The Student Room Group

Scroll to see replies

Reply 20
I'd say the personality you've described is more attractive than the ridiculously over-confident ones.
Reply 21
Anonymous
Thank you for your reply, it's been really helpful. I think you might be right about this. A few of my other friends who kind of know the girls I mentioned have said that it's really obvious they are jealous of me because a lot of people say I'm pretty with a nice personality, and they often get called insulting names. They have actually started rumours about me, saying that the only reason I'm slim is because I make myself sick after meals, and that I sneak off to the gym everyday and pretend I'm doing something else (these aren't true at all). It just upsets me that they have to put me down to make themselves feel better. But because I'm sensitive their comments upset me.



Sorry but why the hell are you friends with these girls? They obviously don't see you as a friend if they treat you like that, they sound like scum.
Reply 22
I don't really think being shy and not super outgoing put men off, I and my two closest friends are total bitches to most guys and usually go around insulting them but that seems to interest them even more, whereas I know girls who try really hard but guys just lose interest
Reply 23
Anonymous
Thank you for your reply, it's been really helpful. I think you might be right about this. A few of my other friends who kind of know the girls I mentioned have said that it's really obvious they are jealous of me because a lot of people say I'm pretty with a nice personality, and they often get called insulting names. They have actually started rumours about me, saying that the only reason I'm slim is because I make myself sick after meals, and that I sneak off to the gym everyday and pretend I'm doing something else (these aren't true at all). It just upsets me that they have to put me down to make themselves feel better. But because I'm sensitive their comments upset me.




The thing is, I already make effort with my appearance. I have done quite a lot of part-time modelling in the last few years so I have picked up good tips on make-up and hair, and girls at uni always asked me to do their make up for them before nights out. I am sure that my problem is because of my lack of confidence with guys. A couple of years ago a guy I knew at uni told me, when he was drunk, that his friends all think that I'm hot but unapproachable because I'm too reserved and shy. This really upset me because at the end of the day, personality is the most important thing. I don't even care about having a good-looking boyfriend at all, I only really care about personality.



Ah damn, internet explorer crashed - hate vista! lost my reply :frown:

Basically: lose the horrible friends slowly, just phase them out politely by just chosing to spend more time with others and making new friends. I've been in that position before and felt so much better without such bitchy friends (who also happened to be larger, have nasty personalities and kept pulling guys like there was no tomorrow). Get out of there as soon as you can!

As for guys: try giving each one you see a big smile. try to look them in the eye! try to look relaxed around them. Don't cross your arms or legs or wring your hands. and as i said, look at them and smile :smile: .
You have nothing to worry about, one day a guy with enough guts will come along to flirt with you and ask you out. Take what your male friend said to heart - they all like you, but they just think you'll reject them. You are lovely, so in the end one will come along. I know it can be a hard wait and can eat at your confidence, but believe me, you have no reason to worry. They'll come eventually, don't worry :yep:
Reply 24
i definatly think you have got in with the wrong friendship group. they seem to be causing you alot of trouble, now you say that they make up rumours like described they sound utterly horrific. like the two ugly stepsisters or something. i wish you all the best cause you sound like a wicked girl. hang in there some guy will come along.
well in all honesty, nothing is going to change unless you at least fake being confident. once you do that, you really start chilling out more. thats what i do for interviews and stuff becausei dont want to appear nervous, i like people to think im confident. you have to change the way you think, and to do that you have to stop holding yourself back form what you want to do and go for it. if u see a hotty go dance with them and stuff because youll most likely never have to see these people ever again if it doesnt go to plan.
Reply 26
xtinkerbellx
well in all honesty, nothing is going to change unless you at least fake being confident. once you do that, you really start chilling out more. thats what i do for interviews and stuff becausei dont want to appear nervous, i like people to think im confident. you have to change the way you think, and to do that you have to stop holding yourself back form what you want to do and go for it. if u see a hotty go dance with them and stuff because youll most likely never have to see these people ever again if it doesnt go to plan.


It's strange because in most situations I actually am confident. In interviews and stuff like that I don't even have to fake confidence because I act confident naturally. The only time I'm not confident is when I'm with guys, especially confident, intimidating ones. I just feel paranoid and assume everything I say sounds stupid. When I go out I get attention, but only from guys who make it clear they are only after one thing.
Reply 27
i have the same problem but with females, although my friends dont tell me im pretty!
i have loads of female friends, and can talk freely with them, just no relationships emerging, i know im still young but everyone else is in a relationship and im not!
its not fair! all i want to be is happy!
Reply 28
Anonymous
It's strange because in most situations I actually am confident. In interviews and stuff like that I don't even have to fake confidence because I act confident naturally. The only time I'm not confident is when I'm with guys, especially confident, intimidating ones. I just feel paranoid and assume everything I say sounds stupid. When I go out I get attention, but only from guys who make it clear they are only after one thing.

they come up to you because they are used to getting shot down. They try their luck with 20 girls that night, and so aren't hurt if they are shot down.
normal, decent guys are going to be dead scared you will turn them down as you are beautiful. do what ever you can to encourage them. Don't worry, i know it doesn't help much to hear this, but you will find someone in time. Normal guys do get more confident and work out what kind of girl to go for - and you'll be top of their list then and they will talk to you and try to get with you. Just hang in there, hun!
Reply 29
Adarah
they come up to you because they are used to getting shot down. They try their luck with 20 girls that night, and so aren't hurt if they are shot down.
normal, decent guys are going to be dead scared you will turn them down as you are beautiful. do what ever you can to encourage them. Don't worry, i know it doesn't help much to hear this, but you will find someone in time. Normal guys do get more confident and work out what kind of girl to go for - and you'll be top of their list then and they will talk to you and try to get with you. Just hang in there, hun!


I think a big problem is my friendship group. It seems like a good way to meet guys is through friends, but I don't really get the chance. My friends who I see regularly don't really have many male friends, and the ones they have are into drugs etc. so don't interest me. I went to visit a friend recently and we went out and i got chatting to one of her male friends (I was tipsy so quite confident), and he seemed interested. He lives on the other side of the country so obviously it was a bit useless, but it made me realise that my social circle at home really doesn't help me. I think it's hard to meet random guys on nights out because it's hard to tell who's nice and who's not.
insanetothebrain
Show some skin, also dont hang around with these mingers.

haha sorry this comment made me laugh :p: x
I know how you feel OP! I'm so so shy around guys. I never know what to say, or how to behave. I always feel like I'm going to make a tit out of myself, so I usually end up sitting out on the dancing because I'm too self concious; so me sat by myself isn't usually a great indicator to guys to say 'hi, I'm available'. And when I am introduced to guys I never know what to talk about - I work in a substance misuse service, which sounds utterly boring and don't have any hobbies/interests nor do I go to uni or study anything, so conversation tends to go stale pretty quickly so it sounds like I'm uber boring.
I really haven't written much to instill any sort of confidence, but I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone.
Reply 32
Anonymous
I think a big problem is my friendship group. It seems like a good way to meet guys is through friends, but I don't really get the chance. My friends who I see regularly don't really have many male friends, and the ones they have are into drugs etc. so don't interest me. I went to visit a friend recently and we went out and i got chatting to one of her male friends (I was tipsy so quite confident), and he seemed interested. He lives on the other side of the country so obviously it was a bit useless, but it made me realise that my social circle at home really doesn't help me. I think it's hard to meet random guys on nights out because it's hard to tell who's nice and who's not.


meeting guys on nights out is a surefire way to end up with someone who just wants sex. Not always, but if you want a proper relationship, then that's not normally the best place to look, it's more like, the worst!

part time jobs are one of the best places to meet guys, along with school/uni courses and of course hobbies, such as sports. Through friends is a really good way too, but as you said, your friends don't know many decent guys.
Reply 33
Ilora-Danon
I know how you feel OP! I'm so so shy around guys. I never know what to say, or how to behave. I always feel like I'm going to make a tit out of myself, so I usually end up sitting out on the dancing because I'm too self concious; so me sat by myself isn't usually a great indicator to guys to say 'hi, I'm available'. And when I am introduced to guys I never know what to talk about - I work in a substance misuse service, which sounds utterly boring and don't have any hobbies/interests nor do I go to uni or study anything, so conversation tends to go stale pretty quickly so it sounds like I'm uber boring.
I really haven't written much to instill any sort of confidence, but I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone.


Thanks for your reply. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.(BTW, I don't think your job sounds boring at all!). It's strange becuase when I go out I'm always dancing and having a good time with my friends, but I just don't get approached and my friends (the ones i mentioned in my first post) usually do. I just think there's something that makes me look unapproachable and I'm not sure what it is!
Since you're anon, I don't know what you look like so I can't judge, but it may because you're intimidating to guys, like they think you must already have a bf so they don't approach you or something. I complain to my girl mates all the time, and that's what they reckon - guys already think I'm attached and thus they don't think they have a chance.... It's so frustrating, I can totally sympathise!!
Reply 35
just try meeting lots of new people. sooner or later you'll come across someone that you just click with. alot of men find being shy quite attractive anyway.
Reply 36
I've been on holiday to the USA twice in the last 2 years and when I went to clubs and bars there, I got approached by a lot of guys. I didn't even make effort to make eye contact and smile in the first place, they just approached me. I ended up having good conversations with many guys, and they weren't sleazy at all, and were much better looking than guys I've seen out in England. It's so strange, because it's the complete oppostie here! Here, only sleazy guys approach me. I have no idea why it's so different there. I know Americans like the British accent, but that doesn't explain why they approached me before they knew I was English.
Reply 37
Actually, if you hang around with mingers, u'll look even more pretty and get more atteention via the shire difference in attractiveness
Reply 38
Rozzo89
Actually, if you hang around with mingers, u'll look even more pretty and get more atteention via the shire difference in attractiveness


That's what I always thought, but then some people think that if you hand around with good looking (or at at least average) people, then you are more attractive as a group, and guys will be more enouraged to come over. What do you all think? Not that this would change who I hang around with, i'm just interested.
Reply 39
Rouge
I don't really think being shy and not super outgoing put men off, I and my two closest friends are total bitches to most guys and usually go around insulting them but that seems to interest them even more, whereas I know girls who try really hard but guys just lose interest


You always strike me as such a lovely ray of sunshine.