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Angry with fat people
First of all I'll clarify before people jump in that I don't mean people who have health issues/immobility nor those who have are just a bit chubby.
I mean seriously fat. Lately I've been around and got to know for the first time somebody who is very obese. I really like this guy.Not in a romantic sense should I add, he's younger and I have a boyfriend, but I just admire him as a person. He's a really witty,clever and funny teenager.
Except he's 20 stone. Now this doesn't change his personality, but everytime I'm around him I just want to shake him and tell him to do something because he's ruining his life. It makes me so sad. I've seen pictures of when he was younger, and he'd be drop dead gorgeous if he didn't have the weight. But instead of having girls chasing after him he has never had a girlfriend. Even with simple things like walking around the place, he's the one who has to sit down tired because he can't go on further. I mean a 19 year old guy should be a bundle of energy not waddling around feeling out of breath after a few steps.
I've had to bite my tongue, because it made me so angry everytime I saw his plate piled high with chips and fried food, chocolate cake with cream on the side and various fizzy drinks during the day while everyone else had a balanced meal.
I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
I mean seriously fat. Lately I've been around and got to know for the first time somebody who is very obese. I really like this guy.Not in a romantic sense should I add, he's younger and I have a boyfriend, but I just admire him as a person. He's a really witty,clever and funny teenager.
Except he's 20 stone. Now this doesn't change his personality, but everytime I'm around him I just want to shake him and tell him to do something because he's ruining his life. It makes me so sad. I've seen pictures of when he was younger, and he'd be drop dead gorgeous if he didn't have the weight. But instead of having girls chasing after him he has never had a girlfriend. Even with simple things like walking around the place, he's the one who has to sit down tired because he can't go on further. I mean a 19 year old guy should be a bundle of energy not waddling around feeling out of breath after a few steps.
I've had to bite my tongue, because it made me so angry everytime I saw his plate piled high with chips and fried food, chocolate cake with cream on the side and various fizzy drinks during the day while everyone else had a balanced meal.
I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
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When you say lately how lately do you mean? How long have you known him?
If you're getting towards being good friends with him then you should say something. Say you're worried about what its doing to him and you dont want him to get hurt and that eating so much can cause serious problems and he doeswnt deserve it.
Hope that helps. =]
Mike x
If you're getting towards being good friends with him then you should say something. Say you're worried about what its doing to him and you dont want him to get hurt and that eating so much can cause serious problems and he doeswnt deserve it.
Hope that helps. =]
Mike x
You're right to want to help.
If you can get away with it and it won't seem too harsh.. just ask, 'does it bother you to be overweight?' explain that you see how it affects his life and that if he wants help dieting you'd help him and encourage him. Maybe (if he lives at home) convince his mum to cook lean meals etc.
It's so nice hearing such a good attitude to this issue. Obesity is an awful thing and it needs to be dealt with on an individual scale. Basically, what you're doing for your friend, your concern even, is admirable. =]
If you can get away with it and it won't seem too harsh.. just ask, 'does it bother you to be overweight?' explain that you see how it affects his life and that if he wants help dieting you'd help him and encourage him. Maybe (if he lives at home) convince his mum to cook lean meals etc.
It's so nice hearing such a good attitude to this issue. Obesity is an awful thing and it needs to be dealt with on an individual scale. Basically, what you're doing for your friend, your concern even, is admirable. =]
I think you should just leave him to it. At the end of the day, this guy must know he is obese, hes probably been told time and time again by other people and you saying it too is not going to help him.
He wants you as a mate, not as someone who comes and lectures him everytime he eats a slice of Pizza.
If he wants help, then he can get it there is lots of things available on the NHS and I'm sure he could get support if he wanted it. The way he lives is his choice and if you stick your nose in you are only going to irritate him and possible cause him to get upset.
It doesnt sound like you know him well enough to make such a sharp observation either, its his business and I think its probably best you keep out of it unless he asks for your advice or opinion.
He wants you as a mate, not as someone who comes and lectures him everytime he eats a slice of Pizza.
If he wants help, then he can get it there is lots of things available on the NHS and I'm sure he could get support if he wanted it. The way he lives is his choice and if you stick your nose in you are only going to irritate him and possible cause him to get upset.
It doesnt sound like you know him well enough to make such a sharp observation either, its his business and I think its probably best you keep out of it unless he asks for your advice or opinion.
PaperMoon
I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
I've felt like this with some other people I've known, but I've never seen someone with his problem. He has great potential, which is only endangered by him eating so badly. I'm not sure if I should say something. Is it my place to help? What would be best in this case? What would help this person stop eating himself into an early grave?
Does he actually want help? Has he mentioned that he's unhappy and that he's been trying to lose weight and is struggling? If he hasn't said he wants to lose weight I wouldn't bother saying anything, people have to decide for themselves that they are going to change their lifestyle and stick with it.
If he does bring the subject up, you could suggest that he goes to his GP and gets an appointment with a dietician.
A lot of people also eat for emotional comfort, so he may be obese because he has issues that he uses food to avoid dealing with, in that case you may want to approach kind of gently.....
But that may not be the case, with the amount of people that are obese now I suppose not everybody can have emotional problems.
But that may not be the case, with the amount of people that are obese now I suppose not everybody can have emotional problems.
mollymustard
I think you should just leave him to it. At the end of the day, this guy must know he is obese, hes probably been told time and time again by other people and you saying it too is not going to help him.
He wants you as a mate, not as someone who comes and lectures him everytime he eats a slice of Pizza.
If he wants help, then he can get it there is lots of things available on the NHS and I'm sure he could get support if he wanted it. The way he lives is his choice and if you stick your nose in you are only going to irritate him and possible cause him to get upset.
It doesnt sound like you know him well enough to make such a sharp observation either, its his business and I think its probably best you keep out of it unless he asks for your advice or opinion.
He wants you as a mate, not as someone who comes and lectures him everytime he eats a slice of Pizza.
If he wants help, then he can get it there is lots of things available on the NHS and I'm sure he could get support if he wanted it. The way he lives is his choice and if you stick your nose in you are only going to irritate him and possible cause him to get upset.
It doesnt sound like you know him well enough to make such a sharp observation either, its his business and I think its probably best you keep out of it unless he asks for your advice or opinion.
I agree with this completely. My best friend is a large guy, and yes, I worry about his health, but no, I wouldn't criticise his eating habits in any way of my own accord. As mollymustard says, your friend will be completely aware of the fact, and doesn't need his confidence knocking by you - it doesn't change him at all, and aside from slight health concerns it's nothing he should feel bad about.
If he opens up to you, and asks for help, then you can provide it; but don't just say something, that won't do a thing except make things worse for him. He needs support, and to know that it doesn't make a difference; rather than feeling like his weight's something to be ashamed of. He might not want to lose weight, either.
If I were you I wouldn't say anything unless I knew him really well and even then I'd still be reluctant to say anything. I'd bet it'd be a tad annoying for him if someone he hardly knew started telling him things he'll have probably heard before a million times.
If he's as smart as you've put across I'm sure he'll be aware of it all already and it wouldn't do anything good imo.
If he's as smart as you've put across I'm sure he'll be aware of it all already and it wouldn't do anything good imo.
This thread title made me laugh at first. I get annoyed because their sizes are always available in shops when size 6/8s are no where to be seen 
It's up to your friend really, maybe he's just happy with his lifestyle. If you were a good friend, you'd accept him as he was and not try and change him. Just because he eats junk and weigh 20 stones, well its his choice!
It's up to your friend really, maybe he's just happy with his lifestyle. If you were a good friend, you'd accept him as he was and not try and change him. Just because he eats junk and weigh 20 stones, well its his choice!
No problem discussing it, but if he doesn't want help why give it?
He might even be happy with his lifestyle, who are you to condemn?
He might even be happy with his lifestyle, who are you to condemn?
mollymustard
This.
Also, you probably have no idea what is going through his mind and that is like his way of coping or something. If he wants to get rid of the weight he will, and only when he is ready.
Hope I helped.
Well, me 'accepting him as he is' isn't an issue here, I completely do and I hope that comes across. His size doesn't make a difference in our friendship.
As for the title, it is true, I get angry with him and some other people because they are often so smart, so much nicer than some other people and yet they're doing this to themselves and can't enjoy life as much as they should.
Also, I obviously wouldn't say anything horrible....Was just wondering if there's any nice way of helping, because I feel like I should.
As for the title, it is true, I get angry with him and some other people because they are often so smart, so much nicer than some other people and yet they're doing this to themselves and can't enjoy life as much as they should.
Also, I obviously wouldn't say anything horrible....Was just wondering if there's any nice way of helping, because I feel like I should.
How dare you think you can try to control, or be 'angry' about who he is. If you are his friend you should like him for who he is. Not what he is. I dont imagine hes that happy being obese, and if he could choose, im sure he would choose to be thin. However, he probably has some kind of problem in which he comfort eats, or uses food as some sort of release. Telling him he's obese and you want to help isnt going to do much. Because 1. He probably already knows he is obese 2. Someone bringing it up is not going to make him feel good about it. When he wants to do something about it, he will. Don't think you can start lecturing him on how to live his life. Be there for him as a support as a friend, if he ever does need your help, he will ask for it.
Just leave him, its his own life hes destroying
robbo3045
How dare you think you can try to control, or be 'angry' about who he is.
When he wants to do something about it, he will. Don't think you can start lecturing him on how to live his life. Be there for him as a support as a friend, if he ever does need your help, he will ask for it.
When he wants to do something about it, he will. Don't think you can start lecturing him on how to live his life. Be there for him as a support as a friend, if he ever does need your help, he will ask for it.
I haven't said anything, so I'm not trying to control anyone. Also, I'm not going sit there and lecture.
My line of thinking was that if I got to that stage I would really like for people to reach out in some way, even if it's just to make me feel better about myself. I assumed others would like that too.
PS: Also, curious as to why people feel it's the best way to leave others to their own devices and not bring it up at all when it comes to obesity? Particularly when it kills so many and very few people have the willpower to change just by themselves.
PaperMoon
Well, me 'accepting him as he is' isn't an issue here, I completely do and I hope that comes across. His size doesn't make a difference in our friendship.
As for the title, it is true, I get angry with him and some other people because they are often so smart, so much nicer than some other people and yet they're doing this to themselves and can't enjoy life as much as they should.
Also, I obviously wouldn't say anything horrible....Was just wondering if there's any nice way of helping, because I feel like I should.
As for the title, it is true, I get angry with him and some other people because they are often so smart, so much nicer than some other people and yet they're doing this to themselves and can't enjoy life as much as they should.
Also, I obviously wouldn't say anything horrible....Was just wondering if there's any nice way of helping, because I feel like I should.
What do you mean can't enjoy life as much as they should? YES THEY CAN! The very fact that you get angry with him means you don't accept his lifestyle, and who he is. Just because you feel like you should help, doesn't mean he wants your help.
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