Is he gaslighting me?

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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Hi, this year I started a job. Long story short, some things went down with one of the head people in the company that I'm not too proud of. I'm first year of college for background and he is 27. Anyway, due to corona I went home (I study abroad) and he came to see me off at the airport and everything. He was always trying to make me decided what I wanted to do about 'us' but honestly I never really wanted anything because I wasn't that comfortable (I'm only 19). There were always a few rumours going around and then I heard that things had happened between him and another 3 staff members. He also is currently seeing somebody according to this person that rang me up at the start of the week. I was a bit annoyed tbh and just started to communicate with him less. Yesterday he textd me to say 'I think you've forgotten about me' and I just confronted him about the rumours. It's not the first time I'd heard them and I was getting sick of it. I just said I'd heard he was seeing somebody else now and I was just going to leave him alone, and he turned it all back on me, making me feel really guilty. He said that I had said myself that 'I didn't want anything anyway' and that 'He was disappointed that I thought about him this way'. I'd just said I was sorry if I had it wrong but it hurt to think that things had happened between him and other staff members. I don't care too much tbh but it certainly made me feel like a fool if the rumours are actually true. I just feel guilty now but I really don't know why
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Anonymous #2
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Report 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, this year I started a job. Long story short, some things went down with one of the head people in the company that I'm not too proud of. I'm first year of college for background and he is 27. Anyway, due to corona I went home (I study abroad) and he came to see me off at the airport and everything. He was always trying to make me decided what I wanted to do about 'us' but honestly I never really wanted anything because I wasn't that comfortable (I'm only 19). There were always a few rumours going around and then I heard that things had happened between him and another 3 staff members. He also is currently seeing somebody according to this person that rang me up at the start of the week. I was a bit annoyed tbh and just started to communicate with him less. Yesterday he textd me to say 'I think you've forgotten about me' and I just confronted him about the rumours. It's not the first time I'd heard them and I was getting sick of it. I just said I'd heard he was seeing somebody else now and I was just going to leave him alone, and he turned it all back on me, making me feel really guilty. He said that I had said myself that 'I didn't want anything anyway' and that 'He was disappointed that I thought about him this way'. I'd just said I was sorry if I had it wrong but it hurt to think that things had happened between him and other staff members. I don't care too much tbh but it certainly made me feel like a fool if the rumours are actually true. I just feel guilty now but I really don't know why
From my view I don't see it as gaslighting if everytime he has tried to make you decide what you want to do you have said you don't want anything. If someone said that to me I would assume we were either on very casual terms or we were NSA, but I would clarify that properly because communication is always important.

If you have always been upfront with him and said in no uncertain terms "I don't want anything, this is just very very casual" then him saying that you didn't want anything anyway is just him telling the truth.

I can't see how he has done anything wrong? Maybe he could have said "hey I'm sleeping with these people just so you know and we should use extra protection" or something, which is kind of polite but not really expected of anyone but if you don't want anything at all with him and don't even care its not really fair to start confronting him about stuff. It just seems unnecessary and easier to just be like "time to part ways see ya".
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YaliaV
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You weren’t in an exclusive relationship, but it would still bother me. Starting a relationship with an older and senior member of the company isn’t the best idea. If he has slept with multiple people from the company, then his judgement is also incredibly poor.
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Fermion.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, this year I started a job. Long story short, some things went down with one of the head people in the company that I'm not too proud of. I'm first year of college for background and he is 27. Anyway, due to corona I went home (I study abroad) and he came to see me off at the airport and everything. He was always trying to make me decided what I wanted to do about 'us' but honestly I never really wanted anything because I wasn't that comfortable (I'm only 19). There were always a few rumours going around and then I heard that things had happened between him and another 3 staff members. He also is currently seeing somebody according to this person that rang me up at the start of the week. I was a bit annoyed tbh and just started to communicate with him less. Yesterday he textd me to say 'I think you've forgotten about me' and I just confronted him about the rumours. It's not the first time I'd heard them and I was getting sick of it. I just said I'd heard he was seeing somebody else now and I was just going to leave him alone, and he turned it all back on me, making me feel really guilty. He said that I had said myself that 'I didn't want anything anyway' and that 'He was disappointed that I thought about him this way'. I'd just said I was sorry if I had it wrong but it hurt to think that things had happened between him and other staff members. I don't care too much tbh but it certainly made me feel like a fool if the rumours are actually true. I just feel guilty now but I really don't know why
He sounds like a migraine. Let him go.
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