Why didn’t my boyfriend get hard?

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Jan205728
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Ok let me give some background information

Me and my boyfriend are 19 and just started becoming intimate. Up until this point I have never questioned his attraction to me. We were partially undressed (top half) and kissing, he did some stuff to me and after it had finished I wanted to test the waters on his side and touch him but he was completely soft (first time I’ve attempted to touch him). He literally said oh there’s nothing hard under there haha and we left it and carried on kissing instead.

does this sound normal ? Have I done something wrong ? I assumed he would be in to it from doing things to me but he wasn’t down there.
any advice would be great, thanks
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Jan205728
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Forgot to mention: he’s a Virgin too ? Dk if that helps 🤷🏼*♀️
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Helianthuss
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yes, that's normal! sometimes he won't always get hard; there are other factors that determine that issue, such as possible medications, trauma or just not feeling it. the fact that he kissed you passionately is enough for me to be convinced that he is attracted to you. sometimes when my boyfriend and I are cuddling, he isn't always hard, but I have known him to get a semi-erection from this, or from me being naked, but not always. however, when we kiss passionately, he almost always becomes erect, so it just depends on the individual. don't worry! doubts in a relationship are what destroy them
just know that if he wasn't attracted to you then he likely wouldn't even be exclusive with you, let alone dating you!
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mgi
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(Original post by Jan205728)
Forgot to mention: he’s a Virgin too ? Dk if that helps 🤷🏼*♀️
Yes. Very relevant. Probable nerves and performance distractions!
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maaryj28
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It isn't likely you.

It could be psychological (in his mind, maybe being nervous, or feeling shame, or something else), or it could be physiological (something physical with his body).

If he cannot get an erection at all he should get checked out by a doctor, it could be something minor but best to make sure.

If he can get an erection but just not with you then you just need to talk it through openly and figure it out. It might be easier (or more difficult) for him to talk to a psychotherapist.

Keep it lighthearted, stress or feeling pressured would likely just make it worse.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by maaryj28)
It isn't likely you.

It could be psychological (in his mind, maybe being nervous, or feeling shame, or something else), or it could be physiological (something physical with his body).

If he cannot get an erection at all he should get checked out by a doctor, it could be something minor but best to make sure.

If he can get an erection but just not with you then you just need to talk it through openly and figure it out. It might be easier (or more difficult) for him to talk to a psychotherapist.

Keep it lighthearted, stress or feeling pressured would likely just make it worse.
I do wish people would stop packing guys off to the doctor for every little thing! He's a boy, not a machine - we don't have a semi 24/7 waiting for the nearest girl (or boy) to come along and fondle it into a raging stiffy! It's more likely just nerves, stress, or he was tired. Give the lad a break - it'll happen if it's meant to.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do wish people would stop packing guys off to the doctor for every little thing! He's a boy, not a machine - we don't have a semi 24/7 waiting for the nearest girl (or boy) to come along and fondle it into a raging stiffy! It's more likely just nerves, stress, or he was tired. Give the lad a break - it'll happen if it's meant to.
It could also be that she is also inexperienced at what she is doing as well.
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