Dating someone who smokes cannabis

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Dunnig Kruger
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
To be honest I'm more bothered about her reaction. "it's your loss". Makes her seem arrogant and butt hurt. Plus if she knew it was going to be an issue why did she wait so long? Plus she's a lot older than me so I'd have expected her to be a lot more mature. She has been slowly revealing things to me that I find uncomfortable. Like having an illness that means it's very unlikely that she can have children and more. What's coming next?
If you want children, that's a deal breaker there.

More so than the cannabis smoking.

The cannabis smoking has an easy work around. You tolerate it. She can do it, but not inside your home. It's her, time, money, health, and risk of getting into trouble with the law.

The children thing has no work-around. Any children you have or don't have will be just as much yours as hers.

Her answer to you about the cannabis smoking was the right thing for her to say. Because she knows she can get another boyfriend without too much difficulty. So it would be your loss if you broke up with her - from her point of view. And it should be her loss if she breaks up with you - from your point of view.
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Karisa96
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#22
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You have the option to walk away, i personally would take that option, before its to late.
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remussjhj01
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#23
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#23
If you don't want to date her then don't. You're under no obligation to date anyone and you don't have to explain yourself.
That being said, as far as drugs go, weed is fairly harmless. As long as she's sensible with it, stays safe (knows what she's buying etc), and isn't addicted (I know some people say you 'can't be addicted' but I think that's bs), I don't see the issue, but again, that's just me and everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's kind of like saying you wouldn't date someone who smokes regular cigarettes, or someone who drinks. Some people might think it's weird, but it's your choice to make if you don't want to be around that stuff for any reason.
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Neilos
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#24
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As long as it wasn't heavy use, smoking cannabis wouldn't be a reason for me to not date someone as I don't see it as a big deal. But, we all have our own unique, personal moral compass. If she makes yours point the wrong way, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
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moonkatt
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#25
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It all depends on your moral stance to someone smoking weed. As you can see from the replies to this thread already, people have hugely varying opinions when it comes down to it.
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2_versions
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#26
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Well smoking weed on it's own isn't much of a big deal, but the impact it has on her body and the financial implications of it. Also if anyone tries pressuring you into it then that's probably a red flag, you want to date someone not be inaugurated into a group of friends where they all waste money for 30mins high. So really you have to think about whether you want to date someone who smokes in general (while weed isn't much like cigarettes in terms of whats in it, it's similar on the throat and lungs, and usually mixed with tobacco to save money) and how that will effect you and your money / health.
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Synergy_
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Anonymous)
To be honest I'm more bothered about her reaction. "it's your loss". Makes her seem arrogant and butt hurt. Plus if she knew it was going to be an issue why did she wait so long? Plus she's a lot older than me so I'd have expected her to be a lot more mature. She has been slowly revealing things to me that I find uncomfortable. Like having an illness that means it's very unlikely that she can have children and more. What's coming next?
Well yeah, probably because she feels judged. You really are dramatising this.

Why do you think she thought that?

Yeah, people do naturally tend to slowly reveal things as opposed to all in one go?

Are you really blaming her for having an illness? She probably just now feels comfortable talking to you about it.

Honestly, you are the one that sounds quite arrogant. "What's next?"... As if the illness is her fault...
Last edited by Synergy_; 4 days ago
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Anonymous #1
#28
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#28
(Original post by Synergy_)
Well yeah, probably because she feels judged. You really are dramatising this.

Why do you think she thought that?

Yeah, people do naturally tend to slowly reveal things as opposed to all in one go?

Are you really blaming her for having an illness? She probably just now feels comfortable talking to you about it.

Honestly, you are the one that sounds quite arrogant. "What's next?"... As if the illness is her fault...
Look Karen, I'm not blaming her for having an illness at all am I? Where did you get that from?
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barnetlad
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#29
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(Original post by remussjhj01)
If you don't want to date her then don't. You're under no obligation to date anyone and you don't have to explain yourself.
That being said, as far as drugs go, weed is fairly harmless. As long as she's sensible with it, stays safe (knows what she's buying etc), and isn't addicted (I know some people say you 'can't be addicted' but I think that's bs), I don't see the issue, but again, that's just me and everyone's entitled to their opinion. It's kind of like saying you wouldn't date someone who smokes regular cigarettes, or someone who drinks. Some people might think it's weird, but it's your choice to make if you don't want to be around that stuff for any reason.
It may be physically not very harmful to the user, but as I noted earlier, it is not a victimless activity.
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Synergy_
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Look Karen, I'm not blaming her for having an illness at all am I? Where did you get that from?
"She has been slowly revealing things to me that I find uncomfortable [here is where I got the impression that you are blaming her]. Like having an illness that means it's very unlikely that she can have children and more. What's coming next? [here sounds like it too]"

Maybe not blaming her, but adding it as a "bad characteristic" that she opened up to you when she felt comfortable. Chalking it all up to her "bad qualities"


And you got the Karen meme wrong. If you are going to insult me, do it correctly :rolleyes:
Last edited by Synergy_; 4 days ago
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi
So I met a girl. We seemed to be getting on fairly well and chatted for several weeks. She has a lot of qualities that I look for. But last night she told me that she smokes weed. I told her honestly that "I'm not sure how comfortable I am with potentially dating someone who uses illegal drugs". It's her reaction that I didn't like. "it's only a bit of weed but it's your loss. I'm a good honest human and if that's not enough then fine". I was thinking what on earth? I mean is it really that big a deal if she smokes cannabis?
You should have kept your mouth shut instead of voicing your opinion straight away.
From her side all she saw was disapproval, you being morally superior and her feeling she has to apologise.
Youd better decide how much of an issue it is for you and if its ok then youd better repair it sooner rather than alter because its looking very fragile now.

No idea how much she does, its relatively harmless imo, but can smell plus if they do a lot then they become a bit dopey.
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londonmyst
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#32
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It does not sound like the two of you are that compatible or willing to make compromises.
The more you get to know about her and her past, the more uncomfortable you are.
That is not a good sign.
Nor indicative of a happy relationship based on shared values and compatible ambitions.
Personally I wouldn't date someone who consumes illegal narcotics for recreational purposes or brags about being a "good honest" person.
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Anonymous #4
#33
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I could never lol
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Anonymous #1
#34
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#34
(Original post by 999tigger)
You should have kept your mouth shut instead of voicing your opinion straight away.
From her side all she saw was disapproval, you being morally superior
What's the point in pretending that its not an issue when it is? Why let either of us get attached or invested? I learned from my last relationships that small cracks can soon become gaping holes if they're not addressed.
I have no regrets from saying this to her.

It's disapproval. But morale superiority? Not at all
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What's the point in pretending that its not an issue when it is? Why let either of us get attached or invested? I learned from my last relationships that small cracks can soon become gaping holes if they're not addressed.
I have no regrets from saying this to her.

It's disapproval. But morale superiority? Not at all
Then deal with the results.
The fact in your mind it's disapproval shows you lack self awareness and you have no chance of working.
You arent really seeing her point of view or appreciating what she told you. Best let it go and you can both find someone else.
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Synergy_
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#36
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Then deal with the results.
The fact in your mind it's disapproval shows you lack self awareness and you have no chance of working.
You arent really seeing her point of view or appreciating what she told you. Best let it go and you can both find someone else.
prsom. Exactly.
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999tigger
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#37
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#37
(Original post by Synergy_)
prsom. Exactly.
You can tell a lot about how she sees it from her answer. No self awareness to this. I imagine in her head she thinks its over anyway.
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