Teachers told my Parents and now i feel trapped

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Anonymous #1
#21
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#21
(Original post by mgi)
Yes, now you are getting there! I bet you feel emotionally lighter already, right?
Guilt and bottling up stuff will definitely cause you to suffer unnecessarily! Chat openly with your parents. Let them know that you appreciate them.
Parenting is a hard game to do! Why? because a lot of parents feel their kids pain and want to help!
lmao yes, I completely agree. Just need to focus on getting rid of the rest of the guilt, and also need to find a way to not subconsciously hold a grudge against my teachers now. sigh.
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mgi
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much for this post - it really helped me lean over to talking to my parents. Had a horrible night last night where I was really done with the overbearing guilt. I couldn't talk to them about the "main" thing (sexuality vs religion) but I managed to cover some of the other topics and it really took some of the guilt away because I got a chance to tell them that it's not their fault and yeah.
I still feel a bit weird about the teachers kind of abandoning me now, but I'm just going to hang in there and pray that it'll all be okay. I'm sure they won't judge me, right?
No they won't judge you! They had to report the situation because if something happened to you and your parents or the headteacher found out then those teachers would probably be sacked because part of their job is Child Protection- not keeping secrets!
You will probably find out that your teachers actually haven't abandoned you either. Teachers are not allowed to abandon kids. There job is actually to do the opposite- otherwise why be a teacher?!
And notice that as you open up about your feelings the less of that useless guilt you get! Your sexuality is your next challenge. That's who you are! Your parents will eventually at some point have to accept this.
But you can take your time to figure out the best way to talk to them about it. You don't have to stress. How old are you?
Childline may be able to help you think about how to discuss stuff with your parents. They won't judge you at all.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
lmao yes, I completely agree. Just need to focus on getting rid of the rest of the guilt, and also need to find a way to not subconsciously hold a grudge against my teachers now. sigh.
Yes, i understand. But see if you can actually be grateful to your teachers! They actually did the right thing. Suppose you were a teacher and a kid told you they were really suffering at home from bad treatment, terrible thoughts, etc, what would you do? say nothing and leave them to suffer every day when they go home? I bet you wouldn't.
And now actually your guilt and suffering is going down. That's a good thing!
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OxFossil
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#24
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There's lots of good advice here. Even though there are bound to be bumps in the road ahead, you've done a great thing in opening up to someone - sorting out stuff like this is almost impossible to do alone.

To repeat what some others have said, your teachers will be dealing with many other pupils who are in a similar situation, and they won't feel anything but compassion for you.

As for other outside help, don't forget you can ask to see a GP or practice nurse without your parents being there, should you really feel the need. Meanwhile, https://www.kooth.com/ is a really good online service for young people. You sign up by selecting the local area you live closest to (for their funding purposes). They have articles, discussion boards to browse or join in. You can also message and have online chat sessions with trained counsellors. It's all free.

Good luck anyway.
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Anonymous #3
#25
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#25
I know where you are coming from I suffer with mental health issues and it effects my life in many ways even school work gets to me I have considered speaking to a teacher but they tell parents it happened to my friend but luckily she wanted her parents to know she still speaks to the teacher when her anxiety starts but I don’t want my parents to and I don’t want my teachers to know as I don’t trust them, so I speak to a counsellor on childline it’s free you can either email them, call them or 1-1 chat. It helps me because they understand you better as it’s there job as they have helped many other people also they don’t tell anyone unless they think your in serious danger and they don’t judge. I have been suffering with mental health issues for 3 years and none of my family knows but i think it is getting worst that’s why I want to consider seeing a therapist but don’t how to do that without anyone knowing but my counsellor did say I can see my GP alone and tell them how I feel. So they childline offer good advice my opinion
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mgi
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#26
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#26
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know where you are coming from I suffer with mental health issues and it effects my life in many ways even school work gets to me I have considered speaking to a teacher but they tell parents it happened to my friend but luckily she wanted her parents to know she still speaks to the teacher when her anxiety starts but I don’t want my parents to and I don’t want my teachers to know as I don’t trust them, so I speak to a counsellor on childline it’s free you can either email them, call them or 1-1 chat. It helps me because they understand you better as it’s there job as they have helped many other people also they don’t tell anyone unless they think your in serious danger and they don’t judge. I have been suffering with mental health issues for 3 years and none of my family knows but i think it is getting worst that’s why I want to consider seeing a therapist but don’t how to do that without anyone knowing but my counsellor did say I can see my GP alone and tell them how I feel. So they childline offer good advice my opinion
Ok. So insist on getting the help you need. Mental health issues are not random; they come from somewhere! Find out the roots with the help of professional people.
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Anonymous #1
#27
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#27
(Original post by mgi)
No they won't judge you! They had to report the situation because if something happened to you and your parents or the headteacher found out then those teachers would probably be sacked because part of their job is Child Protection- not keeping secrets!
You will probably find out that your teachers actually haven't abandoned you either. Teachers are not allowed to abandon kids. There job is actually to do the opposite- otherwise why be a teacher?!
And notice that as you open up about your feelings the less of that useless guilt you get! Your sexuality is your next challenge. That's who you are! Your parents will eventually at some point have to accept this.
But you can take your time to figure out the best way to talk to them about it. You don't have to stress. How old are you?
Childline may be able to help you think about how to discuss stuff with your parents. They won't judge you at all.
Yes that's true...I was just thinking about how they might stop talking to me about this. Even though I've told my parents, I still feel better in a way talking to teachers because the ones I'm talking to are really really helpful in a different way, so I'm just a bit sad that now they've told my parents, they might just be like "welp off you go". And yeah, this sexuality thing is going to take a while but I think I can do it with help from school (I feel like I should have learnt my lesson by now but I really do think that my school has great protection things and also I don't really have any other trusted adults around). I'm 14 and this has kind of been the first "big" incident. My parents have told me off for using Childline before (I don't exactly remember why but I still think its because they want me to be open with them), but I'll try using kooth or something because this has really helped.
One of my friends was talking to the same teacher about her anxiety and she really helped her on a personal level, helping with anxiety attacks and the like, and I'm just kind of hoping that when I go back to school, I'll be able to get some sort of support as well.
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Anonymous #1
#28
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#28
(Original post by mgi)
Yes, i understand. But see if you can actually be grateful to your teachers! They actually did the right thing. Suppose you were a teacher and a kid told you they were really suffering at home from bad treatment, terrible thoughts, etc, what would you do? say nothing and leave them to suffer every day when they go home? I bet you wouldn't.
And now actually your guilt and suffering is going down. That's a good thing!
Oh yes, that's a good point lmao I can't believe I didn't think of that already! I'll remember that everything the teachers are doing is to help me. Thank you
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Anonymous #1
#29
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#29
(Original post by OxFossil)
There's lots of good advice here. Even though there are bound to be bumps in the road ahead, you've done a great thing in opening up to someone - sorting out stuff like this is almost impossible to do alone.

To repeat what some others have said, your teachers will be dealing with many other pupils who are in a similar situation, and they won't feel anything but compassion for you.

As for other outside help, don't forget you can ask to see a GP or practice nurse without your parents being there, should you really feel the need. Meanwhile, https://www.kooth.com/ is a really good online service for young people. You sign up by selecting the local area you live closest to (for their funding purposes). They have articles, discussion boards to browse or join in. You can also message and have online chat sessions with trained counsellors. It's all free.

Good luck anyway.
Thank you so much, I'll have a look at kooth
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Anonymous #1
#30
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#30
(Original post by Anonymous)
I know where you are coming from I suffer with mental health issues and it effects my life in many ways even school work gets to me I have considered speaking to a teacher but they tell parents it happened to my friend but luckily she wanted her parents to know she still speaks to the teacher when her anxiety starts but I don’t want my parents to and I don’t want my teachers to know as I don’t trust them, so I speak to a counsellor on childline it’s free you can either email them, call them or 1-1 chat. It helps me because they understand you better as it’s there job as they have helped many other people also they don’t tell anyone unless they think your in serious danger and they don’t judge. I have been suffering with mental health issues for 3 years and none of my family knows but i think it is getting worst that’s why I want to consider seeing a therapist but don’t how to do that without anyone knowing but my counsellor did say I can see my GP alone and tell them how I feel. So they childline offer good advice my opinion
Yh, I'm in a similar situation like yours - I know a friend who's been talking to a teacher about her anxiety as well, but her parents already knew and she's getting all the support she needs. I really do trust my teachers despite all this, but I'll look up Kooth and Childline in a second. How can we see our GPs alone? Like, just going to the hospital?
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OxFossil
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
... How can we see our GPs alone? Like, just going to the hospital?
It should be simple, just ring up and ask for an appointment. The receptionist might ask why, but you can just say it's a personal issue and they should not ask for more details apart from who you are etc.

When you see the GP, they will obviously have to assess the level of risk you might be facing. If you are under 18, their guidance tells them to ask you whether you want your parents informed and they will probably suggest that you tell them anyway. If you say you don't want them told, they have to decide if you know your own mind and how severe the risk to your health is. A good GP will keep most consultations with a teenager about anxiety, general worrying and mild depression confidential if you are certain you don't want your parents informed. It's only if they think you are at serious risk of doing youself or another person serious harm or have a serious mental illness that they will share info against your wishes.

Trying an online chat with one of the counsellors at kooth is quite a good way of working out whether it's worth going down this route. In any case, please do find someone to help carry the burden. We all need help sometimes.
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Anonymous #1
#32
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#32
(Original post by OxFossil)
It should be simple, just ring up and ask for an appointment. The receptionist might ask why, but you can just say it's a personal issue and they should not ask for more details apart from who you are etc.

Trying an online chat with one of the counsellors at kooth is quite a good way of working out whether it's worth going down this route. In any case, please do find someone to help carry the burden. We all need help sometimes.
Thanks for the information, this was really useful. And yeah, I might think about talking with my counsellor or one online before I do that. My family aren't really used to anyone doing anything out of pain, the worst we've seen are love marriages lmao, so self harming was really difficut for them to understand but they've never "experienced" in. So seeing a GP was completely out of the picture, but I'll keep it in mind. Thank you : )
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OxFossil
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for the information, this was really useful. And yeah, I might think about talking with my counsellor or one online before I do that. My family aren't really used to anyone doing anything out of pain, the worst we've seen are love marriages lmao, so self harming was really difficut for them to understand but they've never "experienced" in. So seeing a GP was completely out of the picture, but I'll keep it in mind. Thank you : )
As you might realise, cutting is now a common response to emotional distress. (dont ask me why!). Understandably, most parents completely freak out about it, but most GPs will have seen it a lot. Thats not to minimise your pain, just to emphasise that you aren't alone with this. MH professionals will be quite understanding and experienced in helping with this kind of stuff.
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mgi
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes that's true...I was just thinking about how they might stop talking to me about this. Even though I've told my parents, I still feel better in a way talking to teachers because the ones I'm talking to are really really helpful in a different way, so I'm just a bit sad that now they've told my parents, they might just be like "welp off you go". And yeah, this sexuality thing is going to take a while but I think I can do it with help from school (I feel like I should have learnt my lesson by now but I really do think that my school has great protection things and also I don't really have any other trusted adults around). I'm 14 and this has kind of been the first "big" incident. My parents have told me off for using Childline before (I don't exactly remember why but I still think its because they want me to be open with them), but I'll try using kooth or something because this has really helped.
One of my friends was talking to the same teacher about her anxiety and she really helped her on a personal level, helping with anxiety attacks and the like, and I'm just kind of hoping that when I go back to school, I'll be able to get some sort of support as well.
You would definitely get fair support from your teachers especially if you just thanked them for their natural concern. They were trying to help you not upset you. I dont think that will change. And you have actually started to feel better!
What is your Head of Year like?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
What is your Head of Year like?
After I told my teacher, she told my head of year, who then told the child protection teacher who then told my parents. Honestly I think my head of year is one of the first people I'd go to, especially because she seems to have mostly understood what I'm going through (she's asexual and teaches rs so she's got a essentially complete understanding of the whole sexuality thing).

This has just reminded me of another thing that was bothering me. The child protection teacher wasn't very good at listening - I know her job isn't talking therapy, but I felt that she thought she knew the full story just by what the other teachers told her, and refused to listen to more, and made quite a few assumptions. Its easy for her to say "well dont't worry about ur sexuality because ur not being pressure to marry now are you?". So yeah.

The only thing is I'm quite worried about privacy with my head of year above all people, because my teacher is just a normal teacher with lots of different classes, no one ever sees the child protection teacher but my head of year is very friendly and lots of people (not me) talk to her a lot and she also does assemblies and things about relevant topics and I'm just slightly concerned that something might come out, but I don't really know. She's an excellent and very respectful rs teacher so I think she'll know. It's scary.
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Anonymous #1
#36
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#36
(Original post by OxFossil)
As you might realise, cutting is now a common response to emotional distress. (dont ask me why!). Understandably, most parents completely freak out about it, but most GPs will have seen it a lot. Thats not to minimise your pain, just to emphasise that you aren't alone with this. MH professionals will be quite understanding and experienced in helping with this kind of stuff.
Yh, thanks for the comforting words, I guess it just comes back to me trusting that my counsellor will be able to help
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mgi
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#37
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#37
(Original post by Anonymous)
After I told my teacher, she told my head of year, who then told the child protection teacher who then told my parents. Honestly I think my head of year is one of the first people I'd go to, especially because she seems to have mostly understood what I'm going through (she's asexual and teaches rs so she's got a essentially complete understanding of the whole sexuality thing).

This has just reminded me of another thing that was bothering me. The child protection teacher wasn't very good at listening - I know her job isn't talking therapy, but I felt that she thought she knew the full story just by what the other teachers told her, and refused to listen to more, and made quite a few assumptions. Its easy for her to say "well dont't worry about ur sexuality because ur not being pressure to marry now are you?". So yeah.

The only thing is I'm quite worried about privacy with my head of year above all people, because my teacher is just a normal teacher with lots of different classes, no one ever sees the child protection teacher but my head of year is very friendly and lots of people (not me) talk to her a lot and she also does assemblies and things about relevant topics and I'm just slightly concerned that something might come out, but I don't really know. She's an excellent and very respectful rs teacher so I think she'll know. It's scary.
You may be overthinking this though. A decent teacher cannot blame a student for struggling with things like sexuality and mental health. I think you will be fine. If that teacher is very respectful then maybe you could talk to her?
Remember that you have improved a lot already and things take time.
Don't be hard on yourself.
What worries you about being a lesbian or gay?
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Anonymous #1
#38
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#38
(Original post by mgi)
You may be overthinking this though. A decent teacher cannot blame a student for struggling with things like sexuality and mental health. I think you will be fine. If that teacher is very respectful then maybe you could talk to her?
Remember that you have improved a lot already and things take time.
Don't be hard on yourself.
What worries you about being a lesbian or gay?
Yh, it's true I'm probably overthinking it. There's nothing necessarily "worrying" me I guess, it's just this overall sudden loss of identity after I realised that I'm probably not straight and how it's not really "approved" by neither my culture nor religion. I'm working towards finding some sort of resolution and as I said, my head of year has helped quite a bit. I feel really worthless because I haven't really got a plan for the future, I feel like I'm not straight but i dont know if that's really who I am or if I'm just subconsiously believing that to be "quirky" or something, I'm not sure if it's a good idea because I want to have children (I'd like to adopt), the rest of my family would probably hate my parents and they dont deserve to go through that, and I feel like I'm going to go to hell basically. Sounds crazy I know but it's just been instilled in me like that and even though I'm very LGBT+ supportive, when it comes to myself I don't know what the right thing is to do. It's been a bit tricky because it's felt like every decision I've made has been the wrong one, like talking to teachers about self harming, etc etc, but I don't know. It's going to take forever and it's so painful because my friends are coming to terms w their sexualities as well now and every time someone comes out to me, I feel so proud that they trust me, but it stings me so much to know that after 4 years I still haven't "decided" and that potentially I will never be able to be proud of my sexuality whether I'm straight or not. If it turns out that I'm straight, how will I tell my future partner "when I was younger, I was attracted to people the same sex as me but here I am with you". I don't know, again, I'm probably overthinking it which is why I've put that all on hold. It's very hard to do that though, much harder than it sounds to just "forget" your identity, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for people having to hide their gender identity.
I'm waiting for a good time to sign up to QChristian and see what they provide, although i'm not too sure if I'm willing to risk it just yet while the situation with my parents is still raw.

Just got to wait and wait and wait and deal with the emotions that come with the wait.

(And thank you so much for being so considerate and asking, this has really helped me especially since contact w school has kind of been cut off for the holidays).
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Anonymous #1
#39
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#39
Also want to add that (I guess it's really fussy of me) but the adults at school said that they'd be there for me during the holidays but when I tried to talk to them they ignore me. Made me a bit sad but I should stop bothering them when they're not paid to work during the holidays. Guess it made me feel lonely.
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Muttley79
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#40
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#40
(Original post by Blueclueless)
I recommend trying something online. They’re sworn to privacy (unless your life is at risk in which they’ll call police) and even if they wanted to they have no way to snitch on you

It’s a sad but realistic fact that teachers are not your friends
Every teacher will say they can't keep a confidence if someone is at risk - if someone tells me they are suicidal then I cannot keep quiet. We are not bound to keep silent - can you imagine the uproar if someone did commit suicide and had told me and I had said nothing?
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