remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#1
Hey, so I'm a transgender man, and I'm starting uni in September (just over a month left!) and I am beyond excited. However, I've been debating whether or not to be openly trans. There are pros and cons for both sides, but I tried being in the closet last year, except for a few other trans guys the uni connected me with for support. I found that I was consistently outed though, and it was one of the contributing factors that led to me dropping out. I REALLY don't want that to happen again, because I LOVE the uni I'm going to, but don't want to feel unsafe. The uni does seem to be very trans friendly.
Does anyone have any experience being openly trans at uni? Specifically in London?
(I've not medically transitioned yet, but do pass pretty well considering).
Thanks (also any bs will be reported).
1
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#2
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#2
Also realised that some people are unsure of terminology: A transgender man is someone who was assigned female at birth, but later transitions to male.
0
reply
Anonymous17!
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#3
Report 6 days ago
#3
Hi I’m sorry you haven’t got any replies to this yet. I’m not trans and so I can’t speak on any personal experiences, but we had a transgender male in our sixth form and he felt very safe and welcomed. Nobody treated him negatively or any differently then they would treat others. If you’re uni seems trans friendly then that’s great, I really hope it is! I don’t understand how people can think it’s ok to make someone else feel unsafe, just because they’re trans. It’s not ok. I hope you have a better experience at this uni and that you meet people who are truly supportive and respect you and your wishes. Good luck
0
reply
gyuigygh
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#4
Report 6 days ago
#4
I'm not trans but I go King's college london which is at the heart of Central.

We have rainbow lanyards.
Especially during pride month, but sometimes throughout the year you will see people wearing these fairly often. There is lgbt club and they're very friendly. So you definitely won't have to completely hide it.

We also have pretty low tolerance if someone tries to pick on you I doubt no one will just watch, they will likely also face severe punishments from uni.

If anything some ppl might not be used to it, but you can find friends through societies if so. If you pass off well then most ppl won't notice or care i think
Last edited by gyuigygh; 6 days ago
0
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous17!)
Hi I’m sorry you haven’t got any replies to this yet. I’m not trans and so I can’t speak on any personal experiences, but we had a transgender male in our sixth form and he felt very safe and welcomed. Nobody treated him negatively or any differently then they would treat others. If you’re uni seems trans friendly then that’s great, I really hope it is! I don’t understand how people can think it’s ok to make someone else feel unsafe, just because they’re trans. It’s not ok. I hope you have a better experience at this uni and that you meet people who are truly supportive and respect you and your wishes. Good luck
Hi! I fortunately had a good experience at college too, but I live in a very good area for LGBTQ+ people, so I don't know how representative it was of society.
I know it sucks. I'm glad the guy at your college had a good experience.
Thank you very much for your good wishes though, it's very much appreciated.

(Original post by Anonymous)
people will probably think you're just a butch lesbian if you've not actually transitioned
They don't, otherwise I wouldn't get called mate/sir/he/Mr.*lastname* etc. Butch lesbians don't crush their chest flat or wear a prosthetic so Plus, part of my course is studying tenor voice, which isn't really done by women. And, all my ID has my new name on it, as well as a male sex ID.
Also medically transitioning isn't 'actually transitioning'. Social transitioning is too.

(Original post by gyuigygh)
I'm not trans but I go King's college london which is at the heart of Central.

We have rainbow lanyards.
Especially during pride month, but sometimes throughout the year you will see people wearing these fairly often. There is lgbt club and they're very friendly. So you definitely won't have to completely hide it.

We also have pretty low tolerance if someone tries to pick on you I doubt no one will just watch, they will likely also face severe punishments from uni.

If anything some ppl might not be used to it, but you can find friends through societies if so. If you pass off we'll then most ppl won't notice or care i think
That's really good to hear! My uni does have an LGBTQ+ soc, which I'm really glad about cause there's really not very many students/societies. I reckon pride month at uni will be great (aside from exams :/)!
Hopefully my uni will have a similar low tolerance policy!
I don't mind if people don't understand/I'm the first person they've met and have questions. I'll answer most questions, and I'm not bothered. I'm more worried about actual transphobia, but it's really good Kings is so great about it. We're not too far out from central London (15 mins on the tube I think), so hopefully attitudes will be similar!
Last edited by remussjhj01; 6 days ago
1
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
people will probably think you're just a butch lesbian if you've not actually transitioned
Also I've never had any issues in men's toilets etc.
Not every pre-T trans man looks like a butch cis lesbian. Lot's of pre-hormone trans men (and trans women) pass really well.
Anyway, the thread was actually about whether or not I should come out as trans at uni, and if people had any experience being out/knew anyone who did.
0
reply
AlastairSampson
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#7
Report 6 days ago
#7
You just have to get used to the fact that some people will be incredibly rude and mean about you no matter what you tell them, I have a trans male friend and when we go out in public he does get looks, it's unfortunate but he has gotten used to it and doesn't really let it affect him.All I can say is be open and happy with who you are even if transphobes don't agree with it, more people than not will accept people for who you are and if others don't like it, they can go and not like it somewhere else.
0
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#8
(Original post by AlastairSampson)
You just have to get used to the fact that some people will be incredibly rude and mean about you no matter what you tell them, I have a trans male friend and when we go out in public he does get looks, it's unfortunate but he has gotten used to it and doesn't really let it affect him.All I can say is be open and happy with who you are even if transphobes don't agree with it, more people than not will accept people for who you are and if others don't like it, they can go and not like it somewhere else.
Ahh, don't worry, people do stare at me. I don't know why, I assumed it was at least partially due to my jacket (which is quite punk-y), my piercings (I've got 9) and my mask (which is rainbow). Staring could be for any reason, but I'm not going to deal with or get used to straight up harassment. Where ever possible, that bs will be reported, and I will fight back if needed.
Either way, I am gonna be very openly pro-trans right from the start so I don't accidentally make friends with a transphobe aha.
0
reply
UnwantedKid
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#9
Report 6 days ago
#9
Why did you drop out?
0
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#10
(Original post by gigaberry)
Why did you drop out?
Not really the point of the thread but sure:
-Was outed multiple times (both as bisexual and transgender) even by LGBT soc people
-One of the councillors apparently recommended conversion therapy for someone else, so I didn't feel like I could go to them
-I hated both of the courses I tried (maths and music and education and music)
-felt consistently very homesick
-was picked on my my flat mates
-was told to be quiet whilst practicing, in a practice room
-generally just didn't like the uni
0
reply
UnwantedKid
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#11
Report 6 days ago
#11
(Original post by remussjhj01)
Not really the point of the thread but sure:
-Was outed multiple times (both as bisexual and transgender) even by LGBT soc people
-One of the councillors apparently recommended conversion therapy for someone else, so I didn't feel like I could go to them
-I hated both of the courses I tried (maths and music and education and music)
-felt consistently very homesick
-was picked on my my flat mates
-was told to be quiet whilst practicing, in a practice room
-generally just didn't like the uni
I know it's ****, but what are you going to do if you end up being outed again?
0
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#12
Report Thread starter 6 days ago
#12
(Original post by gigaberry)
I know it's ****, but what are you going to do if you end up being outed again?
Well that's part of the reason I'm considering just coming out straight away.
0
reply
CoolCavy
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#13
Report 6 days ago
#13
Hey, sorry that you were outed, that's awful

I'm not trans myself but I had two trans friends at uni. The first realised they were trans a bit into first year and the uni was fully supportive, they allowed her to change her ID and the tutors were respectful of her new name and pronouns.
The second was someone not on my course but who I met through the LGBT society, they are a trans guy like yourself and werent on hormones at the time I met them. They went on to become really high up in the SU and the LGBT society and graduated this year with a first
Ignore people who say you will be treated like a 'butch lesbian' transition isnt determined by hormones and hopefully people will respect your identity at uni. If you are worried about being outed you might want to take the power away from that potential and take ownership of it yourself. That doesnt mean you have to say you are trans as the first thing that comes up when you meet someone but rather than hiding it and worrying about it you might find it beneficial to just be open as and when it comes up.

Best of luck :hugs:
Last edited by CoolCavy; 6 days ago
3
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#14
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#14
(Original post by CoolCavy)
Hey, sorry that you were outed, that's awful

I'm not trans myself but I had two trans friends at uni. The first realised they were trans a bit into first year and the uni was fully supportive, they allowed her to change her ID and the tutors were respectful of her new name and pronouns.
The second was someone not on my course but who I met through the LGBT society, they are a trans guy like yourself and weren't on hormones at the time I met them. They went on to become really high up in the SU and the LGBT society and graduated this year with a first
Ignore people who say you will be treated like a 'butch lesbian' transition isn't determined by hormones and hopefully people will respect your identity at uni. If you are worried about being outed you might want to take the power away from that potential and take ownership of it yourself. That doesn't mean you have to say you are trans as the first thing that comes up when you meet someone but rather than hiding it and worrying about it you might find it beneficial to just be open as and when it comes up.

Best of luck :hugs:
Yeah, it sucked.
That's great the uni was so supportive of her! And great to hear the trans guy was so successful.
That exactly what I was thinking wrt coming out. I've got a few badges that heavily imply I'm trans on my jacket, and have a large trans flag that I'm going to bring. I feel like people might ask about them maybe? My unis also making a move to normalise pronoun declaration, so maybe if I got involved with that, it might 'out' me in a sense, as you don't really see cis people announcing their pronouns atm.
Thanks for your support!
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#15
Report 5 days ago
#15
(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hey, so I'm a transgender man, and I'm starting uni in September (just over a month left!) and I am beyond excited. However, I've been debating whether or not to be openly trans. There are pros and cons for both sides, but I tried being in the closet last year, except for a few other trans guys the uni connected me with for support. I found that I was consistently outed though, and it was one of the contributing factors that led to me dropping out. I REALLY don't want that to happen again, because I LOVE the uni I'm going to, but don't want to feel unsafe. The uni does seem to be very trans friendly.
Does anyone have any experience being openly trans at uni? Specifically in London?
(I've not medically transitioned yet, but do pass pretty well considering).
Thanks (also any bs will be reported).
Hey, I'm also transgender, and ive found all the lectures all really friendly. I'm female transgender, and I'm remaining stealth. I think you shouldn't tell anyone/i.e. be open to someone maybe if it's a close friend who you can really trust. I've not told anyone at my uni. I think you should focus on the academic side, and maybe the friend you trust you can tell him/her about it. But I feel safer not telling anyone about it - I'm not sure how they'll react.
0
reply
LaPregunta
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#16
Report 5 days ago
#16
(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hey, so I'm a transgender man, and I'm starting uni in September (just over a month left!) and I am beyond excited. However, I've been debating whether or not to be openly trans. There are pros and cons for both sides, but I tried being in the closet last year, except for a few other trans guys the uni connected me with for support. I found that I was consistently outed though, and it was one of the contributing factors that led to me dropping out. I REALLY don't want that to happen again, because I LOVE the uni I'm going to, but don't want to feel unsafe. The uni does seem to be very trans friendly.
Does anyone have any experience being openly trans at uni? Specifically in London?
(I've not medically transitioned yet, but do pass pretty well considering).
Thanks (also any bs will be reported).
There are a lot of laws to guard you from discrimination. You have more freedom than someone who is openly religious; you oughtn't worry.
1
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey, I'm also transgender, and ive found all the lectures all really friendly. I'm female transgender, and I'm remaining stealth. I think you shouldn't tell anyone/i.e. be open to someone maybe if it's a close friend who you can really trust. I've not told anyone at my uni. I think you should focus on the academic side, and maybe the friend you trust you can tell him/her about it. But I feel safer not telling anyone about it - I'm not sure how they'll react.
Hey, thanks for sharing your experience, and nice one managing to remain stealth. As you can see, last time I tried in a uni setting, it didn't go great.
And I totally get what you're saying, it does feel safer not to tell anyone. And I will be focusing hard on my academics, but since I'm doing music, I WILL have regular recitals (once covid chills out a bit), and so I'd quite like people to see a trans person doing something totally awesome!

(Original post by LaPregunta)
There are a lot of laws to guard you from discrimination. You have more freedom than someone who is openly religious; you oughtn't worry.
I don't have more freedom than someone who's openly religious, I don't know where you got that from.
And the law doesn't stop people being horrible and transphobic. I've been harassed in the street for being obviously LGBTQ+ as recently as a few days ago. I have completely valid reason to worry about this.
2
reply
Anonymous #3
#18
Report 5 days ago
#18
(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hey, so I'm a transgender man, and I'm starting uni in September (just over a month left!) and I am beyond excited. However, I've been debating whether or not to be openly trans. There are pros and cons for both sides, but I tried being in the closet last year, except for a few other trans guys the uni connected me with for support. I found that I was consistently outed though, and it was one of the contributing factors that led to me dropping out. I REALLY don't want that to happen again, because I LOVE the uni I'm going to, but don't want to feel unsafe. The uni does seem to be very trans friendly.
Does anyone have any experience being openly trans at uni? Specifically in London?
(I've not medically transitioned yet, but do pass pretty well considering).
Thanks (also any bs will be reported).
Everyone at my uni was given a rainbow lanyard, there was no choice. So that was nice.

I personally don't have any trans friends but one of my friend's housemates was trans (he came out at uni and didn't really pass well at first, if I'm honest, but by the end of the degree, he had facial hair and did). He had no trouble and even had 2 girlfriends during the time we were there.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#19
Report 5 days ago
#19
(Original post by remussjhj01)
Hey, thanks for sharing your experience, and nice one managing to remain stealth. As you can see, last time I tried in a uni setting, it didn't go great.
And I totally get what you're saying, it does feel safer not to tell anyone. And I will be focusing hard on my academics, but since I'm doing music, I WILL have regular recitals (once covid chills out a bit), and so I'd quite like people to see a trans person doing something totally awesome!
Hey I also have my good and bad days, ive made a few friends, but not a ton of friends like some of the girls/guys in my class. Of course, I'm glad you're focusing on finishing uni, it's the best thing to do despite the hardships we face. I wouldn't say I'm the favourite of the class, but I try to always focus in lectures. I think whatever happens it's you're future now, and don't give up on it. I'm sure you will meet a few couple of friends you can trust/hang out/even study.
0
reply
remussjhj01
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I also have my good and bad days, ive made a few friends, but not a ton of friends like some of the girls/guys in my class. Of course, I'm glad you're focusing on finishing uni, it's the best thing to do despite the hardships we face. I wouldn't say I'm the favourite of the class, but I try to always focus in lectures. I think whatever happens it's you're future now, and don't give up on it. I'm sure you will meet a few couple of friends you can trust/hang out/even study.
It is really nice really like having a couple of people who know, just so if something happens, I have friends to go to as well as uni staff.
I also try hard to stay focused on the work, and it's all really interesting too, so that should make it easier to do well!
I hope you do well in your course and life in general is kind to you.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What are you most likely to do if you don't get the grades you were expecting?

Go through Clearing (133)
36.84%
Take autumn exams (113)
31.3%
Look for a job (11)
3.05%
Consider an apprenticeship (16)
4.43%
Take a year out (66)
18.28%
Something else (let us know in the thread!) (22)
6.09%

Watched Threads

View All