Had an argument with my ex boyfriend and now he isn't speaking to me (advice?)

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Anonymous #1
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My ex broke up with my 9 months ago (togther 4/lived togther). He wanted to remain in contact though i tried to tell him we shouldn't remain in touch. However we have and I have been hopeful that perhaps we could work through things. We have met twice this year. Last time was about 6 weeks ago.

He recently got mad with me because i hadn't mentioned meeting up again. I feel bad because the reason I hadn't was because honestly I'm not in a good place and very depressed. However i have not wanted to tell him this.

When my ex through this up I said that I would like to meet him of course but that I hadn't been doing so great and this was the only reason I hadn't.

He got mad and said that the ball was in my court and that he thought I'd make more of an effort and how this was an issue when we were togther. This upset me and I said we should both be making an effort and told him he was the one that broke up with me so it is unfair to put such expectations on me.

I noticed him becoming distant, he wasn't responding to my messages over a few days or taking a full day and giving a few word responses. I stupidly asked him why he was ignoring me and he said he wasn't. I changed my settings on an app and he thought I'd blocked him (I hadn't).

He then told me to leave him alone, that he didn't want to talk and was busy. I know he isn't busy as he works two days a week...

Am I in the wrong for not suggesting to meet? I feel bad for him thinking i blocked him but I feel his reaction was a bit much. Now he's not spoken to me for 3 days and i don't know if i should message him or just leave it.

I'm really hurt now and confused. I know i probably jumped the gun but I could tell he was hardly contacting me compared with usual

Just looking for advice
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Abzzz57
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My ex broke up with my 9 months ago (togther 4/lived togther). He wanted to remain in contact though i tried to tell him we shouldn't remain in touch. However we have and I have been hopeful that perhaps we could work through things. We have met twice this year. Last time was about 6 weeks ago.

He recently got mad with me because i hadn't mentioned meeting up again. I feel bad because the reason I hadn't was because honestly I'm not in a good place and very depressed. However i have not wanted to tell him this.

When my ex through this up I said that I would like to meet him of course but that I hadn't been doing so great and this was the only reason I hadn't.

He got mad and said that the ball was in my court and that he thought I'd make more of an effort and how this was an issue when we were togther. This upset me and I said we should both be making an effort and told him he was the one that broke up with me so it is unfair to put such expectations on me.

I noticed him becoming distant, he wasn't responding to my messages over a few days or taking a full day and giving a few word responses. I stupidly asked him why he was ignoring me and he said he wasn't. I changed my settings on an app and he thought I'd blocked him (I hadn't).

He then told me to leave him alone, that he didn't want to talk and was busy. I know he isn't busy as he works two days a week...

Am I in the wrong for not suggesting to meet? I feel bad for him thinking i blocked him but I feel his reaction was a bit much. Now he's not spoken to me for 3 days and i don't know if i should message him or just leave it.

I'm really hurt now and confused. I know i probably jumped the gun but I could tell he was hardly contacting me compared with usual

Just looking for advice
Hi, i'm sorry you are in a situation like this. You have to make a decision whether you want to be with him or not. He broke up with you for a reason, is it something you guys can work on? He sounds like he is keeping you hanging on a thread and then getting annoyed at you for not being at his beck and call (just my observation). It sounds like you are going through a lot personally and he isn't being very supportive or helping the situation. I would completely break off the situation, stop talking to him all together and work on yourself. Your mental health is way more important then any relationship (unless its a supportive one). I hope it works out for you and you start to feel better soon.
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Hannah0505
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He is an EX for a reason girl. Find someone better or make him jealous
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Spongebob'sPants
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Your first instinct was right.

You shouldn't have kept in contact with him. And you still shouldn't now, either.

He doesnt have any right to expect you to keep asking him to meet or to show an interest; he broke up with you, remember?

You are much better off protecting yourself and cutting him out.
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Anonymous #2
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You broke up, get the net!
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khadijaaaxxxx
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he's your ex. why do you even want anything with him anyways?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by khadijaaaxxxx)
he's your ex. why do you even want anything with him anyways?
I know, I guess I was hoping we could work through things
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Spongebob'sPants)
Your first instinct was right.

You shouldn't have kept in contact with him. And you still shouldn't now, either.

He doesnt have any right to expect you to keep asking him to meet or to show an interest; he broke up with you, remember?

You are much better off protecting yourself and cutting him out.
Yeah i don't know I feel terrible now since we've stayed in touch for so much longer post break up. I do think he regrets the break up but has expactions of how i should act and I'm not sure why
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khadijaaaxxxx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know, I guess I was hoping we could work through things
i mean, if you want to be friends with him then go for it
but i wouldn't stress to much over him since he's your ex.
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know, I guess I was hoping we could work through things
TBF if you haven't managed to do that in 12 months it's probably not going to happen. Seems you've finally been presented with the opportunity to do what you wanted to do a year ago and go your own separate ways.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Abzzz57)
Hi, i'm sorry you are in a situation like this. You have to make a decision whether you want to be with him or not. He broke up with you for a reason, is it something you guys can work on? He sounds like he is keeping you hanging on a thread and then getting annoyed at you for not being at his beck and call (just my observation). It sounds like you are going through a lot personally and he isn't being very supportive or helping the situation. I would completely break off the situation, stop talking to him all together and work on yourself. Your mental health is way more important then any relationship (unless its a supportive one). I hope it works out for you and you start to feel better soon.
See I still don't know the exact reasons as to why we broke up. So i don't know if it is something we can work on. I've been wanting to discuss this with my ex because I'm I'm sure of how things would work if it's issues we cannot overcome. I wouldn't want to enter a relationship again and then break up a year or so later.

It does feel like he expects me to act a certain way, I suppose I have that expectation of him too, but more so because he broke up with me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
TBF if you haven't managed to do that in 12 months it's probably not going to happen. Seems you've finally been presented with the opportunity to do what you wanted to do a year ago and go your own separate ways.
Yeah I've asked him repeatedly to speak about the break up. Not because I really want to have the conversation but surely it needs to be spoken about if we need to move on?
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I've asked him repeatedly to speak about the break up. Not because I really want to have the conversation but surely it needs to be spoken about if we need to move on?
No for most people I think they just break up and never talk about it and move on individually. That's what I have always done and it's always worked
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
No for most people I think they just break up and never talk about it and move on individually. That's what I have always done and it's always worked
This is the only person I've been with, both late 20s. I tried to go no contact but he kept getting in touch with me. I don't think he wanted the break up and didn't expect me to accept it when he did break up with me. So yeah, it's been confusing having someone dump you but want to remain in your life. I guess I have myself to blame as i allowed it
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is the only person I've been with, both late 20s. I tried to go no contact but he kept getting in touch with me. I don't think he wanted the break up and didn't expect me to accept it when he did break up with me. So yeah, it's been confusing having someone dump you but want to remain in your life. I guess I have myself to blame as i allowed it
That's an incredibly childish thing of him to do, he should have just said that instead of playing games. No use dwelling on mistakes made a year ago however, that doesn't benefit anyone, least of all you. What's important is how you take control of this situation today.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ROTL94)
That's an incredibly childish thing of him to do, he should have just said that instead of playing games. No use dwelling on mistakes made a year ago however, that doesn't benefit anyone, least of all you. What's important is how you take control of this situation today.
I know, tell me about it. We were togther 4 years and even lived togther. Plus I went through a really hard year last year. Yeah you're right, I guess the reason I've wanted to speak about the break up is so I know were i went wrong. I don't know how to take control of it now, I want to message him but I'm worried he will just ignore me or say he doesn't want to talk
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ROTL94
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know, tell me about it. We were togther 4 years and even lived togther. Plus I went through a really hard year last year. Yeah you're right, I guess the reason I've wanted to speak about the break up is so I know were i went wrong. I don't know how to take control of it now, I want to message him but I'm worried he will just ignore me or say he doesn't want to talk
You can message him anyway and tell him how you feel and if he doesn't respond then you know where you stand I guess. I know this probably isn't want you want to read but if you don't get closure as frustrating as it is, you're just going to have to do without it.
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My ex broke up with my 9 months ago (togther 4/lived togther). He wanted to remain in contact though i tried to tell him we shouldn't remain in touch. However we have and I have been hopeful that perhaps we could work through things. We have met twice this year. Last time was about 6 weeks ago.

He recently got mad with me because i hadn't mentioned meeting up again. I feel bad because the reason I hadn't was because honestly I'm not in a good place and very depressed. However i have not wanted to tell him this.

When my ex through this up I said that I would like to meet him of course but that I hadn't been doing so great and this was the only reason I hadn't.

He got mad and said that the ball was in my court and that he thought I'd make more of an effort and how this was an issue when we were togther. This upset me and I said we should both be making an effort and told him he was the one that broke up with me so it is unfair to put such expectations on me.

I noticed him becoming distant, he wasn't responding to my messages over a few days or taking a full day and giving a few word responses. I stupidly asked him why he was ignoring me and he said he wasn't. I changed my settings on an app and he thought I'd blocked him (I hadn't).

He then told me to leave him alone, that he didn't want to talk and was busy. I know he isn't busy as he works two days a week...

Am I in the wrong for not suggesting to meet? I feel bad for him thinking i blocked him but I feel his reaction was a bit much. Now he's not spoken to me for 3 days and i don't know if i should message him or just leave it.

I'm really hurt now and confused. I know i probably jumped the gun but I could tell he was hardly contacting me compared with usual

Just looking for advice
Honestly, your ex sounds like a pain in the arse, he sounds like someone who really is demeaning, how are you meant to know he wanted you to meet up, you're not telepathic to what he was thinking, of course, assuming things and getting worked up over it is normal, we all do that, but, still remaining angry at it, when you clearly explained to him, that's his loss, he's being petty for whatever reason, and honestly, at the end of the day this is not your fault. You can't be too harsh on yourself, for not asking him when you were in a bad place, a person that wanted to work things out with you would sort their issue, rather than just point out your flaws, and it seems like he has issues himself he needs to fix, for instance not accepting your reason and in turn being so openly blunt about it, especially as he thought you blocked him when you didn't. Some people, are just so hard to please, dude. You just have to realise you haven't done anything bad. Leave it, let him cool off and when he wants to talk to you/ or if he wants to, then that's all good. If he doesn't he probably wasn't right for you anyway. You have to understand, not to be hard on yourself
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ZombieTheWolf
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He’s an ex, that’s it. Keep it the way it should be. Would just cut all contact.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
Honestly, your ex sounds like a pain in the arse, he sounds like someone who really is demeaning, how are you meant to know he wanted you to meet up, you're not telepathic to what he was thinking, of course, assuming things and getting worked up over it is normal, we all do that, but, still remaining angry at it, when you clearly explained to him, that's his loss, he's being petty for whatever reason, and honestly, at the end of the day this is not your fault. You can't be too harsh on yourself, for not asking him when you were in a bad place, a person that wanted to work things out with you would sort their issue, rather than just point out your flaws, and it seems like he has issues himself he needs to fix, for instance not accepting your reason and in turn being so openly blunt about it, especially as he thought you blocked him when you didn't. Some people, are just so hard to please, dude. You just have to realise you haven't done anything bad. Leave it, let him cool off and when he wants to talk to you/ or if he wants to, then that's all good. If he doesn't he probably wasn't right for you anyway. You have to understand, not to be hard on yourself
I've messaged him and he is responding but coldy
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