Mental Health Anxiety

My first thought is that you could do with some help with anxiety management. The Young Minds website has lots of resources here, including relaxation exercises, helplines and so on. Most people go through phases in life when they get very anxious, and they usually pass naturally. When it is interfering with your life as much as it sounds like it is, it's probably worth going to your GP. They'll help work out how to address these issues in a calm way.
https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/conditions/anxiety/

Even if there are gods, I can't pretend to know what they think. But any god that wants to punish for ever a young teenager for jokingly speaking to an imaginary non-being is a petty minded nobody, dont you think? Certainly doesn't sound like the sort of thing that one need worry about.

Thank you. i need to stay more positive. I guess youre right. these so called spirits probs dont exist. I don't think God would be that bad. I keep saying to myself that God has forgiven me, i have done nothing bad but I need to keep saying it

Everybody - and I mean everybody - has done something that one "god" or another might deem "wrong". Some gods are said to read your thoughts, and to hold people accountable when they think, "That's an attractive looking woman/man/whatever". It seems to me these kinds of gods are just an invention of humans who are a bit too concerned about intimidating and policing other humans. It's hard to deal with at times, but isn't it obvious that any half-way decent god would make allowances for normal human behaviour? Your imagination is working overtime on this, just like some people get stuck in an irrational rut worrying about washing their hands, switching lights on and off, or counting things. Your thoughts were those of a young teenager. Absolutely no-one was hurt by them. It's just your brain getting a bit stuck. Try and relax about it and move on. Ask for professional help if you feel overwhelmed - that's a normal and OK thing to do too.

Everybody - and I mean everybody - has done something that one "god" or another might deem "wrong". Some gods are said to read your thoughts, and to hold people accountable when they think, "That's an attractive looking woman/man/whatever". It seems to me these kinds of gods are just an invention of humans who are a bit too concerned about intimidating and policing other humans. It's hard to deal with at times, but isn't it obvious that any half-way decent god would make allowances for normal human behaviour? Your imagination is working overtime on this, just like some people get stuck in an irrational rut worrying about washing their hands, switching lights on and off, or counting things. Your thoughts were those of a young teenager. Absolutely no-one was hurt by them. It's just your brain getting a bit stuck. Try and relax about it and move on. Ask for professional help if you feel overwhelmed - that's a normal and OK thing to do too.

OxFossil I understand. I should not run away from my problems. I was young, naive and foolish. When I talk to friends, I feel a little bit anxious, but I can keep up a conversation. I do not think rationally. If my parents can forgive me, I am more than certain God will forgive me. I hate being alone. Please don't call me an idiot, but I do not want to die alone. I know that I need to think rationally, talk about general things to people and just not be lazy. I think the worst case scenario will never happen. I think I should not even think about the afterlife.

Everything you say sounds pretty normal, tbh. It's just that you've got snagged on a particular worry and got stuck with some repetitive thoughts about that issue. Every normal person goes through times when they feel really scared of dying. Every normal person worries about how they might die, and especially about dying alone. In my experience, people who beat themselves up about being "lazy" are usually not lazy at all.

I don't want to get into the religious side of it too much, as that's a whole other set of issues. But surely, no all powerful god is going to be "hurt" by the casual wonderings of a teenager?

Be kind and forgiving to yourself, just as you would be if your best friend came to you with the same worries. It'll take a while to pull yourself out of the currrent rut, but with a bit of help, it's perfectly possible.

Hey OxFossil, thanks for your reply. Every time I see something scary such as death, war, conflict, prisons and supernatural stuff I get really frightened. I hope that this stuff does not happen to me or my family in this life or the next. In fact, I hope this stuff never happens to anyone who is a good person. Furthermore, OxFossil, I know at one point everyone has to die, me, my mum, my dad and you too. Should I look at death from a more positive perspective and reassure myself everyday that God has forgiven me and nothing bad will happen once I die, but look at it as a positive mystery?

My mother died a couple of months ago, after a long illness. If we had spent all that time worrying about what might happen in the future, her last years would have been utterly miserable. Instead, we all focussed on being kind, and helpful, and honest, and having fun when we could. I'm glad we did.

I have no way of knowing whether a Buddhist or a Shinto or an Islamic or animist or Christian or Norse take on what will actually happen is correct. Frankly, they all seem a bit far-fetched. For me, the most logical thing to imagine is that an "after life" will be exactly like what it was like "before life". And that was fine!

Your fears about what might happen in the future are real, but it seems like you need a bit of help stopping them overshadowing what's actually happening in the present moment.

I'm sorry for your loss. I really am. No one wants to lose their mother or even father. But I am glad it all ended on a positive note and she was able to pass away after spending priceless happy moments with her loving family. My family and one trusted friend told me that nobody, nobody knows what happens after we pass away and that my sin was nowhere near that bad. Apparently, God is the fairest and kindest judge EVER. I guess I need to also attempt to be a better person in every way possible. I really also hate feeling pain as I do not want any pain in the afterlife or none in this life haha. It's really difficult to rewire my brain and constantly make myself believe that God has 100% forgiven me. I really want to do fun things with my mum and dad before it's too late. I'm sure that there are signs that God loves me but I probably do not see them or misinterpret them. I'm sure God loves you too OxFossil. I guess the saying "It's about where you finish, not where you start" is applicable. It's gunna be tough but I am going to look at all aspects of life positively, even my death and when I meet God.

Thanks, JayMehta. I appreciate those kind thoughts. Sometimes life is hard. All we can do is our best.