Double messaging to get her attention

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Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So I very rarely get attention from girls, not because i'm bad looking or weird. Infact, not even being egotistical (because i am quite modest) but i would say that i am a good looking guy, i'd say im above average intelligence, i can easily create conversations, i have a wide range of interests and i lift weights 5x a week and run 3 times a week aswell as picking a warehouse job just to burn more calories over the summer until i go back to uni, so i like to stay in shape. Saying all this i am quite surprised that the type of girl im going to talk about doesn't match with me on the regular.

I'll be honest my confidence has been knocked pretty hard with the matches i get, i believe everyone is attractive in their own way but alot of the girls i match with aren't what i would say attractive to me, but that isn't even the problem for me. It's the fact that these girls just don't create conversation, literally one word replies and it utterly baffles me as to why they are on the app and why they would match with me.

The reason that first and second paragraph is important is that i rarely get any attention from girls, infact i dont have a single DM from a girl right now. I understand that girls may not find me attractive and that they get alot of DMs. But when a girl who is attractive shows an interest i get very happy, i get an obsession as such, im very chilled so for me to have an obsession and wanting to double message a girl is out of character for me. So let me explain it -

We only spoke for like 6 hours and it was about 15 messages, but with the messages they were about 8-10 lines each, asking questions and interested in what we were talking about. We both shared a common interest of archery and axe throwing (I've never done it but she has). Once again for me a girl that i find very attractive and cute actually having a conversation with me is completely rare, whereas, to her conversations to guys most probably is just the norm.

Now we last messaged Friday night i was going to leave it till Wednesday and send her another message but i just thought that was too far away, so im going to send one tonight. The problem i have here is either i come off desperate and weird or what i want to come off as someone that is keen and interested on this girls interests. I think to myself that if i've got one life i shouldn't give up on someone after not replying once, atleast give it another go and put another message there to see if she is interested or not.

I understand that girls like her, who in my eyes is very cute and from her looks a girl that i would 100% want to date will get so many messages and my type of message most probably isn't out the norm. I'm just tired of talking to girls that just give me one word replies and just have no substance in their conversation, so when a girl that is very attractive and has substance in her conversation has a convo with me, i actually feel happy when they reply and start to over think the situation. I'm going to message her at like 8 tonight because i think (like stated before) Wednesday is just too far away. I know she is most probably on her phone and what not thinking nothing of the conversation, which is an interesting concept. But i really hope she replies to me because she ticks alot of boxes for myself.

Do you guys have any tips for another message, someone who is a girl, what do you think of this situation? Would you be flattered that someone messaged you again (you might have just forgot to reply and went on with your life) or would it just be too weird. I also understand we only talked for a handful of hours, but i don't know, i really wanna peruse this girl for some reason, something in my gut is telling me to
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Anonymous #1
#2
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pursue**
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Zarek
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#3
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Send her a message and see if you can move it to a date. But You’re over analysing things. Bear in mind that internet dating is rubbish and you’d be much better with pub, hobbies, friends of friends or work to find someone.
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Surnia
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#4
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Why would you be planning exactly what day you would message, and do you actually have anything to say in a message before then? Let there be a bit of spontaneity instead of overthinking and planning to the nth degree.

I keep saying on here, if you want a conversation with proper back and forth, use your mobile phone for the purpose for which it was originally intended. Talk!
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Anonymous #2
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Honestly, in my experience the majority of girls on tinder are self-absorbed attention seekers, they are on there just to get random people to compliment them and to show interest in them, even when they have no intention of replying or putting any effort into the conversation. Don’t waste time on the app.
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Anonymous #1
#6
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(Original post by Zarek)
Send her a message and see if you can move it to a date. But You’re over analysing things. Bear in mind that internet dating is rubbish and you’d be much better with pub, hobbies, friends of friends or work to find someone.
That's the plan! I know i am but when you don't get that much attention these things happen. I mean i do have hobbies but I can't go to them now and there wasn't any girls there anyway, the thing with friends of friends for me its the same as online dating but way more awkward if nothing comes of it
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Anonymous #1
#7
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(Original post by Surnia)
Why would you be planning exactly what day you would message, and do you actually have anything to say in a message before then? Let there be a bit of spontaneity instead of overthinking and planning to the nth degree.

I keep saying on here, if you want a conversation with proper back and forth, use your mobile phone for the purpose for which it was originally intended. Talk!
Because i wanted to obviously give her time to respond and not be overbearing if she didn't respond the next day, of course i was answering a question she asked and finished it off with a question to her. Eh, talking on the phone isn't really a thing now a days
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Anonymous #1
#8
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(Original post by Surnia)
Why would you be planning exactly what day you would message, and do you actually have anything to say in a message before then? Let there be a bit of spontaneity instead of overthinking and planning to the nth degree.

I keep saying on here, if you want a conversation with proper back and forth, use your mobile phone for the purpose for which it was originally intended. Talk!
Because i wanted to obviously give her time to respond and not be overbearing if she didn't respond the next day, of course i was answering a question she asked and finished it off with a question to her. Eh, talking on the phone isn't really a thing now a days

(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly, in my experience the majority of girls on tinder are self-absorbed attention seekers, they are on there just to get random people to compliment them and to show interest in them, even when they have no intention of replying or putting any effort into the conversation. Don’t waste time on the app.
Thankfully for me this is on Hinge, which i have the most success on actually having conversations with girls. I agree with Tinder, it's a **** show of girls having an ego boost. This girl i do feel is different, i know the girls you're talking about, the ones i refer in my OP with the one word answers. But this girls seems intelligent and can actually hold a conversation.
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Zarek
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's the plan! I know i am but when you don't get that much attention these things happen. I mean i do have hobbies but I can't go to them now and there wasn't any girls there anyway, the thing with friends of friends for me its the same as online dating but way more awkward if nothing comes of it
Fair point, dating isn’t easy. But I swear the virtual world isn’t the answer, it’s even more treacherous. I’d rather go to a job interview.
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LovelyMrFox
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If you want to talk to her, talk to her. That doesnt make you desperate.
Your overthinking things a bit.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because i wanted to obviously give her time to respond and not be overbearing if she didn't respond the next day, of course i was answering a question she asked and finished it off with a question to her. Eh, talking on the phone isn't really a thing now a days
But if you don't like talking, how will you manage on a date? It will be much more quickfire than 15 messages over 6 hours. You claim you can create conversations, but if that's online and not so much in real life, work on it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Surnia)
But if you don't like talking, how will you manage on a date? It will be much more quickfire than 15 messages over 6 hours. You claim you can create conversations, but if that's online and not so much in real life, work on it.
I am 100% fine on creating conversations in real life, that isn't an issue. What i'm saying is talking on a phone isn't a thing done anymore. I have complete confidence in myself that I can talk to a girl via text and in person, that isn't the issue here
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
If you want to talk to her, talk to her. That doesnt make you desperate.
Your overthinking things a bit.
It's the mannerism i go at it though, I've sent another message, but i dont know if its coming off too keen and overbearing to her. I know i overthought this situation, its just a frustration that its a rarity to get this type of conversation from girls in general, but in particular a girl that i find very attractive
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Anonymous #1
#14
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(Original post by Zarek)
Fair point, dating isn’t easy. But I swear the virtual world isn’t the answer, it’s even more treacherous. I’d rather go to a job interview.
hahaha i do agree with you, virtual world seems not to be the answer, but i refuse to believe that every girl out there can't formulate a conversation.
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LovelyMrFox
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's the mannerism i go at it though, I've sent another message, but i dont know if its coming off too keen and overbearing to her. I know i overthought this situation, its just a frustration that its a rarity to get this type of conversation from girls in general, but in particular a girl that i find very attractive
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable ( minus breakups and relationship issues ). If your stressing and becoming this frustrated over this, perhaps you should take a break from online dating?
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Oxford Mum
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I very rarely get attention from girls, not because i'm bad looking or weird. Infact, not even being egotistical (because i am quite modest) but i would say that i am a good looking guy, i'd say im above average intelligence, i can easily create conversations, i have a wide range of interests and i lift weights 5x a week and run 3 times a week aswell as picking a warehouse job just to burn more calories over the summer until i go back to uni, so i like to stay in shape. Saying all this i am quite surprised that the type of girl im going to talk about doesn't match with me on the regular.

I'll be honest my confidence has been knocked pretty hard with the matches i get, i believe everyone is attractive in their own way but alot of the girls i match with aren't what i would say attractive to me, but that isn't even the problem for me. It's the fact that these girls just don't create conversation, literally one word replies and it utterly baffles me as to why they are on the app and why they would match with me.

The reason that first and second paragraph is important is that i rarely get any attention from girls, infact i dont have a single DM from a girl right now. I understand that girls may not find me attractive and that they get alot of DMs. But when a girl who is attractive shows an interest i get very happy, i get an obsession as such, im very chilled so for me to have an obsession and wanting to double message a girl is out of character for me. So let me explain it -

We only spoke for like 6 hours and it was about 15 messages, but with the messages they were about 8-10 lines each, asking questions and interested in what we were talking about. We both shared a common interest of archery and axe throwing (I've never done it but she has). Once again for me a girl that i find very attractive and cute actually having a conversation with me is completely rare, whereas, to her conversations to guys most probably is just the norm.

Now we last messaged Friday night i was going to leave it till Wednesday and send her another message but i just thought that was too far away, so im going to send one tonight. The problem i have here is either i come off desperate and weird or what i want to come off as someone that is keen and interested on this girls interests. I think to myself that if i've got one life i shouldn't give up on someone after not replying once, atleast give it another go and put another message there to see if she is interested or not.

I understand that girls like her, who in my eyes is very cute and from her looks a girl that i would 100% want to date will get so many messages and my type of message most probably isn't out the norm. I'm just tired of talking to girls that just give me one word replies and just have no substance in their conversation, so when a girl that is very attractive and has substance in her conversation has a convo with me, i actually feel happy when they reply and start to over think the situation. I'm going to message her at like 8 tonight because i think (like stated before) Wednesday is just too far away. I know she is most probably on her phone and what not thinking nothing of the conversation, which is an interesting concept. But i really hope she replies to me because she ticks alot of boxes for myself.

Do you guys have any tips for another message, someone who is a girl, what do you think of this situation? Would you be flattered that someone messaged you again (you might have just forgot to reply and went on with your life) or would it just be too weird. I also understand we only talked for a handful of hours, but i don't know, i really wanna peruse this girl for some reason, something in my gut is telling me to
Welcome to the world of internet dating! You sound like a nice, genuine guy. You have had a decent conversation with her that's not just a couple of words (and that's quite rare). If you last messaged on Friday and it's now Sunday, why not message her to ask her how she's doing?

You never know, you may get another conversation back. Show a bit of interest in her and get to know her better. Ask her if she'd like to meet at a later point, and if she may feel comfortable doing this, or if she would just like to chat for now. That puts her in control, and will make her feel more at ease with you.
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SoulfulTwist
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#17
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Haven't read the whole thing, but yes double messaging can get our attention
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Anonymous #1
#18
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Dating is supposed to be enjoyable ( minus breakups and relationship issues ). If your stressing and becoming this frustrated over this, perhaps you should take a break from online dating?
Well it's not that i find talking to her frustrating, it's just the fact she hasn't replied, someone not showing the same interest in yourself while over thinking will do this. I actually haven't been on dating apps for 4 months because i was talking to someone, she eventually just lead me on for 6 weeks and literally told me the day before i started talking to this girl that she wasn't interested. It didn't bother me and i just deleted her off everything, so when i started talking to this guy i have the understanding that everything happens for a reason. Im just hoping she replies because i'm fed up of being single
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LovelyMrFox
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#19
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well it's not that i find talking to her frustrating, it's just the fact she hasn't replied, someone not showing the same interest in yourself while over thinking will do this. I actually haven't been on dating apps for 4 months because i was talking to someone, she eventually just lead me on for 6 weeks and literally told me the day before i started talking to this girl that she wasn't interested. It didn't bother me and i just deleted her off everything, so when i started talking to this guy i have the understanding that everything happens for a reason. Im just hoping she replies because i'm fed up of being single
You seem to imply that you are willing to rush a relationship just to not be single?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
Welcome to the world of internet dating! You sound like a nice, genuine guy. You have had a decent conversation with her that's not just a couple of words (and that's quite rare). If you last messaged on Friday and it's now Sunday, why not message her to ask her how she's doing?

You never know, you may get another conversation back. Show a bit of interest in her and get to know her better. Ask her if she'd like to meet at a later point, and if she may feel comfortable doing this, or if she would just like to chat for now. That puts her in control, and will make her feel more at ease with you.
Thank you for that, i was raised to respect everyone haha! I did message her, but it wasn't about how she was doing, more along the lines of the last message i sent her. She said about how she had a job one summer working at a camp doing archery etc and gave me the company, so i just looked into it and saw there are multiple camps and said -

"Which center did you go to? There's quite a few that look really good" (this was at 7pm today - still no reply at 9pm)

Hoping that with a question and reinforcement that i've actually looked into it will show her that im generally interested in her life (just clarify i also have 2 other messages that was replying to her before hand that i sent back to back on Friday night). I will of course (if she does reply) ask at some point down the line if she wants to meet up, but thats if she replies and i really hope so, I've been messed about these past few years and i really would love to have someone that i can be comfortable with and big each other up and show an interest in my life.
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