the milk for free'
    see where I'm going with this?? lol
    Men have been spoilt to the point of no return: regular sex, love, companionship, dinner on the table (maybe? lol) etc, etc.

    WHY would they want to change anything??
    Get married?? For what benefit exactly?? lol In most relationships, they're already getting whatever they would be getting out of being married to their partner, long before they have signed any wedding certificates
    Answer is you get far more legal rights as a married couple. For instance, unless you draw up legal paperwork (as a cohabiting couple) then you are not next of kin in the event of serious illness, whereas if you are married you automatically become that.
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    (Original post by Angelil)
    Answer is you get far more legal rights as a married couple. For instance, unless you draw up legal paperwork (as a cohabiting couple) then you are not next of kin in the event of serious illness, whereas if you are married you automatically become that.

    I think you missed the whole point of my post
    Do you think men really care about all that, when there already reaping the benefits?? :p:
 
 
 
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