Realised I've got Silent Sinus Syndrome... my mental health has gone to pieces.Watch
Anon because this is a pretty depressing post that just consists of me complaining. I've been away from my account for some time and if I return I don't want this to be associated with it. I've always known I'm not incredibly attractive, especially when Year 8 came around and I started piling on the weight. It's got worse since the quarantine. It'd be nice to attribute me being ugly with just my weight, as it's something I can change and am slowly improving, but I've only recently noticed it's my actual facial features that make me ugly. When people have insulted me for my appearance, it'd always be about my 'jew nose' or how I look 'inbred'. I was always willing to put that on my weight and not wearing too much makeup but no.... It's my eyes that are the main problem. They're only moderately uneven, I only noticed when taking an ID photo a few weeks ago and my sister said I must have put under eye products on only 1 of my eyes when I wore none. But now I've noticed they're naturally uneven I can't unsee it. My self esteem has gone down the drain and it wasn't great already. Me and other people always knew there was something obviously wrong with how I look (my close family have said behind my back I wasn't photogenic though they never said I'm ugly bless them haha). Now knowing I'm ugly, something that greatly impacts my already severe anxiety, makes me worry about jobs and finding a boyfriend and everything. And I now know it's something I can't change. -And also considering I come from a very poor background surgery in the future (I'm 16) is never going to be an option... Plus my eyes being uneven aren't debilitating physically so nobody will fund it or accept me having surgery, but it is sure as hell debilitating for my mental health. Crap at makeup and not got enough money to get good products too.I'm now so freaking scared about sixth form, picking A Level Drama, and the future as a whole. Thank you for reading this incoherent mess, I just need some help.