1910ellie
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#1
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I am a 19 year old girl and I live at home with my mum and dad. Over the years my dad has always been verbally abusive towards both of us, but it’s taking a massive toll on my recently. Instances range from him threatening to leave to being called a *****/ crazy/ evil cow/ **** etc. This has been going on for years, I’ve recently started getting audio recordings of the times he does it. He has made me cry and a lot of the times I feel so alone. I just want to escape. I try to stand up to him for my mothers sake but I find that it just ends up with me coming into the firing line. The mental torment is getting unbearable, he talks about topics ( for example racism and homophobia) that he knows would make me feel uncomfortable just for the fun of it. Luckily this has never gotten abusive but the damage he’s not doing physical I sometimes end up doing to myself. He’s humiliated me in public, making me cry but the worst part is I feel myself losing control. I have no one else to talk to, my family know to some extent but again they act like nothing is going on. I don’t want to make my mums situation worse by saying anything and my dad doesn’t understand the sort of impact it’s having on me. I honestly sometimes just feel like running away but what stops me are the things I’d be leaving behind, my family and friends. I just don’t know where to turn or who to talk to.
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Tomato Sauce
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Have u tried telling ur teachers, or friends at school? It’s good to record anything he says, u can possibly use this as evidence against him one day. If it’s getting too unbearable, tell a teacher u trust in ur school. I know this sounds cliche, but i guess adults know alot. At a schooling age, it’s impossible for u to get a job, let alone move u n ur mom out of the mom n stand up against ur dad. I strongly suggest, let a teacher know ur family situation.
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DMCG1801
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First of all, I'm genuinely so sorry to hear about what you've been having to go through. It breaks my heart that people have to live in situations like this and I want you to know that what you are going through is not right and you shouldn't have to face that alone.

Have you ever asked your dad if he understands how the way he acts makes you feel? Often, from my own experiences in childhood, adults can sometimes say things that may be upsetting to us without realising how it makes us feel, and it's only when we build up the courage to tell them how we really feel that things can change (although I totally appreciate that this isn't always possible and if you don't feel confident enough to do this, that's okay too!). If you don't feel comfortable talking to him directly about it, perhaps you could be honest with your mum and you could ask her to talk to him about the way he acts? As much as he is your dad, he has no right to deliberately make you upset and if he is then that's not right and I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this.

If you work, perhaps you could mention it at work, and if you go to university you could tell a lecturer or trusted adult about this? If you have evidence then it's easy to prove what's happening and, if you really thought it was getting bad enough, it could be used as legal evidence to take further action.

I'm sure any of your friends would be more than willing to talk to you and have the time to listen and offer some advice about what you can do, there's been times I've been scared to tell my friends my worries but they're always so supportive and know how to make me happier and to make things better. We're all part of a supportive community on here! If you ever need to talk to someone online, my (along with many other users) inbox is always open for anyone and I'm always willing to listen to people and to talk to them about their situations, it's a tough time and we need to look out for each other and support each other!

I truly hope you are able to sort things out with your dad and be happier around him as a family. I appreciate things aren't great and I'm genuinely really sorry about how things are at the moment for you, but I really hope you are able to make things better and be happier and please know if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always willing to chat, as are many of the users on this very friendly site.


Thanks and I hope this helps
Last edited by DMCG1801; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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Report 3 weeks ago
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There is support out there & you can get out of this situation. Women’s aid, NSPCC, social services, the police, teachers, citizens advice. It would be better for you and your mum to get out of this situation and you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to remove yourselves. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy and being made to feel miserable. There is help out there!! It can be done in a way in which you are comfortable. There are restraining orders that can be made and you will be happy eventually. Don’t worry!!! Wishing you the best of luck xx
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