I get triggered/ anxious whenever someone talks about weight loss

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Anonymous #1
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Specifically my family. They are obsessed with it, and my sister who is slim just keeps on talking about it. Not once a day. I would say more than 5 times. I used to struggle a lot with body issues and image and I am on the road to recovery. So I just get scared that I am getting influenced and obsessing over my body too when she does this.

She is also slimmer than me, so when she keeps on telling me how much she wants to become skinnier it makes me feel like I should be hating my body too. She does not have an eating disorder, just trust me on this. She is someone who is very interested in enhancing the way she looks, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Any advice or anyone who relates?
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Pathway
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Are you in therapy for this? It sounds like your sister is unhealthily obsessed with her appearance.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pathway)
Are you in therapy for this? It sounds like your sister is unhealthily obsessed with her appearance.
I never thought it was serious enough for therapy, ygm? Especially since on my own, when I am not in the vicinity of someone who talks about their weight all the time, I am fine.
I think you are right :/ She takes it lightly, but I really get affected by it when she over-does it. I stay quiet and usually do not respond, but she never gets the message. And I am scared to tell her how I feel because I do not want people to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me
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LeapingLucy
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Have an open and honest conversation with your family. Tell them how discussions about weight make you feel, and ask respectfully that if they have to talk about such things, they don't do it in front of you.
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I never thought it was serious enough for therapy, ygm? Especially since on my own, when I am not in the vicinity of someone who talks about their weight all the time, I am fine.
I think you are right :/ She takes it lightly, but I really get affected by it when she over-does it. I stay quiet and usually do not respond, but she never gets the message. And I am scared to tell her how I feel because I do not want people to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me
I'm thinking more as a precautionary thing considering you've said you're "in recovery" - does that make sense? They can help you work through why it bothers you, and give you ways to deal with unpleasant thoughts/feelings that come up because of it. And support you in your recovery from poor body image.

You could just say you don't care, because you don't? But really this is all about boundaries, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to listen to it. Explain how it makes you feel and that you'd much rather not listen to it multiple times a day. Unless it's the only thing they talk about (in which that's an issue in and of itself), this should be fine to accommodate.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LeapingLucy)
Have an open and honest conversation with your family. Tell them how discussions about weight make you feel, and ask respectfully that if they have to talk about such things, they don't do it in front of you.
I have tried that in the past. They said that I have my own complexes I need to work on, and part of solving them is being indifferent to people mentioning weight. They are a family that advocates being tough more than anything and do not sympathies with things like this. Especially since they haven't been through it.

They are right, to an extent. But with all the stresses I am facing at the moment I can not add weight issues to the pile.
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Anonymous #2
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So I think it's worth having another chat with your family and saying how this makes you feel. The Government are running adverts about weight loss now as part of their obesity drive and it's possible that these may trigger you together with your family's comments and lead to further distress. An honest conversation may well help and nip any issues in the bud.

I say this as someone recovering from an eating disorder at the moment and who finds the Government's new adverts very triggering.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pathway)
I'm thinking more as a precautionary thing considering you've said you're "in recovery" - does that make sense? They can help you work through why it bothers you, and give you ways to deal with unpleasant thoughts/feelings that come up because of it. And support you in your recovery from poor body image.

You could just say you don't care, because you don't? But really this is all about boundaries, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to listen to it. Explain how it makes you feel and that you'd much rather not listen to it multiple times a day. Unless it's the only thing they talk about (in which that's an issue in and of itself), this should be fine to accommodate.
You do make a good point. I have not considered it because I made strides on my own. I have improved a lot throughout the past few years. I used to spend every single second of everyday thinking about food and my body and weight loss. Now it does not occupy my thoughts as obsessively or as much. It only started creeping up once again when I started living with her during lockdown and hearing talk about it alllll the time. I am currently seeing a therapist for other issues I have. But if it does get worse, i think I will need to follow your advice.


She gets quite sensitive and defensive whenever I make a complaint like this. My parents started this family trend of belittling me whenever I ask for things like this. They think it is insane for someone to be affected by the mentioning of diets and weight loss. But I think the idea of boundaries you bring up is more than correct. It should be my right to not want to listen to these things and maybe I should be a bit more assertive.
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You do make a good point. I have not considered it because I made strides on my own. I have improved a lot throughout the past few years. I used to spend every single second of everyday thinking about food and my body and weight loss. Now it does not occupy my thoughts as obsessively or as much. It only started creeping up once again when I started living with her during lockdown and hearing talk about it alllll the time. I am currently seeing a therapist for other issues I have. But if it does get worse, i think I will need to follow your advice.


She gets quite sensitive and defensive whenever I make a complaint like this. My parents started this family trend of belittling me whenever I ask for things like this. They think it is insane for someone to be affected by the mentioning of diets and weight loss. But I think the idea of boundaries you bring up is more than correct. It should be my right to not want to listen to these things and maybe I should be a bit more assertive.
In that case, then it might be worth asking your current therapist about it? Sounds like you're doing really well on your own though, any big change can cause issues, so it's understandable you might be struggling with specific aspects of it. Regardless, well done for coming this far.

Assertive communication could be helpful for you to look into? I hope that things improve for you, you're clearly very self aware and you are trying to move forward. I'm sorry your family aren't very supportive though. Should you need/want to chat, for advice or just for someone to listen, you're more than welcome to drop me a message.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I think it's worth having another chat with your family and saying how this makes you feel. The Government are running adverts about weight loss now as part of their obesity drive and it's possible that these may trigger you together with your family's comments and lead to further distress. An honest conversation may well help and nip any issues in the bud.

I say this as someone recovering from an eating disorder at the moment and who finds the Government's new adverts very triggering.
I do not live in the UK, but I think it may be a cultural thing for mine? Along with ridiculing mental health issues like this. They have been doing this my whole life Giving me **** whenever I gain weight. Giving me a nasty look if I want desserts and telling me to not eat. It actually ironically made me gain weight because I started obsessing too. Only by living alone did I finally manage to catch a break and improve.

I have had several honest conversations with them. all they do is use things I say against me. Even always accusing me of hiding things I eat and eating their food. If I tell them I did not, and I genuinely wouldn't have, they give me a lecture on how I am so insecure and defensive (using my body issues as evidence that I am just not admitting to things). It was hell

I am so sorry to hear that :console: I think it is quite a stupid move from the government. These adverts are directed toward the general population, and they should have thought about people with eating disorders.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Specifically my family. They are obsessed with it, and my sister who is slim just keeps on talking about it. Not once a day. I would say more than 5 times. I used to struggle a lot with body issues and image and I am on the road to recovery. So I just get scared that I am getting influenced and obsessing over my body too when she does this.

She is also slimmer than me, so when she keeps on telling me how much she wants to become skinnier it makes me feel like I should be hating my body too. She does not have an eating disorder, just trust me on this. She is someone who is very interested in enhancing the way she looks, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Any advice or anyone who relates?
Talk to them. Not only does it sound like your sister is unhealthy obsessed, but you're feeling anxious too. Just sit down with them and say: talking about weight makes me an anxious, please can you avoid talking about it around me as it makes me feel self conscious.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pathway)
In that case, then it might be worth asking your current therapist about it? Sounds like you're doing really well on your own though, any big change can cause issues, so it's understandable you might be struggling with specific aspects of it. Regardless, well done for coming this far.

Assertive communication could be helpful for you to look into? I hope that things improve for you, you're clearly very self aware and you are trying to move forward. I'm sorry your family aren't very supportive though. Should you need/want to chat, for advice or just for someone to listen, you're more than welcome to drop me a message.
Thank you I think it was because I moved into my uni accommodation and there was only a face mirror, so I could not see my body. That is what started my improvement. So I started spending every day only being able to see my face and rarely seeing my body, which then made me stop starting my day with thoughts about how it looks that would turn to an obsessive spiral. And then when the thoughts died down I started delving deeper to there cause and replacing thoughts with new ones. Spending by time around people who do not give a **** if I gained or lost weight, as opposed to my previous friends and family who constantly obsessed over it. u did not ask to know this, idk why i said this lol


Never heard of the term. I will look into it
Noted and appreciated. Thank you again! :hugs:
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Talk to them. Not only does it sound like your sister is unhealthy obsessed, but you're feeling anxious too. Just sit down with them and say: talking about weight makes me an anxious, please can you avoid talking about it around me as it makes me feel self conscious.
I have in the past, several times. No results I am afraid. Only belittling and ridiculing.

But, I will try being more assertive with it. Specifically with my sister because I am living with her now. Pathway made a good point of needing to set my boundaries assertively.

Thank you.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do not live in the UK, but I think it may be a cultural thing for mine? Along with ridiculing mental health issues like this. They have been doing this my whole life Giving me **** whenever I gain weight. Giving me a nasty look if I want desserts and telling me to not eat. It actually ironically made me gain weight because I started obsessing too. Only by living alone did I finally manage to catch a break and improve.

I have had several honest conversations with them. all they do is use things I say against me. Even always accusing me of hiding things I eat and eating their food. If I tell them I did not, and I genuinely wouldn't have, they give me a lecture on how I am so insecure and defensive (using my body issues as evidence that I am just not admitting to things). It was hell

I am so sorry to hear that :console: I think it is quite a stupid move from the government. These adverts are directed toward the general population, and they should have thought about people with eating disorders.
:hugs: I am sorry you are going through this. That kind of behaviour is absolutely triggering and it's little wonder that you have body issues and I'm actually surprised that's not triggered an eating disorder in itself! They sound very toxic to me if they're not going to listen to your concerns and I'd definitely look to live on your own again what that's feasible (it sounds like you're back at your family's at the moment). I've found it useful to make a positivity journal - in my recovery I've been attending a support group online and my homework this week has been to write a positivity journal. On the front cover, I've put pictures of me that trigger happy memories for me and I've written in it lovely messages and comments that friends have sent to and made about me. Would that be something you could try? To remind yourself that you are far more than what your family say about you.

Thanks and same here. I mean they're directed towards the general population and I'm reminding myself of that, but it's just hard to see these adverts which go on about losing weight when a) my task is to maintain my weight right now and b) it's triggering me to want to lose weight again like I did in the height of my ED.
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you I think it was because I moved into my uni accommodation and there was only a face mirror, so I could not see my body. That is what started my improvement. So I started spending every day only being able to see my face and rarely seeing my body, which then made me stop starting my day with thoughts about how it looks that would turn to an obsessive spiral. And then when the thoughts died down I started delving deeper to there cause and replacing thoughts with new ones. Spending by time around people who do not give a **** if I gained or lost weight, as opposed to my previous friends and family who constantly obsessed over it. u did not ask to know this, idk why i said this lol


Never heard of the term. I will look into it
Noted and appreciated. Thank you again! :hugs:
No, it's actually really good that you recognised ways to help yourself. It's very important to be proactive about your mental health, a lot of people aren't and suffer unnecessarily because of it. I struggle with my body image too, so I get it (I have anorexia nervosa, like another anon has said in this thread, I've been getting frustrated with the ads about weightloss, so I really do relate in various ways). All you can do is challenge yourself when you feel able to, have boundaries and make them known, be kind to yourself and be aware of your needs/wants. You are important just as much as your sister is, etc.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have in the past, several times. No results I am afraid. Only belittling and ridiculing.

But, I will try being more assertive with it. Specifically with my sister because I am living with her now. Pathway made a good point of needing to set my boundaries assertively.

Thank you.
Yeah like: look I'm a bit sensetive about it now but if you continue to make me so uncomfortable my slight discomfort with weight might turn into a something far more serious. Not mentioning weight won't impact you but mentioning it impacts me so please stop.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Pathway)
No, it's actually really good that you recognised ways to help yourself. It's very important to be proactive about your mental health, a lot of people aren't and suffer unnecessarily because of it. I struggle with my body image too, so I get it (I have anorexia nervosa, like another anon has said in this thread, I've been getting frustrated with the ads about weightloss, so I really do relate in various ways). All you can do is challenge yourself when you feel able to, have boundaries and make them known, be kind to yourself and be aware of your needs/wants. You are important just as much as your sister is, etc.
:hugs: Sorry to hear that. I've also had anorexia, then developed bulimia, and now recovering (well just started recovery). I hate those ads with a passion already. They make me feel so inadequate - like I too should be losing weight when I know I shouldn't do that in recovery.
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:hugs: Sorry to hear that. I've also had anorexia, then developed bulimia, and now recovering (well just started recovery). I hate those ads with a passion already. They make me feel so inadequate - like I too should be losing weight when I know I shouldn't do that in recovery.
I'm sorry, it sounds like you've really gone through it! I feel similarly. Good luck going forward. :hugs:
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Pathway)
I'm sorry, it sounds like you've really gone through it! I feel similarly. Good luck going forward. :hugs:
It's ok - three years of this crappy illness sadly, but finally started recovery which I feel glad about. How are you finding everything?
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Pathway
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's ok - three years of this crappy illness sadly, but finally started recovery which I feel glad about. How are you finding everything?
With my ED? I've had it for so long I don't really see a life without it. :dontknow: My situation is pretty complicated (because of various health issues), and the ED Service pretty much gave up with me and discharged me back to my psychiatrist. I'm glad that you chose to start recovery and seem to be doing well with it from what you've said on this thread, you're an inspiration. Maybe one day I'll be there. Keep going!
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