Anonymous #1
#1
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Hi, I'm not comfortable in talking about this topic with my friends hence why I am uploading it here. Anyways my bf has been coming to see me ever since lockdown has eased and so one day he came and we didn't have any condoms. I hesitated at first bc I'm not even on contraception ( I have a similar condition to PCOS ) but then I agreed, he did assure me that we didn't have to have sex but I felt bad. Anyways 15 minutes later I'm telling him to get off bc I don't want to continue bc I was stressing that 1. no condom 2. no contraception but he just pushed me down and continued. Ever since then I've kinda just been feeling off around him, obvs I'm not going to go to the authorities or anything bc I do regard him as my partner and he has been there for me more than anyone else has and he makes me really happy, but that one incident just put me off doing the deed. Am I overreacting?
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ThatGuy89
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm not comfortable in talking about this topic with my friends hence why I am uploading it here. Anyways my bf has been coming to see me ever since lockdown has eased and so one day he came and we didn't have any condoms. I hesitated at first bc I'm not even on contraception ( I have a similar condition to PCOS ) but then I agreed, he did assure me that we didn't have to have sex but I felt bad. Anyways 15 minutes later I'm telling him to get off bc I don't want to continue bc I was stressing that 1. no condom 2. no contraception but he just pushed me down and continued. Ever since then I've kinda just been feeling off around him, obvs I'm not going to go to the authorities or anything bc I do regard him as my partner and he has been there for me more than anyone else has and he makes me really happy, but that one incident just put me off doing the deed. Am I overreacting?
How did you feel when he wouldnt stop? If you didn't want to continue and he forced himself on you despite protestations then yes it is technically rape. But I'd be afraid to blanket state that, I dont know you or him or what your sex life is like. Could he have misinterpreted, perhaps you didn't say anything. Rape is a very serious sexual offence that I'd be afraid to throw around casually. But if it is rape, if he did continue to have sex with you when you didnt want to and you told him to stop then perhaps you need to have that conversation with him. Tricky one for sure especially if you love the guy. Really it all depends on how you feel.
Last edited by ThatGuy89; 3 weeks ago
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daveymcloughlin
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm not comfortable in talking about this topic with my friends hence why I am uploading it here. Anyways my bf has been coming to see me ever since lockdown has eased and so one day he came and we didn't have any condoms. I hesitated at first bc I'm not even on contraception ( I have a similar condition to PCOS ) but then I agreed, he did assure me that we didn't have to have sex but I felt bad. Anyways 15 minutes later I'm telling him to get off bc I don't want to continue bc I was stressing that 1. no condom 2. no contraception but he just pushed me down and continued. Ever since then I've kinda just been feeling off around him, obvs I'm not going to go to the authorities or anything bc I do regard him as my partner and he has been there for me more than anyone else has and he makes me really happy, but that one incident just put me off doing the deed. Am I overreacting?
No
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Anonymous #1
#4
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I did tell him repeatedly to stop but he didn’t listen and I tried to push him off but it didn’t work because as he’s way stronger than I am, but he just pushed me down and continued. Probably will have to talk about the situation again as it has put me off having sex. I understand rape is a very strong word and should not be thrown around casually however this topic has been on my mind for the past few days and I didn’t know what to do or who to tell as I didn’t want my friends involved. Thank you for the reply tho!
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Anonymous #1
#5
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(Original post by ThatGuy89)
How did you feel when he wouldnt stop? If you didn't want to continue and he forced himself on you despite protestations then yes it is technically rape. But I'd be afraid to blanket state that, I dont know you or him or what your sex life is like. Could he have misinterpreted, perhaps you didn't say anything. Rape is a very serious sexual offence that I'd be afraid to throw around casually. But if it is rape, if he did continue to have sex with you when you didnt want to and you told him to stop then perhaps you need to have that conversation with him. Tricky one for sure especially if you love the guy. Really it all depends on how you feel.
I did tell him repeatedly to stop but he didn’t listen and I tried to push him off but it didn’t work because as he’s way stronger than I am, but he just pushed me down and continued. Probably will have to talk about the situation again as it has put me off having sex. I understand rape is a very strong word and should not be thrown around casually however this topic has been on my mind for the past few days and I didn’t know what to do or who to tell as I didn’t want my friends involved. Thank you for the reply tho!
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Bexjw
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I did tell him repeatedly to stop but he didn’t listen and I tried to push him off but it didn’t work because as he’s way stronger than I am, but he just pushed me down and continued. Probably will have to talk about the situation again as it has put me off having sex. I understand rape is a very strong word and should not be thrown around casually however this topic has been on my mind for the past few days and I didn’t know what to do or who to tell as I didn’t want my friends involved. Thank you for the reply tho!
You telling him no and physically trying to push him away and him continuing, is rape. Regardless of how much you may love each other and that he’s your boyfriend, or it was ‘the heat of the moment’. He should have respected your decision to stop and the fact that you withdrew your consent.

The worrying thing is that he knew you didn’t want to and yet he held you down and still did it. I would seriously consider your priorities in this relationship and the risk that he’ll do it again.
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username5234220
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm not comfortable in talking about this topic with my friends hence why I am uploading it here. Anyways my bf has been coming to see me ever since lockdown has eased and so one day he came and we didn't have any condoms. I hesitated at first bc I'm not even on contraception ( I have a similar condition to PCOS ) but then I agreed, he did assure me that we didn't have to have sex but I felt bad. Anyways 15 minutes later I'm telling him to get off bc I don't want to continue bc I was stressing that 1. no condom 2. no contraception but he just pushed me down and continued. Ever since then I've kinda just been feeling off around him, obvs I'm not going to go to the authorities or anything bc I do regard him as my partner and he has been there for me more than anyone else has and he makes me really happy, but that one incident just put me off doing the deed. Am I overreacting?
Based on what you've said it does sound like he crossed a line for sure. If you explicitly told him to stop several times with a dead serious tone, then he definitely should have stopped. It sounds like this has had an impact on you and I hope you're ok :/
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Khanthebrit
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I mean by law consent can be rescinded and so at that point when you told him to stop, and he didn't, that would legally be classified as rape. From the way you described it, this is a text-book definition. I don't intend to alarm you.

Of course, I think it's important to take into account your own subjective view of the matter - just cause legally this is the case, it might not necessarily feel like it for you. That's ok, but do know what he did was completely unacceptable. If it has traumatized you, he should be held to account.
Last edited by Khanthebrit; 3 weeks ago
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username5234220
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#9
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Another thing is that it's hard to know what your sexual relationship with him is like. This is a very nuanced and generally difficult matter. Did he interpret your 'no' as playful? Have you guys had rough sex or rape role plays in the past? Were you both sober? What has your relationship with him otherwise been like? Has he done this before?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Daniel Danielson)
Another thing is that it's hard to know what your sexual relationship with him is like. This is a very nuanced and generally difficult matter. Did he interpret your 'no' as playful? Have you guys had rough sex or rape role plays in the past? Were you both sober? What has your relationship with him otherwise been like? Has he done this before?
We were both sober and we never really role play tbh. I did tell him after that I was a bit upset that he didn’t stop when I told him to. He apologised and said that it was the heat of the moment but I haven’t mentioned it again and just kept it to myself. It does still make me kind of upset that he didn’t listen bc I was stressing as there is a chance to get pregnant without any protection but I didn’t rlly know what else to do. I’m not going to be doing anything to him bc I love him and I’ve planned a future with him but I’ve just been questioning if it was technically rape or not.
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username5234220
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#11
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We were both sober and we never really role play tbh. I did tell him after that I was a bit upset that he didn’t stop when I told him to. He apologised and said that it was the heat of the moment but I haven’t mentioned it again and just kept it to myself. It does still make me kind of upset that he didn’t listen bc I was stressing as there is a chance to get pregnant without any protection but I didn’t rlly know what else to do. I’m not going to be doing anything to him bc I love him and I’ve planned a future with him but I’ve just been questioning if it was technically rape or not.
I'm not really sure what to say about this besides my two cents I provided earlier. Regardless, I hope you're ok.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Daniel Danielson)
I'm not really sure what to say about this besides my two cents I provided earlier. Regardless, I hope you're ok.
Thank you I appreciate it😊
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ANM775
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#13
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this does definitely meet the definition of rape i'm afraid.
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Rahamma
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#14
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This isn’t throwing the word around casually. It is definitely rape. You are definitely not overreacting. Furthermore I would say you’ve under-reacted. You made it clear that you did not want to continue and he pushed you down and forced you. It’s been playing on your mind probably because you feel violated.

I personally think you should maybe speak to one or two people that are close to you. But I hope you’re ok! ❤️
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HattieTheSwann
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Yes. This is 100% Rape. He continued EVEN when you said No.
May I just take a moment to commend your bravery for posting this here. Many people are raped and never mention anything EVER throughout their lifetimes.
I would go to the authorities if you're brave enough (I know there is a lockdown but don't worry) because what if he does this to you again? And the girl after you and the girl after her and so on and so forth. Alot of people who suffer this end up with long lasting emotional issues. He needs to understand that NO means NO. Reporting it takes alot of bravery and has to be done pretty soonish but worrying about getting told off for breaking lockdown is the least of your worries rn tbh. You are in a vulnerable situation.
I have PCOS and I would NEVER have sex without my bf without contraception. Forget pregnancy- the fact that your "bf" didn't want to use condoms is irresponsible and shows a complete lack of care towards you because of STIs etc, I mean what if he is visiting other people? You don't know under a lockdown.
I know you must be scared and anxious but I implore you to tell someone about this or at the very least cut off ALL ties from him. You deserve 10000000% more than him you really do. IGNORE everyone who says 'no it isn't rape'- it is. Plain and clear. There are plenty of BFs out there who will treat you better than this, I promise you.
Please leave him x He is not your Boyfriend he is a rapist and needs to understand that he cannot behave that way. It may take time but please tell at least someone if you can. There are people you can go to talk about this and we are here if you ever need us. PM if you need to.
Edit: I agree with above comment- you have underreacted but the fact you have mentioned it makes it clear that you are clearly uncomfortable with him... that should be telling you that something isn't right.
Last edited by HattieTheSwann; 3 weeks ago
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whatitdobabyeee
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That's 100% rape. If the person does not stop the second you say no, it's rape.
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Moonbow
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We were both sober and we never really role play tbh. I did tell him after that I was a bit upset that he didn’t stop when I told him to. He apologised and said that it was the heat of the moment but I haven’t mentioned it again and just kept it to myself. It does still make me kind of upset that he didn’t listen bc I was stressing as there is a chance to get pregnant without any protection but I didn’t rlly know what else to do. I’m not going to be doing anything to him bc I love him and I’ve planned a future with him but I’ve just been questioning if it was technically rape or not.
I would really be careful. ‘Heat of the moment’ or not, you saying no is a withdrawal of consent. It is quite likely something like this could happen again, and you really need to think if you’d be happy with that same situation in the future. I know you’ve planned a whole future together but there are so many guys out there that’d be perfect for you and not put their desires before your concerns. It’s your call, but if it were me I wouldn’t risk it. I hope you’re ok :console:
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1brownieaday
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Okay first of all, just because he's your partner doesn't mean he can't rape you.

Definition of rape by the dictionary:
unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

The moment you did not give him the consent to continue, it was rape by definition. Now it's on you to decide how far you want to take this. But for me I would say he sincerly broke my trust in him as my partner and I would need a break and a sincere apology of him.

We also have to stop seeing rape as only a kidnapper who throws punches at us and leaves us bleeding on the floor. It is important for you to know rape has many different faces and honestly, do you really want a boyfriend who does not accept a no? No partner is worth you having to seek for help because YOU are too embarassed of what HE did!
(Original post by Anonymous)
I did tell him repeatedly to stop but he didn’t listen and I tried to push him off but it didn’t work because as he’s way stronger than I am, but he just pushed me down and continued. Probably will have to talk about the situation again as it has put me off having sex. I understand rape is a very strong word and should not be thrown around casually however this topic has been on my mind for the past few days and I didn’t know what to do or who to tell as I didn’t want my friends involved. Thank you for the reply tho!
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B100100100
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, I'm not comfortable in talking about this topic with my friends hence why I am uploading it here. Anyways my bf has been coming to see me ever since lockdown has eased and so one day he came and we didn't have any condoms. I hesitated at first bc I'm not even on contraception ( I have a similar condition to PCOS ) but then I agreed, he did assure me that we didn't have to have sex but I felt bad. Anyways 15 minutes later I'm telling him to get off bc I don't want to continue bc I was stressing that 1. no condom 2. no contraception but he just pushed me down and continued. Ever since then I've kinda just been feeling off around him, obvs I'm not going to go to the authorities or anything bc I do regard him as my partner and he has been there for me more than anyone else has and he makes me really happy, but that one incident just put me off doing the deed. Am I overreacting?
If you say stop and he continues it is no longer consensual sex and therefore rape. You obviously feel uncomfortable and uneasy which you wouldn't if it hadn't been wrong. If you don't want to go to the authorities I would strongly suggest breaking up with him because regardless of how he will try and spin this, he has raped you.

Obviously not easy to hear and I'm very sorry but you need to make sure you're safe.
All the best xx
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Anonymous #2
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Wow... some people get into relationships with the nastiest of people.
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