Been on his fb and now... doesn't know what to do. Watch

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Anonymous #1
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Please keep anon as bf is on this site or delete this post

Bf's away on a holiday atm. I was bored with everything else on the internet so I decided to log onto his facebook account. This is bad, I know... Please don't lecture me on this. I wasn't snooping around trying to find out he's been bad or whatever. I know he will never do this to me. I was just poking around his facebook wondering what he's been up to lately, that was all.

Found out that he's been PM-ing this girl and he was all worried when she hadn't text him back. The PM he sent her sounded like it was from a neglected lover or summit. The tone of it is just sooo... wrong!

It never occurred to me that he was that close with this girl and I can't help but feel shocked and insecure when I read that PM he sent her. It sounded like the type of message you would send to your gf not... someone else!

I know my bf loves me and I should definitely trust him... and I do trust him and probably shouldn't be bothered asking people on TSR about this but I was just feeling a bit.. lost somehow.

I wonder what I should do? Ignore it? Am i possibly reading too much into this? Should I talk to him? Would he not trust me again since I've been poking around his facebook?

Sorry that this post is a bit long.
randdom
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I think that you need to talk to him for your own state of mind. Yes you shouldn't have checked his facebook but telling him that you have will probably be much less painless than sitting at home and wondering what might be going on behind your back.
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nuodai
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Talk to him if it's bothering you (which it is), but chances are it's just a friend of his. It depends really, do you know her?
Anonymous #1
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(Original post by randdom)
I think that you need to talk to him for your own state of mind. Yes you shouldn't have checked his facebook but telling him that you have will probably be much less painless than sitting at home and wondering what might be going on behind your back.
I feel so awful that I have actually been snooping around his facebook. Ugh. there's no other way to describe it since it IS essentially 'snooping' anyway.

I don't think that I can really tell him that I've been snooping around though?? I don't think that he will like it very much and may have potential negative repercussions on my relationship. :woo:

I will try to talk to him as soon as he returns from his holiday but probably I won't. Maybe given time I will see this whole situation as just me being silly.
catbee
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What does it say in the messages you found?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by nuodai)
Talk to him if it's bothering you (which it is), but chances are it's just a friend of his. It depends really, do you know her?
No, I don't know her. Yes, she's probably just a friend but maybe he just has a soft spot for her since she was someone he used to have a crush on in school.

I know I shouldn't be worried about this... but thanks for trying to help anyway.
em165
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If he's told you his password though he must know that you could get onto his facebook if you wanted to, surely he wouldn't do anything on facebook if he really didn't want you to see it? x
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em165
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I don't think you're anonymous anymore.x
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Charlski
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We really need to know what sort of thing the messages said to be able to tell anything - a lot of the time, it's very easy for someone to see something that really isn't there. They may be perfectly innocent, but you're just a bit paranoid as you know he used to have a crush on her, or it may be that there is something going on. We can't know.
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SofinaaBabess
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Give him a taste of his own medicine.
Show him that 2 can play this game.
I'm sorry but if that was me and I found out the person I loved and was shagging is PMing some girl SECRETLY on ****ty facebook I WOULD GO MAAAD.
He is ovbiously a ****..and doesn't love you. As harsh as it may sound it is the truth. He's supposed to tell you everything! But yeaaah..You should maybe start getting 'intimate' with a male buddy and when your so-called boyfriend gets back from holiday discuss facebook more..talk about pictures on it and stuff and oneday//tell him to log onto yours to do something and wallah!

I apologise for the ignorance in my post but reading this made me soo angry!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SofinaaBabess)
Give him a taste of his own medicine.
Show him that 2 can play this game.
I'm sorry but if that was me and I found out the person I loved and was shagging is PMing some girl SECRETLY on ****ty facebook I WOULD GO MAAAD.
He is ovbiously a ****..and doesn't love you. As harsh as it may sound it is the truth. He's supposed to tell you everything! But yeaaah..You should maybe start getting 'intimate' with a male buddy and when your so-called boyfriend gets back from holiday discuss facebook more..talk about pictures on it and stuff and oneday//tell him to log onto yours to do something and wallah!

I apologise for the ignorance in my post but reading this made me soo angry!
Well... it's not that he's being inappropriate or anything like that. He wasn't directly flirting with her or anything but it's just the tone of it which throws me off a bit. The tone of being very familiar with the girl and the fact that he's bothered by the fact that she hasn't replied to him. It goes to show that there's someone other than me whom he cares about and will be disturbed when no reply is made to his message.

This is probably just all in my head, really.. compounded by the fact that he's away and I miss him and anything which can be construed as a close relationship with some girl other than me is enough to rock my boat when it normally wouldn't. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself for feeling like this and coming across as a needy and a bit of a nutter gf. Ugh. I can't believe that a little thing like this is enough to make me doubt him. Damn. I can be so paranoid sometimes. If he reads this and guesses who I am, he's going to be sooo disappointed in me.

Well, i don't think that my bf is a **** and there are other evidences to show that I'm the girl which matters most in his life - which I would not reveal here since it's going to be so obvious should he come across this thread. Anyway, yes, he does tell me everything when I ask and I don't think he's the type of guy who will tell me every single detail of his life voluntarily. I don't think men generally will do this. :/ He does tell me stuff which matters. Being a woman, it's only natural that I want to know everything and hence I guess I was a bit thrown off when I found out how close he was to this girl. Close as a friend perhaps.

I'm so angry with myself for having these insecurities in the first place.

Sorry for the long reply.
Fabregas1989
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If she's fit then worry. Otherwise, don't.

sometimes people have friends like that, I do but when I was taken it was nothing more than just friends.

how long have you been together?
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roma1987
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i dont think you can tell tone from a written message, thats why so many misunderstandings happen over MSN text and facebook.

once you have calmed down, just take a little think about it again and i think you will find that it was nothing they are probably just close friends.....something like 'why havnt u replied to my text!' could be said in a pleading way, a worried way and in a jokey angry way...it could anything!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Fabregas1989)
If she's fit then worry. Otherwise, don't.

sometimes people have friends like that, I do but when I was taken it was nothing more than just friends.

how long have you been together?
Nearly a year. Well, she's alright-looking. I wouldn't go so far as to say that she's fit though.
Anonymous #1
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(Original post by roma1987)
i dont think you can tell tone from a written message, thats why so many misunderstandings happen over MSN text and facebook.

once you have calmed down, just take a little think about it again and i think you will find that it was nothing they are probably just close friends.....something like 'why havnt u replied to my text!' could be said in a pleading way, a worried way and in a jokey angry way...it could anything!
Yes, I've calmed down and think that I've just been very silly indeed. Would have deleted thread if there was ever an option to do so.

Ugh. I hate it when communication through the internet screws up stuff.
SofinaaBabess
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well... it's not that he's being inappropriate or anything like that. He wasn't directly flirting with her or anything but it's just the tone of it which throws me off a bit. The tone of being very familiar with the girl and the fact that he's bothered by the fact that she hasn't replied to him. It goes to show that there's someone other than me whom he cares about and will be disturbed when no reply is made to his message.

This is probably just all in my head, really.. compounded by the fact that he's away and I miss him and anything which can be construed as a close relationship with some girl other than me is enough to rock my boat when it normally wouldn't. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself for feeling like this and coming across as a needy and a bit of a nutter gf. Ugh. I can't believe that a little thing like this is enough to make me doubt him. Damn. I can be so paranoid sometimes. If he reads this and guesses who I am, he's going to be sooo disappointed in me.

Well, i don't think that my bf is a **** and there are other evidences to show that I'm the girl which matters most in his life - which I would not reveal here since it's going to be so obvious should he come across this thread. Anyway, yes, he does tell me everything when I ask and I don't think he's the type of guy who will tell me every single detail of his life voluntarily.

I don't think men generally will do this. :/ He does tell me stuff which matters. Being a woman, it's only natural that I want to know everything and hence I guess I was a bit thrown off when I found out how close he was to this girl. Close as a friend perhaps.

I'm so angry with myself for having these insecurities in the first place.

Sorry for the long reply.
No worries about the long reply.
Okay, so you said that you think men will generally NOT want to discuss and tell the girlfriend they supposedly love, everything..I think you're wrong. There are many couple who are in a relationship and they discuss a lot of things and definetly things regarding the internet e.g. Facebook. Like a previous boyfriend of mine told me how one of his old girlfriends added him on facebook and he asked me for my view - whether he should accept her and just put her in his limited profile..I was overwhelmed that he actually wanted to discuss this with me! The girl ended up PMing him, similar to your situation and he told/showed me everything. I never asked to see it.
But yes..Everyone is different I suppose.

But I do understand where you are coming from when you mention that it hurts you to know that he's actually BOTHERED about this girl, when she doesn't reply. I bloody well would be. Can I just ask..What were they discussing, and was it actually important that led to him beocming "desperate" for her to reply?
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Adarah
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well... it's not that he's being inappropriate or anything like that. He wasn't directly flirting with her or anything but it's just the tone of it which throws me off a bit. The tone of being very familiar with the girl and the fact that he's bothered by the fact that she hasn't replied to him. It goes to show that there's someone other than me whom he cares about and will be disturbed when no reply is made to his message.

This is probably just all in my head, really.. compounded by the fact that he's away and I miss him and anything which can be construed as a close relationship with some girl other than me is enough to rock my boat when it normally wouldn't. I'm absolutely disgusted with myself for feeling like this and coming across as a needy and a bit of a nutter gf. Ugh. I can't believe that a little thing like this is enough to make me doubt him. Damn. I can be so paranoid sometimes. If he reads this and guesses who I am, he's going to be sooo disappointed in me.

Well, i don't think that my bf is a **** and there are other evidences to show that I'm the girl which matters most in his life - which I would not reveal here since it's going to be so obvious should he come across this thread. Anyway, yes, he does tell me everything when I ask and I don't think he's the type of guy who will tell me every single detail of his life voluntarily. I don't think men generally will do this. :/ He does tell me stuff which matters. Being a woman, it's only natural that I want to know everything and hence I guess I was a bit thrown off when I found out how close he was to this girl. Close as a friend perhaps.

I'm so angry with myself for having these insecurities in the first place.

Sorry for the long reply.
do you have male friends, who if they didn't reply in the middle of a text convo you wouldn't want to know what was up, especially if they'd left it a few days even?

trust your boyfriend!
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Misogynist
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Nearly a year. Well, she's alright-looking. I wouldn't go so far as to say that she's fit though.
It's not about how fit she is compared to an unrealistic ideal, is she fitter than you? If yes, you've got a slight problem on your hands.:p:
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Adarah
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(Original post by SofinaaBabess)
No worries about the long reply.
Okay, so you said that you think men will generally NOT want to discuss and tell the girlfriend they supposedly love, everything..I think you're wrong. There are many couple who are in a relationship and they discuss a lot of things and definetly things regarding the internet e.g. Facebook. Like a previous boyfriend of mine told me how one of his old girlfriends added him on facebook and he asked me for my view - whether he should accept her and just put her in his limited profile..I was overwhelmed that he actually wanted to discuss this with me! The girl ended up PMing him, similar to your situation and he told/showed me everything. I never asked to see it.
But yes..Everyone is different I suppose.

But I do understand where you are coming from when you mention that it hurts you to know that he's actually BOTHERED about this girl, when she doesn't reply. I bloody well would be. Can I just ask..What were they discussing, and was it actually important that led to him beocming "desperate" for her to reply?
But did you set any ground rules with him regarding ex's from the start? I think it may be more due to that. Or maybe one of his previous girlfriends was paranoid about ex's and so he got it into his head that he has to show you this kind of thing.
My boyfriend and I totally trust each other each, but it never came into my head to ask my boyfriend's permission whether it's ok if my ex moves in with me or not - that was my choice to make, not his. And I also would never dream of wanting him to ask me permission when he meets up with any of his ex's. He doesn't do it and I don't expect him to ask permission.

Now obviously we think the way each of us think about this as the correct way, but there are many ways to see this kind of thing and depend a lot on your experience with past gf/bf's.

Some people really don't see meeting up with other girls/boys/ex's as something you need/should ask permission for and other's do.

The problems only might happen if two people from different views on this are together and one person just expects the other to do or not do something and they haven't made that clear at the start of the relationship.

OP, if you really do feel terribly insecure about this, it's best to tell your boyfriend how you feel. But make it something general like this: "Hey, I always wondered how you feel when I message an ex/go out with the guys/etc, as when you do that I feel insecure."

Then he knows to reassure you when he does something that makes you insecure (he can't mind read and know you'll be insecure!) and at the same time, you can then make sure you are able to reassure your boyfriend if something upsets him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SofinaaBabess)
No worries about the long reply.
Okay, so you said that you think men will generally NOT want to discuss and tell the girlfriend they supposedly love, everything..I think you're wrong. There are many couple who are in a relationship and they discuss a lot of things and definetly things regarding the internet e.g. Facebook. Like a previous boyfriend of mine told me how one of his old girlfriends added him on facebook and he asked me for my view - whether he should accept her and just put her in his limited profile..I was overwhelmed that he actually wanted to discuss this with me! The girl ended up PMing him, similar to your situation and he told/showed me everything. I never asked to see it.
But yes..Everyone is different I suppose.

But I do understand where you are coming from when you mention that it hurts you to know that he's actually BOTHERED about this girl, when she doesn't reply. I bloody well would be. Can I just ask..What were they discussing, and was it actually important that led to him beocming "desperate" for her to reply?
That's what bothers me the most, I think? I don't think that it was even a cause for him to be desperate for her to reply!

Oh, well, you get me wrong though... I mean my bf tells me everything, which he feels, matters and which I, as his gf, should know. We talk to each other about everything (well, except this current issue obviously) and have a no-secret policy between us (have a feeling that I will probably admit that I have been silly and show him this thread when he returns). And I know that he's quite close to this girl but I guess I didn't think that they were that close to the point that he was desperate for her to reply!

Anyway, someone has said something here... Perhaps he was just wondering what his really close friend (who happens to be female) is up to - hence the desperation.

I think I've most probably mis-read the tone of his message as someone else has pointed out here.
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