Lied about my age - what to do?

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Anonymous #1
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I met a girl a year ago or so who was 18 (now 19), she was really hot and we got on well but then she asked for my age. I wasn't sure what to say as I knew if I told her she would run away. I was 27 at the time (now 28). I figured pretty much 99% of girls lie (or have previously lied) about their age normally pretending to be older to get with older guys so there was no harm in me trying it. I thought it would end up being a casual thing and never see eachother again so thought there was no harm in it. So I lied and said I was 21.. oh how I was wrong, we ended up getting on so well we're basically dating (although not officially boyfriend and girlfriend).

I want to tell her the truth because the truth always comes out and it's better coming from me I guess? The longer I leave it the riskier i.e. she might see my driving licence one day, or if we went on holiday together she would see my passport or if she meets my family or meets a friend etc.. so many possibilities so it's just too big a risk now, so I have to tell her. She now wants me to meet her parents and I'm not sure if she's already told them I'm 21/22 because if she has then I'm ****ed i'd have to take it to the grave pretending I was born 7 years later haha.

I really don't know how to tell her because no matter what way I think of telling her I sound like a creepy perv that would scare her and end up being like one of her 'horrible scary creepy ex stories' she tells her friends about / everyone takes the piss out of her for and make her block me and ruin everything. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Current ideas I have:
a) wait as long as possible so that she might like me too much to want to end, i.e. if i somehow manage to hide it for another few years and we've been dating for 3/4 years she might forgive me because she's already so invested in me (or this could backfire and make it worse cause i kept it a secret so long)
b) be honest and say I thought she would run away if she knew and didn't think we would get together so didnt see it as a big deal but things escalated and I didn't know what to do
c) don't say and hope she never finds out (this is what my friends have all said to do)
d) break up with her (even though I really like her) because it's too big of a lie, if it was a couple years difference maybe it's forgivable but I lied about 7 years
e) act casual about it and turn it into a joke like yeah btw i'm actually 28 but pretended to be 21 as a joke to see if i could pull it off but things escalated and here we are a year later..

Would appreicate any suggestions on how to tell her without it sounding creepy and weird. Thanks
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Fermion.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I met a girl a year ago or so who was 18 (now 19), she was really hot and we got on well but then she asked for my age. I wasn't sure what to say as I knew if I told her she would run away. I was 27 at the time (now 28). I figured pretty much 99% of girls lie (or have previously lied) about their age normally pretending to be older to get with older guys so there was no harm in me trying it. I thought it would end up being a casual thing and never see eachother again so thought there was no harm in it. So I lied and said I was 21.. oh how I was wrong, we ended up getting on so well we're basically dating (although not officially boyfriend and girlfriend).

I want to tell her the truth because the truth always comes out and it's better coming from me I guess? The longer I leave it the riskier i.e. she might see my driving licence one day, or if we went on holiday together she would see my passport or if she meets my family or meets a friend etc.. so many possibilities so it's just too big a risk now, so I have to tell her. She now wants me to meet her parents and I'm not sure if she's already told them I'm 21/22 because if she has then I'm ****ed i'd have to take it to the grave pretending I was born 7 years later haha.

I really don't know how to tell her because no matter what way I think of telling her I sound like a creepy perv that would scare her and end up being like one of her 'horrible scary creepy ex stories' she tells her friends about / everyone takes the piss out of her for and make her block me and ruin everything. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Current ideas I have:
a) wait as long as possible so that she might like me too much to want to end, i.e. if i somehow manage to hide it for another few years and we've been dating for 3/4 years she might forgive me because she's already so invested in me (or this could backfire and make it worse cause i kept it a secret so long)
b) be honest and say I thought she would run away if she knew and didn't think we would get together so didnt see it as a big deal but things escalated and I didn't know what to do
c) don't say and hope she never finds out (this is what my friends have all said to do)
d) break up with her (even though I really like her) because it's too big of a lie, if it was a couple years difference maybe it's forgivable but I lied about 7 years
e) act casual about it and turn it into a joke like yeah btw i'm actually 28 but pretended to be 21 as a joke to see if i could pull it off but things escalated and here we are a year later..

Would appreicate any suggestions on how to tell her without it sounding creepy and weird. Thanks
Why do you think 99% of girls lie about their age? I’ve never lied about my age and why should I? Truthfully you’re ****ed. All your options sound like you’re making excuses for your behaviour when you shouldn’t have lied in the first place. At least have the balls to admit it properly.
Last edited by Fermion.; 4 weeks ago
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1secondsofvamps
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I must be in the 1% of girls who dont lie about age.
You need to be honest with her smfh
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Fermion.)
Why do you think 99% of girls lie about their age? I’ve never lied about my age and why should I? Truthfully you’re ****ed. All your options sound like you’re making excuses for your behaviour when you shouldn’t have lied in the first place. At least have the balls to admit it properly.
I guess that makes you in the minority which is good to hear some girls are still honest. I think it because the majority of the girls I know have done it before and I've always had countless occasions where a girl has lied to me, but they normally tell me within a few days. I've also had a lot of girls on tinder pretend to be 21 only to find out they're actually 18/19 university students when we meet up. I never said 99% do lie, i said do or has lied i.e. lied once in the past. I've also had a lot of girls on tinder pretend to be 18 but when I manage to find their facebooks/instagrams I find out they were secretly 17 and so I blocked them.

Regarding me sounding like a d***head, this post isn't about me making excuses I've accepted I made a mistake and am asking for advice on the best way to tell her the truth, which is why I came to this forum.

Even though your comment was aimed at being an isult, thanks for taking the time to read. Would appreciate any genuine advice.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 1secondsofvamps)
I must be in the 1% of girls who dont lie about age.
You need to be honest with her smfh
Agreed I am planning on telling her, but am unsure on the best way. If you were the girl in this situation what would be the best way to do it? or regardless of the ways would you still think it was creepy, make you feel sick and block me? thanks.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I guess that makes you in the minority which is good to hear some girls are still honest. I think it because the majority of the girls I know have done it before and I've always had countless occasions where a girl has lied to me, but they normally tell me within a few days. I've also had a lot of girls on tinder pretend to be 21 only to find out they're actually 18/19 university students when we meet up. I never said 99% do lie, i said do or has lied i.e. lied once in the past. I've also had a lot of girls on tinder pretend to be 18 but when I manage to find their facebooks/instagrams I find out they were secretly 17 and so I blocked them.

Regarding me sounding like a d***head, this post isn't about me making excuses I've accepted I made a mistake and am asking for advice on the best way to tell her the truth, which is why I came to this forum.

Even though your comment was aimed at being an isult, thanks for taking the time to read. Would appreciate any genuine advice.
Genuine advice? No offence but what do you expect? You just need to tell her the truth and not be surprised when she dumps you for being a liar. There is no way to sugarcoat this.
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1secondsofvamps
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Agreed I am planning on telling her, but am unsure on the best way. If you were the girl in this situation what would be the best way to do it? or regardless of the ways would you still think it was creepy, make you feel sick and block me? thanks.
Idea B
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LovelyMrFox
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Tell her the truth. There is no avoiding it.

This was a stupid move to make, and I hope you realize that.
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Dunnig Kruger
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I take it you have a reasonable job that your girlfriend knows about?
She must know you're not 21 or 22. How else could you get a degree, and a job, plus all the all the other things you've done in your life? EG bought a house, bought a car that a 22 year old couldn't get insured on, travelled to 30 different countries in the world etc etc etc.

Just carry on being a really fun / enjoyable / responsible / mature / boyfriend with leadership and practical life skills that tolerates all her shortcomings and doesn't nag or crititcise or control her. And who gives her the best sex life she's ever had. Do all that and the age issue will take care of itself, regardless of how you tell her or how she finds out. Because she's not daft and she's not going to throw away the best boyfriend she's ever had or will ever have over a stupid lie that you told her in the early stages of your relationship.

As a little tip, do not be apologetic about your age. And sort of see if you can get away with not being apologetic about you lying about it.Don't be a jerk about it. Aim to be cool and confident about your age and to not make a mountain out of a molehill about your age.

Chances are she won't break up with you if you lied about your age if everything else is right in your relationship with her.
Or if she does, more fool her. In this worst case scenario, you can move on with confidence that you had a beautiful girlfriend before and you'll be able to get another beautiful girlfriend again in the future.

If when she finds out, if she says something like "You liar! I hate you!" don't get into an argument. Just say something disarming like "Do you want to know what else I've lied about?" with a smile on your face. Or "Gee, I guess I'm not the Arch Angel Gabriel after all... Although I'm nearly as old as him."

Next time (if there is a next time) a woman that you are chatting up asks you your age, reply with a joke response like "I'm old enough to be your father, and if I were your dad I'd be asking what are you doing out so late?"
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Fermion.
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
I take it you have a reasonable job that your girlfriend knows about?
She must know you're not 21 or 22. How else could you get a degree, and a job, plus all the all the other things you've done in your life? EG bought a house, bought a car that a 22 year old couldn't get insured on, travelled to 30 different countries in the world etc etc etc.

Just carry on being a really fun / enjoyable / responsible / mature / boyfriend with leadership and practical life skills that tolerates all her shortcomings and doesn't nag or crititcise or control her. And who gives her the best sex life she's ever had. Do all that and the age issue will take care of itself, regardless of how you tell her or how she finds out. Because she's not daft and she's not going to throw away the best boyfriend she's ever had or will ever have over a stupid lie that you told her in the early stages of your relationship.

As a little tip, do not be apologetic about your age. And sort of see if you can get away with not being apologetic about you lying about it.Don't be a jerk about it. Aim to be cool and confident about your age and to not make a mountain out of a molehill about your age.

Chances are she won't break up with you if you lied about your age if everything else is right in your relationship with her.
Or if she does, more fool her. In this worst case scenario, you can move on with confidence that you had a beautiful girlfriend before and you'll be able to get another beautiful girlfriend again in the future.

If when she finds out, if she says something like "You liar! I hate you!" don't get into an argument. Just say something disarming like "Do you want to know what else I've lied about?" with a smile on your face. Or "Gee, I guess I'm not the Arch Angel Gabriel after all... Although I'm nearly as old as him."

Next time (if there is a next time) a woman that you are chatting up asks you your age, reply with a joke response like "I'm old enough to be your father, and if I were your dad I'd be asking what are you doing out so late?"
Lol. What terrible advice.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Fermion.)
Lol. What terrible advice.
You think it's terrible advice for him to be the best boyfriend that she will ever have?

You think it's terrible advice to not get into an argument over this issue if she reacts negatively to finding out the truth?

You think it's terrible advice for him to act in a self confident, secure way?

You think it's terrible advice to respond to xxxx tests like "How old are you?" with a playful, humourous response?

You think it's terrible advice that the determining factor in how big a deal the girlfriend will make of this when she finds out is how good a boyfriend he's been (and not how he breaks the news to her or how she finds out)?

You think it's terrible advice to point out that the girlfriend probably already knows he's older than 22 simply because of his position in life?

..... Ohhhh Kaaayyyy.........
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Fermion.
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You think it's terrible advice for him to be the best boyfriend that she will ever have?

You think it's terrible advice to not get into an argument over this issue if she reacts negatively to finding out the truth?

You think it's terrible advice for him to act in a self confident, secure way?

You think it's terrible advice to respond to xxxx tests like "How old are you?" with a playful, humourous response?

You think it's terrible advice that the determining factor in how big a deal the girlfriend will make of this when she finds out is how good a boyfriend he's been (and not how he breaks the news to her or how she finds out)?

You think it's terrible advice to point out that the girlfriend probably already knows he's older than 22 simply because of his position in life?

..... Ohhhh Kaaayyyy.........
They’ve only known each other a year? Not to mention he maybe doesn’t have his own house or own car or whatever. Who knows, he might still live with his parents.

I think it’s terrible to play it off as something light hearted which you’ve quite clearly suggested to do. I also think it’s terrible he lied. I frankly don’t even want to imagine what you’re like in a relationship.
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username2908878
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I don’t know what to say about this tbh.... I think you know you’ve gotta tell her and let what will be ... be. This is too big of a lie to not face head on, the long you leave it the worse it’ll get. Good luck dude, ouch x
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username5322502
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edit: my previous response sucked, but tell her the truth. everything. truth and nothing but the truth
Last edited by username5322502; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I met a girl a year ago or so who was 18 (now 19), she was really hot and we got on well but then she asked for my age. I wasn't sure what to say as I knew if I told her she would run away. I was 27 at the time (now 28). I figured pretty much 99% of girls lie (or have previously lied) about their age normally pretending to be older to get with older guys so there was no harm in me trying it. I thought it would end up being a casual thing and never see eachother again so thought there was no harm in it. So I lied and said I was 21.. oh how I was wrong, we ended up getting on so well we're basically dating (although not officially boyfriend and girlfriend).

I want to tell her the truth because the truth always comes out and it's better coming from me I guess? The longer I leave it the riskier i.e. she might see my driving licence one day, or if we went on holiday together she would see my passport or if she meets my family or meets a friend etc.. so many possibilities so it's just too big a risk now, so I have to tell her. She now wants me to meet her parents and I'm not sure if she's already told them I'm 21/22 because if she has then I'm ****ed i'd have to take it to the grave pretending I was born 7 years later haha.

I really don't know how to tell her because no matter what way I think of telling her I sound like a creepy perv that would scare her and end up being like one of her 'horrible scary creepy ex stories' she tells her friends about / everyone takes the piss out of her for and make her block me and ruin everything. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Current ideas I have:
a) wait as long as possible so that she might like me too much to want to end, i.e. if i somehow manage to hide it for another few years and we've been dating for 3/4 years she might forgive me because she's already so invested in me (or this could backfire and make it worse cause i kept it a secret so long)
b) be honest and say I thought she would run away if she knew and didn't think we would get together so didnt see it as a big deal but things escalated and I didn't know what to do
c) don't say and hope she never finds out (this is what my friends have all said to do)
d) break up with her (even though I really like her) because it's too big of a lie, if it was a couple years difference maybe it's forgivable but I lied about 7 years
e) act casual about it and turn it into a joke like yeah btw i'm actually 28 but pretended to be 21 as a joke to see if i could pull it off but things escalated and here we are a year later..

Would appreicate any suggestions on how to tell her without it sounding creepy and weird. Thanks
Say oh I'm turning 29 soon I feel so old. Then shell be like huh I thought you said you were 21 and you go uh no I never said that and then she makes up her mind
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
I take it you have a reasonable job that your girlfriend knows about?
She must know you're not 21 or 22. How else could you get a degree, and a job, plus all the all the other things you've done in your life? EG bought a house, bought a car that a 22 year old couldn't get insured on, travelled to 30 different countries in the world etc etc etc.

Just carry on being a really fun / enjoyable / responsible / mature / boyfriend with leadership and practical life skills that tolerates all her shortcomings and doesn't nag or crititcise or control her. And who gives her the best sex life she's ever had. Do all that and the age issue will take care of itself, regardless of how you tell her or how she finds out. Because she's not daft and she's not going to throw away the best boyfriend she's ever had or will ever have over a stupid lie that you told her in the early stages of your relationship.

As a little tip, do not be apologetic about your age. And sort of see if you can get away with not being apologetic about you lying about it.Don't be a jerk about it. Aim to be cool and confident about your age and to not make a mountain out of a molehill about your age.

Chances are she won't break up with you if you lied about your age if everything else is right in your relationship with her.
Or if she does, more fool her. In this worst case scenario, you can move on with confidence that you had a beautiful girlfriend before and you'll be able to get another beautiful girlfriend again in the future.

If when she finds out, if she says something like "You liar! I hate you!" don't get into an argument. Just say something disarming like "Do you want to know what else I've lied about?" with a smile on your face. Or "Gee, I guess I'm not the Arch Angel Gabriel after all... Although I'm nearly as old as him."

Next time (if there is a next time) a woman that you are chatting up asks you your age, reply with a joke response like "I'm old enough to be your father, and if I were your dad I'd be asking what are you doing out so late?"
Thank you, this seems like a good idea, i.e. to play it cool and not make a big deal out of it by being overly apologetic and hopefully she'll be more calm and less reactive about it in this way
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Discombob101
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You are 27 but still thought that lying about your age was a good idea?. Just tell her the truth tf.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Fermion.)
They’ve only known each other a year? Not to mention he maybe doesn’t have his own house or own car or whatever. Who knows, he might still live with his parents.

I think it’s terrible to play it off as something light hearted which you’ve quite clearly suggested to do. I also think it’s terrible he lied. I frankly don’t even want to imagine what you’re like in a relationship.
Light hearted is waaaaay better than serious and making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The aim here is to get her to take her lead in how to respond to this from him.

If he takes the lead in making light of it, and being self confident about, acting as if it is no big deal, then she is more likely to not make a huge fuss about it.

If he approaches her all grim faced with tears in his eyes and says "I've done a terrible thing. I've lied to you about my age. I'm 28. Can you please please forgive me." she is more likely to make a big deal about it.
It is not in the OP's interests for the girlfriend to have a huge negative reaction to this news.

I want the best outcome possible for the original poster. Because I believe that he is the best boyfriend she will ever have. And that the best outcome for the original poster will also be the best outcome for his girlfriend too.

(Original post by astayuno)
why would u do that to an 18 y/o in the first place... ah man ppl are so f*d in the head
We all make mistakes.

All of us have told lies at some point in our lives.

Harping on about the original poster making 1 simple mistake is not going to help him and it's not going to help his girlfriend.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Say oh I'm turning 29 soon I feel so old. Then shell be like huh I thought you said you were 21 and you go uh no I never said that and then she makes up her mind
I don't agree with lying about a lie. Unless it's very obvious you're just making a joke about it.

People of inner strength and self confidence don't lie about their lies - in this context.
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Fermion.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, this seems like a good idea, i.e. to play it cool and not make a big deal out of it by being overly apologetic and hopefully she'll be more calm and less reactive about it in this way
Oh yeah good idea! Let’s make a ****ing joke about me being a liar. So funny, ha ha ha.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Say oh I'm turning 29 soon I feel so old. Then shell be like huh I thought you said you were 21 and you go uh no I never said that and then she makes up her mind
Isn't trying to rewrite history like this one of the defining features of gaslighting?
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