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How to challenge somebody

I consider myself intelligent, i'm a linguist and mathematician and articulate, but I'm not good at having heated debates and this thing of 'challenging' people. It seems to be what many people are looking for in a relationship but I struggle with it.
On one hand, I get bored of small talk about the weather and such, but for instance I couldn't have a long debate about why X is a better musician than Y, or something like that.
I could have a debate on the coronavirus so I think I have debating skills, but I just feel that something is missing from my conversations and I don't want it to be a turn-off.
I'm very laid-back and I always get told i'm 'lovely, sweet and polite', which is great, but i've been dumped twice now for not being challenging.
I do have opinions and I do keep up with current affairs, I like to have deep conversations about emotions, relationships and that kind of thing.
I could tell you about countries i've visited and my job in a school, about language learning, I could tell you funny stories or about sports, but I don't know how to stimulate somebody intellectually.
Sorry for rambling on, hopefully somebody will understand what I mean lol. I know not every single conversation has to be some huge debate, i'm just afraid of being rejected again for this.
You don't have to challenge people's view if you don't want to. Taking the initiative and giving intellectual responses at the right time can help you facilitate an argument. If anything, use the fear of rejection to spur you on within the heat of an argument as they need to understand and respect your point of view too. Don't over raise your voice though as It can come across as spiteful if not done right.

If anything only indulge in debates where you feel confident enough to discuss. If you're unable to provide a suitable response subtly close down the argument and divert the main conversation elsewhere. Being dumped for not being challenging may mean they want you to be more decisive etc so work on being critical rather than accepting the view points/being too nice within the situation :h:
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Avatar for Abzzz57
Abzzz57
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Original post by Anonymous
I consider myself intelligent, i'm a linguist and mathematician and articulate, but I'm not good at having heated debates and this thing of 'challenging' people. It seems to be what many people are looking for in a relationship but I struggle with it.
On one hand, I get bored of small talk about the weather and such, but for instance I couldn't have a long debate about why X is a better musician than Y, or something like that.
I could have a debate on the coronavirus so I think I have debating skills, but I just feel that something is missing from my conversations and I don't want it to be a turn-off.
I'm very laid-back and I always get told i'm 'lovely, sweet and polite', which is great, but i've been dumped twice now for not being challenging.
I do have opinions and I do keep up with current affairs, I like to have deep conversations about emotions, relationships and that kind of thing.
I could tell you about countries i've visited and my job in a school, about language learning, I could tell you funny stories or about sports, but I don't know how to stimulate somebody intellectually.
Sorry for rambling on, hopefully somebody will understand what I mean lol. I know not every single conversation has to be some huge debate, i'm just afraid of being rejected again for this.

Hi, in all honesty it sounds like you just haven't met the right person yet.. intellectual conversations are great and it's good to have them now and again but for me personally it would be a turn off if the person kept on and on about things and trying to be clever all the time.. it could be different for other people and it's just my opinion but I would rather talk about our interests or what's happening in the world without going into massive detail all the time..

When you said they dumped you for not being challenging enough, what exactly did they mean? Were they challenging enough for you?

I think it's a about balance, try not to worry to much, it's good to grow and develop new skills but don't change just because someone thinks you should.. good luck!

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