so here's my issues...

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#1
Hi all,

I'm new to this, but I had a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it, so I figured why not ask all of you

So, sometimes after when we get *intimate*, he won't recall anything that's happened at all. We'll be talking about other times, and he'll just entirely forget that such a big thing like that even happened. This goes for the first time we did it, but also with other times too.

It makes me feel so degraded. Like I'm not good enough for him to remember at all. I really don't know what to do, it's so painful for me every time it happens
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Anonymous #2
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Firstly, try not to take it to heart! It's unlikely that he purposefully is forgetting those moments, if he is then thats pretty messed up and i would suggest confronting him about it and maybe letting him go. It seems like memory loss? Which could be trauma related (not diagnosing or saying he has trauma obv i dont know him) or just something to do with mental health so I suggest bringing that up to him but if he doesn't want to talk about it do not pressure him! Memory loss can be quite scary so he may even want to talk to a dr about it, but up to him. I hope this helps!! x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Firstly, try not to take it to heart! It's unlikely that he purposefully is forgetting those moments, if he is then thats pretty messed up and i would suggest confronting him about it and maybe letting him go. It seems like memory loss? Which could be trauma related (not diagnosing or saying he has trauma obv i dont know him) or just something to do with mental health so I suggest bringing that up to him but if he doesn't want to talk about it do not pressure him! Memory loss can be quite scary so he may even want to talk to a dr about it, but up to him. I hope this helps!! x
Thank you for your response. It just hurts so much that he forgets our intimate moments just like that. He's never had the best memory, but with something big like this, I would've thought it would stay in his mind.

I haven't got the best self esteem either, and this really doesn't help it to get any better. I feel so unattractive because of this, I don't even want to talk to him about it because it hurts so much.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your response. It just hurts so much that he forgets our intimate moments just like that. He's never had the best memory, but with something big like this, I would've thought it would stay in his mind.

I haven't got the best self esteem either, and this really doesn't help it to get any better. I feel so unattractive because of this, I don't even want to talk to him about it because it hurts so much.
The key to a good relationship is communication, if you can't communicate about something he's doing that hurts you then you're not going to be able to get very far. Confront him and then see what happens!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The key to a good relationship is communication, if you can't communicate about something he's doing that hurts you then you're not going to be able to get very far. Confront him and then see what happens!
I did this. I told him how much it hurt that he forgets these intimate moments, and he kept apologising and saying that it's just his memory being awful and not related to me. But it still really hurts that he can't remember when we've done sexual stuff
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becausethenight
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi all,

I'm new to this, but I had a problem with my boyfriend and I don't know what to do about it, so I figured why not ask all of you

So, sometimes after when we get *intimate*, he won't recall anything that's happened at all. We'll be talking about other times, and he'll just entirely forget that such a big thing like that even happened. This goes for the first time we did it, but also with other times too.

It makes me feel so degraded. Like I'm not good enough for him to remember at all. I really don't know what to do, it's so painful for me every time it happens
How long have you been together? I’ve been with my partner for years, and much as I love him, I simply couldn’t remember every time we had sex as a unique event (by this point, we’re arguing about what we said on our first date, never mind anything else). Equally, two people can often remember different events - times you remember as truly terrific sex, where you felt amazing, may just not have been as Earth-shattering for him, so he doesn’t remember, and vice-versa. It really isn’t necessarily because you’re not memorable in bed. Also, different people have different memories - yours may just be much better than his.


As the Anon said, the key to this is communication. You’ve spoken to him, and he’s apologised and tried to reassure you. I feel like in this situation, that’s all he can do, since he can’t magically make his memory better. But you still feel upset and hurt, and that needs to be acknowledged! Think about what you can do - you could ask not to discuss it, or only discuss it when you’re prepared, as it’s emotionally difficult for you, or have a sex diary to help him remember, or anything else you think might help. You also might want to be on your own, trying to work through your lower self-esteem and possibly speak to a counsellor or friend about it? That’s something you have to work out on your own, I’m afraid - your boyfriend loves you and clearly finds you attractive, but he can’t make you believe it, if that makes sense?

:goodluck:
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mgi
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I did this. I told him how much it hurt that he forgets these intimate moments, and he kept apologising and saying that it's just his memory being awful and not related to me. But it still really hurts that he can't remember when we've done sexual stuff
Ok, well then yiu need to test his memory rather thsn take things to heart. He may have a naturally poor memory. So next time you have sex take control, prolong it and, wait for one hour afterwards, then ask him what he remembers.
You will probably realise that it is not personal- he may have a memory problem.
What you should also think about is how well he respects you during and after sex and generally. If it is very nice then you don't have much to worry about!😀
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mgi
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(Original post by becausethenight)
How long have you been together? I’ve been with my partner for years, and much as I love him, I simply couldn’t remember every time we had sex as a unique event (by this point, we’re arguing about what we said on our first date, never mind anything else). Equally, two people can often remember different events - times you remember as truly terrific sex, where you felt amazing, may just not have been as Earth-shattering for him, so he doesn’t remember, and vice-versa. It really isn’t necessarily because you’re not memorable in bed. Also, different people have different memories - yours may just be much better than his.


As the Anon said, the key to this is communication. You’ve spoken to him, and he’s apologised and tried to reassure you. I feel like in this situation, that’s all he can do, since he can’t magically make his memory better. But you still feel upset and hurt, and that needs to be acknowledged! Think about what you can do - you could ask not to discuss it, or only discuss it when you’re prepared, as it’s emotionally difficult for you, or have a sex diary to help him remember, or anything else you think might help. You also might want to be on your own, trying to work through your lower self-esteem and possibly speak to a counsellor or friend about it? That’s something you have to work out on your own, I’m afraid - your boyfriend loves you and clearly finds you attractive, but he can’t make you believe it, if that makes sense?

:goodluck:
Yes, And sex is not a performance test! Getting to know each other on a deeper level is part of it. If one looks at tantric sex, for example. its never about performance!
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