Sadz_x
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#1
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#1
Hey guys hope you’re well

So this is quite a story but your help and advice is much needed as I don’t want to make a bad decision which I’ll regret

So I was with my boyfriend (now ex?) for over 3 years. The first year was amazing : constantly in love, I lost my virginity to him, we were so happy. But when it came to the 2nd year of our relationship, things just went down hill. It was the first time he hit me, we were constantly physically fighting and everything just went so toxic. I will always love and care for him, we have so many memories but October last year, I found myself talking to someone else. This someone else has shown me how to love myself again as I was so insecure and “psycho”. I ended things with my ex a couple days ago as me and this someone else are going to be going on our first ever date. The reason I didn’t leave my ex back in October was because I was so trapped and didn’t know how to. From October to a couple days ago it was fight after fight and I am so emotionally drained. I won’t lie, we had good moments and memories and he did love me but we just went really downhill. Plus I have had issues where I don’t live with my family, it was just me and my ex. When we argued I would cry and address the issue asking why can’t he change. He was so negative at times and so stubborn it would hurt. He would barely say sorry and would blame me for reacting when he would upset me. All he would say is “I can’t change this is me”. I guess I was a mug for staying but now that I left him, he’s blaming me.
Am I wrong? I still care and love him and I’d love to stay in contact and help him but he just keeps blaming and I don’t wanna lose a friendship from a bipolar 3 years together. Whenever I state why I left which he could SEE how upset he would make me, he would just say “well u moved on fast and led me on”. How?? I don’t know if I should feel bad or not, I just fell in love again with someone else
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999tigger
Badges: 19
#2
Report 5 days ago
#2
(Original post by Sadz_x)
Hey guys hope you’re well

So this is quite a story but your help and advice is much needed as I don’t want to make a bad decision which I’ll regret

So I was with my boyfriend (now ex?) for over 3 years. The first year was amazing : constantly in love, I lost my virginity to him, we were so happy. But when it came to the 2nd year of our relationship, things just went down hill. It was the first time he hit me, we were constantly physically fighting and everything just went so toxic. I will always love and care for him, we have so many memories but October last year, I found myself talking to someone else. This someone else has shown me how to love myself again as I was so insecure and “psycho”. I ended things with my ex a couple days ago as me and this someone else are going to be going on our first ever date. The reason I didn’t leave my ex back in October was because I was so trapped and didn’t know how to. From October to a couple days ago it was fight after fight and I am so emotionally drained. I won’t lie, we had good moments and memories and he did love me but we just went really downhill. Plus I have had issues where I don’t live with my family, it was just me and my ex. When we argued I would cry and address the issue asking why can’t he change. He was so negative at times and so stubborn it would hurt. He would barely say sorry and would blame me for reacting when he would upset me. All he would say is “I can’t change this is me”. I guess I was a mug for staying but now that I left him, he’s blaming me.
Am I wrong? I still care and love him and I’d love to stay in contact and help him but he just keeps blaming and I don’t wanna lose a friendship from a bipolar 3 years together. Whenever I state why I left which he could SEE how upset he would make me, he would just say “well u moved on fast and led me on”. How?? I don’t know if I should feel bad or not, I just fell in love again with someone else
Stop being a victim and letting someone else control your life and abuse you.
If he hit you then he can't have truly loved you.
He was lazy and selfish plus its a bit strange after 1 year then you would stay in a dysfunctional relationship for 2 more.

Move on , get your own place and then cut off from him till he goes and gets some help for a few years. In any event he is only going to abuse and manipulate or guilt you so he isnt worth being in your life. He wont change or make an effort to , so leave himself to his own life. You arent his mum.

Move on and try for a happy life. Cut contact completely. If you dont, then you will never escape, and he will do his best to confuse , abuse and manipulate you..
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Abzzz57
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#3
Report 5 days ago
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(Original post by Sadz_x)
Hey guys hope you’re well

So this is quite a story but your help and advice is much needed as I don’t want to make a bad decision which I’ll regret

So I was with my boyfriend (now ex?) for over 3 years. The first year was amazing : constantly in love, I lost my virginity to him, we were so happy. But when it came to the 2nd year of our relationship, things just went down hill. It was the first time he hit me, we were constantly physically fighting and everything just went so toxic. I will always love and care for him, we have so many memories but October last year, I found myself talking to someone else. This someone else has shown me how to love myself again as I was so insecure and “psycho”. I ended things with my ex a couple days ago as me and this someone else are going to be going on our first ever date. The reason I didn’t leave my ex back in October was because I was so trapped and didn’t know how to. From October to a couple days ago it was fight after fight and I am so emotionally drained. I won’t lie, we had good moments and memories and he did love me but we just went really downhill. Plus I have had issues where I don’t live with my family, it was just me and my ex. When we argued I would cry and address the issue asking why can’t he change. He was so negative at times and so stubborn it would hurt. He would barely say sorry and would blame me for reacting when he would upset me. All he would say is “I can’t change this is me”. I guess I was a mug for staying but now that I left him, he’s blaming me.
Am I wrong? I still care and love him and I’d love to stay in contact and help him but he just keeps blaming and I don’t wanna lose a friendship from a bipolar 3 years together. Whenever I state why I left which he could SEE how upset he would make me, he would just say “well u moved on fast and led me on”. How?? I don’t know if I should feel bad or not, I just fell in love again with someone else
Hi, 999tigger pretty much answered everything, but I just wanted to say, you do not need to blame yourself for getting out of a toxic relationship, you did amazing taking those steps and it paid off as you have met someone who will hopefully really care for you and help you grow.

I think you need to take some space away from your ex, let yourself grow and become a more confident person without him bringing you down. Eventually, you can get back in contact with your ex if you want to and if you feel strong enough to but it has to be your decision.. dragging it out will eventually cause problems between you and this new person and your ex will end having a constant hold over you.. I wish you all the best, please do what's best for you!
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LovelyMrFox
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#4
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From your side of the relationship, if you were asking him constantly to change, clearly something is wrong. It sounds like you loved the thought of this guy being 'changed', rather than how he actually was- something that is incredibly unhealthy. People can only change if they want to, and that usually doesnt involve the influence of others telling them to.

Cut this guy off. Hes clearly toxic and manipulative, and your never going to be able to move on or be happy with him in your life.
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Sadz_x
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#5
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#5
Thank you all for your replies!!!! So I went ahead and last night the guy I’ve been speaking to actually took me on our first day rather than waiting. It was eid night and he knew I would be a bit upset with not having my family and honestly it was the best thing ever. Sex wasn’t even in question, we got along so well and there wasn’t ever a minute of awkwardness. He was really interested in everything I had to say and I genuinely feel like I’ve known him forever! So so happy I broke free for what was hell on earth!x
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