Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#1
My dad has a bad credit score due to being a gambling addict and my parents have a joint mortgage. My mums credit score is good but our house is too small to fit all of us. Because of my dad, there’s so many things we can’t do. We can’t afford to save up for anything due to having to pay so many bills and all the savings that my parents had before, he wasted on gambling. now we struggle so much financially. I was thinking about how if they remortgaged the house they could extend it but once again, because of my dads bad credit score, I don’t think they can. My mum has wanted to divorce my dad for a long time but she financially depends on him due to being unwell and she doesn’t want my little brother to see a divorce. Any advice
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claireestelle
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My dad has a bad credit score due to being a gambling addict and my parents have a joint mortgage. My mums credit score is good but our house is too small to fit all of us. Because of my dad, there’s so many things we can’t do. We can’t afford to save up for anything due to having to pay so many bills and all the savings that my parents had before, he wasted on gambling. now we struggle so much financially. I was thinking about how if they remortgaged the house they could extend it but once again, because of my dads bad credit score, I don’t think they can. My mum has wanted to divorce my dad for a long time but she financially depends on him due to being unwell and she doesn’t want my little brother to see a divorce. Any advice
Apart from working yourself to help your families income, there's not much you can do in a practical sense. You can gently remind your mum that children get through divorce sometimes in a better place because then they are seeing their parent happy rather than clearly not in a good relationship.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
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Yh I’m tiring of feeling like I’m trapped. She wants to but the house is in my dads name too and he refuses to move out and tells her to.
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Feastful
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My dad has a bad credit score due to being a gambling addict and my parents have a joint mortgage. My mums credit score is good but our house is too small to fit all of us. Because of my dad, there’s so many things we can’t do. We can’t afford to save up for anything due to having to pay so many bills and all the savings that my parents had before, he wasted on gambling. now we struggle so much financially. I was thinking about how if they remortgaged the house they could extend it but once again, because of my dads bad credit score, I don’t think they can. My mum has wanted to divorce my dad for a long time but she financially depends on him due to being unwell and she doesn’t want my little brother to see a divorce. Any advice
I doubt your little bro enjoys seeing your parents battle each other over your dads problems anymore than you do.
The biggest help would be if your mother stopped enabling your dad and he saw up to his problems.
The best thing you can do is to support your mother emotionally and help her believe that she can live a life that is not dependent on your dad.
Until your dad sorts out his gambling problems, any money gained will go down the drain quickly.
What makes you think he is even being honest about his credit score? I can bet you that his financial situation is 10x worse than he has allowed you all to believe!
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
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I think it is worse
He kept taking loans out and used them to gamble and the joint account that my parents had, he kept asking my mum for a thousand pounds each time. My mum was oblivious to what he was doing because she trusted him at the time and he was the type to be stingy with his money.
He ruined his credit score and is still paying back loans and now we’re stuck. We can’t save and every year he does something and then we’re financially struggling even more.
I don’t know how she would cope because she depends on him financially since she’s become really unwell and can’t work at the moment.
And he won’t move out because he says how it’s his house too and that she should instead.
He doesn’t really understand what my dad has caused since he’s young. He’s closer to my dad so if he wasn’t here, my brother would notice.
I’m only 17, I’ve been looking for job but it’s so hard to focus on studying with all of this stress. I feel really stuck and tired of telling my dad to sort himself out because it’s really negatively affected us but i don’t think he cares.
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Feastful
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think it is worse
He kept taking loans out and used them to gamble and the joint account that my parents had, he kept asking my mum for a thousand pounds each time. My mum was oblivious to what he was doing because she trusted him at the time and he was the type to be stingy with his money.
He ruined his credit score and is still paying back loans and now we’re stuck. We can’t save and every year he does something and then we’re financially struggling even more.
I don’t know how she would cope because she depends on him financially since she’s become really unwell and can’t work at the moment.
And he won’t move out because he says how it’s his house too and that she should instead.
He doesn’t really understand what my dad has caused since he’s young. He’s closer to my dad so if he wasn’t here, my brother would notice.
I’m only 17, I’ve been looking for job but it’s so hard to focus on studying with all of this stress. I feel really stuck and tired of telling my dad to sort himself out because it’s really negatively affected us but i don’t think he cares.
The more money your dad gets, the more he can gamble. Money in the bank is just enabling his behaviour. And remortgaging the house would be no different!

Your parents problem is not that they don't have enough money, but that what money they do get is gambled away by your dad. And if you lose the house, you really will lose everything! A house is a real palpable brick and mortar asset, it's worth more than cash that could be gained from a new mortgage. Don't put the house on the line because it will get gambled away like all the money so far!

Parents do not have to live together to be good parents. Your mum is suffering because of your dads behaviour and that is making her less able to be a mum and a functional person. And I hate to say it, but until your dad is able to get a handle on his gambling problems, then the thing that matters most to your dad right now is not you or your brother, but his gambling (he's not taking out loans for you guys, he is taking out loans to continue funding his addiction). He may love you all but at this point, it sounds like he needs a MAJOR intervention because it doesn't seem like he can help himself.
Some gambling addicts have to lose everything before they can face up to their addiction.

Have you all tried a family intervention?
It is important that your mum finds out the true extent of the families financial situation (all the hidden loans, the true extent of the debt).
Last edited by Feastful; 8 months ago
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PhoenixFortune
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think it is worse
He kept taking loans out and used them to gamble and the joint account that my parents had, he kept asking my mum for a thousand pounds each time. My mum was oblivious to what he was doing because she trusted him at the time and he was the type to be stingy with his money.
He ruined his credit score and is still paying back loans and now we’re stuck. We can’t save and every year he does something and then we’re financially struggling even more.
I don’t know how she would cope because she depends on him financially since she’s become really unwell and can’t work at the moment.
And he won’t move out because he says how it’s his house too and that she should instead.
He doesn’t really understand what my dad has caused since he’s young. He’s closer to my dad so if he wasn’t here, my brother would notice.
I’m only 17, I’ve been looking for job but it’s so hard to focus on studying with all of this stress. I feel really stuck and tired of telling my dad to sort himself out because it’s really negatively affected us but i don’t think he cares.
Are you in a position to move out with your mum? You could contact the council and ask if you can be placed somewhere/enquire about benefits your mum might be entitled to etc.

The only other thing you can do is persuade your mum not to give him access to any more money (cash or access to a bank account in her name).
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
#8
He doesn’t anymore
He tried taking money out of her account once but she called the police and he never did it again
I don’t think it’s fair that we have to move out when he’s causing all of the problems
It has affected her mentally a lot. It’s been happening for so many years. She forget things a lot and she’s depressed. I think they should get divorced and so does my mum want to but she says that no one would look after her if she became ill and she’d never find anyone to marry again.
True our house is too small to fit all of us in that’s why i was thinking remortgaging is another option but now I’m worried that my dad might do something to make us lose the house
It’s horrible all of my siblings seem depressed, they all stay upstairs apart from my little brother and I feel horrible too because of all of these financial problems but then i think others have it worse.
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Feastful
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn’t anymore
He tried taking money out of her account once but she called the police and he never did it again
I don’t think it’s fair that we have to move out when he’s causing all of the problems
It has affected her mentally a lot. It’s been happening for so many years. She forget things a lot and she’s depressed. I think they should get divorced and so does my mum want to but she says that no one would look after her if she became ill and she’d never find anyone to marry again.
True our house is too small to fit all of us in that’s why i was thinking remortgaging is another option but now I’m worried that my dad might do something to make us lose the house
It’s horrible all of my siblings seem depressed, they all stay upstairs apart from my little brother and I feel horrible too because of all of these financial problems but then i think others have it worse.
Your mum sounds like she has a lot of self-esteem issues. However marriage is not about being a maid to someone or vice versa (and irregardless your dad is hardly looking after anyone at the moment!). Worrying about whether she will re-marry again is not a priority issue. Do you think she is aware of how miserable you all are because of your dad?
Your dad is the constant negative factor in this equation, as a family you need to try to intervene but you also have to be prepared to move out. Your little brother growing up in this environment is no life.

A lot of people become addicted to gambling because they feel depressed their mind finds the rush & rewards of it all very addictive. Has your dad ever sought professional help for his gambling or any other problems? Have you ever had a frank discussion with him about stuff?
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PhoenixFortune
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
He doesn’t anymore
He tried taking money out of her account once but she called the police and he never did it again
I don’t think it’s fair that we have to move out when he’s causing all of the problems
It has affected her mentally a lot. It’s been happening for so many years. She forget things a lot and she’s depressed. I think they should get divorced and so does my mum want to but she says that no one would look after her if she became ill and she’d never find anyone to marry again.
True our house is too small to fit all of us in that’s why i was thinking remortgaging is another option but now I’m worried that my dad might do something to make us lose the house
It’s horrible all of my siblings seem depressed, they all stay upstairs apart from my little brother and I feel horrible too because of all of these financial problems but then i think others have it worse.
If the house is in his name only, and his debts get too high, it is possible that he may have to sell assets to pay off his debt. Whether that's his car if he has one, his possessions, or the house, that will be for the bailiffs/courts to decide if it escalates that far.

Have you tried asking him to get help, or is he someone that cannot be reasoned with?

It might be a good idea to see your GP to discuss your mental health. They might also be able to put you in touch with relevant support groups/charities.
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Anonymous #1
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My mum and dad own the house that’s why my dad refuses to move out because he also owns it.
Does that mean he could remortgage without my mums permission?
We’ve done everything. He went to councillors and my parents had counselling but he still carried on. We’ve always told him not to but once again he does it
We were financially ok before he did this and no we really struggle.
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PhoenixFortune
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My mum and dad own the house that’s why my dad refuses to move out because he also owns it.
Does that mean he could remortgage without my mums permission?
We’ve done everything. He went to councillors and my parents had counselling but he still carried on. We’ve always told him not to but once again he does it
We were financially ok before he did this and no we really struggle.
Whether both your parents own 100% or 50& each, he cannot remortgage the house without her permission as it's a joint asset. If the courts get involved due to debt however, your mum could be forced to sell the house if his debts need paying with proceeds of the sale.

The only other avenue you could possibly go down is asking advice from Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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No wonder he hasn’t done that.
If he was able to remortgage without my mums consent, he would’ve done it already and we would’ve lost the house by now.
I feel like I’ll never escape this and I feel a lot of pressure to do well and earn enough money to help my mum out.
My dad did move out once, but he came back
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SteveyStack
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No wonder he hasn’t done that.
If he was able to remortgage without my mums consent, he would’ve done it already and we would’ve lost the house by now.
I feel like I’ll never escape this and I feel a lot of pressure to do well and earn enough money to help my mum out.
My dad did move out once, but he came back
Sorry to hear of your issues.

My advice is not an ideal solution but may be the best long term. As you are not being abused I think you should try and stick around and work hard to try to get into uni. Once there you should work part time or during summers so you have the best chance of having some money should your family lose their home.

You should never give your father access to your accounts and should see if there are further measures you can take to protect your money.

People will say to move out but at 17, with no savings, you are swapping one life of financial pressure for another. I would try to learn from your parents existence and work hard, so that if your parents lose their house you will be able to support your mother and brother. You still have a roof over your head and while your current situation is not good it could be worse and you could be in real danger so I would try to hang tight and find a way to lift yourself out of it.

I am sorry if my advice doesn’t sound good (or a nice option) but people often say to move out ect without understanding the huge financial burden of doing so
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Anonymous #1
#15
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
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Before, i really wanted to move out for uni but now I’m thinking I shouldn’t just because I could save a lot of money from staying at home but I can’t handle the stress. My parents constantly argue and my dad always does something to make us financially struggle.
Yh my situation could be worse since there’s people that have no choice but to get out due to abuse, domestic violence.
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