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Marriage as a Muslim Girl

Hey sisters (and others),

So recently I have been thinking of/ looking to get married. However, I have just realised how difficult it is for most people but more significantly Muslim women. This is because we Muslim women can't marry into other religions. Our spouse has to be Muslim... it is compulsory.

Muslim men on the other hand can just go for a woman of the book e.g a Jewish woman or Christian etc. I have always overlooked this but honestly still don't understand why it is like this? I will follow this rule of course but it is a little bit frustrating because there are plenty of men out there that are not Muslim but are still good people (in some cases better than certain Muslim men).

Can any sisters relate to this? And if you can provide any tips/reasoning on this topic please do :smile:

Reply 1

21ForEva

Hey there.

I'm a Muslim as well and can definitely relate to this. I do think it's a bit patriarchal if the man can go and marry whoever they want.
I've heard some scholars say Muslim women can marry outside their religion but must make their partner's convert... which doesn't always go down well if your prospective husband doesn't want to (I believe he should do this, only if his intentions are true).

I feel the same way - I don't think it should matter whether you're religious or not. If you're a good person, then that should be enough. It's really hard and it sucks when you've been bought up to think that you should only marry "within your own".

I feel like, you should just do what your heart tells you to do. If someone makes you happy and they're not Muslim (or don't want to convert), then I don't see why you shouldn't marry them. All I'm saying is, your happiness means a lot. I always ask people, so would it be okay to marry a guy who's been bought up as a Muslim but doesn't actually practise then? I honestly feel like (in my experience/network of family/friends), you're pressured to marry a Muslim to please society rather than marrying a Muslim to follow the rules of Islam. I know loads of people are going to disagree with me right now but as a disclaimer: that's just my opinion.

So honestly I don't have any other advice/tips on this because I, myself haven't actually been in this situation - I've actually never been courted/had a boyfriend so I'm inexperienced in this department.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

majority of the scholars today say this should not be done for men now as well because many are not practicing though they claim to be from the faith.

a man has conditions to marry a Christian women or Jewish women. he can't marry an agnostic or an atheist.

if they have children the children have to be Muslim along with others which I can't recall right now.

many Muslims don't choose to marry out of their faith for this reason

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah very true. It's just sad seeing all these Muslim men marrying these ladies outside of their faith and then later on getting divorced and usually the children are left confused and tend to follow into the mothers religion. Especially in recent years, I have seen this happen first hand.

Children are usually closer to their mothers side so I guess I am a bit baffled as to why men can marry women outside of their faith but women can't do the same.

Reply 4

georgeparapet

I'm Muslim and I know of loads of Muslims who married people of different religions.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by georgeparapet

I'm Muslim and I know of loads of Muslims who married people of different religions.

I agree that lots of Muslims (majority of them being men) do marry outside their faith however it has always been advised and I'm sure there are some verses in the Quran which emphasise that Muslim women should not be with non-Muslim men.

Reply 6

georgeparapet

Original post by Anonymous

Oh yes, you're absolutely right. Sorry for doubting you.
I've just read exactly that on some website.
I always thought that'd be more of a cultural thing.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by georgeparapet

Oh yes, you're absolutely right. Sorry for doubting you.
I've just read exactly that on some website.
I always thought that'd be more of a cultural thing.

No worries at all. I used to think the same thing but I guess it isn't a cultural thing at all.

Reply 8

londonmyst

I'm not a follower of islam, my best friend is.
She works as a model in India and has dated guys of all religious backgrounds.
Her sect is liberal shia, accepts interfaith marriage for men & women and her parents have always welcomed all their children's friends.
Guys belonging to the same islamic sect and others are almost always put off by her dietary allergy fearing it will be a hereditary problem.

The orthodox Judaism and Christianity of the ancient era firmly prescribed religious endogamy- for both men and women.
Plenty of scriptural quotes containing rather blunt admonitions against marriage to anyone outside of the religion (atheists, pagans or members of other religions).
Within traditionalist christianity converts were generally welcomed but "unbelievers" were despised and generally widely disparaged in the preachings of religious leaders.
Internal marriage requirements serving to promote a long tradition of raising children in compliance with ancient books of scripture and an insular mentality amongst the congregation.
Plus highlighting the openly hostile, separatist and xenophobic "one true religion" religious supremacy agenda for centuries.

However in almost all religions there have always been those willing to divert from the ancient orthodoxy; for love, money, political reasons or to build a healthy family dynasty.
Sometimes with the approval of shrewd religious leaders hoping that an interfaith marriage could pave the way for an eye-wateringly large donation or mass religious conversions.
One example of the latter being the establishment of Christianity in England following the interfaith marriage of the Frankish princess Bertha and pagan Anglo-Saxon ruler Æthelberht of Kent during the 6th century.

I support interfaith marriage.
My mother is a conservative catholic from an ultra-traditionalist family with a tradition of cousin marriages and my father is a loud militant atheist.
Even today, many followers of orthodox judaism will not marry a member of another religion, unless they undertake an orthodox compliant conversion.

All fundamentalist christians decide between either marrying fellow fundamentalist christians, converts to fundamentalist christianity or remaining unmarried and celibate.
Same applies to members of the orthodox church, which welcomes converts but forbids marriage with members of other christian sects or religions.
Many conservative protestant and non-denominational churches strongly advise members not to marry people who are not practising christians.

Catholics have been allowed to marry atheists & members of all other religions since the 20th century postwar vatican ii reforms- as long as neither is divorced and the couple make wedding vows promising to raise their future children as catholics.
In theory, the children are supposed to choose whether they wish to undertake the sacrament of catholic confirmation as adolescents.
Although in practice, a young person refusing to be confirmed as catholic risks generating a lot of anger from a conservative catholic parent and is subjected to a lot of pressure to comply with the religious traditions.