In need to become an independent student and escape from abusive mother

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wwowowowo
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I need to somehow claim enough SFE max maintenance loan using my P60 instead of my mother's. I'm currently 19 soon to be 20 and while I still live with my mother, she has been well.. damaging my mental health via emotional abuse (and physical but that happened when I was younger). Not only that but her controlling behaviour makes it hard to make my own decisions or even stand up for myself because she views it as a rebellious attitude and will try to scare me for instance pay half of the rent (£80 every week so it is around £300 for a £700 flat) even though I already pay £99 council tax, her water bill debt which is nearly £300, gas £10 each week and electricity bill £23 a month, on top bus fares for work. For anyone asking why I haven't discussed with her about paying so much (I earn £800-£1,000 a month) it is because she is too entitled to listen and will always push her own agenda that is somehow smarter than mine.

Recently, she's been getting worse and kept calling me names and belittling me, so I've decided that I need to cut her off. The problem I face is how do I use my own finance (I work in Costa) to get the maximum amount from SFE. I'm not 25, I don't exactly have any police reports of her actions which I should have done but tbh there is this fear that I can't explain exactly. Thinking about it, I really should have reported her especially when a social worker came to our house. I thought maybe she would change or become better but... it's like she knows she is bad but she won't do anything to become a better parent. I honestly don't know what to do. Perhaps I should talk with Student Finance about it and see if there's anything to do. I don't want to associate with her but it's tricky when I'm still classed as a "dependant " student.
I honestly want to get out of here and never ever see her because her attitude and actions are impacting me personally and is making me feel worse. What are your suggestions? Is there anything I can do?
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Abzzz57
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(Original post by wwowowowo)
I need to somehow claim enough SFE max maintenance loan using my P60 instead of my mother's. I'm currently 19 soon to be 20 and while I still live with my mother, she has been well.. damaging my mental health via emotional abuse (and physical but that happened when I was younger). Not only that but her controlling behaviour makes it hard to make my own decisions or even stand up for myself because she views it as a rebellious attitude and will try to scare me for instance pay half of the rent (£80 every week so it is around £300 for a £700 flat) even though I already pay £99 council tax, her water bill debt which is nearly £300, gas £10 each week and electricity bill £23 a month, on top bus fares for work. For anyone asking why I haven't discussed with her about paying so much (I earn £800-£1,000 a month) it is because she is too entitled to listen and will always push her own agenda that is somehow smarter than mine.

Recently, she's been getting worse and kept calling me names and belittling me, so I've decided that I need to cut her off. The problem I face is how do I use my own finance (I work in Costa) to get the maximum amount from SFE. I'm not 25, I don't exactly have any police reports of her actions which I should have done but tbh there is this fear that I can't explain exactly. Thinking about it, I really should have reported her especially when a social worker came to our house. I thought maybe she would change or become better but... it's like she knows she is bad but she won't do anything to become a better parent. I honestly don't know what to do. Perhaps I should talk with Student Finance about it and see if there's anything to do. I don't want to associate with her but it's tricky when I'm still classed as a "dependant " student.
I honestly want to get out of here and never ever see her because her attitude and actions are impacting me personally and is making me feel worse. What are your suggestions? Is there anything I can do?
Hi, I'm sorry your going through this, it sounds like a crappy situation to be in especially as she should be supporting you and not the other way around.. do you have anyone you can stay with like a friend or family member? Are you planning on moving away for university or staying at home?

I think but not 100% you can be classed as an 'independent' student as soon as you leave home.. also does she have a job etc if you are paying for most things wouldn't you be classed as needing the highest possible maintenance loan anyway as she doesn't earn enough?

There is a student finance forum on here, I can either move this question over or you could make a new discussion? There just might be more help there!

Last question (sorry!) If your currently at uni is there a support team you can speak to there? They might be able to give you some advice and support, as well as knowing exactly what financial support you can claim?

I hope it works out for you and you can leave asap!
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Anonymous #1
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unfortunately i think SF have a rule that you have to be estranged / moved out of parents for 3 years for them not to ask for your family’s household income. Definitely ring them and explain your situation. there are also bursaries and hardship funds you can look into !! good luck !! hope it all works out for u x
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wwowowowo
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(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, I'm sorry your going through this, it sounds like a crappy situation to be in especially as she should be supporting you and not the other way around.. do you have anyone you can stay with like a friend or family member? Are you planning on moving away for university or staying at home?

I think but not 100% you can be classed as an 'independent' student as soon as you leave home.. also does she have a job etc if you are paying for most things wouldn't you be classed as needing the highest possible maintenance loan anyway as she doesn't earn enough?

There is a student finance forum on here, I can either move this question over or you could make a new discussion? There just might be more help there!

Last question (sorry!) If your currently at uni is there a support team you can speak to there? They might be able to give you some advice and support, as well as knowing exactly what financial support you can claim?

I hope it works out for you and you can leave asap!
Thanks for your reply x I can't exactly live at my friend's right now because due to the virus situation and they live with their parents as well. Most of my family members are in Lithuania ( I live in UK with mum), my aunt lives in London but she works all the time and is living in a shared household so its a no as well. I am planning to move in somewhere near Uni currently using her income this year for the maintenance loan but I will check out if I can get any support with this situation. You can try and forward this question to the SFE forums aha.
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