snobbery vs bettering life :(

I come from a proper working class background - my mum, a single parent, is a low paid carer with a hard job. I was brought up on a rough street where I made my friends.

Fast forward 7 years later.

I'm at uni after working hard for grades throughout my school years to get there and my mum now is carer to one of my old best friend's disabled aunts. I'm excited because I haven't seen my first best friend in years - my last time seeing her she had been skiving school etc and we drifted apart as I was the opposite, dedicated to achieving so I could one day try out a different life and not be one of the drug users on my street etc so I put everything into education and working hard. I was really happy to learn this friend - 'claire' i will call her - seemed to be doing well, working in a retail job, learning to drive etc so I found her on bebo and we got talking and arranged to meet up.

The initial meet up went well, although she seemed very embarrassed and awkward at points and occasionally gave me weird kind-of-mocking looks when i told her about my life in uni. I ignored it though and really tried my best to put her at ease, letting her know I was just normal when she seemed to be looking at me like some high and mighty Queen other species or something stupid like this lmao and encouraging her she too was intelligent and that everything i'd done in life was not because i was super clever or anything, i was just making my mum proud lol. I talked relaxed like I would with any other person, with a little more slang than I might usually use but, still, I didnt feel uncomfortable. in fact, once the initial prejudice from her died down as I ensured I made her see I was just.. normal haha it seemed to go really well. We arranged another time to see one another, this time at her house which I hadn't been too since i was very young.

this time it felt different though. i'll cut this down: this time, she was dressed in proper chav clothing which I can't help but see as threatening from experience. Still, I tried hard to be normal and talk to claire not the clothing on top of her. We went to her neighbourhood - scary place - and she showed me a photo of her boyfriend - a guy holding a knife in one picture. I walked back to my house a little shaken to be honest, before I believed she was working to change and I would help in any way I could, but now I really wasn't sure. I felt... different. I stress I completely didnt let it show. I was friendly and normal but internally, I just felt out of place. I text to meet up again (half heartedly though now i admit) but she text back she was busy and we haven't spoken since.

I took up a job in Mcdonalds but i really hated the job. i should maybe stuck longer at it but i knew i was leaving to go back to uni anyways and would get another job in my uni town. My mum really gave me a hard time over it and when i spoke to one of the long term older staff it was depressingly presented to me as "the only job", it was very hard to get another sort of thing. My mum tells claire's disabled aunt about it as she works who calls me a "snob" - a woman i've known in childhood!. My mum also somewhat seems to agree as she lays it into me and I've just finished crying because its an awful thing to say to someone, particularly someone who cares so much about other people and what they think.

I've never considered myself in this light, I have a completely working class heart and I strive to help other people. All I've ever tried to do is improve myself and now, I have, I don't seem to fit where I used to. am i snob?? what is the difference between snobbery and wanting to change your life and help others achieve their potential too? This has really upset me.

:frown:

Reply 1

Son of Makuta

You're not a snob. Snobbery's a state of mind. You don't have that mindset, it's clear; ergo, you aren't one. :smile:

Ok, that's easier said than believed. But don't worry yourself too much about it. Most people won't judge you as a snob from being in university. Intelligence =/= "Jeeves, fetch the tea and the Daily Mail quick sharp!" Of the people I know who're going to my uni (Oxford of all places), I'd describe most of them as either mildly insane or metalheads (I'm both) rather than posh! In 99% of life situations, it won't matter a squit. So don't worry about it :smile:

It's quite possible that it's simple jealousy that's motivating Claire and, by family extension, her aunt. It can happen. People who are different from what another person sees as 'the norm' also attract prejudice or derision (ask anyone who got picked on in primary school) and to Claire, who's evidently used to a more chavvy society, you and your educatedness stick out like a sore thumb. The automatic human defence is to react fiercely, which with today's sophisticated communication between people can take pretty much any kind of form, from cold-shouldering to derision to actual violence.

I wouldn't let it bother you. The fact that you have a "working class heart" matters little too; don't bother yourself with class boundaries. I've no real idea which class I behave like and I don't give a flying pig. It's quite liberating :smile:

Chin up, put it aside and enjoy university! :biggrin:

Reply 2

Solid_Snake_100

lol, did you see eastenders today by any chance???

Reply 3

fleur_de_haine

They're chavs, their opinions are hardly important; unless of course her boyfriend has it in mind to stab you to death.

More seriously, don't take it to heart, people who lack motivation always find something to use against those who do.

Reply 4

DavidYork

I'm usually the first to have a pop at someone if they display snobbery or pomposity, It irks me when people judge others and look down on them. It doesn't seem like you are like that at all though. You seem very nice. You've grafted hard to get yourself out of the gutter and that's good.

Other people are probably just jealous that they didn't have the strength to do it so they find ways to belittle you to make themselves feel better. I grew up on a council estate too and I know what it's like, there is always a lot of people who hate to see anyone succeed and do well for themselves.

Try not to let it bother you, you aren't a snob.

Reply 5

Z-6H820

As cliched as it sounds, it's personality that matters, not money or 'class', this girl just sounds a bit thick tbh if she doesn't mind her boyfriend posing with knives. nothing to do with her money or class. don't think of yourself a someone with a 'working class heart' because 'working class' people insulting middle class people too or consciously thinking theirselves to be 'different' is snobbery aswell and just as bad.
basically, don't worry about it, you don't sound snobby and as long as you don't judge you're fine :smile:

can't everyone just be friends :smile:

Reply 6

tigermoth99

Going to uni to make a better life for yourself doesn't make you a snob. I think there is a certain amount of jealousy going on here and you shouldn't let it get to you.