Living in Lockdown is driving me INSANEWatch
I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but I feel like I may have it as well as anxiety, which lockdown has aggravated even more 😢🙍
Some days I don't brush my teeth or shower, but I hate the bitter taste in my mouth, so I try to eat cereal to take the foul taste away. My breath must smell bad, so I try not to speak as often. I get into more arguments with my Mother and sister, but in my view, my complaints are only reasonable. Being restricted of a social life is cruel of my Mother. It was fine to begin with, I was a wallflower (introvert) 🌷 for 15 years, but am now ready to come out of my shell, but this is impossible, given my situation with my mother. To make things even worse, I was never allowed to bring my phone to school or collect friends' phone numbers, or even meet up on the weekends/after school/holidays. This is morally corrupt for any child and over time has taken a toll on my mental state. Books, art, TV and music were my companions, but there is only so much of that before it becomes tedious. Not fair. It hurts cause whilst my Mother and Sister (they are JWs) can attend their religious activities, I am left to my own devices, when I could rather see a school friend to communicate with. They can socialise with THEIR JW brothers and sisters, but I cannot see MY schoolmates? That is wrong on so many levels... For the meantime there is nothing that I can do to change this. My mother and sister REFUSE to listen to my pleas for help. at this moment in time, I am socially crippled and it will remain that way as long as I am living with my Mother. I hope to gain a well paying job in the near future, succeed in my schooling then move out into a flat/apartment away from my mother and sister, so that I can FINALLY start a social life. The worst thing about this situation is that I wasn't friendless, I HAD friends, but was deprived from seeing them due to my mother's selfish interests. I probably won't ever see them again, and results day will be a brief meet up in school, then everyone has to leave. I will TRY to gather some of my friends phone numbers on that day, but over time we will become distant, absorbed in our own personal lives etc... It won't be the same unlike if I had been able to be active in the friendship at the time when it was new/fresh, then we would have all gained from and valued the relationship. It saddens me to know this was all preventable, if only my mother saw it from my perspective. This is why I say that my mother has contributed to my mental detriment. My mum constantly receives phone calls and texts from her fellow JW associates. And as for me, I have to painfully listen to their conversations, unable to talk to friends on my own. I can only vent online via YouTube, TSR and Kooth. I just HOPE that with time, my mother's viewpoint can change, and she will trust me enough to walk around the block to the local park for a simple picnic with my mates. Please.. I am desperate for reassurance ✌🙍🌷
If I can, on results day I will collect some mates phone numbers, that is, if we are allowed to mingle before departure (social distancing will make this difficult).
For the meantime, I'm going to try and improve as a person. Trying new hobbies and skills will be entertaining as well as beneficial. I want to start making hair accessories in my leisure time and create colorful lace wigs 🌈
Thankfully, I am part of the minority of Ex-JWs who were never fully committed to the religion, so I can easily make "outsider" friends. When I start school in September, I plan to keep in contact (gather phone numbers and social media) of the new friends that I make. This means that in the near future, when I move out as an adult, I can see these people again to rekindle our teenage bond. As for Secondary School mates, the decision is yet to be made. I am unsure of if I would like to keep in touch with those, as secondary school was a rather unpleasant experience for me. I was bullied every year: from Year 7-11, yup, it's true 😦🙍
Because of this past, I have lost my respect from fellow peers in my Year Group and my friends witnessed it the whole way through. I do appreciate they they never left my side, they still let me associate with them in lessons and at breaktimes, rather than abandoning me because I was unpopular. That was a great thing of them to do.
I am 16 and living with my restrictive mother. I have recently been in contact with mental health services (CAMHS) who will arrange me to see a counsellor who I can talk to.
Before the lockdown started, my parents put me through a series of unwanted curfews and that is when my boredom started, but to make it worse the lockdown started and it became way worse, I couldn't go any were, and I couldn't see anyone. after the first two months passed away, I was fed up with doing the same thing for two months every single day i.e waking up, brushing my teeth, taking my bath, and eating. and after more months I literally sober in boredom and frustration. Till date, I am still bored