&quot;You do nothing&quot;

Mums get tired if they hold a job then have to do chores around the house when there is someome old enough to take some off that weight off their shoulders.

Hopefully when you get a job this will not be said.

Reply 2

OP

I understand that, but I help with the cleaning, cooking, walking the dogs... I offer my help all the time, I'm even redecorating her bedroom and bathroom for her.

Reply 3

Original post by Anonymous

I understand that, but I help with the cleaning, cooking, walking the dogs... I offer my help all the time, I'm even redecorating her bedroom and bathroom for her.

Maybe it is not about offering the help, maybe she just wants you to do it without offering?
Since I've become in charge of the house, it's suddenly how I feel. I want the others to do stuff without asking me or me having to tell them.

Tbh, depending on your age, from what you have written seems like you do a fair amount.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

That's what my mum told me this evening.

I could list out the many things I do to try and help her out around the house, but I don't see the point anymore because no matter what I do, it's not enough.

If I ever tell her how I feel, she will turn it into how she feels doing everything at home and working to pay for everything.

I've been actively looking for a job for the last 3-4 months, and I might finally be able to start one after I had an interview yesterday.

My mother can be a complete nightmare sometimes, but you don't always need appreciation on everything you do. As you have already mentioned, you have been searching for a job, so attend interviews and eventually the right career will come along, but as you're still living at home, help your mother out.

Reply 5

OP

When I say I help, I mean when she asks, when I offer, and when I just do it.

Reply 6

bimbibap

19

Yh defo, my mum hates having to ask us to do things around the house, she expects us to do it ourselves (rightly so), especially if you don’t have a job, you should be helping around the house daily without being asked, it’s as much our responsibility as it hers.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Anonymous

My mother can be a complete nightmare sometimes, but you don't always need appreciation on everything you do. As you have already mentioned, you have been searching for a job, so attend interviews and eventually the right career will come along, but as you're still living at home, help your mother out.

I've said that I do

I do things not wanting or expecting her to thank me or anything... but for her to tell me I do jack **** it's drives me crazy.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

My mum always complained, but refused if we offered to help. She also liked to do everything her own way. I think it’s quite toxic behaviour.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by bimbibap

Yh defo, my mum hates having to ask us to do things around the house, she expects us to do it ourselves (rightly so), especially if you don’t have a job, you should be helping around the house daily without being asked, it’s as much our responsibility as it hers.

Again, I do things without being asked, I do things when asked, and I offer to help.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I've said that I do

I do things not wanting or expecting her to thank me or anything... but for her to tell me I do jack **** it's drives me crazy.

But, you should never stop helping your family out, they should be all you care about, not all of us are fortunate enough to know our own. But, good luck with everything. 🙂

Reply 11

Anonymous #3

Original post by bimbibap

Yh defo, my mum hates having to ask us to do things around the house, she expects us to do it ourselves (rightly so), especially if you don’t have a job, you should be helping around the house daily without being asked, it’s as much our responsibility as it hers.

I don’t think that’s true really. It’s her job to look after her children if they’re underage.

Reply 12

Original post by Anonymous

When I say I help, I mean when she asks, when I offer, and when I just do it.

Oh ... maybe you just need to make clear that these are my chores and I'll be doing them everyday. Etc
Maybe talk with her amd ask her why she says that you do nothing when you do things?

Original post by bimbibap

Yh defo, my mum hates having to ask us to do things around the house, she expects us to do it ourselves (rightly so), especially if you don’t have a job, you should be helping around the house daily without being asked, it’s as much our responsibility as it hers.

Tbh, IMO your parents should train you to that stage and make it clear that is what they exoect from you if they do. Makes it easier if there is a clear line of communication.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t think that’s true really. It’s her job to look after her children if they’re underage.

I'm not underaged, so that doesn't apply to her.

Reply 14

OP

Believe me, I've tried several times. I don't use things I do as "weapons" to use against others and tell them "Look at everything I do, you do nothing compared to me" - that's what my sister does. I do things, I help around the house, without expectation of praise or anything. I don't feel the need to tell anyone that I've done X, Y, and Z. I get **** done, and that's that.

Reply 15

bimbibap

19

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t think that’s true really. It’s her job to look after her children if they’re underage.

Depends on the age. I’d say if you’re in your teens you can defo start taking on your own responsibility around the house, I’m not saying they have to do everything but a chore here and there will only benefit them and prepare them for growing up and how to look after themselves properly. Anyway, I was under the impression OP was overage.

Reply 16

Original post by Anonymous

Believe me, I've tried several times. I don't use things I do as "weapons" to use against others and tell them "Look at everything I do, you do nothing compared to me" - that's what my sister does. I do things, I help around the house, without expectation of praise or anything. I don't feel the need to tell anyone that I've done X, Y, and Z. I get **** done, and that's that.

So ... ignore the comment if yoy can. If you know you do stuff, maybe mum is just having bad days, on her period, menopausal.

Reply 17

OP

Original post by Anonymous

My mum always complained, but refused if we offered to help. She also liked to do everything her own way. I think it’s quite toxic behaviour.

Let me give you an another example:

I was looking into a career change and applied to countless agencies. I wasn't getting much return, and my mum tells me "You don't suit that job, you won't make it".

Now she's telling me "Why aren't you applying for (same job) anymore?" ... now that I've chosen another type of job.

Reply 18

OP

I know she works exceptionally hard. She's taken on the workload of one of her colleagues who is "at risk", getting full pay, and hasn't made it clear when he'll be back. He's also half her age.

I can understand why she's exhausted when she comes home, or after spending hours on the computer.

I just don't like being told I do nothing, when I do.

Reply 19