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fancying a friend's brother
Ok so basically, i fancy my best friend's brother...i have always thought he was really hot even before we were friends. But recently we got together..two weekends now, and even though i know my friend would be furious i still really like the idea of being with him...we've only kissed both times for the record.
I don't know if things would go anywhere with him...but we get on really well and he really is near enough my ideal guy. I don't know why my friend minds so much (even though she doesn't know, in the past she'd made it clear that she'd hate it if her friends got with him). But i'm thinking maybe it's because she'd hate things to be awkward if anything went wrong? Or that either would mess the other around? But now, i've seen him while i'm with her and it's fine, it's not awkward between US at all...so my theory is if i just keep going and see what happens, then if anything serious happens then tell her because she'll know we're not just messing around and that it's genuine?
How do other people feel about this kind of situation? I guess i find it quite hard to understand because i really would not mind at all if any of my friends got with my brother...
Thanks for reading
please keep anon or delete..
I don't know if things would go anywhere with him...but we get on really well and he really is near enough my ideal guy. I don't know why my friend minds so much (even though she doesn't know, in the past she'd made it clear that she'd hate it if her friends got with him). But i'm thinking maybe it's because she'd hate things to be awkward if anything went wrong? Or that either would mess the other around? But now, i've seen him while i'm with her and it's fine, it's not awkward between US at all...so my theory is if i just keep going and see what happens, then if anything serious happens then tell her because she'll know we're not just messing around and that it's genuine?
How do other people feel about this kind of situation? I guess i find it quite hard to understand because i really would not mind at all if any of my friends got with my brother...
Thanks for reading
please keep anon or delete..
Reply 1
Well my sister is 2 years older than me, and my mates would all be like "DAN YOUR SISTER IS SO FIT!"
and i'd be like ¬.¬. I'm used to it now, but if something happened between a mate and my sister i'd seriously dislike it, purely because it's my sister. Couldn't care less if it's someone I didn't know well.
It's because i'm protective of her and I know what my mates are like heh. Oh, and i'd have to hear about their exploits, which is wrong since it's my sister.
and i'd be like ¬.¬. I'm used to it now, but if something happened between a mate and my sister i'd seriously dislike it, purely because it's my sister. Couldn't care less if it's someone I didn't know well.
It's because i'm protective of her and I know what my mates are like heh. Oh, and i'd have to hear about their exploits, which is wrong since it's my sister.
Reply 2
11
Clarity of thought is the path to inner peace.
Reply 3
couldn't care less unless it was someone that i liked, this being my brother of course me being male!
but if you see it becoming a problem you should really weigh up the pros and cons of your friend vs her brother!
but if you see it becoming a problem you should really weigh up the pros and cons of your friend vs her brother!
Reply 4
Anonymous
Ok so basically, i fancy my best friend's brother...i have always thought he was really hot even before we were friends. But recently we got together..two weekends now, and even though i know my friend would be furious i still really like the idea of being with him...we've only kissed both times for the record.
I don't know if things would go anywhere with him...but we get on really well and he really is near enough my ideal guy. I don't know why my friend minds so much (even though she doesn't know, in the past she'd made it clear that she'd hate it if her friends got with him). But i'm thinking maybe it's because she'd hate things to be awkward if anything went wrong? Or that either would mess the other around? But now, i've seen him while i'm with her and it's fine, it's not awkward between US at all...so my theory is if i just keep going and see what happens, then if anything serious happens then tell her because she'll know we're not just messing around and that it's genuine?
How do other people feel about this kind of situation? I guess i find it quite hard to understand because i really would not mind at all if any of my friends got with my brother...
Thanks for reading
please keep anon or delete..
I don't know if things would go anywhere with him...but we get on really well and he really is near enough my ideal guy. I don't know why my friend minds so much (even though she doesn't know, in the past she'd made it clear that she'd hate it if her friends got with him). But i'm thinking maybe it's because she'd hate things to be awkward if anything went wrong? Or that either would mess the other around? But now, i've seen him while i'm with her and it's fine, it's not awkward between US at all...so my theory is if i just keep going and see what happens, then if anything serious happens then tell her because she'll know we're not just messing around and that it's genuine?
How do other people feel about this kind of situation? I guess i find it quite hard to understand because i really would not mind at all if any of my friends got with my brother...
Thanks for reading
please keep anon or delete..
She may be protective over her brother and doesn't want him getting hurt if something happened. Also, if an argument did (hypothetically) arise between you two, she'd be torn between her brother and you, her best friend.
Sit down and have a talk with her, while her brother present, and explain that you two aren't just messing around and that you are taking it quite seriously. She may feel differently if you talk to her about it.
Reply 5
Usman938 - You are a god. Repped.
I'm sure most Agony Aunt's would give you the advice "keeping it secret will only hurt your friend more when she finds out - especially since it's her brother that's not being honest with her. "
If you've both made it clear what you're up for - in terms of a relationship - and it sounds good to you, I'd guess probably coming clean to your friend would be the best idea. Put yourself in your friend's situation - how would you feel if you found out your best friend had been dishonest with you, and so had your brother - someone you trust.
In fact, if she's mentioned specifically to you that she wouldn't like it (as you said), I'd place bets on her either a) already knowing what is going on, but waiting for you to come clean yourself or b) she suspects, but isn't sure c) if b) then perhaps your facial expression when she said that gave it away. If you get what I'm saying, the question "Would you mind if a best friend went out with your brother" is not really a question that would come up in general conversation, you should know anyway.
I'm sure most Agony Aunt's would give you the advice "keeping it secret will only hurt your friend more when she finds out - especially since it's her brother that's not being honest with her. "
If you've both made it clear what you're up for - in terms of a relationship - and it sounds good to you, I'd guess probably coming clean to your friend would be the best idea. Put yourself in your friend's situation - how would you feel if you found out your best friend had been dishonest with you, and so had your brother - someone you trust.
In fact, if she's mentioned specifically to you that she wouldn't like it (as you said), I'd place bets on her either a) already knowing what is going on, but waiting for you to come clean yourself or b) she suspects, but isn't sure c) if b) then perhaps your facial expression when she said that gave it away. If you get what I'm saying, the question "Would you mind if a best friend went out with your brother" is not really a question that would come up in general conversation, you should know anyway.
Reply 6
Altruistic1
Usman938 - You are a god. Repped.
I'm sure most Agony Aunt's would give you the advice "keeping it secret will only hurt your friend more when she finds out - especially since it's her brother that's not being honest with her. "
If you've both made it clear what you're up for - in terms of a relationship - and it sounds good to you, I'd guess probably coming clean to your friend would be the best idea. Put yourself in your friend's situation - how would you feel if you found out your best friend had been dishonest with you, and so had your brother - someone you trust.
In fact, if she's mentioned specifically to you that she wouldn't like it (as you said), I'd place bets on her either a) already knowing what is going on, but waiting for you to come clean yourself or b) she suspects, but isn't sure c) if b) then perhaps your facial expression when she said that gave it away. If you get what I'm saying, the question "Would you mind if a best friend went out with your brother" is not really a question that would come up in general conversation, you should know anyway.
I'm sure most Agony Aunt's would give you the advice "keeping it secret will only hurt your friend more when she finds out - especially since it's her brother that's not being honest with her. "
If you've both made it clear what you're up for - in terms of a relationship - and it sounds good to you, I'd guess probably coming clean to your friend would be the best idea. Put yourself in your friend's situation - how would you feel if you found out your best friend had been dishonest with you, and so had your brother - someone you trust.
In fact, if she's mentioned specifically to you that she wouldn't like it (as you said), I'd place bets on her either a) already knowing what is going on, but waiting for you to come clean yourself or b) she suspects, but isn't sure c) if b) then perhaps your facial expression when she said that gave it away. If you get what I'm saying, the question "Would you mind if a best friend went out with your brother" is not really a question that would come up in general conversation, you should know anyway.
She hasn't said this recently, just in general i know that's how she feels...her friend got with him years ago and she was furious. Although it was a bit different as she used to sneak out of my friend's room and do stuff with her bro after she'd gone to sleep!Plus they'd been friends for yearsss.
We kissed again last night...and i realised he's so ideal for me i hate complications. But it's too soon to start talking about things with him because we've only kissed a few times, i'm not really sure what he thinks of it! Although i did say "i'm not just gonna be another notch on your bedpost" which may have been a silly thing to say but i just wanted to make sure he knew i wasn't just gonna have sex with him haha.
I think i should wait and see if it looks like anything more is gonna happen, if not then i'll just leave it, but if it does then i'll talk to her about it before she finds out/it gets remotely serious so that if it had to stop when she found out i'd get upset.
Argh, complications
Reply 7
Rehehelly
Well my sister is 2 years older than me, and my mates would all be like "DAN YOUR SISTER IS SO FIT!"
and i'd be like ¬.¬. I'm used to it now, but if something happened between a mate and my sister i'd seriously dislike it, purely because it's my sister. Couldn't care less if it's someone I didn't know well.
It's because i'm protective of her and I know what my mates are like heh. Oh, and i'd have to hear about their exploits, which is wrong since it's my sister.
and i'd be like ¬.¬. I'm used to it now, but if something happened between a mate and my sister i'd seriously dislike it, purely because it's my sister. Couldn't care less if it's someone I didn't know well.
It's because i'm protective of her and I know what my mates are like heh. Oh, and i'd have to hear about their exploits, which is wrong since it's my sister.
yo dann, ur sis is bangin
Reply 8
13
Well, comming from a girl whos brother dated one of her friends, I hated it. Mainly because it sounds odd but I always thought of my friends and my family as the two little worlds of my life, then suddenly your brother starts invading your friend world, your friend is in your family, and close to your brother and it becomes a bit strange! So Maybe your friend is just protective over her brother, and kind of wants him just for her? (Not in that kind of sense, but you know selfishly like I want my brother to just be my brother, not my friends boyfriend!)
Reply 9
keep anon as dont want friend to read
basically i had the same issues
i started going out with my friends older brother.. i liked him sooo much
my friend was awful about it at first.. treated me like crap... wasnt the same with me.. made everything really difficult. she refused to allow me to bring him to group parties etc, and threaten not to go if i brought him. basically it was really bad.
then gradually as time passed, and we'd like do little things like all watch a movie together, things started to get better.
now it's been over a year and i think she finally realised how happy we make each other, and how basically we aren't breaking up so she was forced to deal with it.
if i could give any advice it would be to try and keep things seperate, like give your friend time and give her brother time. also don't rub it in her face that your with him, dont be all over each other in front of her. if you wanna be with him seriously its something she will just have to get used to in time.
basically i had the same issues
i started going out with my friends older brother.. i liked him sooo much
my friend was awful about it at first.. treated me like crap... wasnt the same with me.. made everything really difficult. she refused to allow me to bring him to group parties etc, and threaten not to go if i brought him. basically it was really bad.
then gradually as time passed, and we'd like do little things like all watch a movie together, things started to get better.
now it's been over a year and i think she finally realised how happy we make each other, and how basically we aren't breaking up so she was forced to deal with it.
if i could give any advice it would be to try and keep things seperate, like give your friend time and give her brother time. also don't rub it in her face that your with him, dont be all over each other in front of her. if you wanna be with him seriously its something she will just have to get used to in time.
Reply 10
At the end of the day she's no friend to you if she doesn't respect your happiness *wise nod*
Reply 11
elanor_sarah
At the end of the day she's no friend to you if she doesn't respect your happiness *wise nod*
exactly
Reply 12
Is it the same as fancying your brothers friends? cos that happens...a lot.
Reply 13
dont know how it works with girls
but if it was a mates sister it would definitely be going against the laws of men
but if it was a mates sister it would definitely be going against the laws of men
Reply 14
i am in this awkward situation at the moment, since someone who used to be a very close friend to me is dating my brother. they have been together for a couple of months now but it hasnt got any easier for me to handle. at first they kept it secret from me which made me feel humiliated because i felt as if everyone knew except me. this caused a major falling out with the both of them, which has never happened before. i used to be very close to my brother but since he has been dating her we are much more distant, which is horrible since we used to be kind of best buddies.
anyway, i made up with them both because i realised that they deserved to be happy. everything changed with them even tho on the surface we appeared polite to each other. so it went on like this for a while and i felt like i was kind of dealing with the situation. but then a couple of weeks ago on a night out with my friends, my bros girlf/my friend got very friendly with another guy who also happened to be someone she had a fling with while she was with her ex. as u can imagine i was VERY uncomfortable about watching her flirt with a guy when she should be respecting my brother. she cheated on her ex with this guy so i was thinking she may do this again. she should have been aware that this behaviour was not acceptable, ESPECIALLY not in front of me.
so i told her i cannot be her friend anymore. i cant sit by and watch her act like this. its impossible to be close friends with her when she can potentially hurt my brother. i didnt tell my brother about the incident since it looks like i am just trying to break them up and at the end of the day she didnt actually DO anything. but if i hadnt have stepped in mayb she would have. so now it is even more uncomfortable, i cant bear to be in the same room as them. it has also ruined the friendship grp we had cause of the tension between me and her is not nice for our other mates to be around.
so yeh, it is defo not worth dating ur friends siblings. it causes way to much pain. its hard to explain why it is so horrible. its not so much jealousy but it makes u feel violated. i hate it when she goes away with him to see all my extended family. and i hate it when she uses my family sayings etc. i liked it before, when my friends were my friends and my family were my family. its not good to mix them up because it makes u loose ur place in it all.
sorry about the length of that reply! got a bit carried away!
anyway, i made up with them both because i realised that they deserved to be happy. everything changed with them even tho on the surface we appeared polite to each other. so it went on like this for a while and i felt like i was kind of dealing with the situation. but then a couple of weeks ago on a night out with my friends, my bros girlf/my friend got very friendly with another guy who also happened to be someone she had a fling with while she was with her ex. as u can imagine i was VERY uncomfortable about watching her flirt with a guy when she should be respecting my brother. she cheated on her ex with this guy so i was thinking she may do this again. she should have been aware that this behaviour was not acceptable, ESPECIALLY not in front of me.
so i told her i cannot be her friend anymore. i cant sit by and watch her act like this. its impossible to be close friends with her when she can potentially hurt my brother. i didnt tell my brother about the incident since it looks like i am just trying to break them up and at the end of the day she didnt actually DO anything. but if i hadnt have stepped in mayb she would have. so now it is even more uncomfortable, i cant bear to be in the same room as them. it has also ruined the friendship grp we had cause of the tension between me and her is not nice for our other mates to be around.
so yeh, it is defo not worth dating ur friends siblings. it causes way to much pain. its hard to explain why it is so horrible. its not so much jealousy but it makes u feel violated. i hate it when she goes away with him to see all my extended family. and i hate it when she uses my family sayings etc. i liked it before, when my friends were my friends and my family were my family. its not good to mix them up because it makes u loose ur place in it all.
sorry about the length of that reply! got a bit carried away!
Reply 15
i dont think you can say just because you've had a bad experience that it's 'defo not worth dating your friends siblings'
many people find happiness, i for one have been with my friends brother for over a year and we are so happy. although it was hard at first now it is good.
i wouldnt have it any other way, so yeah if you have the feelings go for it, you shouldnt deny your own happiness just cos of the family this person belongs to.
many people find happiness, i for one have been with my friends brother for over a year and we are so happy. although it was hard at first now it is good.
i wouldnt have it any other way, so yeah if you have the feelings go for it, you shouldnt deny your own happiness just cos of the family this person belongs to.
Reply 16
Allyx
i dont think you can say just because you've had a bad experience that it's 'defo not worth dating your friends siblings'
many people find happiness, i for one have been with my friends brother for over a year and we are so happy. although it was hard at first now it is good.
i wouldnt have it any other way, so yeah if you have the feelings go for it, you shouldnt deny your own happiness just cos of the family this person belongs to.
many people find happiness, i for one have been with my friends brother for over a year and we are so happy. although it was hard at first now it is good.
i wouldnt have it any other way, so yeah if you have the feelings go for it, you shouldnt deny your own happiness just cos of the family this person belongs to.
yeh i probably generalised a bit too much there! i'm sure in a lot of cases it works out. i guess it depends on how serious u are about the person. i would never try and stop them being together, i'm just not particularly comfortable with it either.
Reply 17
TELL YOUR FRIEND... at this point it wont be the fact that you are with her brother that will hurt her most, but the fact you went behind her back.
I have fallen for my best mates brother and kept it from her a year (even though i knew he didnt like me that way)... when i finally did tell her (while in tears begging her to forgive me) she was incredibly cool about it, we laugh about it now even though i still like him.
Your friend will probably be ok with it but going around without her knowing could cause problems
I have fallen for my best mates brother and kept it from her a year (even though i knew he didnt like me that way)... when i finally did tell her (while in tears begging her to forgive me) she was incredibly cool about it, we laugh about it now even though i still like him.
Your friend will probably be ok with it but going around without her knowing could cause problems
Reply 18
Like most people have said, talk to your friend about it first. As it is, right now I'm in the middle of a small situation where my friend asked my other friend's ex-girlfriend out a week after they broke up ... and my other friend is furious at my friend about it. Just ... ask them about it FIRST.
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