fear of intimacy?

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luke123654
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hey, not sure if any of this makes sense but I think I might have a fear of intimacy? Every time I want to get close to someone my anxiety stops me from making the first move and even when someone else makes the first move it never flows for me? It got to the point where I was avoiding my ex girlfriend bc I thought I didn’t know how to kiss properly. It sounds weird but every time I’ve kissed someone it never flows for me which makes me think I’m doing it wrong but maybe it’s just nerves idk? I just feel like I have no clue what I’m doing in a relationship and it puts people off me. Has anyone else felt this way?
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Anonymous #1
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I hate intimacy in the emotional sense but not in the physical sense. I can sleep with someone, kiss them and do all of those things but I couldn't cuddle up with them or be romantic with them. It grosses me out and I hate even the thought of having sex with someone I'm in a relationship with. Like it feels suffocating. I'd hate to sleep with them and then have them there afterwards. I only do casual sex and NSA because afterwards I can get rid of the person immediately and it feels better.
I find having NSA much easier and more comfortable than anything else but you could try doing that. Sleeping with people you have no interest in and see if it makes a difference.
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luke123654
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate intimacy in the emotional sense but not in the physical sense. I can sleep with someone, kiss them and do all of those things but I couldn't cuddle up with them or be romantic with them. It grosses me out and I hate even the thought of having sex with someone I'm in a relationship with. Like it feels suffocating. I'd hate to sleep with them and then have them there afterwards. I only do casual sex and NSA because afterwards I can get rid of the person immediately and it feels better.
I find having NSA much easier and more comfortable than anything else but you could try doing that. Sleeping with people you have no interest in and see if it makes a difference.
yeah I could try that but for me it’s more nerves than anything. I want to be intimate with someone but I get nervous about it and think I’m doing something wrong which makes me doubt myself and ruins the moment instead of letting it flow. I think I might try what you said tho so I can feel more confident when I’m intimate with someone I like. I just thought things like kissing etc would naturally flow but they don’t for me and I’m not sure why, either I’m doing it wrong or it’s because I’m nervous.
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TheStarboy
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Fear of rejection is mine. Nothing hurts my self esteem more than spending days building up courage and confidence, just to be friend zoned.

But what can you do? Just have to pick yourself up and try again.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by luke123654)
yeah I could try that but for me it’s more nerves than anything. I want to be intimate with someone but I get nervous about it and think I’m doing something wrong which makes me doubt myself and ruins the moment instead of letting it flow. I think I might try what you said tho so I can feel more confident when I’m intimate with someone I like. I just thought things like kissing etc would naturally flow but they don’t for me and I’m not sure why, either I’m doing it wrong or it’s because I’m nervous.
The beauty of doing it with a randomer is that if all goes bad you don't have to see them again. I've had ones that haven't been that good or have been awkward and you jusy drop and move on. Quick and easy. I'd take that any day over doing the whole dating crap.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by luke123654)
hey, not sure if any of this makes sense but I think I might have a fear of intimacy? Every time I want to get close to someone my anxiety stops me from making the first move and even when someone else makes the first move it never flows for me? It got to the point where I was avoiding my ex girlfriend bc I thought I didn’t know how to kiss properly. It sounds weird but every time I’ve kissed someone it never flows for me which makes me think I’m doing it wrong but maybe it’s just nerves idk? I just feel like I have no clue what I’m doing in a relationship and it puts people off me. Has anyone else felt this way?
Just a background before I give you advice:
I was constantly bullied as a child and also abused by my parents and brothers.
So, while single, it’s very hard I believe to get over it without engaging in some type of intimacy.
A woman can help open you up and feel vulnerable and feel real true intimacy if you find the right woman.
Therapy can help, but only so much.
Don’t let your childhood hold you back. I know what it’s like. It will always be a work in progress.
I advise to go out and talk to as many women as possible and learn pickup and find a woman who will let you open up emotionally and be patient with your intimacy issues.
I took the risks and I don’t regret a second of it because of all the women I had in my life and the intimacy and connections I shared with them that I never got from my family.
I’m now 30 and I have a deep connection and amazing intimacy with my beautiful girlfriend. I still go to therapy.
Don’t let it hold you back, you have to try one step at a time
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luke123654
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just a background before I give you advice:
I was constantly bullied as a child and also abused by my parents and brothers.
So, while single, it’s very hard I believe to get over it without engaging in some type of intimacy.
A woman can help open you up and feel vulnerable and feel real true intimacy if you find the right woman.
Therapy can help, but only so much.
Don’t let your childhood hold you back. I know what it’s like. It will always be a work in progress.
I advise to go out and talk to as many women as possible and learn pickup and find a woman who will let you open up emotionally and be patient with your intimacy issues.
I took the risks and I don’t regret a second of it because of all the women I had in my life and the intimacy and connections I shared with them that I never got from my family.
I’m now 30 and I have a deep connection and amazing intimacy with my beautiful girlfriend. I still go to therapy.
Don’t let it hold you back, you have to try one step at a time
yeah I 100% understand, I was bullied throughout primary & high school until year 10 which ruined my self esteem and confidence. I’m much better at controlling my anxiety now tho since therapy and I have a good group of mates but I still have my up and downs with my mental health. I just can’t seem to get over my fear of doing something wrong in a relationship which holds me back :/ I’m 18 now tho and I feel so behind bc most of my mates are or have been in serious relationships and it’s really embarrassing that I haven’t had one. I might try therapy again and see if that helps or try things with people I don’t have an emotional connection with because I won’t be caring so much about what they think.
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mgi
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(Original post by luke123654)
yeah I could try that but for me it’s more nerves than anything. I want to be intimate with someone but I get nervous about it and think I’m doing something wrong which makes me doubt myself and ruins the moment instead of letting it flow. I think I might try what you said tho so I can feel more confident when I’m intimate with someone I like. I just thought things like kissing etc would naturally flow but they don’t for me and I’m not sure why, either I’m doing it wrong or it’s because I’m nervous.
So why dont you just be natural. Stop the overthinking. Sex and kissing is not a performance test like in the tv shows!
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mgi
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(Original post by luke123654)
yeah I 100% understand, I was bullied throughout primary & high school until year 10 which ruined my self esteem and confidence. I’m much better at controlling my anxiety now tho since therapy and I have a good group of mates but I still have my up and downs with my mental health. I just can’t seem to get over my fear of doing something wrong in a relationship which holds me back :/ I’m 18 now tho and I feel so behind bc most of my mates are or have been in serious relationships and it’s really embarrassing that I haven’t had one. I might try therapy again and see if that helps or try things with people I don’t have an emotional connection with because I won’t be caring so much about what they think.
Keep going to therapy! it helps you obviously
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